Various Foibles, and Affectations, which form the Character of an
Accomplish'd Beau, or Modern Fine Lady. Interspersed with several
Entertaining and Instructive Stories. By Mrs. Eliza Haywood. For J.
Roberts. 1725. 8vo.
      B.M. (635. f. 11/5). Daily Post, 7 May 1725, "just published."

  [Another edition.] The Fourth Edition. London: Printed, and Dublin
  Re-Printed by W. Wilmot for E. Hamilton. 1725. 8vo.
      Columbia.

  [Part II.] The Tea-Table: Or, a Conversation between some polite
  Persons of both Sexes.... By Mrs. Elizabeth Haywood. Part II. For J.
  Roberts. 1725. 8vo.
      Bodl. (Godw. Pamph. 1308). Daily Post, 25 Mar. 1726.

63. The Unequal Conflict; or, Nature Triumphant: A Novel. By Mrs. Eliza
Haywood. For J. Walthoe, and J. Crokatt. 1725. 8vo.
For a sequel to The Unequal Conflict, see Fatal Fondness.
      B.M. (recently acquired from the Huth Sale, Part III).
      Yale. Daily Post, 10 Mar. 1725.

  [Another edition.] The Second Edition. For J. Walthoe. 1726.
      Daily Journal, 17 Feb. 1726.

THE UNFORTUNATE PRINCESS, see Adventures of Eovaai.

64. The Virtuous Villager, or Virgin's Victory: Being The Memoirs of a
very Great Lady at the Court of France. Written by Herself. In which the
Artifices of designing Men are fully detected and exposed; and the
Calamities they bring on credulous believing Woman, are particularly
related. Translated from the Original, by the Author of La Belle
Assemblee. In Two Volumes. For F. Cogan. 1742. 12mo. 2 vols.
From the French of Charles de Fieux, Chevalier de Mouhy. The Dedication
to Mrs. Crawley is signed Eliza Haywood.
      B.M. (12612. dd. 3).

65. The Wife. By Mira, One of the Authors of the Female Spectator, and
Epistles for Ladies. For T. Gardner. 1756. 12mo.
      B.M. (836. c. 5). Harvard. Gentleman's Magazine, Dec. 1755.

  [Another edition?] For T. Gardner. 1756.
      B.M. (8416. de. 1).

  [Another edition.] For T. Gardner. 1762. 12mo.
      Arthur Header Catalogue.

66. A Wife To be Lett: A Comedy. As it is Acted at the Theatre-Royal in
Drury-Lane, By his Majesty's Servants. Written by Mrs. Eliza Haywood.
For D. Browne junr, and S. Chapman. 1724. 8vo.
Included in Mrs. Haywood's Works, 1724.
      B.M. (12613. e. 26/3). Boston Public Library (Barton Collection).

  [Another edition.] The Second Edition. For D. Browne; and Sold by J.
  Osborn. 1729. 12mo.
      New York Public Library.

[Another edition.] For W. Feales; And Sold by J. Osborn. 1735. 12mo.
      B.M. (11775. b. 44). Yale.

[An abridgment.] The Comedy of a Wife to be Lett, or, the Miser Cured,
compressed into Two Acts, by Ann Minton. For A. Seale; Ann Minton; and
all booksellers. 1802. 8vo.
      B.M. (11779. b. 84).

67. The Young Lady. No. 1, 2, 3. By Euphrosine. For T. Gardner. 2d.
each.
Euphrosine, like Mira, was the name of one of the Female Spectator Club.
This was probably Mrs. Haywood's last piece of writing.
      Gentleman's Magazine, Jan. 1756.

III. WORKS ATTRIBUTED TO MRS. HAYWOOD

68. The History of Cornelia. For A. Millar. 1750. 12mo.
      Arthur Header Catalogue.

69. Matrimony, a Novel, containing a series of Interesting Adventures.
1755. 8vo. 2 vols.
A re-issue of The Marriage Act (1754) by John Shebbeare (D.N.B.).
      Arthur Header Catalogue.

70. Memoirs of the Court of Lilliput. Written by Captain Gulliver.
Containing an Account of the Intrigues, and some other particular
Transactions of that Nation, omitted in the two Volumes of his Travels.
Published by Lucas Bennet.... For J. Roberts. 1727. 8vo.
Attributed to Mrs. Haywood by Pope.
      B.M. (12510. aaa. 5). Daily Journal, 11 Jan. 1727. A second
      edition was advertised for Roberts on 6 Feb. 1727 (Daily Post).

71. The Pleasant and Delightful History of Gillian of Croydon:
Containing, Her Birth and Parentage: Her first Amour, with the sudden
Death of her Sweetheart: Her leaving her Father's House In Disguise, and
becoming Deputy to a Country Midwife; with a very odd and humoursome
Adventure before a Justice of the Peace, for screening a Child under her
Hoop-petticoat: Her discovery of a Love-Intrigue between her Mistress's
Daughter, and a perjur'd, false-hearted Young-man, which she relates in
the tragical History of William and Margaret: Her Account of a Country
Wedding in Kent; with several merry Passages which attended it.
Illustrated with suitable Cuts.
The Whole done much after the same Method as those celebrated Novels, by
MRS. ELIZA HAYWOOD. For A. Bettesworth. 1727. 12mo.
A chap-book, not by Mrs. Haywood.
      B.M. (12410. a. 28).

IV. WORKS PUBLISHED BY MRS. HAYWOOD

At the end of the first volume of The Virtuous Villager, 1742, occurs
the following advertisement:

New Books, sold by Eliza Haywood, Publisher, at the Sign of Fame in
Covent-Garden.

I. The Busy-Body; or Successful Spy; being the entertaining History of
Mons. Bigand.... The whole containing great Variety of Adventures,
equally instructive and diverting.

II. Anti-Pamela, or Feign'd Innocence detected, in a Series of Syrena's
Adventures: A Narrative which has really its Foundation in Truth and
Nature.... Publish'd as a necessary Caution to all young Gentlemen. The
Second Edition.

CHRONOLOGICAL LIST

THE WRITINGS OF MRS. HAYWOOD WITH SOME CONTEMPORARY WORKS
[Note: Works by other writers are indicated by italics; doubtful
attributions by (?). Works never separately issued are enclosed in
parentheses. Translations are marked Tr.]

1719 Apr. 25 _Defoe: Robinson Crusoe, Pt. I._
             Love in Excess, Pts. I, II.
             _Mrs. Manley: The Power of Love, in Seven Novels (d.
             1720)._
1720 Feb. 25 Love in Excess, Pt. III.
     Apr. 30 _Defoe: Duncan Campbell._
     Dec. 26 Tr. Letters from a Lady of Quality to a Chevalier (d.
             1721).
1721 Mar.  4 The Fair Captive (acted).
1722 Jan. 27 _Defoe: Moll Flanders._
     Apr. 16 The British Recluse.
     Dec. 24 The Injur'd Husband (d. 1723).
1723 June 27 Idalia: or, the Unfortunate Mistress.
     Aug. 12 Works, Vols. I, II, III.
     Aug. 12 A Wife to be Lett (acted). Published Aug.20.
     Nov.  1 Lasselia.
     Dec. 16 The Rash Resolve (d. 1724).
1724 Jan. 31 Works, Vol. IV.
             (Poems on Several Occasions.)
     Mar. 14 _Defoe: The Fortunate Mistress (Roxana)._
     Mar. 19 A Spy upon the Conjurer.
     Apr. 10 The Masqueraders, Pt. I.
     May  16 The Fatal Secret.
     July 23 The Surprise.
     Aug. 11 The Arragonian Queen.
     Aug. 26 Tr. La Belle Assemblée, Pt. I.
     Sept. 8 Memoirs of a Certain Island, Vol. I (d. 1725).
     Oct. 16 Bath-Intrigues (d. 1725).
     Oct. 26 Tr. La Belle Assemblée, Pt. II.
     Dec.  9 Tr. La Belle Assemblée, Pt. III.
     Dec. 23 Secret Histories, Novels and Poems, 4 vols. (d. 1725).
             (Fantomina.)
             (The Force of Nature.)
     Dec. 23 Memoirs of the Baron de Brosse, Pt. I. (d. 1725).
1725 Jan. 21 The Masqueraders, Pt. II.
     Jan. 22 Tr. The Lady's Philosopher's Stone.
     Mar. 10 The Unequal Conflict.
     May   7 The Tea-Table, Pt. I.
     May  10 The Dumb Projector.
     May  19 Fatal Fondness.
     July  2 Mary Stuart.
     Nov.  3 Memoirs of a Certain Island, Vol. II (d. 1726).
1726         The Distressed Orphan.
             _Defoe: The Friendly Daemon._
     Feb. 10 The Mercenary Lover.
     Mar. 25 The Tea-Table, Pt. II.
     Apr. 13 Reflections on the Various Effects of Love.
     June 24 The City Jilt.
     July 27 Tr. La Belle Assemblée, Vol. II.
     Aug.  5 The Double Marriage.
     Sept.24 The Court of Carimania (d. 1727).
     Sept.30 Letters from the Palace of Fame (d. 1727).
     Oct.    _Swift: Travels of Lemuel Gulliver._
     Dec.  5 Cleomelia (d. 1727).
1727 Jan.  9 The Court of Lilliput (?).
     Feb. 24 The Fruitless Enquiry.
     Apr. 26 The Life of Madam de Villesache.
     June 26 Tr. Love in its Variety.
     July 24 Philidore and Plaeentia, Pt. I.
     Oct.  2 The Perplex'd Dutchess (d. 1728).
     Nov.  2 Secret Histories and Novels printed since the publication
             of her Works, 2 vols.
1728         (The Padlock.)
     May  28 _Pope: The Dunciad._
     June 21 The Agreeable Caledonian, Pt. I.
     Aug.    (Irish Artifice) in The Female Dunciad.
     Aug. 17 Tr. The Disguis'd Prince, Pt. I.
     Nov. 23 Persecuted Virtue.
1729         Select Collection of Novels and Histories, 6 vols. (?).
     Jan. 10 The Agreeable Caledonian, Pt. II.
     Jan. 29 The Fair Hebrew.
     Mar.  4 Frederick, Duke of Brunswick-Lunenburgh (acted).
     May  14 Tr. The Disguis'd Prince, Pt. II.
1730 Jan. 14 Love-Letters on all Occasions.
1732         Secret Memoirs of the Late Mr. Duncan Campbel (?).
1733 May  31 The Opera of Operas (acted). Published in June.
1734         Tr. L'Entretien des Beaux Esprits, 2 vols.
1736 July    Adventures of Eovaai.
1740 Nov.    The Unfortunate Princess (d. 1741).
     Nov.    _Richardson: Pamela, Vols. I, II._
1741 June    Anti-Pamela (?) Published by Mrs. Haywood.
     Nov.    Tr. The Busy-Body; or Successful Spy, 2 vols.(?) Published
             by Mrs. Haywood.
1742         Tr. The Virtuous Villager, 2 vols.
     Feb.    _Fielding: Adventures of Joseph Andrews, 2 vols._
1743 June    A Present for a Servant-Maid.
1744 Feb.    The Fortunate Foundlings.
     May     _Sarah Fielding: David Simple._
1744 Apr.)   The Female Spectator (published monthly) 4 vols.
1746 May)
1746 Aug. 2)The Parrot (published weekly).
     Oct. 4)
1747 Nov.    _Richardson: Clarissa, Vols. I, II._
1748 Jan.    _Smollett: Adventures of Roderick Random, 2 vols._
     Apr.    _Richardson: Clarissa, Vols. Ill, IV._
     Apr.    Life's Progress through the Passions.
     Dec.    _Richardson: Clarissa, complete._
1749 Feb.    _Fielding: History of Tom Jones, a Foundling, 6 vols._
     June    Dalinda.
     Nov.    Epistles for the Ladies, 2 vols. (d. 1749-50).
1750 Jan. A Letter from H--- Q--- g, Esq.
1750 Mar. _Johnson: The Rambler._
1752 Mar.
1750 Apr. The History of Cornelia (?).
     Dec. _Mrs. Lennox: The Life of Harriot Stuart, 2 vols._
1751 Feb. _Smollett: Adventures of Peregrine Pickle, 4 vols._
     Oct. The History of Miss Betsy Thoughtless, 4 vols.
     Dec. _Fielding: Amelia, 4 vols._
1752 Mar. _Mrs. Lennox: The Female Quixote, 2 vols._
     Dec. The History of Jemmy and Jenny Jessamy, 3
vols. (d. 1753).
1753 Nov. _Richardson: Sir Charles Grandison, Vols. I, II,
III, IV._
     Dec. _Richardson: Sir Charles Grandison, Vols. V, VI._
1754 Nov. The Invisible Spy, 4 vols. (d. 1755).
1755 Dee. The Wife (d. 1756).
1756 The Husband.
     Jan. The Young Lady, Nos. I, 2, 3, (?).
     Feb. 25 Mrs. Haywood died.
1768 May Clementina.
1772 Apr. A New Present for a Servant Maid (d. 1771).
1778 Mar. The History of Leonora Meadowson, 2 vols.

INDEX

Addison, Joseph,
Adventures of _Eovaai_,
Adventures of _Lindamira_,
_Agreeable Caledonian, The_,
_Amelia_,
_Anti-Pamela_,
Applebee, E.,
_Apprentice's Monitor_,
_Arabian Nights, The_,
Arbuthnot, John,
_Arcadia, The Countess of Pembroke's_,
Argyle, John, Duke of,
_Arragonian Queen, The_,
Astell, Mary,
_Atalantis_, Mrs. Manley's _New_,
Aubin, Mrs Penelope,
Austen, Jane,
_Author to be Let, An_,
_Authors of the Town, The_,

Bandello, Matteo,
Barber, John,
Barker, Mrs. Jane,
_Bath-Intrigues_,
_Beggar's Opera, The_,
Behn, Mrs. Aphra,
_Belle Assemblée, La_
Bellenden, Mary,
Bennet, Lucas,
Bent, W.,
_Beraldus and Celemena_,
_Betsy Thoughtless_, see _History of Miss_
Bettesworth, Arthur,
_Blazing World, Description of a New World called the_,
Boccaccio, Giovanni,
Boileau-Despréaux, Nicolas,
Bond, William,
Boursault, Edme,
Boyd, Mrs. Elizabeth,
Boyle, Robert,
_British Secluse, The_,
Brown, Thomas,
Browne, Daniel, Jr.,
Budgell, Eustace,
Burney, Fanny,
_Busy-Body, The_,
Butler, Mrs. Sarah,

Campbell, Duncan,
_Capricious Lover, The_,
_Captain Singleton_,
Careless, Betsy,
_Carimania, Court of_, see _Secret History_
Castera, Louis Adrien Duperron de,
_Catholic Poet, The_,
Centlivre, Mrs. Susannah,
Cervantes, Miguel de,
_Changeling, The_,
Chapman, Samuel,
Charke, Mrs. Charlotte,
Chesterfield, Lord,
Chetwood, William Bufus,
Chevalier, The Young,
Cibber, Theophilus,
_Citizen of the World, The_,
_City Jilt, The_,
Clarke, Dr. Samuel,
_Clarissa Harlowe_,
_Clélie_,
_Clementina_,
_Cleomelia_,
_Cléopâtre_,
Clio, see Fowke, Martha
Clive, Mrs. Kitty,
_Codrus; or the Dunciad dissected_,
Coleridge, Samuel Taylor,
_Colonel Jacque_,
_Comedy of a Wife to be Lett, The_,
Concanen, Matthew,
_Consolidator, The_,
Cooke, Thomas,
Corinna, see Thomas, Mrs.
_Court Intrigues_,
_Craftsman, The_,
_Curliad, The_,
Curll, Edmund,
_Cursory View of the History of Lilliput, A_,

_Dalinda_,
_Danger of Giving Way to Passion, The_,
D'Anvers, Caleb,
_David Simple_,
Davys, Mrs. Mary,
Dawson, Jemmy,
_Decameron, The_,
Dedications,
Defiant Heroines,
Defoe, Daniel,
Delany, Mrs.,
Dennis, John,
Desjardins, Hortense, see Villedieu, Mme de
_Diable Boiteux, Le_,
_Discourse concerning Writings of this Nature_,
_Disguis'd Prince, The_,
_Distress'd Orphan, The_,
Dobson, Austin,
Doddington, George Bubb,
_Double Marriage, The_,
Drake, Dr. Nathan,
Drury Lane Theater,
Dryden, John,
_Duchess of Malfi, The_,
Dufresny, Charles Rivière,
_Dumb Projector, The_,
_Dunciad, The_,
Dunlop, J.C.,
Durand-Bedacier, Mme,

_Entretien des Beaux Esprits, L'_,
_Epigrams on the Dunciad_,
_Epistles for the Ladies_,
_Espion turc, L'_,
Euphrosine,
_Evelina_,
_Exemplary Novels_,
Exploralibus,

_Fair Captive, The_,
_Fair Hebrew, The_,
_Fair Jilt, The_,
_Fantomina_
_Fatal Fondness_
_Fatal Secret, The_
_Female Dunces, The_
_Female Dunciad, The_
_Female Foundling, The_
_Female Page, The_, see _Sappy Unfortunate, The_
_Female Spectator, The_
_Ferdinand, Count Fathom_
Fidelia
Fielding, Henry
Fielding, Sarah
Fieux, Charles de, Chevalier de Mouhy
_Force of Nature, The_
_Fortunate Countrymaid, The_
_Fortunate Foundlings, The_
_Fortunate Mistress, The_
_Foundling, The_
Foundling Hospital, The
_Foundling Hospital for Wit and Humour, The_
Fowke, Martha
Fowler, Robert
Foxton, Mr.
_Frederick, Duke of Brunswick-Lunenburgh_
Frederick Lewis, Prince of Wales
_Friendly Daemon, The_
_Fruitless Enquiry, The_

Gardner, Thomas
George II
Germain, Lady Elizabeth
_Gillian of Croydon, The Pleasant and Delightful History of_
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von
Goldsmith, Oliver
Gomez, Mme de
Goring, Henry
Gosse, Edmund
Griffith, Mrs. Elizabeth

Hackney, Iscariot
Handel, George Frederick
_Happy Unfortunate, The_
Hatchett, William
Haymarket Theater
Haywood, Charles
Haywood, Mrs. Eliza
  Birth
  Death
  Elopement
  Parentage
  Plays
  Publisher
  Stage Career
Haywood, Valentine,
Hearne, Mrs. Mary
Henley, Lady Elizabeth
Henley, Orator
_Henrietta_
_Héros de Roman, Les_
Hervey, Lord
Hill, Aaron
_History of Betty Barnes, The_
_History of Cornelia, The_
_History of Jemmy and Jenny Jessamy, The_
_History of Leonora Meadowson, The_
_History of the Life and Adventures of Mr. Duncan Campbell, The_,
_History of the Life and Reign of Mary Stuart_,
_History of Miss Betsy Thoughtless, The_,
Hogarth, William,
Howard, Henrietta, Countess of Suffolk,
_Humphrey Clinker_,
Hurst, Capt.,
_Husband, The_,

_Idalia_,
_Illustre Parisienne, L'_,
_Injur'd Husband, The_,
_Intrigues galantes de la cour de France_,
_Invisible Spy, The_,
_Irish Artifice_,
_Ivanhoe_,

_Jemmy and Jenny Jessamy_, see _History of_
Johnson, Samuel,
_Joseph Andrews_,
Justicia,
_Key to the Dunciad_,

Kirkall, Elisha,

_Lady's Philosopher's Stone, The_,
La Faye, Charles de,
La Fayette, Mme de,
La Force, Mile de,
Lang, Andrew,
Lampe, Frederick,
_Lasselia_,
Lennox, Mrs. Charlotte,
_Letter from H---- G----, Esq., A_,
_Letters from a Lady of Quality to a Chevalier_,
_Letters from the Palace of Fame_,
_Letters written by Mrs. Manley_,
_Lettres nouvelles de M. Boursault_,
_Lettres Persanes_,
_Lettres Portugaises_,
_Life of Harriot Stuart, The_,
_Life of Madam de Villesache, The_,
_Life's Progress through the Passions_,
Lincoln's Inn Fields Theater,
Lodge, Thomas,
Lombe, Sir Thomas,
Lounsbury, T.E.,
_Love in Excess_,
_Love in its Variety_,
_Love-Letters on all Occasions_,
_Lover's Week, The_,
_Love's Posy_,
_Lucius_,
_Lucky Rape, The_,
Lumley, Lady Frances,

Mallet, David,
Manley, Mrs. Mary,
Marana, G.P.,
Marivaux, Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de,
Marlborough, Sarah, Duchess of,
_Marriage-Act, The_,
_Marriage à la Mode_,
_Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots_,
_Masqueraders, The_,
_Matrimony, a Novel_,
_Memoirs of the Baron de Brosse_,
_Memoirs of a Cavalier_,
_Memoirs of a Certain Island_,
_Memoirs of the Court of Lilliput_,
_Memoirs of Europe in the Eighth Century_,
_Memoirs of Miss Sydney Biddulph_,
_Mercenary Lover, The_,
Minton, Ann,
Mira,
_Moll Flanders_,
Montagu, Lady Mary Wortley,
Moore, George,
Moore-Smith, James,
Morris, Bezaleel,
_Morte D'Arthur_,
_Mouche, La_,
_Mr. Campbell's Pacquet_,

Newcastle, Duchess of,

Ochihatou,
O'Hara, Kane,
_Old Mortality_,
_Opera of Operas_,
Oriental letters,
Oriental tales,
Orinda, The Matchless,
_Oroonoko_,
Osborne, Thomas,

_Padlock, The_,
_Pamela_,
_Parrot, The_,
_Parthenissa_,
_Paysanne Parvenue, La_
_Peregrine Pickle_,
_Perplex'd Dutchess, The_,
_Persecuted Virtue_,
Peterborough, Lord,
_Philidore and Plaaentia_,
_Pierre philosophale des dames, La_,
Pit, Journalist,
Pix, Mrs. Mary,
_Plain Dealer, The_,
_Pleasures of the Imagination, The_,
_Poems on Several Occasions_,
_Political Foundling, The_,
_Polly Honeycombe_,
_Pompey the Little_,
Pope, Alexander,
_Popiad, The_,
_Present for a Servant-Maid, A_,
Pretender, The,
_Princesse de Clèves, La_,
_Prude, The_,

Quin, James,

_Rape of the Lock, The_,
_Rash Resolve, The_,
Reeve, Clara,
_Reflections on the Various Effects of Love_,
_Religious Courtship, The_,
Restoration comedy,
Rich, John,
Richardson, Samuel,
_Rival Father, The_,
_Rival Modes, The_,
Roberts, James,
_Robinson Crusoe_,
_Rosalynde_,
Rowe, Mrs. Elizabeth,
Rowe, Nicholas,
_Roxana_, see _Fortunate Mistress, The_

Sappho,
Savage, Richard,
Scott, Sir Walter,
_Select Collection of Novels and Histories, Mrs. Haywood's_,
_Secret Histories, Novels and Poems_,
_Secret History of Mama Oello, The_,
_Secret History of the Present Intrigues of the Court of Carimania,
The_,
_Secret Memoirs of the late Mr. Duncan Campbel_,
Shadwell, Thomas,
_Shakespeare Restored_,
Shebbeare, John,
Sloane, Sir Hans,
Smollett, George Tobias,
South Sea bubble,
_Specimens of British Poetesses_,
_Spectator, The_,
_Spy upon the Conjurer, A_,
_Stage-Coach Journey to Exeter, A_,
Stanley, Col.,
_Statesman's Progress, The_,
Steele, Richard,
Sterling, James,
_Supernatural Philosopher, The_,
_Surprise, The_,
_Swift, Jonathan_,

_Tatler, The_,
_Tea-Table, The_,
Thackeray, William Makepeace,
Theobald, Lewis,
Thomas, Mrs.,
_Time's Telescope_,
_Timon of Athens_,
_Tom Jones_,
_Tragedy of Tragedies_,
_Turkish Spy, The_,

_Unequal Conflict, The_,
_Unfortunate Princess, The_,
_Utopia, see Memoirs of a Certain Island_

_Venice Preserved_,
Villedieu, Mme de,
_Virtuous Villager, The_,

Walpole, Horace,
Walpole, Sir Robert,
Welsted, Leonard,
_Wife, The_,
_Wife to be Lett, A_,
Woolston, Thomas,
_Works_, Mrs. Haywood's,

Yonge, Sir William,
_Young Lady, The_,


by-gone intimacies, flashes up from the darkened abyss of 'Dixey.' And,
to be frank and fair, reader, does it not seem to you that while the
business in hand is literal _fighting_, not without much 'battle, murder
and sudden death,' it would be at least respectful to the awful destiny
of the hour to treat its ways seriously?

But let it foam and surge on, the time is coming when the great stream
of Northern freedom will purify itself from all the foul stains of its
old stagnation. Perhaps years may be required, but this we know,--that
the dam has been broken away at last, and that now the glad torrent
whirls bravely onward in sparkling young life. For at length the time is
coming when a healthy _Northern_ sentiment shall make itself felt, where
of old it was carefully excluded, and the fresh breeze from the Northern
pines shall purify the sickly air. They will pass away, these of the old
generation--there will arise better ones to take their place, and all
shall be changed.

Meanwhile, for all our late great victories and advances, let us be
thankful! not forgetting the smaller crumbs of comfort--as, for
instance, the capture of SLIDELL, MASON and Co., which a friend
has kindly recorded for your benefit, most excellent reader, in the
following chapter:--

CHRONICLES OF SECESSIA.

CHAPTER I.

Now it came to pass in the first year of the great Rebellion

In the land of Secessia, whose men were men of Belial, hard of heart,
and inflamed with exceeding great wrath against the children of the
North, and against all people who walked in the way of truth and
justice:

Meditating evil from the first mint-julep before breakfast, even unto
the last nip of corn whisky before retiring;--

In the isles of the South, and on the firm land, where COTTON was king,
and JEFFERSON, whose surname was DAVIS, was his prophet; where BENJAMIN,
the finder of stray watches and spoons, and FLOYD, the spoiler, were
priests--Oh, my soul, enter thou not into their counsels!--

Lo! it came to pass that there arose a great cry from among the people;

A great and vehement cry, a wailing and roaring as of many of the
chivalry when they burn with strong drink at quarter races, or smite
with bowie-knives in a free fight around the court-house:

The cry of many women and children, to say nothing of editors,
politicians, dirt-eaters, and negro auctioneers:

Saying, 'Lo! these many days have we been closed up by the Yankees, even
like unto a pint of Bourbon in an exceedingly tight-corked bottle, so
that nothing may go out or in, and who shall say what may be the end
thereof?

'Since the blockade presseth sorely upon our ports, the merchandise of
many lands cometh not therein, and we are entirely out of groceries.

'Having neither balm nor myrrh, spices nor tea, coffee nor brandy.

'Quinine is not among us, neither have we cheese, shoes, sugar,
jack-knives, cigars, patent medicines, glue, tenpenny nails, French
gloves, pens or ink, dye-stuffs, nor raisins.

'Clothes are exceeding scarce, for, lo! we are becoming an extremely
ragged and seedy generation; our toes stick out through our last year's
boots, neither is there any one among us who knoweth enough to make the
first principle of a brogan.

'For all these things were made or imported by the Yankees afore-time,
even since the days of our fathers, and we are too proud to defile our
hands with such base labor.

'Shall we, too, be as dogs cobbling shoes, or as the heathen who sell
rat-traps, peddle milk-pails, and keep Thanksgiving?

'Lo! the kings of the earth see us with scorn; those who sit in high
places wag their heads, and say we are naught, yea, polluted in our
inheritance.

'And the _Times_ will declare that we sit in ashes; even the _Moniteur_
will say that we devour dust, and the _Zeitungs_ of all Germany, even
the press of the Philistines, will proclaim that we are utterly fallen.

'Now let there be a long pull, a strong pull, and a pull all together,
to settle this business.

'Let there be ambassadors--men of subtle tongue, cunning in
counsel--chosen to go forth; yea, let them be equipped in fine raiment,
having bran-new coats to confer honor and glory upon us, with
secretaries and assistant secretaries, sub-secretaries and
deputy-assistant sub-secretaries,--even these having their servants and
servants' servants,--lo, the least among them shall have his underling,
and so on _ad infinitum_.

'And we, albeit poor, will lavish gold out of the bag, and weigh silver
in the balance, and hire a goldsmith, who shall bedeck them exceeding
fine, so that the princes and potentates shall fall down before them,
yea, shall worship.

'Then, when our great embassy cometh, and the princes inquire of the
blockade, lo, our messengers shall laugh and say, "Go to!--it is naught,
it hath passed away, and is bosh."'

'"Are we not here, ready to declare the end from the beginning, and
from ancient times, even of CALHOUN, the things that are not
yet done, saying, 'our counsel shall stand?' Verily, it takes us, and we
are the original Jacobs, having no connection with the bogus concern
over the way."

'And they shall cotton to us, and we unto them; and we will trade our
tobacco for their wines, and _Pro Baccho Tobacco_ shall be written in
all the high places.'

CHAPTER II.

Now JEFFERSON, whose surname should have been Brick, but that
it was not, seeing that it was DAVIS.

Saw the counsel that it was good.

And having seen it, and set his eyes upon the egg which their wisdom had
hatched, and pronounced it a good egg;

Chose him of his chief men two, whereof the like were not to be
found--no, not in all the North, and in the South was not their equal.

Whereof the first was a MASON, the like of whom was not known,
not in the land of Huram of old, nor among the Hittites or the dwellers
by the sea.

For he was like unto a turkey-cock, stuck up and of excessive pride,
spreading himself and strutting vehemently from the rising of the sun
even unto the going down of the same; ineffably great in his own
conceit, swelling in vanity, puffed up like a bladder even nigh unto
bursting;

So that the little ones in the market-place cried after him, 'Big
Injiun, heap big!'

And the other was a 'little' New Yorker, even a renegade of the North,
one who had backslidden from the ways of his fathers, and that right
ill. Wherefore he was called SLIDE-ILL. Howbeit some termed him
SLY-DEAL, from his dealings both with cards and with men.

But it came to pass that they called him SLIDELL, forasmuch as
that he was one who naturally took the whole ell, whether one gave him
an inch or no.

Now they packed their trunks, and took unto them 'poor EUSTIS,'
and many others equally talented and important.

Not forgetting their wives, neither their man-servants nor their
maid-servants, their wines nor their cigars.

Howbeit they took not with them the bonds of the Confederacy, lest the
Paris shop-keepers should say, 'Go to--it is naught;'

But divers eagles and dimes, stolen afore-time from UNCLE SAM,
took they. Likewise bills of exchange and circular letters of credit
upon certain of the Jews.

And so they went down unto the sea in ships,--even in a
steam-ship,--sailing to the Havana, where she was unladed of her burden.

CHAPTER III.

[THE SONG OF REJOICING.]

Now when the ambassadors, and they which bore the words of the king, had
sailed.

Lo, there was great rejoicing in all Secessia,--there was naught heard
save the voices of renegade Northern editors,--[for that the Southerners
know not to write],--

Saying, 'Come, let us be glad; laugh, O thou my soul.

'For they have gone, they have escaped, they have got away, they have
dodged, they have cut stick, they have vamosed the ranch.

'They have ripped it full chisel, they are off licketty-split, they have
slid, they have made tracks, they have mizzled--they have absquatulated
and clipped it; _abiit, evasit, crupit_! Hurrah for us!

'Lo, the Yankees are brought low--the nasty, mercenary, low-born,
infernal mudsills are defiled, and become as a vain thing. _Gloria_!

'For our messengers are on the high seas; they are O.K.; they
shall deliver us from the pit. _Victoria_!

'They will drive things chuck to the hub in slasher-gaff style; our foes
shall become even as dead birds in the pit; they shall be euchred, and
discounted, and we will rake down the pot.

'Come, let us take drinks, for who shall stand against us?'

CHAPTER IV.

Now it came to pass that when UNCLE SAMUEL heard of these
things, he was sorely riled; yea, his wrath was like unto a six-story
stack of wolverines and wild-cats, mixed with sudden death and patent
chain-lightning.

Howbeit he lost no time, and tarried not to take a long swear over the
business,

But sent forth his ships:

Sending likewise THURLOW, whose surname was WEED, to
prevail over MASON and SLY-DEAL, and come vitriol over
their vinegar.

But when the people heard THURLOW say, 'I go, indeed, unto
Europe, but not on this business--SLIDELL may slide for aught I
care,'

Then the multitude winked one unto the other, so that such terrible
winking was never before seen,

Exclaiming, 'Oh, yes--in a horn. We knew it not before, but now we know
it for certain.'

And a certain SIMEON, whose surname was DRAPER, stood
up in the market-place and wagered that THURLOW would pull the
wool over Mason, and humble him;

And there were no takers. _Selah_.

CHAPTER V.

Now there was a valiant captain, a man of war, hating all iniquity even
as poison.

And his name was WILKES--honor and praise to it in all lands!--

Captain of the San Jacinto, cruising for a pirate on the high seas, even
for the Sumter.

And he came from Africa, even from the East unto the Havana, in an isle
of the sea which lieth under the tower of the Moro;

Where he heard from his Consul strange news, saying that MASON
and SLIDELL had sailed in a British steamer, even the Trent,
which saileth between Vera Cruz, Havana, and St. Thomas.

Then said the captain, 'Shall I refrain myself to stop this iniquity?

'Arise, oh my soul, gird thyself, and go forth; tarry not, but nab them
in their wickedness.

'Take them where the hair is short; jerk them, and pull them even as the
fancy policeman pulleth the pickpocket when he seeth him picking the
pocket of the righteous.

'Shall I hold back my hand when my country calleth? Not if I know it.
_Selah_.

'Up steam and after them, oh my soul; let there be coal under the
boilers, oh my heart; let the way in which we shall travel be a caution,
faster than Flora Temple or any other man.

'Fling forth the stripes and stars--hoist the rag, thou galiant sailior;
go it strong as it can be mixed. For the star-spangled banner in triumph
shall wave o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.'

CHAPTER VI.

Now it came to pass at the end of the first day that they saw the Trent
in the Bermudas, even in the channel.

Then the brave captain sent on board Lieutenant FAIRFAX,--which
in the Norse tongue is Harfager or Fair-Haired; since it runneth in the
family to be sea-kings, and brave on the ocean.

And he, mounting the ship, cried aloud, 'Where are they?'

Then the Englishman replied, 'I know not whom ye seek,--lo, they are not
here!'

Then he, seeing MASON a little apart, cried, 'Lo! here he is.'

And MASON, hearing this, turned to the color of ashes; his
knees smote together; he became even as a boiled turkey-cock; there was
no soul left in him.

Yea, even his collar wilted, and the stock of his heart went down
ninety-five per cent.

Howbeit he said, with Slidell, 'We will not go save we be forced.'

'Then' replied FAIRFAX, 'I shall take you by force.'

So they held a council together, and resolved to go.

But their wives and little ones they sent on to Europe, and gave
instructions to poor EUSTIS.

Bidding him go in when it should rain, and be sure and put up his
umbrella if he had one.

Likewise to bear certain documents promptly and speedily to the kings
and princes;

Which WILKES hearing, he speedily smashed, taking poor
EUSTIS with the papers.

This was the end of the Council of Trent. It was not that great council
of the name, but a very small one, and which came to nothing--small
potatoes, and few in a hill. Selah!

CHAPTER VII.

Now it had come to pass years before, and was on record,

That MASON, having been asked to visit Boston,

Replied, 'Verily, verily, I say unto you that I will not set foot
therein again save as an ambassador to that land.'

Now these things were remembered against him, and printed in all the
papers, even in the Boston papers printed they them.

And they bare him into prison, with SLIDELL, and poor
EUSTIS was he borne of them.

And they seemed extremely wamble-cropt and chop-fallen; their feathers
shone not, even their sickle-feathers drooped in the dust, and their
combs were white.

And they seemed as unclean men caught in their unrighteousness, who had
been sold uncommonly cheap, with nary buyer.

And they took from them the gold which they had stolen afore-time from
UNCLE SAM, even the bills upon the Hebrews did they yield up.
Howbeit, they received a receipt for them.

And they asked much, 'How shall we feed, and may we have servants?' and
wished to live pleasantly; yet, when at Richmond, SLIDELL had
reviled the Yankee prisoners sorely, and counseled harsh treatment.

Then went they into the jug, and were allotted each man his bunk in the
prison-house.

And the word went forth to hang all pirates and robbers on the sea, even
as it had been spoken sternly by OLD ABE, of Washington;

Saying, string them up in short order.

And if they of Secessia hang the brave CORCORAN and his
friends,

Then, as the LORD liveth, SLIDELL and MASON
shall pull hemp; even on the gallows shall they hang like thieves and
murderers--the land hath sworn it. SELAH!

'SOUND on the Goose Question.'

Who is there among our readers who has not heard that phrase? It has now
for some years been transferred from one political topic to another,
until its flavor of novelty is well-nigh gone. But _whence_ the
expression? An antiquarian would probably hint at the geese whose sound
saved Rome. The great goose question of the Reformation was the burning
of one Huss, whose name in English signifyeth Goose, for which reason he
is said to have exclaimed to his tormentors 'Now ye indeed roast a
goose, but, lo! after me there will come a swan whom ye can not roast;'
which was strangely fulfilled in LUTHER, whose name--slightly
varied--signifies in Bohemian a swan. But, reader, 'an it please you,'
here is the original and 'Simon Pure' explanation, as furnished by a
correspondent:--

     'Are you right on the goose question?' But do you know the origin
     of the phrase? It was told to me, at Harrisburg, in Pennsylvania,
     when I was there in "Fremont's time," _anno_ 1856. Alas! the fates
     deal hardly with Fremont. C. and F., now a satellite of C., helped
     to slaughter him once before in Pennsylvania--sold him out to
     Know-Nothings. Hope they haven't now in Missouri pitched him over
     to be succeeded by Do-Nothings. But to the story. Harrisburg has
     wide, clean, brick sidewalks. Many of the poorer sort there kept
     geese years ago, and sold or ate their progeny in the days of
     November and December--the "_embers_ of the dying year." Jenkins
     was up for constable. The question whether geese should run at
     large was started. The Harrisburg geese made at times bad work on
     the clean sidewalks, as do their examplars, spitting on the _pave_
     of Broadway. A delegation of the geese-owners waited on Jenkins.
     Seeing that they had many votes, he declared himself in favor of
     the geese running at large. The better sort of people, who were in
     favor of clean sidewalks, hearing of this, set up an opposition
     candidate, who avowed himself opposed to having the sidewalks
     fouled by these errant fowls. The canvass waxed warm; a third
     candidate took the field; he put himself in the hands of an astute
     "trainer" for the political fray. We don't know whether or not this
     was before the day when Mr. Cameron counseled in politics at
     Harrisburg, but his Mentor bid this new candidate, when the
     delegations applied for his views on the all-absorbing issues, to
     say nothing himself, but to refer to him, the Mentor aforesaid. And
     when the delegations accordingly came to Mentor to find the
     position of the third candidate, he said to each, with unction,
     "You will find my friend sound on the goose question." Third
     candidate was elected. His story got wind, and from that day till
     Bull Run all the politicians of the land have striven likewise to
     be 'sound on the goose question.'

Therefore let us be duly thankful that the time hath come when it shall
no longer advantage a man to say, 'Lo! I am sound,' or--as PRINCE
ALBERT was reported to reply constantly to his royal consort during
the early years of their marriage--'I dinks joost as _you_
dinks,'--since in these--days vigorous _acts_ and not quibbling words
are the only coin which shall pass current in politics.

Never was there an institution which required such constant repairing as
'the great Southern system.' One of the latest and most terrible leaks
discovered is that of the danger to be apprehended from an influx of
vile Yankee immigrants after the North shall have been conquered. Unless
this is prevented, say the Charleston papers, who dictate pretty
independently to the whole of Dixie, we shall have sacrificed in vain
our blood and treasure, since nothing is more evident than that at no
distant day the Northern men among us will be fully able to control our
elections. Therefore it is proposed that no Northern man ever be allowed
the right of naturalization in the South.

But as even Southern injustice has not as yet the insolence to restrict
this precious prohibition to 'Yankees,' it is sequentially proposed that
with the exception of those foreigners now in the South, no person, not
a (white) native, shall ever, after this war, be allowed the rights of
citizenship in the C. S. A. There has not been, that we are aware, any
opposition to this hospitable proposition, but, on the contrary, it has
been most largely circulated and approved of.

It must be admitted that the South is in one thing at least
praiseworthy. It is consistent--to say nothing of being thoroughly in
earnest. To exclude all poor white immigrants from civil, and
consequently social privileges, is perfectly in keeping with its long
expressed contempt for mudsills. It legislates for F. F.'s, and for them
alone. It wants no Irish, no Germans, no foreign element of any
description between itself and the negro. It will make unto itself a
China within a wall of cotton-bales, and be sublimely magnificent within
itself.

But what of the Border, or, as GEO. SAUNDERS aptly called them,
the Tobacco States? (By the by, where is now that eminent rejected of
the C. S. A.?) The Patent Office Report for 1852 spoke as follows of
Fairfax County, Virginia, where thousands of acres of land have become
exhausted through slave labor, abandoned as worthless, and reduced to a
wilderness:--

     'These lands have been purchased by Northern emigrants, the large
     tracts divided and subdivided and cleared of pines, and neat
     farm-houses and barns, with smiling fields of grain and grass in
     the season, salute the delighted gaze of the beholder. Ten years
     ago it was a mooted question whether Fairfax lands could be made
     productive, and if so, would they pay the cost? This problem has
     been satisfactorily solved by many, and in consequence of the above
     altered state of things, school-houses and churches have doubled in
     number.'

But school-houses and churches are not what the C. S. A. want. 'Let us
alone with your Yankee contrivances. "Smiling fields indeed!"--we want
no smiling among us save the "smiles" of old Monongahela or Bourbon. The
fiery Southern heart does not condescend to smile. "Neat farm-houses!"
They may do for your Northern serfs--we'll none of them.' Verily the C.
S. A. is a stupendous power, which, according to the development of its
own avowed principles, must necessarily become greater as it is more and
more limited to fewer persons. In due time these will be reduced to
hundreds, those in time to scores, until, finally, all Southerndom shall
be merged in one individual quintessentially concentrated exponent of
Cottondom, who must needs be, perforce, so intensely respectable and so
sublimely aristocratic that Northern eye may not see nor Northern heart
feel the magnitude of his superiority, or pierce the gloom wherein he
shall sit, 'a sceptred hermit, wrapped in the solitude of his own
originality.'

Five of the present Cabinet, with Secretary CAMERON at their
head, have expressed themselves fairly and fully in favor of
Emancipation,--foreseeing its inevitable realization, and, we presume,
the necessity of 'managing' it betimes. Only Messrs. SEWARD and
BATES hang timidly behind, waiting for stronger manifestations,
ere they hang out their flags. Meanwhile, from the rural districts of
the East and West come thousand-fold indications that the great 'working
majority' of Northern freemen--the same who elected LINCOLN and
urged on the war in thunder-tones and lightning acts--are sternly
determined to press the great measure, and purify this country for once
and forever of its great bitterness. It is a foregone conclusion.

'If you would know what your neighbors think of you,' says an old
proverb, 'quarrel with them.' It has not been necessary of late to
quarrel with England to ascertain _her_ opinion of us, as expressed by
her editors, writers, and men of the highest standing. Our war with the
South has brought it out abundantly, and the result is a great dislike
of everything American, save cotton! We are not of those who would at
this time say too much on the subject,--every expression of Anglophobia
is just now nuts to the C. S. A., who would dearly relish a war between
us and the mother country,--but we may point to the significant fact
recently laid in a laconic letter by 'Railway TRAIN,' that
while everything is done in England to preserve a 'strict neutrality,'
as regards the North, and while the most vexatious hinderances are
placed in the way of exporting aught which may aid us,--much
_gratuitous_ pains being taken to prevent any material aid to the
Federal government,--vessels are allowed to load openly with all
contraband of war, even to arms and ammunition, for the avowed purpose
of supplying the South. This is not mere _rumor_--it has been amply
confirmed for months.

Very well, gentlemen; very well, indeed. We may remember all your
kindness and the depth of your zealous abolition philanthropy. '_Haud
immemor._' But you are reasoning on false grounds. You forget that it is
almost as important for you to self your manufactures to America as to
get cotton from it. And articles in the _Times_, and speeches from your
first statesmen, show that you really believe the enormous fib so
generally current, that the South consumes the very great majority of
all our imports. 'The South is where the North makes all its money--the
South does everything.'

Do not believe it. The entire South consumes only about one sixth or
seventh of all Imports, and contributes no greater proportion to the
wealth of the North. But the North, with a very little sacrifice, can
free itself almost entirely from dependence on your manufactures, and
if, in homely parlance, you 'give us any more of your impudence,' she
_will_--will most decidedly. There is even a stronger king than Cotton
here; we may call him King Market. Let King Market once lay hands on
you, and whereas you were before only broken, _then_ you will be ground
to powder.

Over many a home since the last New Year, Death has cast the shadow,
which may grow dimmer with time, or change to other hues, but which
never entirely departs. But now he comes with strange, unwonted form,
for he comes from the battle-field as well as the far-off home of fever,
or the icy lair of consumption, and those left behind know only of the
departed that he died for honor.

'My brother! oh, my brother!' Such a cry arose not long ago in a family,
for one of the best and bravest whom this country has ever known. And
more than one has brought back from the war a sorrowful narrative of a
long farewell inclosed in as brief and touching words as those of the
following lyric:--

LINES.

  I.

  My brother, take my hand;
    The darkness covers me,
    And now I fly to thee;
      O, hear my call!

  II.

  My brother, take my hand;
    Weary, and sick, and faint,
    To thee I make complaint,
      Who art my all.

  III.

  My brother, take my hand;
    Though pale it is and thin,
    The same blood flows within
      That is in thine.

  IV.

  My brother, take my hand;
    It's all I have to give;
    O, let me, while I live,
      Press it to thine.

  V.

  My brother, take my hand;
    And with the hand receive
    The blessing which I leave,
      Before I die.

  VI.

  My brother, take my hand;
    And when at last you come,
    I will receive you home,--
      The home on high.

A correspondent in Ohio sends us the following:--

     'It is a good thing for a weak brother to have faith; and some one
     to rely on is to such an especial blessing. Squire BULLARD
     was wont to find such a prop in his friend Deacon PARRISH,
     who, he firmly believed, "knew everything."

     'Near by the Squire lived a graceless old infidel named
     MYERS, who was wont to entangle his simple neighbors in
     arguments sadly vexing to their orthodoxy. On one occasion he
     devoted an hour to prove to BULLARD that there was no
     future after death.

     '"Well," exclaimed Squire B----, "you kin talk jest as much as ye
     please. Free speech is permitted; but I don't believe ye. I tell
     you what, MYERS, the soul _is_ immortal; I'll bet five
     dollars on it, and leave it to Deacon PARRISH!"'

This is indeed believing in human power; and yet who would laugh
_through_ his heart at it? For it is this same _belief_ in other men,
mere mortals like ourselves, in hero-worship, which led man through the
stormy ages of old on to the lighter and brighter time, when we see afar
the promised time when great ideas shall rule instead of great men, and
heroism yield to sincere, unselfish ministry. Great was the final lesson
of Friar BACON'S head--'Time will be.'

The failure of the great Southern Confederacy to secure recognition in
Europe will doubtless provoke sad strains from the bards of that
unfortunate 'empire.' Nor less to be pitied are those who have put their
trust in contracts and become the 'victims of misplaced confidence.' The
following brace of parodies sets forth the sorrows of either side with
touching pathos.

THE UNIVERSAL COTTON GIN.

  He journeyed all creation through,
    A peddler's wagon, trotting in;
  A haggard man, of sallow hue,
  Upon his nose the goggles blue,
  And in his cart a model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  His seedy garb was sad to view--
    Hard seemed the strait he'd gotten in;
  He plainly couldn't boast a _sou_,
  And meanly fared on water-gru-
  el, or had swallowed whole a U-
    niversal nigger-cotton gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  To all he met--Turk, Christian, Jew--
    He meekly said, 'I'm not in tin;
  In fact I'm in a serious stew,
  And therefore offer unto you,
  At half its worth, my model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  'As sure as four is two and two,
    It rules the world we're plotting in;
  It made and ruined Yankee Doo-
  dle, stuck to him like Cooper's glue,
  And so to you would stick this U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.'

  Now Johnny Bull the peddler knew,
    And thus replied with not a grin:
  'Hi loves your 'gin' like London brew-
  ed ale, but loathes the hinstitu-
  tion vitch propels your model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  'Hi knows such coves as you a few,
    And, zur, just now, hi'm not in tin;
  Hi tells you vot, great Yankee Doo-
  dle might hincline to put me through
  Hif hi should buy your model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.'

  Then spake smooth Monsieur _Parlez-vous_,
    Whose gilded throne was got in sin,--
  (As was he too, if tales are true):
  'I does not vant your modal U-'
  (He sounds a V for W)
    'niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  A negar in de fence I view--
    Your grand machine he's rotting in;
  I smells him now, he stinketh! _w-h-e-w_--
  _Give me a good tobacco chew_,
  And you may keeps your modal U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.'

  The peddler then sloped quickly to
    The land he was begotten in;
  With woeful visage, feelings blue,
  He sadly questioned what to do,
  When none would buy his model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  From out his pocket then he drew
    A rag that _blood_ was clotting in;
  It had a field of heavenly blue,
  Was flecked with stars--the very few
  That glimmered on his model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  He gazed long on its tarnished hue,
    And mourned the fix he'd gotten in;
  Then filled his eyes with contrite dew,
  As in its folds his nose he blew,
  And thus addressed his model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin.

  'Thou crownless king, thy days are few;
    The world thou art forgotten in;
  Ere thou dost die, thy life review,
  Repent thy crimes, thy wrongs undo,
  Give freedom to the dusky crew
  Whose blood now stains the model U-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin-
    niversal nigger-cotton-gin!'

A SORROWFUL DIALOGUE.

FRIEND OF HUMANITY.

  Needy axe-grinder! whither are you going?
  Sad is your visage, sadder far your raiment,
  Rimless your hat, your coat has got a hole in't,
    So have your trowsers!

  Seedy axe-grinder! little know the great ones,
  Who buy fat jobs, and steal the public lucre,
  What times befall the poverty-stricken devils
    Who grind their axes!

  Tell me, axe-grinder, how you came so seedy?
  Did some great man ungratefully entreat you?
  Was it FERNANDO, first king of our Gotham,
    Or the Collector?

  Or did some evil WEED set you to burning
  The Cataline, and pocket all the plunder;
  Or did the patriot BEN engulf your little
    All in a lottery?

  Tell me, axe-grinder! 'tell me how you cum so:'
  'Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids,
  Ready to fall the moment you have told your
    Pitiful story.'

AXE-GRINDER.

  Story! God bless you! mine is sad to tell, sir;
  The gratitude of great men drove me downward,
  Reduced me to these shoddy coat and trowsers
    So sad and seedy!

  Listen! while I disclose the secrets of the
  Mansion which standeth on Broadway, where strangers
  Are taken in and done for at two dollars
    And a half per diem.

  There congregate Lord THURLOW, ALEXANDER
  The Wonder of the World, and they who pull the
  Wool o'er the eyelids of the veteran Com-
    Missary-general.

  And there, while they within did manufacture
  The ways and means to 'work' this foul rebellion,
  I kept the door without, and turned the grindstone
    Which ground their axes.

  And daily to their private closet came one
  Called ORSAMUS, of fame in all the churches,
  Whose savory name smells sweetly to all lovers
    Of public plunder.

  'Twas queer the ex-(tra) congress man resorted
  There; strange they were to all invisible when
  _His_ oily visage, like a magic lantern,
    Lit the apartment.

  It were a Matter-son or father might take
  A note of; so I questioned of the key-hole,
  And, lo! they would bestow warm raiment on our
    Suffering soldiers.

  I deemed the subject worthy of attention,
  The more so as a very fat commission
  Would be gained by it, so as almoner I
    Tendered my service.

  I looked for thanks; when, lo! they gave me none, sir,
  But, calling eavesdroppers ungodly sinners,
  Applied their patent-leathers to my tender
    Unmentionables.

FRIEND OF HUMANITY.

  They served you right; take wholesome warning by it,
  Leave state affairs to those who live upon 'em;
  Should not the ox that treadeth in the corn-crib
    Eat of the hoe-cakes?

  How noble such care for our shivering heroes!
  Who would not gladly perish for his country
  When, for his sake, her great men stoop so low as
    The shoddy business!

The Germans have a fine _Spinn-lied_, or song of spinning; so, too, have
the jolly Flemish dames. And a poetical correspondent of ours seems
determined that few and far between as the old-fashioned spinners are in
this country, the race shall not entirely disappear without taking a
song with them, and a quaint, pleasant lesson. Dear reader, to the
CONTINENTAL'S way of thinking, there is something very winning
in the thought of that 'great holiday,' when, free from all task, we
shall play merrily evermore 'out-of-doors,' in eternal light, over
infinite realms of beauty.

SPINNING.

    Dearest mother, let me go;
  I am tired of this spinning, yet the whizzing wheel goes round,
  Till my brain is dull and dizzy with its ceaseless, humming sound.
  I can hear a little blue-bird, chirping sweetly in yon tree;
  And he would not stay there, mother, if he were not calling me.

    Oh! in pity, let me go:
  I have spun the flaxen thread, until my aching fingers drop;
  And my weary feet will falter, though the whizzing wheel should stop.
  I can see the sunny meadow where the gayest flowers grow;
  And I long to weave a garland;--dearest mother, let me go.

    Nay, be patient, eager child;
  Summer smiles beyond the door-way, but stern poverty is here;
  We must give her faithful service, if her frown we would not fear.
  Spin on cheerly, little daughter, till your needful task is done,
  Then go forth with bird and blossom, at the setting of the sun.

    Wait _thou_, also, troubled soul;
  Thou may'st look beyond the river, where the white-robed angels stand;
  Hear the faint, celestial music, wafted from the summer land;
  But thou cans't not leave thy labor;--when thy thread is duly spun,
  Thou shalt flee on flashing pinions, at the setting of the sun.

The times have been hard, reader, our friend, yet all merriment has not
entirely died out, and there is still the sweet voice of music to be
heard in the land. In New York, Boston, Philadelphia, and many minor
cities, the Benedictine ULLMANN hath been ubiquitously about, operating
most vigorously, while the philosophic and courteous GOSCHE hath not
been far distant. And they heralded HINKLEY, and BORCHARD, and KELLOGG,
and all the other sweet swans of song; they drew after them the gems of
the opera; there was selling of _Libretti_, (and in Boston,
'los-_an_-gers'); there was the donning of scarlet and blue striped
cloaks, gay _coiffures_ and butterflying fans; there was flirting, and
fun, and gentle gayety in the New York Academy, and with the Boston
Academies it was not otherwise, only that among the latter the Saxon
predominateth, and the dark-eyed, music-loving children of Israel, who
so abound in most opera audiences, are very rare.

What we intended to do, O reader, was to give the biography of
BENEDICT ULLMANN. Lo! here it cometh:--

     Vita Sancti Benedicti.

     ULLMANN is about three thousand years old.

     The New York _Herald_ once called him Mephistopheles. He is not
     Mephistopheles, however, but the same thing, which is
     ULLMANN. He is a spirit bearing human form. Don't forget.

     King SOLOMON sat beneath the golden pavilion one
     afternoon, playing silver melodies on a gold harp. Up went the
     notes--the spirits of the Sephiroth bore them--even up to a
     premium, and the very angels stopped sewing on their white robes to
     hear the ravishing melody.

     By his side sat the Queen of Sheba, counting out her money.

     Suddenly, there was a strange vibration, a marvelous tone. The
     queen paused. The king smiled. The angels went on with their
     sewing. (According to Rabbi ABARBANEL, they were knitting.
     This created a schism between the schools of Cracow and Cordova,
     which lasted four centuries.)

     'Why smilest thou, Oh SOLOMON?'

     'I smiled, my dear queen, because you and I became, just now,
     unwittingly, the parents of a strange being.'

     'Why, SOLOMON--how you talk!' exclaimed the Q. of S.

     'Yea, for the ring of thy gold, oh my Queen, and the last
     chord-tone from my harp mingled in mystical unity and made a sound
     unheard before on earth. And the spirit of that sound, which is of
     money and of music, is the spirit whereof I spoke.'

     Then the queen marveled greatly at the wisdom of SOLOMON,
     and gave him a shekel. The king rung it on the table and touched
     his harp. Again the strange tone thrilled out loud.

     'There he goes!' quoth SOLOMON. 'My blessing on him. And
     therefore the sprite is called Blessed to this day, which in Latin
     is _Benedict_.

Thus was ULLMANN born, who was the first who ever sold music;
and, whereas before his time music was only iron or silvern, after he
took it up it became golden--very fine, and ra-ther ex-pen-sive.
Howbeit, he loved music as well as money, and gave the people their
money's worth, and many a jolly opera and fine tenor did he bring out:
yea, had it been possible he would have engaged DON JUAN
TENORIO himself, so that Don Giovanni might have been produced as
perfectly as possible--the Don Giovanity of vanities.

Apropos of music, there is among the novelties of the season a French
'operetta,' entitled '_Les Noces de Jeannette_,' in which a very
peculiar bridegroom distinguishes himself, like Christopher Strap in
'Pleasant Neighbors,' by smashing the furniture. This recalls something
which we heard narrated in the opera _foyer_ the other evening.

Some years ago, in Paris, there was a very good comedian who prided
himself on being perfectly 'classic.' To be classic in France is to be
elegantly conventional. No actress can be really _kissed_ according to
classic rules; the lips must be faintly smacked about three feet from
her shoulder. Wills are classically written by a flourish of the pen,
and classical banqueters never pretend to eat.

Now there was a humorous scene which greatly depended on much breakage
of furniture; and to this scene our actor, in the opinion of the
manager, did not do justice. Rolling over one tea-cup did _not_,
according to the latter, constitute a grand smash.

The actor became irritated. '_Pa'r'r-bleu!_' he exclaimed, 'you
SHALL have a grand smash then, if you must, and no mistake.'

The scene begun. There was a tea-table, and the irate performer gave one
kick, and sent the whole concern crashing into the pit. There was a roar
of applause.

('Ah! this is something like,' said the manager, rubbing his hands.)

The chairs were next attacked and broken into the completest
kindling-wood, as by a madman. The manager began to look grave.

There were two tables left, a piano, and a closet. The actor stepped
behind the scenes and reappeared with an axe. Bang! went the
timber--crack--splinter--

'Stop!' roared the manager.

'Go on!' 'bravo!' 'go on!' roared the audience.

The stage was cleared, but the scenery still remained. And into the
scenery went the actor 'like mad.' Planks and canvas came tumbling down;
the manager called his assistants; the house was delirious with joy. The
manager rushed on the stage; the actor kicked him over into the
orchestra, and seizing the prompter's box, hurled it crashing after.

We do not know how matters were arranged, but we believe that the
manager never tried afterwards to convert a classic actor to the
romantic school.

The shade of Bishop BERKLEY would rejoice, could it read at
this late date such a tribute to the merit of the once famed tar water,
which he invented. But a solemn feeling steals over our heart when we
remember that the hand which penned these lines now lies cold in death,
and that the shades of the idealist and the poet may ere this have
joined in the spirit land.

TAR WATER.

BY GEORGE W. DEWEY.

    From the granite of the North,
    Leapt this pure libation forth,
  Cold as the rocks that restrained it;
    From the glowing Southern pine,
    Oozed this dark napthalian wine,
  Warm as the hearts that contained it;
    In a beaker they combine
    In a nectar as divine
    As the vintage of the Rhine,
    While I pledge those friends of mine

  Who are nearest, who are dearest in affection.
      I have filled it to the brim;
      Not a tear could ride its rim;
      Not a fleck of sorrow dim
      The flashing-smiles that swim
  In the crystal which restores their recollection.

      Floating on the pitchy wine,
      Comes an odor of the brine,
    Half suggesting solemn surges of the sea;
      A sailor in the shrouds,
      Furling sail amid the clouds;
    Noisy breakers singing dirges on the lee,
      To those friends upon the main,
      Who have ventured once again,
      In the realm which cleaves in twain
      Loving hearts, that fill with pain
  When the storm proclaims the terrors of December.
      I will clink the beaded edge
      Of the beaker, while I pledge
      Safety over surf and sedge,
      Foaming round the sunken ledge,
  In the track of all the loved ones we remember.

      And through Carolinian woods,
      Ever muffled in the hoods
    Of their fir-trees' aromatic evergreen,
      I can hear the mellow stops,
      Ever swaying in their tops,
    To the playing of an organist unseen.
      And the breezes bring the balm
      Of the solitude and psalm,
      From that indolence of calm,
      In the land of pine and palm,
  Over hills, and over rivers and savannas,
      Till my feelings undergo
      All their mortal overthrow,
      In celestial strains which flow,
      In a song of peace below,
  From those regions where archangels sing hosannas.

A friend who has roamed in his time over the deserts and slept in
Bedawee tents; one to whom the East is as a second mother, and in whose
faith the Koran is necessary to really put the finishing touch to a true
gentleman, sends us the following eccentric proverbs from the Arabic.

  Words of Wisdom.

  'A well is not to be filled with dew.'

There speaks the Arab, choice of water as of wine.

  'May a deadly disease love you and Allah hate you!'

Uncle Toby, who would not have had the heart to curse a dog so, would
have found the Excommunication of Ernulphus quite outdone in the desert,
where cursing is perfected.

  'He lays goose eggs, and expects young turkeys.'

  'The dream of the cat is about mice.'

Meaning, as we say, that what is bred in the bone will not come out of
the flesh. ÆSOP has dramatized this proverb in a pretty fable.

  'The people went away; the baboons remained.'

  'A rose fell to the lot of a monkey.'

Or, as the Latins said, '_Asinus ad Lyram_'--'A gold ring in a sow's
ear.'

     'God bless him who pays visits, and short ones at that.'

     'The husband of two parrots--a neck between two sticks.'

     'I asked him about his father. "My uncle's name is SHAYB,"
     he replied.'

     'They wanted a keeper for the pigeon-house, and gave the keys to
     the cat.'

     'Filth fell upon dirt. "Welcome! my friend," said he.'

     'Scarcer than fly-brains.'

     'Gain upon dirt rather than loss upon musk.'

Musk plays a great part in the East. Even the porters in Cairo bear bags
of it and are scented by it.

  'When the monkey reigns, dance before him.'

This slavish proverb is thoroughly Oriental.

     'They met a monkey defiling the mosque. "Dost thou not fear," quoth
     they, "lest God may metamorphose thee?" "I should," quoth he, "if I
     thought he would change me into a gazelle."'

     'He fled from the rain and sat down under the water-spout.'

Or, as we say, out of the frying-pan into the fire.

Divers and sundry 'screeds' which we had hoped to lay on this present
'Editor's Table,' are unavoidably postponed until the February number,
when they will make their 'positively first and last appearance.' Hoping
that our own first appearance may not be without your approbation, we
conclude, wishing you, reader, once more--very sincerely--the happiest
of 'happy New Years.'

FOOTNOTES:

[Footnote 1: We honestly believe the true course to pursue with South
Carolina, is to colonize her under the protection of our troops. Let us
start with a settlement of Yankees at Beaufort, who shall addict
themselves to the raising of cotton and other southern products. Let
them employ the negroes whose masters have run away, and who are _ipso
facto_ free. As our army gradually extends its lines, let the northern
pioneer proceed, to occupy and cultivate the soil. This will bring about
a practical solution of some vexed questions.]

[Footnote 2: The reader is earnestly requested to peruse the sermons of
the Southern clergy, collected in an _extra_ of Putnam's _Rebellion
Record_, and especially a discourse by the Rev. Dr. Palmer, of New
Orleans, in which the man of God asserts that slavery is a 'divine
trust, to be perpetuated and continued.']

[Footnote 3: NOTE BY THE EDITOR.--The reader will find further
reference to the grave of AARON BURR in an article, in the
present number of the CONTINENTAL MONTHLY, entitled 'The
Graveyard at Princeton.']

[Footnote 4: Apart from philosophical and theological agitation in
America, great additions were made to our general literature by
translations from French and German, and their influence upon our
younger writers is visible at the present day in almost every newspaper
article. This task of translating and editing was accomplished--for the
time--on a grand scale and in a scholarly manner. Chief among those who
devoted themselves to it was George Ripley, who, in his excellent
_Library of Foreign Standard Literature_, gave the public the choicer
gems of French and German philosophy, poetry, or lighter prose. C.S.
Henry, then professor of philosophy in the University of New York,
embraced with zeal the teachings of Cousin, translated his
_Psychology_,--there had been a version of the 'Lectures' published in
1838,--and wrote, for the use of students, a small but comprehensive
_History of Philosophy_, which would have been perfectly 'eclectic' had
it not devoted a somewhat unfair proportion of its pages to eclecticism.
Translations of minor German lyrics into English, in most instances
surpassing their rivals of British origin, were made by several young
Unitarian clergymen, among which those by Cranch, Peabody, and Brooks,
were, we believe, preëminent. The _Dial_, by its criticisms of foreign
literature and art, guided many to the originals, while the Orthodox
onslaught, in reviews or in lectures, by Murdoch and others, in which
German philosophy was carefully traced from Lucifer down to Hegel, gave
to hungry and inquiring neophytes many valuable hints. As, with the
majority of its friends, 'Transcendentalism' assumed a deeply religious
form, there resulted, of course, a grand revival of pietistic, mystical,
and magical reading. Even the polemics of the early Quakers were
un-dusted, while Swedenborg was soon found to be a rich mine. In due
time, the works of Jung-Stilling, and other occult seers of the Justinus
Kerner school, were translated, and contributed, in common with the then
new wonders of animal magnetism and clairvoyance, to prepare the public
for 'spiritualism.' The appearance, in 1841, of a translation of the
_Heinrich von Ofterdingen_ of Novalis, by a student of Cambridge, named
Stallknecht, was one of the works of the day which increased the
interest in foreign literature, and made its study fashionable. This
mystical romance, called by its author the 'Apotheosis of Poetry,' was
distinguished by a simple pathos, an ultra-refinement of thought, an
almost womanly delicacy of expression, and a deeply religious sentiment.
Such works fascinated many who had been proof against the sterner
allurements of the more practical Goethe or the aristocratic Schiller,
and added a new regiment to the army that was assailing with vehemence
the fortress of German literature.]

[Footnote 5: Cymbeline, Act III., Sc. 2.]

The

Continental

Monthly

Devoted to Literature and National Policy.

FEBRUARY, 1862.

BOSTON:

  J.R. GILMORE, 110 TREMONT STREET.
  CROSBY & NICHOLS, 117 WASHINGTON STREET.
  NEW YORK: H. DEXTER & CO. AND ROSS & TOUSEY.
  PHILADELPHIA: T. B. CALLENDER AND A. WINCH.

CONTENTS.

NO. II.

ENLARGED SIXTEEN PAGES.

                                                                    PAGE

  Our War and Our Want                                               113
  Brown's Lecture Tour. By a Lecturer                                118
  The Watchword. Poetry                                              126
  Tints and Tones of Paris                                           127
  The True Basis                                                     136
  The Black Flag. Poetry                                             138
  The Actress-Wife                                                   139
  Self-Reliance. Poetry                                              149
  The Huguenot Families in America                                   151
  The Black Witch                                                    155
  Freedom's Stars. Poetry                                            166
  On the Plains                                                      167
  Seven Devils                                                       171
  What will you do with us?                                          175
  James Russell Lowell                                               176
  Refurgamus. Poetry                                                 186
  Among the Pines                                                    187
  Mr. Seward's Published Diplomacy                                   199
  To England. Poetry                                                 209
  The Heir of Rofeton                                                210
  Our Danger and its Cause                                           220
  She Sits Alone. Poetry                                             225
  Literary Notices                                                   226
  Editor's Table                                                     228

THE PRESENT NUMBER OF THE CONTINENTAL

Contains Articles by Ex-Gov. Boutwell, Hon. Horace Greeley, Hon. George
P. Difofway, A. Oakey Hall, Richard B. Kimball, Henry T. Tuckerman,
Frederick W. Shelton, The Author of "The Cotton States," J. Warren
Newcomb, Jr., Henry P. Leland, Miss Delia L. Colton, Charles G. Leland,
and other diftinguished writers.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1861, by JAMES R.
GILMORE, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the
District of Massachusetts.

Press of Geo. C. Rand & Avery, 3 Cornhill, Boston.