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                                 A BOOK

                                 A BOOK

                                   BY

                              DJUNA BARNES

                           BONI AND LIVERIGHT

                        PUBLISHERS      NEW YORK

                         _Copyright, 1923, by_

                        BONI AND LIVERIGHT, INC.

                PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

                                   To

                                 MOTHER

                                CONTENTS

                                                  PAGE

                  A NIGHT AMONG THE HORSES           1

                  THREE FROM THE EARTH              15

                  THE VALET                         31

                  TO THE DOGS                       44

                  BEYOND THE END                    59

                  PASTORAL                          74

                  OSCAR                             76

                  ANTIQUE                          103

                  KATRINA SILVERSTAFF              104

                  HUSH BEFORE LOVE                 116

                  THE ROBIN’S HOUSE                117

                  PARADISE                         131

                  NO-MAN’S-MARE                    132

                  SIX SONGS OF KHALIDINE           145

                  THE DOVE                         147

                  MOTHER                           164

                  SONG IN AUTUMN                   172

                  THE NIGGER                       173

                  LULLABY                          179

                  INDIAN SUMMER                    180

                  I’D HAVE YOU THINK OF ME         194

                  THE RABBIT                       195

                  THE FLOWERING CORPSE             209

                  A BOY ASKS A QUESTION OF A LADY  210

                  FIRST COMMUNION                  219

                  FINIS                            220

                             ILLUSTRATIONS

                     Study          _Frontispiece_

                                     _Facing page_

                     Portrait                   30

                     Portrait                   58

                     Drawing                   102

                     Portrait Study            144

                     Portrait                  172

                                 A BOOK

                        A NIGHT AMONG THE HORSES

Toward dusk, in the Summer of the year, a man dressed in a frock coat
and top hat, and carrying a cane, crept through the underbrush bordering
the corral of the Buckler farm.

As he moved, small twigs snapped, fell and were silent. His knees were
green from wounded shrubbery and grass, and his outspread hands tore
unheeded plants. His wrists hurt him and he rested from time to time,
always caring for his hat and knotted yellow cane, blowing through his
moustache.

Dew had been falling, covering the twilight leaves like myriad faces
damp with the perspiration of the struggle for existence, and half a
mile away, standing out against the darkness of the night, a grove of
white birches shimmered like teeth in a skull.

He heard the creaking of a gate, and the splashing of late rain into the
depths of a dark cistern. His heart ached with the nearness of the
earth, the faint murmur of it moving upon itself, like a sleeper who
turns to throw an arm about a beloved.

A frog began moaning among the skunk cabbages, and John thrust his hand
deep into his bosom.

Something somnolent seemed to be here, and he wondered. It was like a
deep, heavy, yet soft prison where, without sin, one may suffer
intolerable punishment.

Presently he went on, feeling his way. He reached a high plank fence and
sensing it with his fingers, he lay down, resting his head against the
ground.

He was tired, he wanted to sleep, but he searched for his hat and cane
and straightened out his coat beneath him before he turned his eyes to
the stars.

And now he could not sleep, and wondered why he had thought of it;
something quick was moving the earth, it seemed to live, to shake with
sudden immensity.

He heard a dog barking, and the dim light from a farm window kept
winking as the trees swung against its square of light. The odor of
daisies came to him, and the assuring, powerful smell of the stables; he
opened his mouth and drew in his moustache.

A faint tumult had begun. A tremor ran under the length of his body and
trembled off into the earth like a shudder of joy—died down and repeated
itself. And presently he began to tremble, answering, throwing out his
hands, curling them up weakly, as if the earth were withholding
something precious, necessary.

His hat fell off, striking a log with a dull hollow sound, and he
pressed his red moustache against the grass, weeping.

Again he heard it, felt it; a hundred hoofs beat upon the earth and he
knew the horses had gone wild in the corral on the other side of the
fence, for animals greet the Summer, striking the earth, as friends
strike the back of friends. He knew, he understood; a hail to Summer, to
life, to death.

He drew himself against the bars, pressing his eyes under them, peering,
waiting.

He heard them coming up across the heavy turf, rounding the curve in the
Willow Road. He opened his eyes and closed them again. The soft menacing
sound deepened, as heat deepens, strikes through the skin into the very
flesh. Head on, with long legs rising, falling, rising again, striking
the ground insanely, like needles taking terrible, impossible and
purposeless stitches.

He saw their bellies, fawn-coloured, pitching from side to side,
flashing by, straining the fence, and he rose up on his feet and
silently, swiftly, fled on beside them.

Something delirious, hysterical, came over him and he fell. Blood
trickled into his eyes down from his forehead. It had a fine feeling for
a moment, like a mane, like that roan mare’s mane that had passed
him—red and long and splendid.

He lifted his hand, and closed his eyes once more, but the soft pounding
did not cease, though now, in his sitting position, it only jogged him
imperceptibly, as a child on a knee.

It seemed to him that he was smothering, and he felt along the side of
his face as he had done in youth when they had put a cap on him that was
too large. Twining green things, moist with earth-blood, crept over his
fingers, the hot, impatient leaves pressed in, and the green of the
matted grass was deathly thick. He had heard about the freeness of
nature, thought it was so, and it was not so.

A trailing ground pine had torn up small blades in its journey across
the hill, and a vine, wrist-thick, twisted about a pale oak, hideously,
gloriously, killing it, dragging it into dust.

A wax Patrick Pipe leaned against his neck, staring with black eyes, and
John opened his mouth, running his tongue across his lips, snapping it
off, sighing.

Move as he would, the grass was always under him, and the crackling of
last Autumn’s leaves and last Summer’s twigs—minute dead of the infinite
greatness—troubled him. Something portentous seemed connected with the
patient noises about him. An acorn dropped, striking a thin fine powder
out of a frail oak pod. He took it up, tossing it. He had never liked to
see things fall.

He sat up, with the dim thunder of the horses far off, but quickening
his heart.

He went over the scene he had with Freda Buckler, back there in the
house, the long quivering spears of pot-grass standing by the window as
she walked up and down, pulling at them, talking to him.

Small, with cunning fiery eyes and a pink and pointed chin. A daughter
of a mother who had known too many admirers in her youth; a woman with
an ample lap on which she held a Persian kitten or a trifle of fruit.
Bounty, avarice, desire, intelligence—both of them had always what they
wanted.

He blew down his moustache again thinking of Freda in her floating
yellow veil that he had called ridiculous. She had not been angry, he
was nothing but a stable boy then. It was the way with those small
intriguing women whose nostrils were made delicate through the pain of
many generations that they might quiver whenever they caught a whiff of
the stables.

“As near as they can get to the earth,” he had said, and was Freda
angry? She stroked his arm always softly, looking away, an inner
bitterness drawing down her mouth.

She said, walking up and down quickly, looking ridiculously small:

“I am always gentle, John”—frowning, trailing her veil, thrusting out
her chin.

He answered: “I liked it better where I was.”

“Horses,” she said showing sharp teeth, “are nothing for a man with your
bile—pot-boy—curry comber, smelling of saddle soap—lovely!” She
shrivelled up her nose, touching his arm: “Yes, but better things. I
will show you—you shall be a gentleman—fine clothes, you will like them,
they feel nice.” And laughing she turned on one high heel, sitting down.
“I like horses, they make people better; you are amusing, intelligent,
you will see——”

“A lackey!” he returned passionately, throwing up his arm. “What is
there in this for you, what are you trying to do to me? The
family—askance—perhaps—I don’t know.”

He sat down pondering. He was getting used to it, or thought he was, all
but his wordy remonstrances. He knew better when thinking of his horses,
realizing that when he should have married this small, unpleasant and
clever woman, he would know them no more.

It was a game between them, which was the shrewder, which would win out?
He? A boy of ill breeding, grown from the gutter, fancied by this woman
because he had called her ridiculous, or for some other reason that he
would never know. This kind of person never tells the truth, and this,
more than most things, troubled him. Was he a thing to be played with,
debased into something better than he was—than he knew?

Partly because he was proud of himself in the costume of a groom, partly
because he was timid, he desired to get away, to go back to the stables.
He walked up to the mirrors as if about to challenge them, peering in.
He knew he would look absurd, and then knew, with shame, that he looked
splendidly better than most of the gentlemen that Freda Buckler knew. He
hated himself. A man who had grown out of the city’s streets, a fine
common thing!

She saw him looking into the mirrors, one after the other, and drew her
mouth down. She got up, walking beside him in the end, between him and
them, taking his arm.

“You shall enter the army—you shall rise to General, or Lieutenant at
least—and there are horses there, and the sound of stirrups—with that
physique you will be happy—authority you know,” she said, shaking her
chin, smiling.

“Very well, but a common soldier——”

“As you like—afterward.”

“Afterward?”

“Very well, a common soldier.”

He sensed something strange in her voice, a sort of irony, and it took
the patience out of him:

“I have always been common, I could commit crimes, easily, gladly—I’d
like to!”

She looked away. “That’s natural,” she said faintly; “it’s an instinct
all strong men have——”

She knew what was troubling him, thwarted instincts, common beautiful
instincts that he was being robbed of. He wanted to do something final
to prove his lower order; caught himself making faces, idiot faces, and
she laughed.

“If only your ears stuck out, chin receded,” she said, “you might look
degenerate, common, but as it is——”

And he would creep away in hat, coat and with his cane, to peer at his
horses, never daring to go in near them. Sometimes, when he wanted to
weep, he would smear one glove with harness grease, but the other one he
held behind his back, pretending one was enough to prove his revolt.

She would torment him with vases, books, pictures, making a fool of him
gently, persistently, making him doubt by cruel means, the means of
objects he was not used to, eternally taking him out of his sphere.

“We have the best collection of miniatures,” she would say with one knee
on a low ottoman, bringing them out in her small palm.

“Here, look.”

He would put his hands behind him.

“She was a great woman—Lucrezia Borgia—do you know history——” She put it
back because he did not answer, letting his mind, a curious one, torment
itself.

“You love things very much, don’t you?” she would question, because she
knew that he had a passion for one thing only. She kept placing new
ladders beneath his feet, only to saw them off at the next rung, making
him nothing more than a nervous, irritable experiment. He was uneasy,
like one given food to smell and not to taste, and for a while he had
not wanted to taste, and then curiosity began, and he wanted to, and he
also wanted to escape, and he could do neither.

Well, after he had married her, what then? Satisfy her whim and where
would he be? He would be nothing, neither what he had been nor what
other people were. This seemed to him, at times, her wish—a sort of
place between lying down and standing up, a cramped position, a slow
death. A curious woman.

This same evening he had looked at her attentively for the first time.
Her hair was rather pretty, though too mousy, yet just in the nape of
the neck, where it met the lawn of the collar it was very attractive.
She walked well for a little woman, too.

Sometimes she would pretend to be lively, would run a little, catch
herself at it, as if she had not intended to do it, and calm down once
more, or creeping up to him, stroking his arm, talking to him, she would
walk beside him softly, slowly, that he might not step out, that he
would have to crawl across the carpet.

Once he had thought of trying her with honesty, with the truth of the
situation. Perhaps she would give him an honest answer, and he had
tried.

“Now, Miss Freda—just a word—what are you trying to do? What is it you
want? What is there in me that can interest you? I want you to tell me—I
want to know—I have got to ask someone, and I haven’t anyone to ask but
you.”

And for a moment she almost relented, only to discover that she could
not if she had wished. She did not know always what she meant herself.

“I’ll tell you,” she said, hoping that this, somehow, might lead her
into the truth, for herself, if not for him, but it did not, “you are a
little nervous, you will get used to it—you will even grow to like it.
Be patient. You will learn soon enough that there is nothing in the
world so agreeable as climbing, changing.”

“Well,” he said, trying to read her, “and then?”

“That’s all, you will regret the stables in the end—that’s all.” Her
nostrils quivered. A light came into her eyes, a desire to defy, to be
defied.

Then on this last night he had done something terrible, he had made a
blunder. There had been a party. The guests, a lot of them, were mostly
drunk, or touched with drink. And he, too, had too much. He remembered
having thrown his arms about a tall woman, gowned in black with loose
shoulder straps, dragging her through a dance. He had even sung a bit of
a song, madly, wildly, horribly. And suddenly he had been brought up
sharp by the fact that no one thought his behaviour strange, that no one
thought him presumptuous. Freda’s mother had not even moved or dropped
the kitten from her lap where it sat, its loud resolute purr shaking the
satin of her gown.

And he felt that Freda had got him where she wanted him, between two
rungs. Going directly up to her, he said:

“You are ridiculous!” and twirled his moustache, spitting into the
garden.

And he knew nothing about what happened until he found himself in the
shrubbery, crawling toward the corral, through the dusk and the dampness
of the leaves, carrying his cane, making sure of his hat, looking up at
the stars.

Now he knew why he had come. He was with his horses again. His eyes,
pressed against the bars, stared in. The black stallion in the lead had
been his special pet, a rough animal, but kindly, knowing. And here they
were once more, tearing up the grass, galloping about in the night like
a ball-room full of real people, people who wanted to do things, who did
what they wanted to do.

He began to crawl through the bars, slowly, deftly, and when half way
through he paused, thinking.

Presently he went on again, and drawing himself into the corral, his hat
and cane thrown in before him, he lay there mouth to the grass.

They were still running, but less madly; one of them had gone up the
Willow Road leading into a farther pasture, in a flare of dust, through
which it looked immense and faint.

On the top of the hill three or four of the horses were standing,
testing the weather. He would mount one, he would ride away, he would
escape. And his horses, the things he knew, would be his escape.

Bareback, he thought, would be like the days when he had taken what he
could from the rush of the streets, joy, exhilaration, life, and he was
not afraid. He wanted to stand up, to cry aloud.

And he saw ten or twelve of them rounding the curb, and he did stand up.

They did not seem to know him, did not seem to know what to make of him,
and he stared at them wondering. He did not think of his white shirt
front, his sudden arising, the darkness, their excitement. Surely they
would know, in a moment more.

Wheeling, flaring their wet nostrils, throwing up their manes, striking
the earth in a quandary, they came on, whinnied faintly, and he knew
what it was to be afraid.

He had never been afraid and he went down on his knees. With a new
horror in his heart he damned them. He turned his eyes up, but he could
not open them. He thought rapidly, calling on Freda in his heart,
speaking tenderly, promising.

A flare of heat passed his throat and descended into his bosom.

“I want to live. I can do it—damn it—I can do it! I can forge ahead,
make my mark.”

He forgot where he was for a moment and found new pleasure in this
spoken admission, this new rebellion. He moved with the faint shaking of
the earth, like a child on a woman’s lap.

The upraised hoofs of the first horse missed him, but the second did
not.

And presently the horses drew apart, nibbling here and there, switching
their tails, avoiding a patch of tall grass.

                          THREE FROM THE EARTH

  PERSONS:      │
    JAMES       │CARSON _brothers_
    HENRY       │                          〃
    JOHN        │                          〃

    KATE MORLEY—│_An adventuress, a lady of leisure_

  TIME—_Late afternoon_.

  PLACE—KATE MORLEY’S _boudoir. A long narrow room, with a great many
        lacquer screens in various shades of blue, a tastefully
        decorated room though rather extreme._

_At the rise of the curtain the three_ CARSON _brothers are discovered
sitting together on a couch to the left. They look like peasants of the
most obvious type. They are tall, rather heavy—and range in age from
nineteen to twenty-five. They have sandy, sun-bleached hair that insists
upon sticking straight up—oily, sweaty skins—large hanging lips and
small eyes on which a faint whitish down moves for lashes. They are_
_clumsy and ill clothed. Russet shoes are on all six feet. They each
wear a purple aster and each has on a tie of the super-stunning
variety—they have evidently done their best to be as one might say “well
dressed.”_

_When they speak—aside from their grunts—their voices are rough, nasal
and occasionally crack. They are stoop-shouldered and their hands are
excessively ugly._

_Yet in spite of all this, their eyes are intelligent, their smiles
gentle, melancholy, compassionate. And though they have a look of
formidable grossness and stupidity, there is, on second observation, a
something beneath all this in no way in keeping with this first
impression._

JOHN, _the youngest, and the smallest, looks around the room carefully_.

JOHN—A nice room, eh? [_He tries to whisper, but it comes forth buzzing
and harsh._]

JAMES—A woman’s room.

HENRY—How?

JAMES—A narrow room, John.

JOHN—Well?

JAMES—Cats and narrow walls.

HENRY—[_Grunting._] Ugh.

JOHN—Hush—I hear her coming! [_The curtains part and_ KATE MORLEY
_enters. She is a woman of about forty. Handsome. Dark. She_ _is
beautifully dressed—in a rather seductive fashion. She has a very
interesting head; she has an air of one used to adulation and the
pleasure of exerting her will. She has a trick of narrowing her eyes. As
she comes forward there is a general commotion among the brothers, but
none manages to stand up._]

KATE—Good day, gentlemen.

ALL THREE—Good day.

KATE—Nice of you to call on me. [_She seats herself, crossing her
legs._] You are the three Carsons, John, James and Henry, aren’t you? I
haven’t seen you for years, yet I think I should have known you.

ALL THREE—Ah ha.

KATE—Yes, I presume I should have known you. I have a good memory. Well,
as I said, it’s nice of you to come to see me. Social?

HENRY—You might call it that.

KATE—It’s quite nice to get an unexpected visitor or so. I’m the kind of
woman who knows just who is going to call on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday——

ALL THREE—Ah ha.

KATE—How’s the country?

JOHN—Just the same.

KATE—It always is.—Don’t you go mad—watching it?

HENRY—Now and again.

KATE—And how’s your father? [_Not pausing for an answer—almost to
herself._] I remember—_he_ was always mad. He used to wear a green cloth
suit, and he carried white rats all over his shoulders. [_Remembering
the three._] Ah, yes, your father—he was a barber, wasn’t he?

HENRY—No, a chemist.

KATE—[_Laughing uneasily._] I have a bad memory after all. Well, anyway,
in those days he had begun to be queer—everyone noticed it—even that
funny man who had those three flaxen-haired daughters with the thin
ankles who lives at the end of the street—— And your mother—a
prostitute, I believe.

HENRY—[_Calmly._] At times.

KATE—A dancing girl without a clean word in her vocabulary, or a whole
shirt to her name——

JAMES—But a woman with fancies.

KATE—[_Sarcastically._] And what ability?

HENRY—Oh, none, just a burning desire.

KATE—What’s the use of going into that? How did you get here—what for?

ALL THREE—On bicycles.

KATE—[_Bursting into laughter._] How exactly ridiculous and
appropriate—and what else?

JOHN—To see how the sun falls in a place like this.

KATE—[_Angrily, rising._] Well, you see, from left to right, and right
to left——

HENRY—True.

JOHN—[_Quietly._] And we wanted to see how you walked, and sat down, and
crossed your legs——

HENRY—And to get father’s letters.

KATE—Well, you see how I walk, sit down, cross my legs. What letters?

JAMES—Letters to you.

KATE—[_Uneasily._] So you know about that—well, and what would you
fellows do with them—read them to see how clever they are?

JAMES—No, we have the clever ones.

KATE—Mine?

JOHN _and_ HENRY—[_Nodding._] Exactly.

KATE—Oh!

JOHN—You suffer?

KATE—From time to time—there’s always a reaction.

HENRY—That’s vulgar, isn’t it?

KATE—Not unusually.

JOHN—The letters?

KATE—[_To herself._] Well, there is malice in me—what of it? We’ve all
been a while with the dogs, we don’t all learn to bark.

JOHN—Ah ha.

KATE—See here, what will you do with your father’s letters?

HENRY—Destroy them, perhaps.

KATE—And if I give them to you—will your father be as generous with
mine?

HENRY—Father is undoubtedly a gentleman—even at this moment.

KATE—Well, we shall see about that—first tell me how you live.

JOHN—We go down on the earth and find things, tear them up, shaking the
dirt off. [_Making motions to illustrate._] Then there are the cows to
be milked, the horses—a few—to be fed, shod and curried—do you wish me
to continue?

KATE—Yes, yes, go on.

HENRY—[_Taking the tale up._] We get up at dawn, and our father turns
over in bed and whispers: “If you meet anyone, say nothing; if you are
asked a question, look stupid——”

KATE—I believe you.

JAMES—And he says: “Go about your work as if you had neither sight,
speech nor hearing——”

KATE—Yes——

JOHN—And he adds: “If you should meet a woman in the road——”

KATE—[_Excited._] Then what?

HENRY—That’s enough. Then of a Sunday we watch the people going to
church, when we hear the “Amen,” we lift a little and sit back—and then
again——

KATE—Religion?

HENRY—Enough for our simple needs.

KATE—Poor sheep!

JAMES—Wise sheep!

KATE—What! Well perhaps. No one is any longer sure of anything. Then
what?

JOHN—When we come home he says: “What have you seen and heard today?” He
never asks, “What have you said?”

KATE—He trusts you?

JOHN—Undoubtedly. Sometimes we say, “We saw a hawk flying,” or, “A
badger passed,” and sometimes we bring him the best treat of all——

KATE—Well?

JOHN—Something dead.

KATE—Dead?

HENRY—Anything that has destroyed the crops—a mole—a field-mouse.

KATE—And never anything that’s harmless?

JOHN—Never.

KATE—Well, see here, I’ll give you those letters. Suddenly my heart says
to me, “Kate, give the oxen the rope, they won’t run away.”—Isn’t it so?
Very well, I put my hand on a certain package and all is over—I’m about
to be married, you know. [_She has risen and gone over to a little box
standing on the desk. Out from this she takes a package of letters tied
with a red ribbon. She turns and walks straight up to_ JOHN.] I’ll give
them to you. You are the youngest, the gentlest, and you have the nicest
hands. [_She sits down, breathing with difficulty._]

JOHN—[_Putting them into his blouse._] Thank you, Kate Morley.

KATE—Now, tell me about everything. How is that mother of yours? I
remember her—she was on the stage—she danced as they say, and she sang.
She had a pet monkey—fed it honey out of a jar kept full by her
admirers: grooms, stage hands, what not——

HENRY—Yes, and she used to draw pictures of it in the style of
Dürer—almost morbid—and later it caught a disease and died——

KATE—I don’t doubt it—and she, she had an under-lip like a balloon—and
your father kissed that mouth, was even tempted——

JAMES—My father often saw beyond the flesh.

KATE—Kissed such a creature!

HENRY—At such times she was beautiful.

KATE—[_With a touch of humility._] Yes, I’m sorry—I remember. Once I
passed her, and instead of saying something, something horrible—she
might—she looked down.

JOHN—She was beautiful, looking down.

KATE—[_Angry._] And I, I suppose I wasn’t beautiful to look at——

HENRY—No, I suppose not, that is, not for her.

KATE—[_Viciously._] Well, let me tell you, you haven’t inherited her
beauty. Look at your hands—thick, hard, ugly—and the life lines in them
like the life lines in the hands of every laborer digging sewers——

JOHN—There’s something in that, but they are just beginning.

KATE—[_Turning on them._] Look at you! You’re ugly, and clumsy, and
uncouth. You grunt and roar, you wear abominable clothes—and you have no
manners—and all because of your father, your mighty righteous and
original father. You don’t have to be like this. You needn’t have little
pigs’ eyes with bleached lashes, and thick hanging lips—and noses—but I
suppose you’ve got adenoids, and you may suffer from the fact that your
mother had a rupture, and in all probability you have the beginning of
ulcers of the stomach, for God knows your father couldn’t keep a meal
down like a gentleman!

HENRY—He _was_ delicate.

KATE—And why was he delicate? He called himself “The little Father,” as
one might say, “The great Emperor.” Well, to have a father to whom you
can go and say, “All is not as it should be”—that would have been
everything. But what could you say to him, and what had he to say to
you? Oh, we all have our pathetic moments of being at our best, but he
wasn’t satisfied with that, he wanted to be at it all the time. And the
result, the life of a mole. “Listen and say nothing.” Then he becomes
the gentleman farmer because he discovers he cannot be the Beloved Fool.
Suddenly he is the father of three creatures for all the world like
Russian peasants—without an idea, a subtlety—it’s wicked, that’s all,
wicked—and as for that, how do you know but that all three of you had a
different mother? Why, great God, I might be the mother of one of you!

JOHN—[_Significantly._] So I believe, madam.

KATE—[_Unheeding._] Do you think a man like your father had any right to
bring such children as you into the world—three columns of flesh without
one of the five senses! [_She suddenly buries her head in her hands._]

JOHN—[_Gently._] You loved our father.

HENRY—And you also had your pot of honey——

KATE—Thank God I had no ideals—I had a religion.

JOHN—Just what?

KATE—You wouldn’t understand.

HENRY—Shoes to the needy?

KATE—No, I’m not that kind, vicious boy.

JOHN—Are you quite certain?

KATE—I’ll admit all my candles are not burning for God. Well, then, blow
them out, still I’ll have a light burning somewhere, for all your great
breaths, you oxen!

HENRY—You were never a tower builded of ivory——

KATE—You’re too stupid to be bitter—your voices are too
undeveloped—you’d say “love” and “hate” the same way.

JAMES—True, we have been shut away from intonations.

KATE—You wouldn’t even wish to die.

JOHN—We shall learn.

KATE—Why bother?

John—[_Abruptly rising._] You have posed for the madonna?

KATE—Every woman has.

JOHN—You have done it better than most.

KATE—What do you mean?

JOHN—I looked at it when I came in. [_He picks up the photograph._]

KATE—Let it be—I was playing in the “Crown of Thorns,” an amateur
theatrical.

JOHN—Yes, I presumed it was amateur——

JAMES—You were a devoted mother?

KATE—I have no virtues.

HENRY—And vices?

KATE—Weak in one, weak in the other.

JOHN—However, the baby had nice hands——

KATE—[_Looking at him._] That is true.

JAMES—But then babies only use their hands to lift the breast, and
occasionally to stroke the cheek——

KATE—Or throw them up in despair—not a heavy career.

JOHN—And then?

KATE—[_In an entirely new tone._] Won’t you have tea?— But no, pay no
attention to me, that’s another of my nasty malicious tricks. Curse
life!

HENRY—Your life is drawing to a close.

JAMES—And from time to time you place your finger on a line of Nietzsche
or Schopenhauer, wondering: “How did he say it all in two lines?” Eh?

KATE—As you say, [_She looks at them slowly, one by one._] You are
strange things. [_Coming back._] But at least I’ve given up
something—look at your mother, what did she give up for your father—a
drunken husband——

JAMES—A drunken lover—that’s different.

KATE—I can’t help thinking of that great gross stomach of hers.

JAMES—Gross indeed, it won’t trouble him any more.

KATE—What’s that?

JOHN—He cut his throat with a knife——

KATE—Oh, my God! [_Pause._] How did he look?

JOHN—You can’t satisfy your æsthetic sense that way—he looked—well,
ugly, played out; yes, played out. Everything had been too much for
him—you—us—you could see that in the way he——

KATE—[_In a whisper._] Well, that’s strange—everything seems—I knew him,
you know. [_She begins to laugh._] And the dogs barked?

JAMES—So I believe.

KATE—[_Dazed._] And you, what are you three going to do?

HENRY—We are coming out of the country—we are going abroad—we can listen
there.

KATE—Abroad—listen—what are you saying?

HENRY—There are great men abroad.

JAMES—Anatole France, De Gourmont——

KATE—De Gourmont is dead.

JOHN—There will be others.

KATE—[_Still dully._] And how did you come to know such names—oh, your
father, of course——

JOHN—We needed them.

KATE—Strange, I’ve been prepared for every hour but this——

JAMES—Yet I dare say you’ve never cried out.

KATE—You are mistaken. I’ve cried: “To the evil of mind all is evil——”

HENRY—Ah ha, and what happened?

KATE—Sometimes I found myself on my knees——

JAMES—And sometimes?

KATE—That’s enough, haven’t we about cleared all the shavings out of the
carpenter shop?

HENRY—You at least will never kill yourself.

KATE—Not likely, I’ll probably die in bed with my slippers on—you see, I
have a pretty foot.

HENRY—We understand—you are about to be married.

KATE—To a supreme court judge—so I’m cleaning house.

JOHN—[_Standing with the photograph._] But it won’t be quite cleared out
until this goes. [_He takes it out of the frame and turning it over_
_reads._] “Little John, God bless him.” [_He turns it back._] God bless
him. Well, just for that I’d like to keep it.

KATE—That’s my affair.

JOHN—So I see. [_He puts the photo in his blouse with the letters._]

KATE—Well, perhaps—well, you’re not so stupid after all—— Come, for the
madonna give me back the letters—I’ll burn them I swear, and you can put
the madonna at the foot of the bed.

JOHN—I shan’t put it at the foot of the bed—I don’t look at the foot of
the bed——

HENRY _and_ JAMES—[_Rising._] And now we shall go.

KATE—[_Her hands to her head._] But, gentlemen, gentlemen——

HENRY—We won’t need to bother you again. We are leaving the country and
going elsewhere—and there was only one of us to whom you might have
shown a little generosity—in other words we do not wish to be reminded,
and now we can forget, and in time become quite hilarious——

KATE—But, gentlemen, gentlemen, not this way——

JOHN—Well? [_Quite suddenly he takes her in his arms, raises her face
and kisses her on the mouth._]

KATE—[_Crying out._] Not that way! Not that way!

JAMES—That’s the way you bore him!

                   [_The curtain drops behind them._]

                               THE VALET

The fields about Louis-Georges’ house grew green in early Spring,
leaving the surrounding country in melancholy grey, for Louis-Georges
was the only man who sowed his ground to rye.

Louis-Georges was of small stature. His face was oblong, too pale. A dry
mouth lay crookedly beneath a nose ending in a slight bulb. His long
animal-like arms swung half a rhythm ahead of his legs.

He prided himself on his farming, though he knew nothing about it. He
surveyed the tender coming green with kindly good nature, his acres were
always a month ahead of his neighbours’.

Sometimes standing in the doorway, breathing through the thick hair in
his nostrils, stretching his gloves, he would look at the low-lying
sheds and the stables and the dull brown patches of ploughed earth, and
mutter, “Splendid, splendid!”

Finally he would stroll in among the cattle where, in dizzy circles,
large coloured flies swayed, emitting a soft insistent drone, like
taffeta rubbed against taffeta.

He liked to think that he knew a great deal about horses. He would look
solemnly at the trainer and discuss length of neck, thinness and shape
of flank by the hour, stroking the hocks of his pet racer. Sometimes he
would say to Vera Sovna: “There’s more real breeding in the rump of a
mare than in all the crowned heads of England.”

Sometimes he and Vera Sovna would play in the hay, and about the grain
bins. She in her long flounces, leaping in and out, screaming and
laughing, stamping her high heels, setting up a great commotion among
her ruffles.

Once Louis-Georges caught a rat, bare-handed, and with such skill that
it could not bite. He disguised his pride in showing it to her by
pretending that he had done so to inform her of the rodent menace to
Winter grain.

Vera Sovna was a tall creature with thin shoulders; she was always
shrugging them as if her shoulder-blades were heavy. She dressed in
black and laughed a good deal in a very high key.

She had been a great friend of Louis-Georges’ mother, but since her
death she had fallen into disrepute. It was hinted that she was
“something” to Louis-Georges; and when the townsfolk and neighbouring
landholders saw her enter the house they would not content themselves
until they saw her leave it.

If she came out holding her skirts crookedly above her thin ankles, they
would find the roofs of their mouths in sudden disapproval, while if she
walked slowly, dragging her dress, they would say: “See what a dust Vera
Sovna brings up in the driveway; she stamps as if she were a mare.”

If she knew anything of this feeling, she never showed it. She would
drive through the town and turn neither to right nor left until she
passed the markets with their bright yellow gourds and squashes, their
rosy apples and their splendid tomatoes, exhaling an odour of decaying
sunlight. On the rare occasions when Louis-Georges accompanied her, she
would cross her legs at the knee, leaning forward, pointing a finger at
him, shaking her head, laughing.

Sometimes she would go into the maids’ quarters to play with Leah’s
child, a little creature with weak legs and neck, who always thrust out
his stomach for her to pat.

The maids, Berthe and Leah, were well-built complacent women with serene
blue eyes, quite far apart, and good mouths in which fine teeth grew
gratefully and upon whom round ample busts flourished like plants. They
went about their work singing or chewing long green salad leaves.

In her youth Leah had done something for which she prayed at intervals.
Her memory was always taking her hastily away to kneel before the gaudy
wax Christ that hung on a beam in the barn. Resting her head against the
boards she would lift her work-worn hands, bosom-high, sighing, praying,
murmuring.

Or she would help Berthe with the milking, throwing her thick ankles
under the cow’s udders, bringing down a sudden fury of milk, shining and
splashing over her big clean knuckles, saying quietly, evenly:

“I think we will have rain before dawn.”

And her sister would answer: “Yes, before dawn.”

Leah would spend hours in the garden, her little one crawling after her,
leaving childish smears on the dusty leaves of the growing corn, digging
his hands into the vegetable tops, falling and pretending to have fallen
on purpose; grinning up at the sun foolishly until his eyes watered.

These two women and Louis-Georges’ valet, Vanka, made up the household,
saving occasional visits from Louis-Georges’ aunts, Myra and Ella.

This man Vanka was a mixture of Russian and Jew. He bit his nails,
talked of the revolution, moved clumsily.

His clothes fitted him badly, he pomaded his hair, which was reddish
yellow, pulled out the short hairs that tormented his throat, and from
beneath his white brows distributed a kindly intelligent look. The most
painful thing about him was his attempt to seem alert, his effort to
keep pace with his master.

Louis-Georges would say, “Well now, Vanka, what did they do to you in
Russia when you were a boy?”

“They shot my brother for a red,” Vanka would answer, pulling the hairs.
“They threw him into prison, and my sister took him his food. One day
our father was also arrested, then she took two dinner pails instead of
one. Once she heard a noise, it sounded like a shot, and our father
returned her one of the pails. They say he looked up at her like a man
who is gazed at over the shoulder.” He had told the tale often, adding:
“My sister became almost bald later on, yet she was a handsome woman;
the students used to come to her chambers to hear her talk.”

At such times Louis-Georges would excuse himself and shut himself up to
write, in a large and scrawling hand, letters to his aunts with some of
Vanka’s phrases in them.

Sometimes Vera Sovna would come in to watch him, lifting her ruffles,
raising her brows. Too, she would turn and look for a long time at Vanka
who returned her look with cold persistence, the way of a man who is
afraid, who does not approve, and yet who likes.

She would stand with her back to the fireplace, her high heels a little
apart, tapping the stretched silk of her skirt, saying:

“You will ruin your eyes,” adding: “Vanka, won’t you stop him?”

She seldom got answers to her remarks. Louis-Georges would continue,
grunting at her, to be sure, and smiling, but never lifting his eyes:
and as for Vanka he would stand there, catching the sheets of paper as
they were finished.

Finally Louis-Georges would push back his chair, saying: “Come, we will
have tea.”

In the end he fell into a slow illness. It attacked his limbs, he was
forced to walk with a cane. He complained of his heart, but he persisted
in going out to look at the horses, to the barn to amuse Vera Sovna,
swaying a little as he watched the slow-circling flies, sniffing the
pleasant odours of cow’s milk and dung.

He still had plans for the haying season, for his crops, but he gave
them over to his farm hands, who, left to themselves, wandered aimlessly
home at odd hours.

About six months later he took to his bed.

His aunts came, testing with their withered noses the smell of decaying
wood and paregoric, whispering that “he never used to get like this.”

Raising their ample shoulders to ease the little black velvet straps
that sunk into their flesh, they sat on either side of his bed.

They looked at each other in a pitifully surprised way. They had never
seen illness, and death but once—a suicide, and this they understood:
one has impulses, but not maladies.

They were afraid of meeting Vera Sovna. Their position was a difficult
one; having been on friendly terms while Louis-Georges’ mother lived,
they had nevertheless to maintain a certain dignity and reserve when the
very townsfolk had turned against her. Therefore they left her an hour
in the evening to herself. She would come creeping in, saying:

“Oh, my dear,” telling him long unheard stories about a week she had
spent in London. A curious week, full of near adventure, with amusing
tales of hotel keepers, nobility. And sometimes leaning close to him,
that he might hear, he saw that she was weeping.

But in spite of this and of his illness and the new quality in the air,
Vera Sovna was strangely gay.

During this illness the two girls served as nurses, changing the sheets,
turning him over, rubbing him with alcohol, bringing him his soup,
crossing themselves.

Vanka stood long hours by the bedside coughing. Sometimes he would fall
off into sleep, at others he would try to talk of the revolution.

Vera Sovna had taken to dining in the kitchen, a long bare room that
pleased her. From the window one could see the orchards and the pump and
the long slope down to the edge of the meadow. And the room was pleasant
to look upon. The table, like the earth itself, was simple and abundant.
It might have been a meadow that Leah and Berthe browsed in,
red-cheeked, gaining health, strength.

Great hams, smoked fowl with oddly taut legs hung from the beams, and
under these the girls moved as if there were some bond between them.

They accepted Vera Sovna’s company cheerfully, uncomplainingly, and when
she went away they cleared up her crumbs, thinking and talking of other
things, forgetting.

Nothing suffered on account of his illness. The household matters went
smoothly, the crops ripened, the haying season passed, and the sod in
the orchards sounded with the thud of ripe falling fruit. Louis-Georges
suffered alone, detached, as if he had never been. Even about Vera Sovna
there was a strange quiet brilliancy, the brilliancy of one who is about
to receive something. She caressed the medicine bottles, tended the
flowers.

Leah and Berthe were unperturbed, except from overwork; the face of
Vanka alone changed.

He bore the expression at once of a man in pain and of a man who is
about to come into peace. The flickering light in Louis-Georges’ face
cast its shadow on that of his valet.

Myra and Ella became gradually excited. They kept brushing imaginary
specks of dust from their shoulders and bodices, sending each other in
to observe him. They comforted themselves looking at him, pretending
each to the other that he was quite improved. It was not so much that
they were sorry to have him die, as it was that they were not prepared
to have him die.

When the doctor arrived they shifted their burden of worry. They bought
medicine with great relish, hurriedly. Finally to lessen the torment
they closed their eyes as they sat on either side of his bed, picturing
him already dead, laid out, hands crossed, that they might gain comfort
upon opening them, to find him still alive.

When they knew that he was really dying they could not keep from
touching him. They tried to cover him up in those parts that exposed too
plainly his illness: the thin throat, the damp pulsing spot in the neck.
They fondled his hands, driving doctor and nurse into a passion.

At last, in desperation, Myra knelt by his bed, touched his face,
stroked his cheeks, trying to break the monotonous calm of approaching
death.

Death did not seem to be anywhere in him saving in his face ... it
seemed to Myra that to drive it from his eyes would mean life. It was
then that she and her sister were locked out, to wander up and down the
hall, afraid to speak, afraid to weep, unless by that much they might
hasten his death.

When he finally died, they had the problem of Vera Sovna.

But they soon forgot her, trying to follow the orders left by the dead
man. Louis-Georges had been very careful to see to it that things should
go on growing; he had given many orders, planned new seasons, talked of
“next year,” knowing that he would not be there.

The hens cackled with splendid performances, the stables resounded with
the good spirits of the horses, the fields were all but shedding their
very life on the earth as Vanka moved noiselessly about, folding the
dead man’s clothes.

When the undertaker arrived Vanka would not let him touch the body. He
washed and dressed it to suit himself. It was he who laid Louis-Georges
in the shiny coffin, it was he who arranged the flowers, and he who
finally left the room on the flat of his whole noisy feet for the first
time in years. He went to his own room overlooking the garden.

He paced the room. It seemed to him that he had left something undone.
He had loved service and order; he did not know that he also loved
Louis-Georges, who made service necessary and order desirable.

This distressed him, he rubbed his hands, holding them close to his
mouth, as if by the sound of one hand passing over the other he might
learn some secret in the stoppage of sound.

Leah had made a scene, he thought of that. A small enough scene,
considering. She had brought her baby in, dropping him beside the body,
giving the flat-voiced: “Now you can play with him a minute.”

He had not interfered, the child had been too frightened to disturb the
cold excellence of Louis-Georges’ arrangement, and Leah had gone out
soon enough in stolid silence. He could hear them descending the steps,
her heavy slow tread followed by the quick uneven movements of the
child.

Vanka could hear the rustling of the trees in the garden, the call of an
owl from the barn; one of the mares whinnied and, stamping, fell off
into silence.

He opened the window. He thought he caught the sound of feet on the
pebbles that bordered the hydrangea bushes; a faint perfume, such as the
flounces of Vera Sovna exhaled, came to him. Irritated, he turned away,
when he heard her calling.

“Vanka, come, my foot is caught in the vine.”

Her face, with wide hanging lips, came above the sill, and the same
moment she jumped into the room.

They stood looking at each other. They had never been alone together
before. He did not know what to do.

She was a little dishevelled, twigs from the shrubbery clung to the
black flounces of her gown. She raised her thin shoulders once, twice,
and sighed.

She reached out her arm, whispering:

“Vanka.”

He moved away from her, staring at her.

“Vanka,” she repeated, and came close, leaning a little on him.

In a voice of command, she said simply, “You must tell me something.”

“I will tell you,” he answered, automatically.

“See, look at your hands——” She kissed them suddenly, dropping her wet
lips into the middle of the palms, making him start and shiver.

“Look at these eyes—ah, fortunate man,” she continued, “most fortunate
Vanka; he would let you touch him, close, near the heart, the skin. You
could know what he looked like, how he stood, how his ankle went into
his foot.” He ceased to hear her.

“And his shoulders, how they set. You dressed and undressed him, knew
him, all of him, for many years—you see, you understand? Tell me, tell
me what he was like!”

He turned to her. “I will tell you,” he said, “if you are still, if you
will sit down, if you are quiet.”

She sat down with another sigh, with a touch of her old gaiety; she
raised her eyes, watching him.

“His arms were too long, you could tell that—but beautiful, and his back
was thin, tapering—full of breeding——”

                              TO THE DOGS

  PERSONS:      │
    HELENA      │
  HUCKSTEPPE    │
    GHEID STORM—│_Her neighbour_

  TIME—_Late afternoon_.

  PLACE—_In the mountains of Cornwall-on-Hudson—the_ HUCKSTEPPE _house_.

  SCENE—_The inner room of the_ HUCKSTEPPE _cottage_.

_To the left, in the back wall, a large window overlooks a garden. Right
centre, a door leads off into a bedroom, and from the bedroom one may
see the woods of the mountain. The door is slightly open, showing a
glimpse of a tall mirror and the polished pole of a bed._

_In the right wall there is a fireplace._

_A dog lies across the threshold, asleep, head on paws._

_About this room there is perhaps just a little too much of a certain
kind of frail beauty of object. Crystal glasses, scent bottles, bowls of
an almost too perfect design, furniture that is too antiquely
beautiful._

HELENA HUCKSTEPPE, _a woman of about thirty-five, stands almost back
view to the audience, one arm lying along the mantel. She is rather
under medium in height. Her hair, which is dark and curling, is done
carefully about a small fine head. She is dressed in a dark, long gown,
a gown almost too faithful to the singular sadness of her body._

_At about the same moment as the curtain’s rising_, GHEID STORM _vaults
the window-sill. He is a man of few years, a well-to-do man of property,
brought up very carefully by upright women, the son of a conscientious
physician, the kind of man who commutes with an almost religious
fervour, and who keeps his wife and his lawns in the best possible trim,
without any particular personal pleasure._

GHEID _is tall, but much too honourable to be jaunty, he is decidedly
masculine. He walks deliberately, getting all the use possible out of
his boot-leather, his belt-strap and hat-bands._

_His face is one of those which, for fear of misuse, has not been used
at all._

HELENA HUCKSTEPPE _does not appear to be in the least astonished at his
mode of entrance._

GHEID STORM—As you never let me in at the door, I thought of the window.
[HELENA _remains silent_.] I hope I did not startle you. [_Pause._]
Women are better calm, that is, some kinds of calm——

HELENA—Yes?

GHEID—[_Noticing the dog, which has not stirred._] You’ve got funny
dogs, they don’t even bark. [_Pause._] I expected you’d set them on me;
however, perhaps that will come later——

HELENA—Perhaps.

STORM—Are you always going to treat me like this? For days I’ve watched
you walking with your dogs of an evening—that little black bullpup, and
then those three setters—you’ve fine ways with you Helena Hucksteppe,
though there are many tales of how you came by them——

HELENA—Yes?

STORM—Yes. [_Pause._] You know, you surprise me.

HELENA—Why? Because I do not set my dogs on you?

STORM—Something like that.

HELENA—I respect my dogs.

STORM—What does that mean?

HELENA—Had I a daughter, would I set her on every man?

STORM—[_Trying to laugh._] That’s meant for an insult, isn’t it? Well, I
like the little insulting women——

HELENA—You are a man of taste.

STORM—I respect you.

HELENA—What kind of a feeling is that?

STORM—A gentleman’s——

HELENA—I see.

STORM—People say of you: “She has a great many ways——”

HELENA—Yes?

STORM—[_Sitting on the edge of the table._] “But none of them simple.”

HELENA—Do they?

STORM—[_Without attempting to hide his admiration._] I’ve watched your
back: “There goes a fine woman, a fine silent woman; she wears long
skirts, but she knows how to move her feet without kicking up a dust—a
woman who can do that, drives a man mad.” In town there’s a story that
you come through once every Spring, driving a different man ahead of you
with a riding whip; another has it, that you come in the night——

HELENA—In other words, the starved women of the town are beginning to
eat.

STORM—[_Pause._] Well [_laughs_] I like you.

HELENA—I do not enjoy the spectacle of men ascending.

STORM—What are you trying to say?

HELENA—I’m saying it.

STORM—[_After an awkward pause._] Do—you wish me to—go away?

HELENA—You will go.

STORM—Why won’t you let me talk to you?

HELENA—Any man may accomplish anything he’s capable of.

STORM—Do you know how I feel about you?

HELENA—Perfectly.

STORM—I have heard many things about your—your past—— I believe none of
them——

HELENA—Quite right, why should you mix trades?

STORM—What do you mean by that?

HELENA—Why confuse incapability with accomplishment——

STORM—It’s strange to see a woman like you turning to the merely
bitter——

HELENA—I began beyond bitterness.

STORM—Why do you treat me this way?

HELENA—How would you have me treat you?

STORM—There was one night when you seemed to know, have you forgotten? A
storm was coming up, the clouds were rolling overhead—and you, you
yourself started it. You kissed me.

HELENA—You say it was about to storm?

STORM—Yes.

HELENA—It even looked like rain?

STORM—Yes.

HELENA—[_Quickly in a different voice._] It was a dark night, and I
ended it.

STORM—What have I done?

HELENA—You have neglected to make any beginning in the world—can I help
that?

STORM—I offer you a clean heart.

HELENA—Things which have known only one state, do not interest me.

STORM—Helena!

HELENA—Gheid Storm.

STORM—I have a son; I don’t know why I should tell you about him,
perhaps because I want to prove that I have lived, and perhaps not. My
son is a child, I am a man of few years and my son is like what I was at
his age. He is thin, I was thin; he is quiet, I was quiet; he has
delicate flesh, and I had also—well, then his mother died——

HELENA—The saddle comes down from the horse.

STORM—Well, she died——

HELENA—And that’s over.

STORM—Well, there it is, I have a son——

HELENA—And that’s not over. Do you resent that?

STORM—I don’t know, perhaps. Sometimes I say to myself when I’m sitting
by the fire alone—“You should have something to think of while sitting
here——”

HELENA—In other words, you’re living for the sake of your fire.

STORM—[_To himself._] Some day I shall be glad I knew you.

HELENA—You go rather fast.

STORM—Yes, I shall have you to think of.

HELENA—When the fire is hot, you’ll be glad to think of me?

STORM—Yes, all of us like to have a few things to tell to our children,
and I have always shown all that’s in my heart to my son.

HELENA—How horrible!

STORM—[_Startled._] Why?

HELENA—Would you show everything that made your heart?

STORM—I believe in frankness——

HELENA—[_With something like anger._] Well, some day your son will blow
his head off, to be rid of frankness, before his skin is tough.

STORM—You are not making anything easier.

HELENA—I’ve never been callous enough to make things easier.

STORM—You’re a queer woman——

HELENA—Yes, that does describe me.

STORM—[_Taking his leg off the table._] Do you really want to know why I
came? Because I need you——

HELENA—I’m not interested in corruption for the many.

STORM—[_Starting as if he had been struck._] By God!

HELENA—Nor in misplaced satisfactions——

STORM—By God, what a woman!

HELENA—Nor do I participate in liberations——

STORM—[_In a low voice._] I could hate you!

HELENA—I limit no man, feel what you can.

STORM—[_Taking a step toward her, the dog lifts its head._] If it were
not for those damned dogs of yours—I’d—I’d——

HELENA—Aristocracy of movement never made a dog bite——

STORM—That’s a—strange thing to say—just at this moment.

HELENA—Not for me.

STORM—[_Sulky._] Well, anyway, a cat may look at a King——

HELENA—Oh no, a cat may only look at what it sees.

STORM—Helena Hucksteppe.

HELENA—Yes.

STORM—I’m—attracted—to you.

HELENA—A magnet does not attract shavings.

STORM—[_With positive conviction._] I _could_ hate you.

HELENA—I choose my enemies.

STORM—[_Without warning, seizing her._] By God, at least I can kiss you!
[_He kisses her full on the mouth—she makes no resistance._]

HELENA—[_In a calm voice._] And this, I suppose, is what you call the
“great moment of human contact.”

STORM—[_Dropping his arms—turning pale._] What are you trying to do to
me?

HELENA—I’m doing it.

STORM—[_To himself._] Yet it was you that I wanted——

HELENA—Mongrels may not dig up buried treasure.

STORM—[_In a sudden rage._] You can bury your past as deep as you like,
but carrion will out!

HELENA—[_Softly._] And this is love.

STORM—[_His head in his arms._] Oh, God, God!

HELENA—And you who like the taste of new things, come to me?

STORM—[_In a lost voice._] Shall I have no joy?

HELENA—Joy? Oh, yes, of a kind.

STORM—And you—are angry with me?

HELENA—In the study of science, is the scientist angry when the fly
possesses no amusing phenomena?

STORM—I wanted—to know—you——

HELENA—I am conscious of your failure.

STORM—I wanted something—some sign——

HELENA—Must I, who have spent my whole life in being myself, go out of
my way to change some look in you?

STORM—That’s why you are so terrible, you have spent all your life on
yourself.

HELENA—Yes, men do resent that in women.

STORM—Yes, I suppose so. [_Pause._] I should have liked to talk
of—myself——

HELENA—You see I could not listen.

STORM—You are—intolerant.

HELENA—No—occupied——

STORM—You are probably—playing a game.

HELENA—[_With a gracious smile._] You will get some personal good out of
it, won’t you?

STORM—I’m uncomfortable——

HELENA—Uncomfortable!

STORM—[_Beginning to be really uncomfortable._] Who _are_ you?

HELENA—I am a woman, Gheid Storm, who is _not_ in need.

STORM—You’re horrible!

HELENA—Yes, that too.

STORM—But somewhere you’re vulnerable.

HELENA—Perhaps.

STORM—Only I don’t quite know the spot.

HELENA—Spot?

STORM—Something, somewhere, hidden——

HELENA—Hidden! [_She laughs._] _All_ of me is vulnerable.

STORM—[_Setting his teeth._] You tempt me.

HELENA—[_Wearily._] It’s not that kind.

STORM—I’ve lain awake thinking of you—many nights.

HELENA—That is too bad.

STORM—What is too bad?

HELENA—That you have had—fancies.

STORM—Why?

HELENA—Theft of much, makes much to return——

STORM—The world allows a man his own thoughts.

HELENA—Oh, no——

STORM—At least my thoughts are my own.

HELENA—Not one, so far.

STORM—What does that mean?

HELENA—You’ll know when you try to think them again.

STORM—You mean I’m not making headway—well, you’re right, I’m not——

HELENA—Now tell me what brought you through the window.

STORM—[_Relieved._] I’m glad you ask that, it’s the first human thing
that’s happened this afternoon.

HELENA—You have forgotten our great moment of human contact.

STORM—[_Nervously._] Well——

HELENA—You were about to tell me what brought you?

STORM—I don’t know—something no one speaks of—some great ease in your
back—the look of a great lover——

HELENA—So—you scented a great lover——

STORM—I am a man—and I love——

HELENA—What have you done for love, Gheid Storm?

STORM—I’ve—never gone to the dogs——

HELENA—So?

STORM—I’ve always respected women.

HELENA—In other words: taken the coals out of the fire with the
poker—continue——

STORM—That’s all.

HELENA—And you dared to come to me! [_Her entire manner has changed._]

STORM—No matter what you’ve been—done—I love you.

HELENA—Do not come so near. Only those who have helped to make such
death as mine may go a little way toward the ardours of that decay.

STORM—What have I done?

HELENA—You have dared to bring to a woman, who has known love, the
whinny of a pauper.

STORM—What am I?

HELENA—[_Softly, to herself._] How sensitively the handles cling to the
vase, how delicate is the flesh between the fingers.

STORM—I—I don’t know you.

HELENA—[_Dropping her hands to her sides._] Come here, Gheid
Storm—[_Gheid approaches slowly, like a sleep walker_]. Put your hand on
me. [_He does so as if in a dream._] So! [_She looks first at his hand,
then into his face, making it quite plain that he does not even know how
to touch a woman._] Yet you would be my lover, knowing not one touch
that is mine, nor one word that is mine. My house is for men who have
done their stumbling.

STORM—[_In an inaudible voice._] I am going now——

HELENA—I cannot touch new things, nor see beginnings.

STORM—Helena! Helena!

HELENA—Do not call my name. There are too many names that must be called
before mine.

STORM—Shall I die, and never have known you?

HELENA—Death, for you, will begin where my cradle started rocking——

STORM—Shall I have no love like yours?

HELENA—When I am an old woman, thinking of other things, you will,
perhaps, be kissing a woman like me——

STORM—[_Moving blindly toward the door._] Now I am going.

HELENA—[_In a quiet, level voice._] The fall is almost here.

STORM—Yes, it’s almost here.

HELENA—The leaves on the mountain road are turning yellow.

STORM—Yes, the leaves are turning.

HELENA—It’s late, your son will be waiting dinner for you.

STORM—Don’t take everything away.

HELENA—You will not even recall having seen me.

STORM—Can memory be taken too?

HELENA—Only that memory that goes past recollection may be kept.

STORM—[_At the door._] Good night——

HELENA—[_Smiling._] There is the window.

STORM—I could not lift my legs now.

HELENA—That’s a memory you may keep.

STORM—Good night.

HELENA—Good-bye, Gheid Storm, and as you go down the hill, will you lock
the gate, a dog thief passed in the night, taking my terrier with him.

STORM—The one with the brown spots?

HELENA—Yes.

STORM—That was a fine dog.

HELENA—Yes, she was a fine dog—restless.

STORM—They say any dog will follow any man who carries aniseed.

HELENA—Well, soon I return to the city.

STORM—You look tired.

HELENA—Yes, I am tired.

[_Gheid exits. Helena takes her old position, her back almost square to
the audience._]

                                CURTAIN

                             BEYOND THE END

Behind two spanking horses, in the heat of noon, rode Julie Anspacher.
The air was full of the sound of windlasses and well water, where, from
cool abysses, heavy buckets arose; and, too, the air was full of the
perfect odour of small flowers. And Julie turned her head, gazing at the
familiar line of road that ran away into the still more familiar
distance.

The driver, a Scandinavian, who remembered one folk-tale involving a
partridge and one popular song involving a woman, sat stiffly on his box
holding the reins gently over the shining and sleek backs of the two
mares.

He began to whistle the popular song now, swinging a little on his
sturdy base, and drifting back with his tune came the tang of horse
skin, wet beneath tight leather.

The horses were taking the hill, straining and moving their ears, and
reaching the top, bounded forward in a whirl of dust. Still sitting
rigid, the driver clucked, snapping his whip, and began talking in a dry
deep bass.

“It’s some time since we have seen you, Mrs. Anspacher.”

Julie raised her thin long face from her collar and nodded.

“Yes,” she answered in a short voice, and frowned.

“Your husband has gathered in the corn already, and the orchards are
hanging heavy.”

“Are they?” she said, and tried to remember how many trees there were of
apple and of pear.

The driver took in another foot of reins, and turning slightly around,
so that he could look at her, said:

“It’s good to see you again, Mrs. Anspacher.”

She began to laugh. “Is it?” then with deliberation checked herself, and
fixed her angry eyes straight ahead of her.

The child, loose-limbed with excessive youth, who sat at her side,
lifted a small sharp face on which an aquiline nose perched with comic
boldness. She half held, half dropped an old-fashioned ermine muff, the
tails of which stuck out in all directions. She looked unhappy and
expectant.

“You remember Mrs. Berling?” he went on. “She is married again.”

“Is she?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He began to tell her about the local office for outgoing mails, where a
nephew of her husband, Paytor, had taken a job.

The child sat so still that it was painful and Julie Anspacher moved
away, thinking aloud:

“All is corruption.”

The child started, and looked quickly away, as children will at
something that they expect but do not understand. The driver beat the
horses, until long lines of heavy froth appeared at the edges of the
harness.

“What did you say, ma’am?”

“Nothing—I said all is lost from the beginning—if we only saw
it—always.”

The child looked at her slowly, puzzled, and looked down.

“Ann,” said Julie Anspacher, suddenly lifting the muff over her hands,
“did you ever see two such big horses before?” The child turned its head
with brightness, and bending down tried to see between the driver’s
arms. Then she smiled.

“Are they yours?” she whispered.

Julie Anspacher took in a deep breath, stretching the silk of her waist
across her breasts. “No,” she answered, “they are not mine, but we have
two—bigger—blacker.”

“Can I see them?”

“Oh, yes, you shall see them. Don’t be ridiculous.”

The child shrank back into herself, clutching nervously at her muff.
Julie Anspacher returned to her reflections.

It was almost five years since she had been home. Five years before in
just such an Autumn the doctors had given her six months to live. One
lung gone and the other going. They called it sometimes the White Death,
and, sometimes, the love disease. She coughed a little, remembering, and
the child at her side coughed too in echo, and the driver, puckering his
forehead, reflected that Mrs. Anspacher was not cured.

She was thirty-nine—she should have died at thirty-four. In those five
years Paytor had seen her five times, coming in over fourteen hours of
the rails at Christmas. He cursed the doctors, called them fools.

The house appeared dull white between the locust trees, and the smoke,
the same lazy Autumn smoke, rose in a still column straight into the
obliterating day.

The driver reined in the horses until their foaming jaws struck against
their harness, and with a quick bound Julie Anspacher jumped the side of
the cart, the short modish tails of her jacket dancing above her hips.
She turned around and thrusting her black gloved hands under the child,
lifted her out. A dog barked. She began walking the ascent toward the
house.

A maid, in dust cap, put her head out of an upstairs window, clucked,
drew it in and slammed the sash, and Paytor, with slow and deliberate
steps, moved toward the figure of his wife and the child.

He was a man of middle height, with a close-cropped beard that ended in
a grey wedge on his chin. He was sturdy, a strong man, almost too
pompous, but with kindly blue eyes and a long thin mouth. As he walked
he threw his knees out, which gave him a rocking though substantial
gait. He was slightly surprised and raised the apricot-coloured veil
that covered the keen newness of her face, and leaning down kissed her
twice upon both cheeks.

“And where does the child come from?” he inquired, touching the little
girl’s chin.

“Come along, don’t be ridiculous!” Julie said impatiently, and swept on
toward the house.

He ran after her. “I’m glad to see you,” he went on, warmly, trying to
keep up with her rapid strides, that swung the child half off the
ground, stumbling, trotting.

“Tell me what the doctors said—cured?”

There was a note of happiness in his voice. “Not that I really give a
damn what they think, I always told you you would live to a ripe old
age, as they say. What did they do to Marie Bashkirtseff? Locked her up
in a dark room, shut all the windows—and of course she died—that was
their method then—and now it’s Koch’s tuberculin—all nonsense.”

“It worked well with some people,” she said, going ahead of him into the
living room. “There was one boy there—well—of that later. Will you have
someone put Ann to bed—the trip was bad for her. See how sleepy the
child is—run along, Ann,” she added, pushing her slightly but kindly
toward the maid. Then when they had disappeared, she stood looking about
her, drawing off her gloves.

“I’m glad you took down the crystals—I always hated them.”—She moved to
the windows.

“I didn’t, the roof fell in—just after my last visit in December. You’re
looking splendid, Julie.” He coloured. “I’m glad, you know—awfully glad.
I began to think—well, not that the doctors know anything,” he said,
laughing: “but it’s a drop here of about fifteen hundred feet, but your
heart is good—always was.”

“What do you know about my heart, Paytor?” Julie said, angrily. “You
don’t know what you are talking about at all. The child——”

“Well, yes——?”

“Her name is Ann,” she finished sulkily.

“It’s a sweet name—it was your mother’s, too. Whose is she?”

“Oh, good heavens!” Julie cried, moving around the room. “Mine, mine,
mine, of course, whose would she be if not mine?”

He looked at her. “Yours—why, Julie—how absurd!” Slowly the colour left
his face.

“I know—we have got to talk it over—it’s all got to be arranged, it’s
terrible. But she is nice, a bright child, a good child.”

“What in the world is all this about?” he demanded, stopping in front of
her. “What are you in this mood for—what have I done?”

“Good heavens! What have you done? What a ridiculous man you are. Why
nothing, of course, absolutely nothing!” She waved her arm. “That’s not
it—why do you bring yourself in? I’m not blaming you, I’m not asking to
be forgiven. I’ve been down on my knees, I’ve beaten my head on the
ground, abased myself, but,” she said in a terrible voice, “it is not
low enough, the ground is not low enough, to bend is not enough; to ask
forgiveness is not enough, to receive it is nothing. There isn’t the
right kind of misery in the world for me to suffer, nor the right kind
of pity for you to feel, there isn’t the right word in the world to heal
me up. It’s good to forgive, to be forgiven, but that’s for ordinary
things. This is beyond that—it’s something you can experience but never
feel—there are not enough nerves, blood cells, flesh—to feel it. You
suffer insufficiently; it’s like drinking insufficiently, sleeping
insufficiently. I’m not asking anything because there is nothing that I
can receive—how primitive to be able to receive——”

“But, Julie——”

“It’s not that,” she said roughly, tears swimming in her eyes. “Of
course I love you. But think of it, a danger to everyone excepting those
like yourself. Curious, involved in a problem affecting only a small per
cent of humanity, sick, frightened, filled with fever and lust
perhaps—with nothing, nothing coming after, whatever you do, but
death—then you go on—it goes on—then the child—and life probably, for a
time.”

“Well——”

“I couldn’t tell you. I thought, ‘Well, I’ll die next month,’ and
finally I didn’t want to go off—although I did, you know what I mean.
Then her father died—they say her lungs are weak—death, death
perpetuating itself, that’s funny you see—and the doctors——” She swung
around: “You’re right—they lied, and I lived through—all the way—all the
way!”

He turned his face from her.

“The real thing,” she went on in a pained voice, “is to turn our torment
toward the perfect design. I didn’t want to go beyond you—that was not
my purpose. I thought there was not to be any more me. I wanted to leave
nothing behind but you, only you. You must believe this or I can’t bear
it—and still,” she continued, walking around the room impatiently,
“there was a somehow hysterical joy in it too. I thought, if you had
real perception, that ‘something’ that we must possess, that must be at
the bottom of us somewhere—or there wouldn’t be such an almost sensuous
desire for it, that ‘something’ that, at times, is so near us that it
becomes obscene, well, I thought, if Paytor has this—and mind you, I
knew all the time that you didn’t have it—that you would understand. And
when you had been gone a long time I said, ‘Paytor understands’—and I
would say to myself—‘Now, at this moment—at ten-thirty precisely, if I
could be with Paytor he would say “I see,”’ but so soon as I had the
time table in my hand I knew that there was no such feeling in your
bosom—nothing at all.”

“Don’t you feel horror?” he asked in a loud voice, suddenly.

“No, I don’t feel horror—horror is conflict—and I have none—I’m alien to
life.”

“Have you a religion, Julie?” he asked, still in the same loud voice, as
if he were addressing someone a little raised, yet invisible, as one
tries to see a choir.

“I don’t know—I don’t think so. I’ve tried to believe in something
external, something that might envelop this and carry it beyond—that’s
what we demand of our faiths, isn’t it? But I always return to a fixed
notion that there is something more fitting than a possible release.”

He put his hands to his head. “You know,” he said, “I’ve always thought
that a woman, because she can have children, ought to know the truth—the
very fact that she can do something so really preposterous ought to make
her equally capable of the other preposterous thing—well——”

She coughed, her handkerchief before her face—she laughed with
brightness. “One learns to be careful about death—but never, never
about——” She didn’t finish but stared before her.

“Why did you bring the child here—why did you return at all then—after
so long a time—it seems all so mixed up?”

“I don’t know—— Perhaps because there is a right and a wrong, and a good
and an evil. I had to find out—and if there’s such a thing as
everlasting mercy—I want to find out about that also—there’s a flavour
of unfamiliar intimacy about it all, though, this Christian treatment——”
She had a way of lifting up the side of her face, closing her eyes. “I
thought—Paytor may know.”

“Know what?”

“Will know—well, will be able to divide me against myself—— Personally I
don’t feel divided—I seem to be a sane and balanced whole—a hopelessly
mixed, but perfect design. So I said Paytor will be able to see where
this divides and departs. Though all the time I never for a moment felt
that there was a system working on a this for that basis, but that there
was only this _and_ that—in other words—I wanted to be set wrong.... You
understand?”

“And you yourself,” he inquired, in the same loud voice, “cannot feel
the war? Well, then, what about me?—you must realize what you have
done—turned everything upside down—oh, I won’t even say betrayed me—it’s
much less than that, what most of us do, we betray circumstances—well, I
can’t do anything for you,” he said sharply. “I can’t do anything at
all—I’m sorry, I’m very sorry—but there it is”—he began to grimace and
twitch his shoulders.

“The child has it too,” Julie Anspacher said, looking up at him. “I
shall die soon.—It’s ridiculous,” she added, with the tears streaming
down her face. “You are strong, always were—and so were all your family
before you—not one of them in their graves under ninety—it’s all
wrong—it’s quite ridiculous.”

“I don’t know. Perhaps it’s not ridiculous. One must be very careful not
to come, too hastily, to a conclusion.” He began searching for his pipe.
“Only you know yourself, Julie, how I torment myself, if it’s a big
enough thing, for days, weeks, years; and the reason is, the real reason
is, that I come to my conclusions instantly, and then fight to destroy
them.” He seemed to Julie a little pompous now. “It’s because first I’m
human, and second, logical. Well, I don’t know—perhaps I’ll be able to
tell you something later—give you a beginning at least—later——” He
twitched his shoulders and went out, closing the door after him. She
heard him climbing the familiar creaking stairs, the yellow painted
stairs that led up into the roof—she heard him strike a match—then
silence.

The dark had begun, closing in about bushes and barn, and filling the
air with moist joyousness, the joyousness of autumn that trusts itself
to the darkness, and Julie leaned on her hand by the shelf and listened.

She could hear, far away and faint, the sound of dogs on heavy chains.
She tried to stop, listening to the outside, but her thoughts rotted
away like clouds in a wind.

The sense of tears came to her, but it was only a sentimental memory of
her early childhood, and it brought a smile to her long face. She had
cried once when they made her kiss a dead priest—“Qui habitare facit
sterilem—matrem filiorum laetantem”—then “Gloria Patri—” and she had
wept then, or thought she had, because he was not only beyond glory and
all mercy, but beyond the dubious comfort of the feeling.

She heard Paytor walking above, and the smoke of his pipe crept down
between loose boards and uneven plaster and laths.

She went—quite mechanically—over to a chest in one corner, and opened
the lid. A shirt waist, of striped taffeta, one she had worn years
before, some old Spanish lace—her mother’s—the child——

Paytor did not seem to like the child—“How ridiculous!” she thought.
“She is good, quiet, gentle—but that’s not enough now.” She removed her
hat. Living with Paytor and the child—Paytor so strong,—always was, and
so was his family—and she sickly, coughing. Perhaps she had made a
mistake in coming back. She went toward the steps to tell this to Paytor
but thought better of it. That wasn’t what she wanted to say.

The hours drew out and Julie Anspacher, sitting now at the window
overlooking the garden—nodded without sleep—long dreams—grotesque and
abominable—stupid irrelevances dull and interminable. Somewhere little
Ann coughed in her sleep. Julie Anspacher coughed also, and in between,
the sound of Paytor walking up and down, and the smell of tobacco
growing stronger.

To take her own life, that was right, if only she had not the habit of
fighting death—“but death is past knowing, and to know is better than to
make right——” She shook her head. “That’s another detour on the wrong
side,” she told herself. “If only I had the power to feel pain as
unbearable, a gust of passion, of impatience, and all would be over—but
I’ve stood so much so long, there is no too long.” She thought what she
would not give for any kind of feeling, anything that was vital and
sudden and determining. “If Paytor will have patience I will get around
to it.”

Then it seemed that something must happen, must inevitably happen.

“If I could only think of the right word before it happens,” she said to
herself, over and over, and over. “It’s because I’m cold and I can’t
think, I’ll think soon——” She would take her jacket off, put on her
coat——

She got up, running her hand along the wall. Or had she left it on the
chair? “I can’t think of the word,” she said to keep her mind on
something.

She turned around. All his family—long lives. “And me too, me too,” she
murmured. She became dizzy. “It is because I must get on my knees—but it
isn’t low enough.” She contradicted herself. “Yet if I put my head
down—way down—down——”

Then she heard the shot. “He has quick warm blood” went through her
mind—and her blood was cold.

Her forehead had not quite touched the boards, now she touched them, but
she got up immediately, stumbling over her dress.

                                PASTORAL

          A frog leaps out across the lawn,
          And crouches there—all heavy and alone,
          And like a blossom, pale and over-blown,
          Once more the moon turns dim against the dawn.

          Crawling across the straggling panoply
          Of little roses, only half in bloom,
          It strides within that beamed and lofty room
          Where an ebon stallion looms upon the hay.

          The stillness moves, and seems to grow immense,
          A shuddering dog starts, dragging at its chain,
          Thin, dusty rats slink down within the grain,
          And in the vale the first far bells commence.

          Here in the dawn, with mournful doomèd eyes
          A cow uprises, moving out to bear
          A soft-lipped calf with swarthy birth-swirled hair,
          And wide wet mouth, and droll uncertainties.

          The grey fowls fight for places in the sun,
          The mushrooms flare, and pass like painted fans:
          All the world is patient in its plans—
          The seasons move forever, one on one.

          Small birds lie sprawling vaguely in the heat,
          And wanly pluck at shadows on their breasts,
          And where the heavy grape-vine leans and rests,
          White butterflies lift up their furry feet.

          The wheat grows querulous with unseen cats;
          A fox strides out in anger through the corn,
          Bidding each acre wake and rise to mourn
          Beneath its sharps and through its throaty flats.

          And so it is, and will be year on year,
          Time in and out of date, and still on time
          A billion grapes plunge bleeding into wine
          And bursting, fall like music on the ear.

          The snail that marks the girth of night with slime,
          The lonely adder hissing in the fern,
          The lizard with its ochre eyes aburn—
          Each is before, and each behind its time.

                                 OSCAR

Before the house rose two stately pine trees, and all about small firs
and hemlocks. The garden path struggled up to the porch between wild
flowers and weeds, and looming against its ancient bulk the shadows of
out-houses and barns.

It stood among the hills, and just below around a curve in the road, lay
the placid grey reservoir.

Sometimes parties would cross the fields, walking slowly toward the
mountains. And sometimes children could be heard murmuring in the
underbrush of things they scarcely knew.

Strange things had happened in this country town. Murder, theft, and
little girls found weeping, and silent morose boys scowling along in the
ragweed, with half-shut sunburned eyelids.

The place was wild, deserted and impossible in Winter. In Summer it was
over-run with artists and town folk with wives and babies. Every
Saturday there were fairs on the green, where second-hand articles were
sold for a song, and flirting was formidable and passing. There were
picnics, mountain climbings, speeches in the townhall, on the mark of
the beast, on sin, and democracy, and once in a while a lecture on
something that “everyone should know,” attended by mothers, their
offspring left with servants who knew what everyone shouldn’t.

Then there were movies, bare legs, deacons, misses in cascades of curls
and on Sunday one could listen to Mr. Widdie, the clergyman, who
suffered from consumption, speak on love of one’s neighbour.

In this house and in this town had lived, for some fifteen years or so,
Emma Gonsberg.

She was a little creature, lively, smiling, extremely good-natured. She
had been married twice, divorced once, and was now a widow still in her
thirties.

Of her two husbands she seldom said anything. Once she made the remark:
“Only fancy, they never did catch on to me at all.”

She tried to be fashionable, did her hair in the Venetian style, wore
gowns after the manner of Lady de Bath entering her carriage; and tried
to cultivate only those who could tell her “where she stood.”

Her son Oscar was fourteen or thereabouts. He wore distinctly
over-decorative English clothes, and remembered two words of some
obscure Indian dialect that seemed to mean “fleas,” for whenever he
flung these words defiantly at visitors they would go off into peals of
laughter, headed by his mother. At such times he would lower his eyes
and show a row of too heavy teeth.

Emma Gonsberg loved flowers, but could not grow them. She admired cats
because there was “nothing servile about them,” but they would not stay
with her; and though she loved horses and longed to be one of those
daring women who could handle them “without being crushed in the
stalls,” they nevertheless ignored her with calm indifference. Of her
loves, passions and efforts, she had managed to raise a few ill-smelling
pheasants, and had to let it go at that.

In the Winter she led a lonely and discriminating life. In the Summer
her house filled with mixed characters, as one might say. A hot
melancholy Jew, an officer who was always upon the point of depreciating
his medals in a conceited voice, and one other who swore inoffensively.

Finally she had given this sort of thing up, partly because she had
managed, soon after, to get herself entangled with a man called Ulric
Straussmann. A tall rough fellow, who said he came from the Tyrol; a
fellow without sensibilities but with a certain bitter sensuality. A
good-natured creature as far as he went, with vivid streaks of German
lust, which had at once something sentimental and something careless
about it; the type who can turn the country, with a single gesture, into
a brothel, and makes of children strong enemies. He showed no little
audacity in putting things into people’s minds that he would not do
himself.

He smelled very strongly of horses, and was proud of it. He pretended a
fondness for all that goes under hide or hair, but a collie bitch, known
for her gentleness, snapped at him and bit him. He invariably carried a
leather thong, braided at the base for a handle, and would stand for
hours talking, with his legs apart, whirling this contrived whip, and,
looking out of the corner of his eyes would pull his moustache, waiting
to see which of the ladies would draw her feet in.

He talked in a rather even, slightly nasal tone, wetting his lips with a
long outthrust of tongue, like an animal. His teeth were splendid and
his tongue unusually red, and he prided himself on these and on the
calves of his legs. They were large, muscular and rather handsome.

He liked to boast that there was nothing that he could not do and be
forgiven, because, as he expressed it, “I have always left people
satisfied.” If it were hate or if it were love, he seemed to have come
off with unusual success. “Most people are puny,” he would add, “while I
am large, strong, healthy. Solid flesh through and through,” whereat he
would pound his chest and smile.

He was new to the town and sufficiently insolent to attract attention.
There was also something childishly naïve in him, as there is in all
tall and robust men who talk about themselves. This probably saved him,
because when he was drinking he often became gross and insulting, but he
soon put the women of the party in a good humour by giving one of them a
hearty and good-natured slap on the rear that she was not likely to
forget.

Besides this man Emma had a few old friends of the less interesting,
though better-read, type. Among them, however, was an exception, Oliver
Kahn, a married man with several children one heard of and never saw. A
strange, quiet man who was always talking. He had splendid eyes and a
poor mouth—very full lips. In the beginning one surmised that he had
been quite an adventurer. He had an odour about him of the rather recent
cult of the “terribly good.” He seemed to have been unkind to his family
in some way, and was spending the rest of his life in a passion of
regret and remorse. He had become one of those guests who are only
missed when absent. He finally stayed for good, sleeping in an ante-room
with his boots on,—his one royal habit.

In the beginning Emma had liked him tremendously. He was at once gentle
and furious, but of late, just prior to the Straussmann affair, he had
begun to irritate her. She thought to herself, “He is going mad, that’s
all.” She was angry at herself for saying “that’s all,” as if she had
expected something different, more momentous.

He had enormous appetites, he ate like a Porthos and drank like a
Pantagruel, and talked hour after hour about the same thing, “Love of
one’s neighbour,” and spent his spare time in standing with his hands
behind him, in front of the pheasants’ cage. He had been a snipe hunter
in his time, and once went on a big game hunt, but now he said he saw
something more significant here.

He had, like all good sportsmen, even shot himself through the hand, but
of late he pretended that he did not remember what the scar came from.

He seemed to suffer a good deal. Evil went deep and good went deep and
he suffered the tortures of the damned. He wept and laughed and ate and
drank and slept, and year by year his eyes grew sweeter, tenderer, and
his mouth fuller, more gross.

The child Oscar did not like Kahn, yet sometimes he would become
extraordinarily excited, talk very fast, almost banteringly, a little
malignly, and once when Kahn had taken his hand he drew it away angrily.
“Don’t,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because it is dirty,” he retorted maliciously.

“As if you really knew of what I was thinking,” Kahn said, and put his
own hands behind him.

Emma liked Kahn, was attached to him. He mentioned her faults without
regret or reproval, and this in itself was a divine sort of love.

He would remark: “We cannot be just because we are bewildered; we ought
to be proud enough to welcome our enemies as judges, but we hate, and to
hate is the act of the incurious. I love with an everlasting but a
changing love, because I know I am the wrong sort of man to be good—and
because I revere the shadow on the threshold.”

“What shadow, Kahn?”

“In one man we called it Christ—it is energy; for most of us it is dead,
a phantom. If you have it you _are_ Christ, and if you have only a
little of it you are but the promise of the Messiah.”

These seemed great words, and she looked at him with a little admiring
smile.

“You make me uneasy for fear that I have not said ‘I love you with an
everlasting love,’ often enough to make it an act of fanaticism.”

As for Oscar, he did what he liked, which gave him character, but made
him difficult to live with.

He was not one of those “weedy” youths, long of leg, and stringy like
“jerked beef, thank God!” as his mother said to visitors. He was rather
too full-grown, thick of calf and hip and rather heavy of feature. His
hands and feet were not out of proportion as is usually the case with
children of his age, but they were too old looking.

He did not smoke surreptitiously. On the contrary he had taken out a
pipe one day in front of his mother, and filling it, smoked in silence,
not even with a frightened air, and for that matter not even with a
particularly bold air;—he did it quite simply, as something he had
finally decided to do, and Emma Gonsberg had gone off to Kahn with it,
in a rather helpless manner.

Most children swing in circles about a room, clumsily. Oscar on the
contrary walked into the four corners placidly and officially, looked at
the backs of the books here and a picture there, and even grunted
approvingly at one or two in quite a mature manner.

He had a sweetheart, and about her and his treatment of her there were
only a few of the usual signs—he was shy, and passionately immersed in
her, there was little of the casual smartness of first calf love about
it, though he did in truth wave her off with a grin if he was
questioned.

He took himself with seriousness amounting to a lack of humour—and
though he himself knew that he was a youth, and had the earmarks of
adolescence about him—and know it he certainly did—once he said, “Well,
what of it—is that any reason why I should not be serious about
everything?” This remark had so astonished his mother that she had
immediately sent for Kahn to know if he thought the child was
precocious—and Kahn had answered, “If he were, I should be better
pleased.”

“But what is one to expect?”

“Children,” he answered, “are never what they are supposed to be, and
they never have been. He may be old for his age, but what child hasn’t
been?”

In the meantime, she tried to bring Straussmann and Kahn together—“My
house is all at odds,” she thought, but these two never hit it off.
Straussmann always appeared dreadfully superficial and cynical, and Kahn
dull and good about nothing.

“They have both got abnormal appetites,” she thought wearily. She
listened to them trying to talk together of an evening on the piazza
steps. Kahn was saying:

“You must, however, warn yourself, in fact I might say arm yourself,
against any sensation of pleasure in doing good; this is very difficult,
I know, but it can be attained. You can give and forgive and tolerate
gently and, as one might say, casually, until it’s a second nature.”

“There you have it, tolerate—who wants tolerance, or a second nature?
Well, let us drop it. I feel like a child—it’s difficult not to feel
like a child.”

“Like Oscar—he has transports—even at his age,” Emma added hesitatingly.
“Perhaps that’s not quite as it should be?”

“The memory of growing up is worse than the fear of death,” Kahn
remarked, and Emma sighed.

“I don’t know; the country was made for children, they say—I could tell
you a story about that,” Straussmann broke off, whistling to Oscar.
“Shall I tell Oscar about the country—and what it is really like?” he
asked Emma, turning his head.

“Let the boy alone.”

“Why, over there in that small village,” Straussmann went on, taking
Oscar by the arm. “It is a pretty tale I could tell you—perhaps I will
when you are older—but don’t let your mother persuade you that the
country is a nice, healthful, clean place, because, my child, it’s
corrupt.”

“Will you let the boy alone!” Emma cried, turning very red.

“Ah, eh—I’ll let him alone right enough—but it won’t make much
difference—you’ll see,” he went on. “There is a great deal told to
children that they should not hear, I’ll admit, but there wasn’t a thing
I didn’t know when I was ten. It happened one day in a hotel in
Southampton—a dark place, gloomy, smelling frightfully of mildew, the
walls were damp and stained. A strange place, eh, to learn the delights
of love, but then our parents seldom dwell on the delights,—they are too
taken up with the sordid details, the mere sordid details. My father had
a great beard, and I remember thinking that it would have been better if
he hadn’t said such things. I wasn’t much good afterwards for five or
six years, but my sister was different. She enjoyed it immensely and
forgot all about it almost immediately, excepting when I reminded her.”

“Go to bed, Oscar,” Emma said abruptly.

He went, and on going up the steps he did not let his fingers trail
along the spindles of the banisters with his usual “Eeny meeny miny mo,”
etc.

Emma was a little troubled and watched him going up silently, hardly
moving his arms.

“Children should be treated very carefully, they should know as much as
possible, but in a less superficial form than they must know later.”

“I think a child is born corrupt and attains to decency,” Straussmann
said grinning.

“If you please,” Emma cried gaily, “we will talk about things we
understand.”

Kahn smiled. “It’s beautiful, really beautiful,” he said, meaning her
gaiety. He always said complimentary things about her lightness of
spirit, and always in an angry voice.

“Come, come, you are going mad. What’s the good of that?” she said,
abruptly, thinking, “He is a man who discovered himself once too often.”

“You are wrong, Emma, I am not worthy of madness.”

“Don’t be on your guard, Kahn,” she retorted.

Oscar appeared before her suddenly, barefoot. She stared at him. “What
is it?” she at last managed to ask in a faint almost suffocated voice.

“I want to kiss you,” he whispered.

She moved toward him slowly, when, half way, he hurried toward her,
seized her hand, kissed it, and went back into the house.

“My God,” she cried out. “He is beginning to think for himself,” and ran
in after him.

She remembered how she had talked to him the night before, only the
night before. “You must love with an everlasting but a changing love,”
and he became restless. “With an everlasting but a changing love.”

“What do you mean by ‘changing’?” His palms were moist, and his feet
twitched.

“A love that takes in every detail, every element—that can understand
without hating, without distinction, I think.”

“Why do you say, ‘I think’?”

“I mean, I know,” she answered, confused.

“Get that Kahn out, he’s a rascal,” he said, abruptly, grinning.

“What are you saying, Oscar?” she demanded, turning cold. “I’ll never
come to your bed again, take your hands and say ‘Our Father.’”

“It will be all right if you send that man packing,” he said, stressing
the word “packing.”

She was very angry, and half started toward the door. Then she turned
back. “Why do you say that, Oscar?”

“Because he makes you nervous—well, then—because he crouches”; he saw by
his mother’s face that she was annoyed, puzzled, and he turned red to
his ears. “I don’t mean that, I mean he isn’t good; he’s just watching
for something good to happen, to take place——” His voice trailed off,
and he raised his eyes solemn and full of tears to her face. She leaned
down and kissed him, tucking him in like a “little boy.”

“But I’m not a little boy,” he called out to her.

And tonight she did not come down until she thought Kahn and Straussmann
had gone.

Kahn had disappeared, but Straussmann had taken a turn or two about the
place and was standing in the shadow of the stoop when she came out.

“Come,” he said. “What is it that you want?”

“I think it’s religion,” she answered abruptly. “But it’s probably
love.”

“Let us take a walk,” he suggested.

They turned in toward the shadows of the great still mountains and the
denser, more arrogant shadows of the out-houses and barns. She looked
away into the silence, and the night, and a warm sensation as of
pleasure or of something expected but intangible came over her, and she
wanted to laugh, to cry, and thinking of it she knew that it was
neither.

She was almost unconscious of him for a little, thinking of her son. She
raised her long silk skirts about her ankles and tramped off into the
dampness. A whippoorwill was whistling off to the right. It sounded as
if he were on the fence, and Emma stopped and tried to make it out. She
took Ulric’s arm presently, and feeling his muscles swell began to think
of the Bible. “Those who take by the sword shall die by the sword. And
those who live by the flesh shall die by the flesh.”

She wished that she had someone she could believe in. She saw a door
before her mental eye, and herself opening it and saying, “Now tell me
this, and what it means,—only today I was thinking ‘those who live by
the flesh’”—and as suddenly the door was slammed in her face. She
started back.

“You are nervous,” he said in a pleased whisper.

Heavy stagnant shadows sprawled in the path. “So many million leaves and
twigs to make one dark shadow,” she said, and was sorry because it
sounded childishly romantic, quite different from what she had intended,
what she had meant.

They turned the corner of the carriage-house. Something moved, a toad,
grey and ugly, bounced across her feet and into the darkness of the
hedges. Coming to the entrance of the barn they paused. They could
distinguish sleeping hens, the white films moving on their eyes—and
through a window at the back, steam rising from the dung heap.

“There don’t seem to be any real farmers left,” she said aloud, thinking
of some book she had read about the troubles of the peasants and
landholders.

“You’re thinking of my country,” he said smiling.

“No, I wasn’t,” she said. “I was wondering what it is about the country
that makes it seem so terrible?”

“It’s your being a Puritan—a tight-laced delightful little Puritan.”

She winced at the words, and decided to remain silent.

It was true, Straussmann was in a fever of excitement—he was always this
way with women, especially with Emma. He tried to conceal it for the
time being, thinking, rightly, that a display of it would not please her
just at the moment—“but it would be only a matter of minutes when she
would welcome it,” he promised himself, and waited.

He reflected that she would laugh at him. “But she would enjoy it just
the same. The way with all women who have had anything to do with more
than one man and are not yet forty,” he reflected. “They like what they
get, but they laugh at you, and know you are lying——”

“Oh, my God!” Emma said suddenly, drawing her arm away and wiping her
face with her handkerchief.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, it’s the heat.”

“It is warm,” he said dismally.

“I despise everything, I really despise everything, but you won’t
believe—— I mean everything when I say everything—you’ll think I mean
some one thing—won’t you?” she went on hurriedly. She felt that she was
becoming hysterical.

“It doesn’t matter,” he rejoined, walking on beside her, his heart
beating violently. “Down, you dog,” he said aloud.

“What is that?” She raised her eyes and he looked into them, and they
both smiled.

“That’s better. I wish I were God.”

“A desire for a vocation.”

“Not true, and horrid, as usual,” she answered, and she was hot and
angry all at once.

He pulled at his moustache and sniffed. “I can smell the hedges—ah, the
country is a gay deceiver—it smells pleasant enough, but it’s
treacherous. The country, my dear Emma, has done more to corrupt man, to
drag him down, to turn him loose upon his lower instincts, than
morphine, alcohol and women. That’s why I like it, that’s why it’s the
perfect place for women. They are devils and should be driven out, and
as there’s more room in the country and consequently less likelihood of
driving them out in too much of a hurry, there is more time for
amusement.” He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he said these
things to note if they were ill advised. They seemed to leave her cold,
but tense.

A little later they passed the barns again.

“What was that?” Emma asked suddenly.

“I heard nothing.”

But she had heard something, and her heart beat fearfully. She
recognized Oscar’s voice. She reached up signing Straussmann to be
quiet. She did not want him to hear; she wished that the ground would
yawn, would swallow him up.

“See that yellow flower down there,” she said, pointing toward the end
of the path they had just come. “I want it, I must have it, please.” He
did as he was bid, amiably enough.

She listened—she heard the voice of Oscar’s little sweetheart:

“It seems as if we were one already.”... It was high, resolute,
unflagging, without emotion, a childish parroting of some novel. Oscar’s
voice came back, half smothered:

“Do you really care—more than you like Berkeley?”

“Yes, I do,” she answered in the same false treble, “lots more.”

“Come here,” he said softly—the hay rustled.

“I don’t want to—the rye gets into my hair and spoils it.”

“Dolly, do you like the country?”

“Yes, I do,”—without conviction.

“We will go to the city,” he answered.

“Oh, Oscar, you’re so strong,” she giggled, and it sent a cold shudder
through Emma’s being.

Then presently, “What’s the matter, Oscar—why, you’re crying.”

“I’m not—well, then yes, I am—what of it?—you’ll understand, too, some
day.”

She was evidently frightened, because she said in a somewhat loosened
key, “No one would ever believe that we were as much in love as we are,
would they, Oscar?”

“No, why do you ask that?”

“It’s a great pity,” she said again with the false sound, and sighed.

“Do you care? Why do you care?”

Straussmann was coming back with the yellow flower between thumb and
forefinger. Emma ran a little way to meet him.

“Come, let us go home the other way.”

“Rather, let us not go home,” he said, boldly, and took her wrist,
hurting her.

“Ah,” she said. “Vous m’avez blessée d’amour”—ironically.

“Yes, speak French, it helps women like you at such moments,” he said,
brutally, and kissed her.

But kissing him back, she thought, “The fool, why does Oscar take her so
seriously when they are both children, and she is torturing him.”

“My love, my sweet, my little love,” he was babbling.

She tried to quench this, trembling a little. “But tell me, my
friend—no, not so hasty—what do you think of immortality?” He had pushed
her so far back that there was no regaining her composure. “My God, in
other words, what of the will to retribution!”

But she could not go on. “I’ve tried to,” she thought.

Later, when the dawn was almost upon them, he said: “How sad to be
drunk, only to die. For the end of all man is Fate, in other words, the
end of all man is vulgar.”

She felt the need of something that had not been.

“I’m not God, you see, after all.”

“So I see, madam,” he said. “But you’re a damned clever little woman.”

When she came in, she found Kahn lying flat on his back, his eyes wide
open.

“Couldn’t you sleep?”

“No, I could not sleep.”

She was angry. “I’m sorry—you suffer.”

“Yes, a little.”

“Kahn,” she cried in anguish, flinging herself on her knees beside him.
“What should I have done, what shall I do?”

He put his hand on her cheek. “My dear, my dear,” he said, and sighed.
“I perhaps was wrong.”

She listened.

“Very wrong, I see it all now; I am an evil man, an old and an evil
being.”

“No, no!”

“Yes, yes,” he said gently, softly, contradicting her. “Yes, evil, and
pitiful, and weak”; he seemed to be trying to remember something. “What
is it that I have overlooked?” He asked the question in such a confused
voice that she was startled.

“Is it hate?” she asked.

“I guess so, yes, I guess that’s it.”

“Kahn, try to think—there must be something else.”

“Madness.”

She began to shiver.

“Are you cold?”

“No, it’s not cold.”

“No, it’s not cold,” he repeated after her. “You are not cold, Emma, you
are a child.”

Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Yes,” he continued sadly. “You too will hear: remorse is the medium
through which the evil spirit takes possession.”

And again he cried out in anguish. “But I’m _not_ superficial—I may have
been wanton, but I’ve not been superficial. I wanted to give up
everything, to abandon myself to whatever IT demanded, to do whatever IT
directed and willed. But the terrible thing is I don’t know what abandon
is. I don’t know when it’s abandon and when it’s just a case of minor
calculation.

“The real abandon is not to know whether one throws oneself off a cliff
or not, and not to care. But I can’t do it, because I must know, because
I’m afraid if I did cast myself off, I should find that I had thrown
myself off the lesser thing after all, and that,” he said in a horrified
voice, “I could never outlive, I could never have faith again. And so it
is that I shall never know, Emma; only children and the naïve know, and
I am too sophisticated to accomplish the divine descent.”

“But you must tell me,” she said, hurriedly. “What am I to do, what am I
to think? My whole future depends on that, on your answer—on knowing
whether I do an injustice not to hate, not to strike, not to kill—well,
you must tell me—I swear it is my life—my entire life.”

“Don’t ask me, I can’t know, I can’t tell. I who could not lead one
small sheep, what could I do with a soul, and what still more could I do
with you? No,” he continued, “I’m so incapable. I am so mystified. Death
would be a release, but it wouldn’t settle anything. It never settles
anything, it simply wipes the slate, it’s merely a way of putting the
sum out of mind, yet I wish I might die. How do I know now but that
everything I have thought, and said, and done, has not been false, a
little abyss from which I shall crawl laughing at the evil of my own
limitation.”

“But the child—what have I been telling Oscar—to love with an
everlasting love——”

“That’s true,” he said.

“Kahn, listen. What have I done to him, what have I done to myself?
What are we all doing here—are we all mad—or are we merely
excited—overwrought, hysterical? I must know, I must know.” She took
his hand and he felt her tears upon it.

“Kahn, is it an everlasting but a changing love—what kind of love is
that?”

“Perhaps that’s it,” he cried, jumping up, and with a gesture tore his
shirt open at the throat. “Look, I want you to see, I run upon the world
with a bared breast—but never find the blade—ah, the civility of our own
damnation—that’s the horror. A few years ago, surely this could not have
happened. Do you know,” he said, turning his eyes all hot and burning
upon her, “the most terrible thing in the world is to bare the breast
and never to feel the blade enter!” He buried his face in his hands.

“But, Kahn, you must think, you must give me an answer. All this
indecision is all very well for us, for all of us who are too old to
change, for all of us who can reach God through some plaything we have
used as a symbol, but there’s my son, what is he to think, to feel, he
has no jester’s stick to shake, nor stool to stand on. Am I responsible
for him? Why,” she cried frantically, “must I be responsible for him? I
tell you I won’t be, I can’t. I won’t take it upon myself. But I have, I
have. Is there something that can make me immune to my own blood? Tell
me—I must wipe the slate—the fingers are driving me mad—can’t he stand
alone now? Oh, Kahn, Kahn!” she cried, kissing his hands. “See, I kiss
your hands, I am doing so much. You must be the prophet—you can’t do
less for the sign I give you—I must know, I must receive an answer, I
_will_ receive it.”

He shook her off suddenly, a look of fear came into his eyes.

“Are you trying to frighten me?” he whispered. She went into the hall,
into the dark, and did not know why, or understand anything. Her mind
was on fire, and it was consuming things that were strange and merciful
and precious.

Finally she went into her son’s room and stood before his bed. He lay
with one feverish cheek against a dirty hand, his knees drawn up; his
mouth had a peculiar look of surprise about it.

She bent down, called to him, not knowing what she was doing. “Wrong,
wrong,” she whispered, and she shook him by the shoulders. “Listen,
Oscar, get up. Listen to me!”

He awoke and cried out as one of her tears, forgotten, cold, struck
against his cheek. An ague shook his limbs. She brought her face close
to his.

“Son, hate too, that is inevitable—irrevocable——”

He put out his two hands and pushed them against her breast and in a
subdued voice said, “Go away, go away,” and he looked as if he were
about to cry, but he did not cry.

She turned and fled into the hall.

However, in the morning, at breakfast, there was nothing unusual about
her, but a tired softness and yielding of spirit; and at dinner, which
was always late, she felt only a weary indifference when she saw
Straussmann coming up the walk. He had a red and white handkerchief
about his throat, and she thought, “How comic he looks.”

“Good evening,” he said.

“Good evening,” she answered, and a touch of her old gaiety came into
her voice. Kahn was already seated, and now she motioned Straussmann to
follow. She began slicing the cold potted beef and asked them about
sugar in their tea, adding, “Oscar will be here soon.” To Kahn she
showed only a very little trace of coldness, of indecision.

“No,” Straussmann said, still standing, legs apart: “If you’ll excuse
me, I’d like a word or two with Kahn.” They stepped off the porch
together.

“Kahn,” he said, going directly to the point, “listen,” he took hold of
Kahn’s coat by the lapel. “You have known Emma longer than I have,
you’ve got to break it to her.” He flourished a large key under Kahn’s
nose, as he spoke.

“I’ve got him locked up in the out-house safe enough for the present,
but we must do something immediately.”

“What’s the matter?” A strange, pleasant but cold sweat broke out upon
Kahn’s forehead.

“I found Oscar sitting beside the body of his sweetheart,
what’s-her-name; he had cut her throat with a kitchen knife, yes, with a
kitchen knife—he seemed calm, but he would say nothing. What shall we
do?”

“They’ll say he was a degenerate from the start——”

“Those who live by the flesh—eh?”

“No,” Kahn said, in a confused voice, “that’s not it.”

They stood and stared at each other so long that presently Emma grew
nervous and came down the garden path to hear what it was all about.

                                ANTIQUE

                A lady in a cowl of lawn
                With straight bound tabs and muted eyes,
                And lips fair thin and deftly drawn
                    And oddly wise.

                A cameo, a ruff of lace,
                A neck cut square with corners laid;
                A thin Greek nose and near the face
                    A polished braid.

                Low, sideways looped, of amber stain
                The pale ears caught within its snare.
                A profile like a dagger lain
                    Between the hair.

                          KATRINA SILVERSTAFF

“We have eaten a great deal, my friend, against the day of God.”

She was a fine woman, hard, magnificent, cold, Russian, married to a
Jew, a doctor on the East Side.

You know that kind of woman, pale, large, with a heavy oval face.

A woman of ‘material’—a lasting personality, in other words, a
‘fashionable’ woman, a woman who, had she lived to the age of forty odd,
would have sat for long fine hours by some window, overlooking some
desolate park, thinking of a beautiful but lazy means to an end.

She always wore large and stylish hats, and beneath them her mouth took
on a look of pain at once proud, aristocratic and lonely.

She had studied medicine—but medicine in the interest of animals; she
was a good horse doctor—an excellent surgeon on the major injuries to
birds and dogs.

In fact she and her husband had met in a medical college in Russia—she
had been the only woman in the class, the only one of the lot of them
who smiled in a strange, hurt and sarcastic way when dissecting.

The men treated her like one of them, that is, they had no cringing
mannerliness about their approach, they lost no poise before her, and
tried no tricks as one might say.

The Silverstaffs had come to America, they had settled on the East Side,
among ‘their own people’ as he would say; she never said anything when
he talked like this, she sat passive, her hands in her lap, but her
nostrils quivered, and somewhere under the skin of her cheek something
trembled.

Her husband was the typical Jewish intellectual, a man with stiff,
short, greying hair, prominent intelligent and kindly eyes, rather
short, rather round, always smelling of Greek salad and carbolic acid,
and always intensely interested in new medical journals, theories,
discoveries.

He was a little dusty, a little careless, a little timid, but always
gentle.

They had been in America scarcely eight months before the first child
was born, a girl, and then following on her heels a boy, and then no
more children.

Katrina Silverstaff stopped having her children as abruptly as she had
begun having them; something complicated had entered her mind, and where
there are definite complications of the kind that she suffered, there
are no more children.

“We have eaten a great deal, my friend, against the day of God,” she had
said that.

She had said that one night, sitting in the dusk of their office. There
was something inexpressibly funny in their sitting together in this
office, with its globe of the world, its lung charts, its weighing
machine, its surgical chair, and its bowl of ineffectual goldfish.
Something inexpressibly funny and inexpressibly fecund, a fecundity
suppressed by coldness, and a terrible determination—more terrible in
that her husband Otto felt nothing of it.

He was very fond of her, and had he been a little more sensitive he
would have been very glad to be proud of her. She never became
confidential with him, and he never tried to overstep this, partly
because he was unaware of it, and partly because he felt little need of
a closer companionship.

She was a fine woman, he knew that; he never thought to question
anything she did, because it was little, nor what she said, because it
was less; there was an economy about her existence that simply forbade
questioning. He felt in some dim way, that to criticize at all would be
to stop everything.

Their life was typical of the East Side doctor’s life. Patients all day
for him, and the children for her, with an occasional call from someone
who had a sick bird. In the evening they would sit around a table with
just sufficient food, with just sufficient silver and linen, and one
luxury: Katrina’s glass of white wine.

Or sometimes they would go out to dine, to some kosher place, where
everyone was too friendly and too ugly and too warm, and here he would
talk of the day’s diseases while she listened to the music and tried not
to hear what her daughter was crying for.

He had always been a ‘liberal,’ from the first turn of the cradle. In
the freedom of the people, in the betterment of conditions, he took the
interest a doctor takes in seeing a wound heal.

As for Katrina Silverstaff, she never said anything about it, he never
knew what she really thought, if she thought at all; it did not seem
necessary for her to do or say anything, she was fine as she was, where
she was. On the other hand it never occurred to him that she would not
hear, with calmness at least, his long dissertations on capital.

At the opening of this story, Katrina’s daughter was a little girl of
ten, who was devoted to dancing, and who lay awake at nights worrying
about the shape of her legs, which had already begun to swell with a
dancer’s muscles.

The boy was nine, thin, and wore spectacles.

And of course what happened was quite unaccountable.

A man, calling himself Castillion Rodkin, passed through one Summer,
selling Carlyle’s “French Revolution.” Among the houses where he had
left a copy was the house of Otto Silverstaff.

Katrina had opened the door, the maid was down with the measles, and the
doctor was busy with a patient, a Jew much revered for his poetry.

She never bought anything of peddlers, and she seldom said more than
“No, thank you.” In this case she neither said “Thank you,” nor closed
the door—instead she held it open, standing a little aside for him to
pass, and, utterly astonished, he did pass, waiting behind her in the
hall for orders.

“We will go into the study,” she said, “my husband is busy.”

“I was selling Bibles last year,” he remarked, “but they do not go down
in this section.”

“Yes,” she answered, “I see,” and she moved before him into the heavy
damp parlour which was never unshuttered and which was never used. She
reached up and turned on one solitary electric light.

Castillion Rodkin might have been of any nationality in the world; this
was partly from having travelled in all countries, and also from a fluid
temperament—little was fixed or firm in him, a necessary quality in a
salesman.

Castillion Rodkin was below medium height, thin and bearded with a pale,
almost white growth of hair. He was peculiarly colourless, his eyes were
only a shade darker than his temples, and very restless.

She said simply, “We must talk about religion.”

And with an awkwardness unusual to him he asked “Why?”

“Because,” she said in a strained voice, making a hurt gesture, “it is
so far from me.”

He did not know what to say, of course, and lifting one thin leg in its
white trousers he placed it carefully over the other.

She was sitting opposite him, her head turned a little to one side, not
looking at anything. “You see,” she said presently, “I want religion to
become out of the reach of the few.”

“Become’s a queer word,” he said.

“It is the only word,” she answered, and there was a slight irritation
in her voice, “because it is so irrevocably for the many.”

“Yes,” he said mechanically, and reached up to his beard, leaving his
hand there under a few strands of hair.

“You see,” she went on simply, “I can come to the point. For me,
everything is a lie—I am not telling this to you because I need your
help, I shall never need help,” she said, turning her eyes on his,
“understand that from the beginning——”

“Beginning,” he said in a loud voice suddenly.

“From the beginning,” she repeated calmly, “right from the very start,
not help but hindrance, I need enough hindrance, a total obstacle,
otherwise I cannot accomplish it.”

“Accomplish what, madame?” he asked and took his hand from under his
beard.

“That is my affair, mine alone, that you must not question, it has
nothing to do with you, you are only a means to an end.”

He said, “What can I do for you?”

She smiled, a sudden smile, and under her cheek something flickered.
“You can do nothing,” she said and stood up. “I must always do it
all—yes, I shall be your mistress—wait,” she said raising her hand, and
there was anger and pride in her. “Do not intrude now by word or sign,
but tomorrow you will come to me—that is enough—that is all you can do,”
and in this word “all” he felt a limit on himself that he had never
known before, and he was frightened and disquieted and unhappy.

He came the next day, cringing a little, fawning, uneasy, and she would
not see him—she sent word “I do not need you yet,” and he called again
the next day and learned that she was out of town, then one Sunday she
was in to him.

She said quietly to him, as if she were preparing him for a great
disappointment, “I have deliberately, very deliberately, removed remorse
from the forbidden fruit,” and he was abject suddenly and trembling.

“There will be no thorns for you,” she went on in a cold abrupt voice.
“You will miss that, but do not presume to show it in my presence.”

“Also my floor is not the floor on which you may crawl,” she continued,
“and I do not permit you to suffer while I am in the room—and,” she
added, unfastening her brooch slowly and precisely, “I dislike all
spiritual odours.”

“Are we all strange?” he whispered.

“It takes more than will to attain to madness.”

“Yes.”

Then she was silent for a while, thinking.

“I want to suffer,” he murmured, and trembled again.

“We are all gross at times, but this is not your time.”

“I could follow you into the wilderness.”

“I would not miss you.”

And it was said in a terrible forbidding voice.

“I suffer as a birthright—I want it to be something more my own than
that.”

“What are you going to do?” he said.

“Does one ever destroy oneself who is utterly disinterested?”

“I don’t know.”

Presently she said, “I love my husband—I want you to know that, it
doesn’t matter, but I want you to know that, and that I am content with
him, and quite happy——”

“Yes,” Castillion Rodkin answered and began trembling again, holding on
to the sides of the bed.

“But there is something in me,” she continued, “that is very mournful
because it is being.”

He could not answer and tears came to his eyes.

“There is another thing,” she said with abrupt roughness, “that I must
insist on, that is that you will not insult me by your presence while
you are in this room.”

He tried to stop his weeping now, and his body grew tense, abject.

“You see,” she continued, “some people drink poison, some take a knife,
and others drown; I take you.”

In the very early dawn, she sat up with a strange smile. “Will you
smoke?” she said, and lit him a cigarette. Then she withdrew into
herself, sitting on the edge of the mahogany boards, her hands in her
lap.

And there was a little ease, and a little comfort in Castillion Rodkin,
and he turned, drawing up one foot, thrusting his hand beneath his
beard, slowly smoking his cigarette.

“Does one regret?” he asked, and the figure of Katrina never moved, nor
did she seem to hear.

“You know, you frightened me—last night,” he went on, lying on his back
now and looking at the ceiling. “I almost became something—something.”

There was a long silence.

“Shall the beasts of the field and the birds of the air forsake thee?”
he said gloomily, then brightly. “Shall any man forsake thee?”

Katrina Silverstaff remained as she was, but under her cheek something
quivered.

The dawn was very near and the street lamps had gone out; a milk cart
rattled across the square, and passed up a side street.

“One out of many, or only one?”

He put his cigarette out, he was beginning to breathe with difficulty,
he was beginning to shiver.

“Well——”

He turned over, got up, stood on the floor.

“Is there nothing I can say?” he began, and went a little away and put
his things on.

“When shall I see you again?”

And now a cold sweat broke out on him, and his chin trembled.

“Tomorrow?”

He tried to come toward her, but he found himself near the door instead.

“I’m nothing,” he said, and turned toward her, bent slightly; he wanted
to kiss her feet—but nothing helped him.

“You’ve taken everything now, now I cannot feel, I do not suffer——” He
tried to look at her—and succeeded finally after a long time.

He could see that she did not know he was in the room.

Then something like horror entered him, and with a soft, swift running
gait he reached the door, turned the handle and was gone.

A few days later, at dusk, for his heart was the heart of a dog, he came
into Katrina’s street, and looked at the house.

A single length of crape, bowed, hung at the door.

From that day he began to drink heavily, he got to be quite a nuisance
in the cafés, he seldom had money to pay, he was a fearless beggar,
almost insolent, and once when he saw Otto Silverstaff sitting alone in
a corner, with his two children, he laughed a loud laugh and burst into
tears.

                            HUSH BEFORE LOVE

            A voice rose in the darkness saying “Love,”
            And in the stall the scattered mice grew still,
            Where yet the white ox slept, and on the sill
            The crowing cock paused, and the grey house dove
            Turned twice about upon the ledge above.

                           THE ROBIN’S HOUSE

In a stately decaying mansion, on the lower end of the Avenue, lived a
woman by the name of Nelly Grissard.

Two heavy cocks stood on either side of the brownstone steps, looking
out toward the park; and in the back garden a fountain, having poured
out its soul for many a year, still poured, murmuring over the stomachs
of the three cherubim supporting its massive basin.

Nelly Grissard was fat and lively to the point of excess. She never let
a waxed floor pass under her without proving herself light of foot.
Every ounce of Nelly Grissard was on the jump. Her fingers tapped, her
feet fluttered, her bosom heaved; her entire diaphragm swelled with
little creakings of whale-bone, lace and taffeta.

She wore feathery things about the throat, had a liking for deep
burgundy silks, and wore six petticoats for the “joy of discovering that
I’m not so fat as they say.” She stained her good square teeth with
tobacco, and cut her hair in a bang.

Nelly Grissard was fond of saying: “I’m more French than human.” Her
late husband had been French; had dragged his nationality about with him
with the melancholy of a man who had half dropped his cloak and that
cloak his life, and in the end, having wrapped it tightly about him, had
departed as a Frenchman should.

There had been many “periods” in Nelly Grissard’s life, a Russian, a
Greek, and those privileged to look through her key-hole said, even a
Chinese.

She believed in “intuition,” but it was always first-hand intuition; she
learned geography by a strict system of love affairs—never two men from
the same part of the country.

She also liked receiving “spirit messages”—they kept her in touch with
international emotion—she kept many irons in the fire and not the least
of them was the “spiritual” iron.

Then she had what she called a “healing touch”—she could take away
headaches, and she could tell by one pass of her hand if the bump on
that particular head was a bump of genius or of avarice—or if (and she
used to shudder, closing her eyes and withdrawing her hand with a slow,
poised and expectant manner) it was the bump of the senses.

Nelly was, in other words, dangerously careful of her sentimentalism. No
one but a sentimental woman would have called her great roomy mansion
“The Robin’s House,” no one but a sentimentalist could possibly have