Now from Gunner Shotland to Guinness Scenography. Come to the ballay at the Tailors’ Hall. We mean to be mellay on the Mailers’ Mall. And leap, rink and make follay till the Gaelers’ Gall. Awake! Come, a wake! Every old skin in the leather world, infect the whole stock company of the old house of the Leaking Barrel, was thomistically drunk, two by two, lairking o’ tootlers with tombours a’beggars, the blog and turfs and the brandywine bankrompers, trou Normend fashion, I have been told down to the bank lean clorks? Some nasty blunt clubs were being operated after the tradition of a wellesleyan bottle riot act and a few plates were being shied about and tumblers bearing traces of fresh porter rolling around, independent of that, for the ehren of Fyn’s Insul, and then followed that wapping breakfast at the Heaven and Covenant, with Rodey O’echolowing how his breadcost on the voters would be a comeback for e’er a one, like the depre- dations of Scandalknivery, in and on usedtowobble sloops oﬀ cloasts, eh? Would that be a talltale too? This was the grandsire Orther. This was his innwhite horse. Sip?
Well, naturally he was, louties also genderymen. Being Kerssfesstiydt. They came from all lands beyond the wave for songs of Inishfeel. Whiskway and mortem! No puseyporcious either, invitem kappines all round. But the right reverend priest, Mr Hopsinbond, and the reverent bride eleft, Frizzy Fraufrau, were sober enough. I think they were sober.
I think you’re widdershins there about the right reverence. Magraw for the Northwhiggern cupteam was wedding beastman, papers before us carry. You saw him hurriedly, or did you if thatseme’s not irrelevant? With Slater’s hammer perhaps? Or he was in serge?
I horridly did. On the stroke of the dozen. I’m sure I’m wrong but I heard the irreverend Mr Magraw, in search of a stammer, kuckkuck kicking the bedding out of the old sexton, red-Fox Good-man around the sacristy, till they were bullbeadle black and bufeteer blue, while I and Flood and the other men, jazzlike brollies and sesuos, was gickling his missus to gackles in the hall, the divileen, (she’s a lamp in her throth) with her cygncygn leckle and her twelve pound lach.
A loyal wiﬁsh woman cacchinic wheepingcaugh! While she laylylaw was all their rage. But you did establish personal contact? In epexegesis or on a point of order?
That perkumiary pond is beyawnd my pinnigay pre- tonsions.
 But this all, as airs said to oska, was only that childbearer might blogas well sidesplit? Where letties hereditate a dark mien swart hairy?
Only. ’Twas womans’ too woman with mans’ throw man.
Bully burley yet hardly hurley. The saloon bulkhead, did you say, or the tweendecks?
Between drinks, I deeply painfully repeat it.
Was she wearing shubladey’s tiroirs in humour of her hubbishobbis, Massa’s star stellar?
Mrs Tan-Taylour? Just a ﬂoating panel, secretairslid- ingdraws, a budge of klees on her schalter, a siderbrass sehdass on her anulas ﬁndring and forty crocelips in her curlingthongues.
So this was the dope that woolied the cad that kinked the ruck that noised the rape that tried the sap that hugged the mort?
That legged in the hoax that joke bilked.
The jest of junk the jungular?
Jacked up in a jock the wrapper.
Lollgoll! You don’t soye so! All upsydown her whole creation? So there was nothing serical between you? And Dry- salter, father of Izod, how was he now?
To the pink, man, like an allmanox in his shirt and stickup, brustall to the bear, the Megalomagellan of our winevatswater- way, squeezing the life out of the liﬀey.
Crestofer Carambas! Such is zodisfaction. You punk me! He came, he kished, he conquered. Vulturuvarnar! The must of his glancefull coaxing the beam in her eye? That musked bell of this masked ball! Annabella, Lovabella, Pullabella, yep?
Yup! Titentung Tollertone in S. Sabina’s. Aye aye, she was lithe and pleasable. Wilt thou the lee? Wilt thou the hee? Wilt thou the hussif?
The quicker the deef the safter the sapstaﬀ, but the main the mightier the stricker the strait. To the vast go the game! It is the circumconversioning of antelithual paganelles by a hugger- knut cramwell energuman, or the caecodedition of an absque- litteris puttagonnianne to the herreraism of a cabotinesque ex- ploser?
I believe you. Taiptope reelly, O reelly!
Nautaey, nautaey, we’re nowhere without ye! In steam of kavos now arbatos above our hearths doth hum. And Malkos crackles logs of fun while Anglys cheers our ingles. So lent she him ear to burrow his manhood (or so it appierce) and borrow his namas?
Primus auriforasti
me.
The park is gracer than the hole, says she, but shekleton’s my fortune?
Eversought of being artained? You’ve soft a say with ye, Flatter O’Ford, that, honey, I hurdley chew you.
Is that answers?
It am queery!
The house was Toot and Come-Inn by the bridge called
Tiltass, but are you solarly salemly sure, beyond the shatter
of the canicular year? Nascitur
ordo seculi numﬁt.
Siriusly and selenely sure behind the shutter.
Securius indicat umbris
tellurem.
Date as? Your time of immersion? We are still in drought of . . . ?
Amnis Dominae, Marcus of Corrig. A laughin hunter and Purty Sue.
And crazyheaded Jorn, the bulweh born?
Fluteful as his orkan. Ex ugola
lenonem.
And Jambs, of Delphin’s Bourne or (as olders lay) of Tophat?
Dawncing the kniejinksky choreopiscopally like an easter sun round the colander, the vice! Taranta boontoday!
Crashedafar Corumbas! A Czardanser indeed! Dervilish glad too. Ortovito semi ricordo. The pantaglionic aﬀection through his blood like a bad inﬂuenza in a leap at bounding point?
Out of Prisky Poppagenua, the palsied old priamite, home from
Edwin Hamilton’s Christmas pantaloonade,
Oropos Roxy and Pantharhea at
the Gaiety, trippudiating round the aria, with his ﬁftytwo heirs
of age! They may reel at his likes but it’s Noeh Bonum’s shin
do.
And whit what was Lillabil Issabil maideve, maid at?
Trists and thranes and trinies and traines.
A take back to the virgin page, darm it!
Ay, graunt ye.
The quobus quartet were there too, if I mistake not, as a
sideline but, pace the contempt
of senate, well to the fore, in an amenessy meeting,
metandmorefussed to decide whereagainwhen to meet themselves,
ﬂopsome and jerksome, lubber and deliric, drinking unsteadily
through the Kerry quadrilles and Listowel lancers and
mastersinging always with that consecutive ﬁfth of theirs, eh?
Like four wise elephants inandouting under a twelve- podestalled
table?
They were simple scandalmongers, that familiar, and all! Normand, Desmond, Osmund and Kenneth. Making mejical history all over the show!
In sum, some hum? And other marrage feats?
All our stakes they were astumbling round the ranky roars assumbling when Big Arthur ﬂugged the ﬁeld at Annie’s courting.
Suddenly some wellﬁred clay was cast out through the schappsteckers of hoy’s house?
Schottenly there was a hellﬁre club kicked out through the wasistas of Thereswhere.
Like Heavystost’s envil catacalamitumbling. Three days three times into the Vulcuum?
Punch!
Or Noe et Ecclesiastes, nonne?
Ninny, there is no hay in Eccles’s hostel.
Yet an I saw a sign of him, if you could scrape out his acquinntence? Name or redress him and we’ll call it a night!
—. i . . ’ . . o . . l .
You are sure it was not a shuler’s shakeup or a plighter’s
palming or a winker’s wake etcaetera
etcaeterorum you were at?
Precisely.
Mayhap. Hora pro Nubis, Thundersday, at A Little Bit Of Heaven, Howth, the wife of Deimetuus (D’amn), Earl Adam Fitz- adam, of a Tartar (Birtha) or Sackville-Lawry and Morland- West, at the Auspice for the Living, Bonnybrook, by the river and A. Briggs Carlisle, guardian of the birdsmaids and deputil- iser for groom. Pontiﬁcal mess. Or (soddenly) Schott, furtivﬁred by the riots. No ﬂies. Agreest?
Mayhem. Also loans through the post. With or without security. Everywhere. Any amount. Mofsovitz, swampstakers, purely providential.
Flood’s. The pinkman, the squeeze, the pint with the kick. Gaa. And then the punch to Gaelicise it. Fox. The lady with the lamp. The boy in the barleybag. The old man on his ars. Great Scrapp! ’Tis we and you and ye and me and hymns and hurts and heels and shields. The eirest race, the ourest nation, the airest place
that erestationed. He was culping for penance while you were ringing his belle. Did the kickee, goodman rued fox, say anything important? Clam or cram, spick or spat?
No more than Richman’s periwhelker.
Nnn ttt wrd?
Dmn ttt thg.
A gael galled by scheme of scorn? Nock?
Sangnifying nothing. Mock!
Fortitudo eius rhodammum
tenuit?
Five maim! Or something very similar.
I should like to euphonise that. It sounds an isochronism.
Secret speech Hazelton and obviously disemvowelled. But it is good
laylaw too. We may take those wellmeant kicks for free granted,
though ultra vires, void and,
in fact, unnecessarily so. Happily you were not quite so
successful in the process verbal whereby you would sublimate your
blepharospasmockical sup- pressions, it seems?
What was that? First I heard about it.
Were you or were you not? Ask yourself the answer, I’m not giving you a short question. Now, not to mix up, cast your eyes around Capel Court. I want you, witness of this epic struggle, as yours so mine, to reconstruct for us, as brieﬂy as you can, in- exactly the same as a mind’s eye view, how these funeral games, which have been poring over us through homer’s kerryer pid- geons, massacreedoed as the holiname rally round took place.
Which? Sure I told you that afoul. I was drunk all lost life.
Well, tell it to me befair, the whole plan of campaign, in that bamboozelem mincethrill voice of yours. Let’s have it, christie! The Dublin own, the thrice familiar.
Ah, sure, I eyewitless foggus. ’Tis all around me bebatters- bid hat.
 Blank memory of hatless darky in blued suit. You were ever the gentle poet, dove from Haywarden. Pitcher cup, patcher cap, pratey man? Be nice about it, Bones Minor! Look chairful! Come, delicacy!
Faith, then, Meesta Cheeryman, ﬁrst he come up, a gag as a gig,
badgeler’s rake to the town’s major from the wesz, MacSmashall
Swingy of the Cattelaxes, got up regardless, with a cock on the
Kildare side of his Tattersull, in his riddlesneek’s ragamuﬄers
and the horrid contrivance as seen above, whisklyng into a bone
tolerably delicately, the Wearing of
the Blue, and taking oﬀ his plushkwadded bugsby in his
perusual ﬂea and loisy man- ner, saying good mrowkas to
weevilybolly and dragging his feet in the usual course and was
ever so terribly naas, really, telling him clean his nagles and
fex himself up, Miles, and so on and so fort, and to take the
coocoomb to his grizzlies and who done that foxy freak on his
bear’s hairs like ﬁre bursting out of the Ump pyre and, half hang
me, sirr, if he wasn’t wanting his calicub body back before he’d
to take his life or so save his life. Then, begor, counting as
many as eleven to thritytwo seconds with his pocket browning, like
I said, wann swanns wann, this is my awethorrorty, he kept
forecursing hascupth’s foul Fanden, Cogan, for coaccoackey the key
of John Dunn’s ﬁeld fore it was for sent and the way Montague was
robbed and wolﬂing to know all what went oﬀ and who burned the
hay, perchance wilt thoult say, before he’d kill all the kanes and
the price of Patsch Purcell’s faketotem, which the man, his
plantagonist, up from the bog of the depths who was raging with
the thirst of the sacred sponge and who, as a mashter of pasht, so
far as him was con- cerned, was only standing there nonplush to
the corner of Turbot Street, perplexing about a paumpshop and
pupparing to spit, wanting to know whelp the henconvention’s
compuss memphis he wanted with him new nothing about.
A sarsencruxer, like the Nap O’ Farrell Patter Tandy moor and burgess medley? In other words, was that how in the annusual curse of things, as complement to compliment though, after a manner of men which I must and will say seems extraordinary, their celicolar subtler angelic warfare or photoplay ﬁnister started?
Truly. That I may never!
Did one scum then in the auradrama, the deﬀ, after some clever play in the mud, mention to the other undesirable, a dumm, during diverse intentional instants, that upon the resume after the angerus, how for his deal he was a pigheaded Swede and to wend himself to a medicis?
To be sore he did, the huggornut!
Sublime was the warning!
The author, in fact, was mardred.
Did he, the ﬁrst spikesman, do anything to him, the last spokesman, when, after heaving some more smutt and chaﬀ between them, they rolled togutter into the ditch together? Black Pig’s Dyke?

Did Box then try to shine his puss?
No but Cox did to shin the punman.
The worsted crying that if never he looked on Leaverhol- ma’s again and the bester huing that he might ever save sunlife?
Trulytruly Asbestos he ever. And sowasso I never.
That forte carlysle touch breaking the campdens pianoback.
Pansh!
Are you of my meaning that would be going on to about half noon, click o’clock, pip emma, Grinwicker time, by your querqcut quadrant?
You will be asking me and I wish to higgins you wouldn’t. Would it?
Let it be twelve thirty after a somersautch of the tardest!
And it was eleven thirstytoo befour in soandsuch, reloy on it!
Tick up on time. Howday you doom? That rising day sinks rosing in a night of nine week’s wonder.
Amties, marcy buckup! The uneven day of the unleventh month of the unevented year. At mart in mass.
A triduum before Our Larry’s own day. By which of your chronos, my man of four watches, larboard, starboard, dog or dath?
Dunsink, rugby, ballast and ball. You can imagine.
Language this allsfare for the loathe of Marses ambiviolent
about it. Will you swear all the same you saw their shadows a
hundred foot later, struggling diabolically over this, that
and the other, their virtues
pro and his principality
con, near the Ruins,
Drogheda Street, and kicking up the devil’s own dust for the
Milesian wind?
I will. I did. They were. I swear. Like the heavenly militia. So wreek me Ghyllygully! With my tongue through my toecap on the headlong stone of kismet if so ’tis the will of Whose B. Dunn.
Weepin Lorcans! They must have put in some wonderful work, ecad, on the quiet like, during this arms’ parley, meatierities forces vegateareans. Dost thou not think so?
Ay.
The illegallooking range or fender, alias turﬁng iron, a product of Hostages and Co, Engineers, changed feet several times as briars revalvered during the weaponswap? Piﬀ?
Puﬀ! Excuse yourself. It was an ersatz lottheringcan.
They did not know the war was over and were only bere- belling or bereppelling one another by chance or necessity with sham bottles, mere and woiney, as betwinst Picturshirts and Scutticules, like their caractacurs in an Irish Ruman to sorowbrate the expeltsion of the Danos? What sayest thou, scusascmerul?
That’s all. For he was heavily upright man, Limba romena in Bucclis tucsada. Farcing gutterish.
I mean the Morgans and the Dorans, in ﬁnnish?
I know you don’t, in Feeney’s.
The mujic of the footure on the barbarihams of the bashed? Co Canniley?
Da Donnuley.
Yet this war has meed peace?
In voina viritas. Ab chaos
lex, neat wehr?
O bella! O pia! O pura! Amem. Handwalled amokst us. Thanksbeer to Balbus!
All the same you sound it twould clang houlish like Hull hopen for christmians?
But twill cling hellish like engels opened to neuropeans, if you’ve sensed, whole the sum. So be vigil!
And this pattern pootsch punnermine of concoon and proprey went on, hog and minne, a whole whake, your night after larry’s night, spittinspite on Dora O’Huggins, ormonde caught butler, the artillery of the O’Heﬀerns answering the cavalry of the MacClouds, fortey and more fortey, a thousand and one times, according to your cock and a biddy story? Lludillongi, for years and years perhaps?
That’s ri. This is his largos life, this is me timtomtum and this is her two peekweeny ones. From the last ﬁnger on the second foot of the fourth man to the ﬁrst one on the last one of the ﬁrst. That’s right.
Finny. Vary vary ﬁnny!
It may look funny but fere it is.
This is not guid enough, Mr Brasslattin. Finging and tong- ing and winging and ponging! And all your rally and ramp and rant! Didget think I was asleep at the wheel? D’yu mean to tall grand jurors of thathens of tharctic on your oath, me lad, and ask us to believe you, for all you’re enduring long terms, with yur last foot foremouthst, that yur moon was shining on the tors and on the cresties and winblowing night after night, for years and years perhaps, after you swearing to it a while back before your Corth examiner, Markwalther, that there was reen in planty all the teem?
Perhaps so, as you grand duly aﬃrm, Robman Calvinic. I never thought over it, faith. I most certainly think so about it. I hope. Unless it is actionable. It would be a charity for me to think about something which I must on no caste accounts omit, if you ask to me. It was told me as an inspired statement by a friend of myself, in reply to salute, Tarpey, after three o’clock mass, with forty ducks indulgent, that some rain was promised to Mrs Lyons, the invalid of Aunt Tarty Villa, with lots gulp and sousers and likewise he told me, the recusant, after telling mass, with two hundred genuﬂexions, at the split hour of blight when bars are keeping so sly, as was what’s follows. He
is doing a walk, says she, in the feelmick’s park, says he, like a tarrable Turk, says she, letting loose on his nursery and, begalla, he meet himself with Mr Michael Clery of a Tuesday who said Father MacGregor was desperate to the bad place about thassbawls and ejaculating about all the stairrods and the cats- pew swashing his earwanker and thinconvenience being locked up for months, owing to being putrenised by stragglers abusing the apparatus, and for Tarpey to pull himself into his soup and ﬁsh and to push on his borrowsaloaner and to go to the tumple like greased lining and see Father MacGregor and, be Cad, sir, he was to pipe up and saluate that clergyman and to tell his holiness the whole goat’s throat about the three shillings in the confusional and to say how Mrs Lyons, the cuptosser, was the inﬁdel who prophessised to pose three shielings Peter’s pelf oﬀ her tocher from paraguais and albs by the yard to Mr Martin Clery for Father Mathew to put up a midnight mask saints withins of a Thrushday for African man and to let Brown child do and to leave he Anlone and all the nuisances committed by soldats and non- behavers and missbelovers for N.D. de l’Ecluse to send more heehaw hell’s ﬂutes, my prodder again! And I never brought my cads in togs blanket! Foueh!
Angly as arrows, but you have right, my celtslinger! Nils, Mugn and Cannut. Should brothers be for awe then?
So let use oﬀ be octo while oil bike the bil and wheel whang till wabblin befoul you but mere and mire trullopes will knaver mate a game on the bibby bobby burns of.
Quatsch! What hill ar yu ﬂuking about, ye lamelookond fyats! I’ll discipline ye! Will you swear or aﬃrm the day to yur second sight noo and recant that all yu aﬃrmed to profetised at ﬁrst sight for his southerly accent was all paddyﬂaherty? Will ye, ay or nay?
Ay say aye. I aﬃrmly swear to it that it rooly and cooly boolyhooly was with my holyhagionous lips continuously poised upon the rubricated annuals of saint ulstar.
That’s very guid of ye, R.C.! Maybe yu wouldn’t mind talling us, my labrose lad, how very much bright cabbage or
paperming comﬁrts d’yu draw for all yur swearin? The spanglers, kiddy?
Rootha prootha. There you have me! Vurry nothing, O potators, I call it for I might as well tell yous Essexelcy, and I am not swallowing my air, the Golden Bridge’s truth. It amounts to nada in pounds or pence. Not a glass of Lucan nor as much as the cost price of a highlandman’s trousertree or the three crowns round your draphole (isn’t it dram disgusting?) for the whole dumb plodding thing!
Come now, Johnny! We weren’t born yesterday.
Pro tanto quid retribuamus? I
ask you to say on your scotty pictail you were promised ﬁnes times
with some staggerjuice or deadhorse, on strip or in larges, at the
Raven and Sugarloaf, either Jones’s lame or Jamesy’s gait,
anyhow?
Bushmillah! Do you think for a moment? Yes, by the way. How very necessarily true! Give me fair play. When?
At the Dove and Raven tavern, no, ah? To wit your wiz- zend?
Water, water, darty water! Up Jubilee sod! Beet peat wheat treat!
What harm wants but demands it! How would you like to hear yur right name now, Ghazi Power, my tristy minstrel, if yur not freckened of frank comment?
Not afrightened of Frank Annybody’s gaspower or ill- conditioned ulcers neither.
Your uncles!
Your gullet!
Will you repeat that to me outside, leinconnmuns?
After you’ve shouted a few? I will when it suits me, hulstler.
Guid! We make ﬁght! Three to one! Raddy?
But no, from exemple, Emania Raﬀaroo! What do you have? What mean you, august one? Fairplay for Finnians! I will have my humours. Sure, you would not do the cowardly thing and moll me roon? Tell Queen’s road I am seilling. Farewell, but whenever! Buy!
Ef I chuse to put a bullet like yu through the grill for heckling what business is that of yours, yu bullock?
 Don’t ask me, your honour!
Gently, gently Northern Ire! Love that red hand! Let me once more. There are sordidly tales within tales, you clearly understand that? Now my other point. Did you know, whether by melanodactylism or purely libationally, that one of these two Crimeans with the fender, the taller man, was accused of a cer- tain oﬀence or of a choice of two serious charges, as skirts were divided on the subject, if you like it better that way? You did, you rogue, you?
You hear things. Besides (and serially now) bushes have eyes, don’t forget. Hah!
Which moral turpitude would you select of the two, for choice, if you had your way? Playing bull before shebears or the hindlegs oﬀ a clotheshorse? Did any orangepeelers or green- goaters appear periodically up your sylvan family tree?
Buggered if I know! It all depends on how much family silver you want for a nass-and-pair. Hah!
What do you mean, sir, behind your hah!
Nothing, sir. Only a bone moving into place. Blotogaﬀ. Hahah!
Whahat?
Are you to have all the pleasure quizzing on me? I didn’t say it aloud, sir. I have something inside of me talking to myself.
You’re a nice third degree witness, faith! But this is no laughing matter. Do you think we are tonedeafs in our noses to boot? Can you not distinguish the sense, prain, from the sound, bray? You have homosexual catheis of empathy between narcis- sism of the expert and steatopygic invertedness. Get yourself psychoanolised!
O, begor, I want no expert nursis symaphy from yours broons quadroons and I can psoakoonaloose myself any time I want (the fog follow you all!) without your interferences or any other pigeonstealer.
Sample! Sample!
Have you ever weﬂected, wepowtew, that the evil what though it was willed might nevewtheless lead somehow on to good towawd the genewality?
A pwopwo of haster meets waster and talking of plebiscites by a
show of hands, whether declaratory or eﬀective, in all
seriousness, has it become to dawn in you yet that the deponent,
the man from Saint Yves, may have been (one is reluctant to use
the passive voiced) may be been as much sinned against as sin-
ning, for if we look at it verbally perhaps there is no true noun
in active nature where every bally being
— please read this mufto
is becoming in its owntown eyeballs. Now the long form and the strong form and reform alltogether!
Hotchkiss Culthur’s Everready, one brother to never- reached, well over countless hands, sieur of many winners and losers, groomed by S. Samson and son, bred by dilalahs, will stand at Bay (Dublin) from nun till dan and vites inversion and at Miss or Mrs’s MacMannigan’s Yard.
Perhaps you can explain, sagobean? The Mod needs a rebus.
Pro general continuation and in particular explication to your singular interrogation our asseveralation. Ladiegent, pals will smile but me and Frisky Shorty, my inmate friend, as is un- common struck on poplar poetry, and a few ﬂeabesides round at West Pauper Bosquet, was glad to be back again with the chaps and just arguing friendlylike at the Doddercan Easehouse having a wee chatty with our hosty in his comfy estably over the old middlesex party and his moral turps, meaning ﬂu, pock, pox and mizzles, grip, gripe, gleet and sprue, caries, rabies, numps and dumps. What me and Frisky in our concensus and the whole double gigscrew of suscribers, notto say the burman, having successfully concluded our tour of bibel, wants to know is thisa- here. Supposing, for an ethical ﬁct, him, which the ﬁndings showed, to have taken his epscene licence before the norsect’s divisional respectively as regards them male privates and or concomitantly with all common or neuter respects to them
public exess females, whereas allbeit really sweet ﬁllies, as was very properly held by the metropolitan in connection with this regrettable nuisance, touching arbitrary conduct, being in strict contravention of schedule in board of forests and works bylaws regulationing sparkers’ and succers’ amusements section of our beloved naturpark in pursuance of which police agence me and Shorty have approached a reverend gentlman of the name of Mr Coppinger with reference to a piece of ﬁre ﬁttings as was most obliging, ’pon my sam, in this matter of his explanations aﬃrmative, negative and limitative, given to me and Shorty, touching what the good book says of toooldaisymen, concerning the merits of early bisectualism, besides him citing from approved lectionary example given by a valued friend of the name of Mr
J. P. Cockshott, reticent of England, as owns a pretty maisonette,
Quis ut Deus, fronting on to the Soussex Bluﬀs as was telling us categoric how Mr Cockshott, as he had his assignation with, present holder by deedpoll and indenture of the swearing belt, he tells him hypothetic, the reverend Mr Coppinger, hereckons himself disjunctively with his windwarrd eye up to a dozen miles of a cunifarm school of herring, passing themselves supernatently by the Bloater Naze from twelve and them mayridinghim by the silent hour. Butting, charging, bracing, backing, springing, shrinking, swaying, darting, shooting, bucking and sprinkling their dossies sodouscheock with the twinx of their taylz.  Such, he says,is how the reverend Coppinger, he visualises the hidebound homelies of creed crux ethics. Watsch yourself tillicately every morkning in your bracksullied twilette. The use of cold water, testiﬁcates Dr Rutty, may be warmly recommended for the sug- jugation of cungunitals loosed. Tolloll, schools!
Tallhell and Barbados wi ye and your Errian coprulation! Pelagiarist! Remonstrant Montgomeryite! Short lives to your relatives! Y’are absexed, so y’are, with mackerglosia and mick- roocyphyllicks.
Wait now, leixlep! I scent eggoarchicism. I will take you to
task. I don’t follow you that far in your otherwise accurate
account. Was it esox lucius or
salmo ferax? You are taxing us
into the driven future, are you not, with this ruttymaid
ﬁshery?
Lalia Lelia Lilia Lulia and lively lovely Lola Montez.
Gubbernathor! That they say is a fenian on the secret. Named Parasol Irelly. Spawning ova and fry like a marrye monach all amanygoround his seven parish churches! And peopling the ribald baronies with dans, oges and conals!
Lift it now, Hosty! Hump’s your mark! For a runnymede landing!
A dondhering vesh vish, Magnam
Carpam, es hit neat zoo?
There’s an old psalmsobbing lax
salmoner fogeyboren Herrin Plundehowse.
Who went ﬂoundering with his boatloads of spermin spunk about. Leaping freck after every long tom and wet lissy between Howth and Humbermouth.
Our Human Conger Eel!
Hep! I can see him in the ﬁshnoo! Up wi’yer whippy! Hold that lad! Play him, Markandeyn! Bullhead!
Pull you, sir! Olive quill does it. Longeal of Malin, he’ll cry before he’s ﬂayed. And his tear make newisland. Did a rise? Way, lungfush! The great ﬁn may cumule! Three threeth o’er the wild! Manu ware!
He missed her mouth and stood into Dee, Romunculus Remus, plying the rape, so as now any bompriss’s bound to get up her if he pool her leg and bunk on her butt. No, he skid like a skate and berthed on her byrnie and never a fear but they’ll
land him yet, slitheryscales on liﬀeybank, times and times and halve a time with a pillow of sand to polster him.
Do you say they will?
I bet you they will.
Among the shivering sedges so? Weedy waving.
Or tulipbeds of Rush below.
Where you take your mugs to wash after dark?
To my lead, Toomey lout, Tommy lad.
Besides the bubblye waters of, babblyebubblye waters of?
Right.
Grenadiers. And tell me now. Were these anglers or angel- ers coexistent and compresent with or without their tertium quid?
Three in one, one and
three.
Shem and Shaun and the shame that sunders em.Wisdom’s son, folly’s brother.
God bless your ginger, wigglewaggle! That’s three slots and no burners. You’re forgetting the jinnyjos for the fayboys. What, Walker John Referent? Play us your patmost! And un- packyoulloups!
Naif Cruachan! Woe on woe, says Wardeb Daly. Woman will water the wild world over. And the maid of the folley will go where glory. Sure I thought it was larking in the trefoll of the furry glans with two stripping baremaids, Stilla Underwood and Moth MacGarry, he was, hand to dagger, that time and their mother, a rawkneepudsfrowse, I was given to understand, with superﬂow- vius heirs, begum. There was that one that was always mad gone on him, her ﬁrst king of cloves and the most broadcussed man in Corrack-on-Sharon, County Rosecarmon. Sure she was near drowned in pondest coldstreams of admiration forherself, as bad as my Tarpeyan cousin, Vesta Tully, making faces at her bach- spilled likeness in the brook after and cooling herself in the element, she pleasing it, she praising it, with salices and weidow- wehls, all tossed, as she was, the playactrix, Lough Shieling’s love!
O, add shielsome bridelittle! All of her own! Nircississies are as the doaters of inversion. Secilas through their laughing classes becoming poolermates in laker life.
It seems to same with Iscappellas? Ys? Gotellus! A tickey for tie taughts!
Listenest, meme mearest! They were harrowd, those ﬁn- weeds! Come, rest in this bosom! So sorry you lost him, poor lamb! Of course I know you are a viry vikid girl to go in the dreemplace and at that time of the draym and it was a very wrong thing to do, even under the dark ﬂush of night, dare all grand- passia! He’s gone on his bombashaw. Through geesing and so pleasing at Strip Teasy up the stairs. The boys on the corner were talking too.  Still to forgive it, divine my lickle wiﬀey, and everybody knows you do look lovely in your invinsibles, Eulogia, a perfect apposition with the coldcream, Assoluta, from Boileau’s I always use in the wards after I am burned a rich egg and derive the greatest beneﬁt, sign of the cause. My, you do! Simply adorable! Could I but pass my hands some, my hands through, thine hair! So vicky- vicky veritiny! O Fronces, say howdyedo, Dotty! Chic hands. The way they curve there under nue charmeen cuﬀs! I am more divine like that when I’ve two of everything up to boyproof knicks. Winning in a way, only my arms are whiter, dear. Blanchemain, idler. Fairhair, frail one. Listen, meme sweety! O be joyfold! Mirror do justice, taper of ivory, heart of the cona- vent, hoops of gold! My veil will save it undyeing from his ether- nal ﬁre! It’s meemly us two, meme idoll. Of course it was down- right verry wickred of him, reely meeting me disguised, Bortolo mio, peerfectly appealling, D.V., with my lovebirds, my colom- binas. Their sinsitives shrinked. Even Netta and Linda, our seeyu tities and they’ve sin sumtim, tankus! My rillies were liebeneaus, my aftscents embre. How me adores eatsother simply (Mon ishe- beau!  Only he might speak to a person, lord so picious, taking up my worths ill wrong! May I introduce! This is my futuous, lips and looks lovelast.  Will make it up with mother Concepcion and a glorious lie between us,
sweetness, so as not a novene in all the convent loretos, not my littlest one of all, for mercy’s sake need ever know, what passed our lips or. Yes sir, we’ll will! Clothea wind! Fee o ﬁe! Covey us niced! Bansh the dread! Alitten’s looking. Low him lovly! Make me feel good in the moontime. It will all take bloss as oranged at St Audiens rosan chocolate chapelry with my diamants blickfeast after at minne owned hos for all the catclub to go cryzy and Father Blesius Mindelsinn will be beminding hand. Kyrielle ela- tion! Crystal elation! Kyrielle elation! Elation immanse! Sing to us, sing to us, sing to us! Amam! So meme nearest, languished hister, be free to me! (I’m fading!)  (I’m fay!)
Eusapia! Fais-le, tout-tait! Languishing hysteria? The clou historique? How is this at all? Is dads the thing in such or are tits the that? Hear we here her ﬁrst poseproem of suora unto suora? Alicious, twinstreams twinestraines, through alluring glass or alas in jumboland? Ding dong! Where’s your pal in silks alustre? Think of a maiden, Presentacion. Double her, An- nupciacion. Take your ﬁrst thoughts away from her, Immacola- cion. Knock and it shall appall unto you! Who shone yet shim- mers will be e’er scheining. Cluse her, voil her, hild her hindly. After liryc and themodius soft aglo iris of the vals. This young barlady, what, euphemiasly? Is she having an ambidual act her- self in apparition with herself as Consuelas to Sonias may?
Dang! And tether, a loguy O!
Dis and dat and dese and dose!  And 2 R.N. and Long- horns Connacht, stay oﬀ my air! You’ve grabbed the capital and you’ve had the lion’s shire since 1542 but there’s all the diﬀerence in Ireland between your borderation, my chatty cove, and me. The leinstrel boy to the wall is gone and there’s moreen astoreen for Monn and Conn. With the tyke’s named moke. Doggymens’ nimmer win! You last led the ﬁrst when we last but we’ll ﬁrst trump your last with a lasting. Jump the railchairs or take them, as you please, but and, sir, my queskins ﬁrst, foxyjack! Ye’ve as much skullabogue cheek on you now as would boil a caldron of
kalebrose. Did the market missioners Hayden Wombwell, when given the raspberry, ﬁne more than sandsteen per cent of chalk in the purity, promptitude and perfection ﬂour of this raw materialist and less than a seventh pro mile in his meal? We bright young chaps of the brandnew braintrust are briefed here and with maternal sanction compellably empanelled at quarter sessions under the six disqualiﬁcations for the uniformication of young persons (Nodding Neutrals) removal act by Committal- man Number Underﬁfteen to know had the peeress of generals, who have been getting nose money cheap and stirring up the public opinion about private balls with their legs, Misses Mirtha and Merry, the two dreeper’s assistents, had they their service books in order and duly signed J. H. North and Company when discharged from their last situations? Will ye gup and tell the board in the anterim how, in the name of the three tailors on Tooley Street, did O’Bejorumsen or Mockmacmahonitch, ex of Butt and Hocksett’s, violating the bushel standard, come into awful position of the barrel of bellywash? And why, is it any harm to ask, was this hackney man in the coombe, a papersalor with a whiteluke to him, Fauxﬁtzhuorson, collected from Manoﬁsle, carrying his ark, of eggshaped fuselage and made in Fredborg into the bullgine, across his back when he might have been setting on his jonass inside like a Glassthure cabman? Where were the doughboys, three by nombres, won in ziel, cavehill exers or hearts of steel, Hansen, Morfydd and O’Dyar, V.D., with their glenagearries directing their steps according to the R.U.C’s liaison oﬃcer, with their trench ulcers open and their hands in their pockets, contrary to military rules, when confronted with his lifesize obstruction? When did he live oﬀ rooking the pooro and how did start pfuﬀpfaﬃng at his Paterson and Hellicott’s? Is it a factual fact, proved up to scabsteethshilt, that this fancydress nordic in shaved lamb breeches, child’s kilts, bibby buntings and wellingtons, with club, torc and headdress, preholder of the Bar Ptolomei, is coowner of a hengster’s circus near North Great Denmark Street (incidentally, it’s the most unjoyable show going the province and I’m taking the youngsters
there Saturday ﬁrst when it’s halfprice naturals night to see the fallensickners aping the buckleybackers and the blind to two worlds taking oﬀ the deﬀydowndummies) and the shamshem- showman has been complaining to the police barracks and applying for an order of
certiorariand crying out something vile about him being molested, after him having triplets, by oﬀers of vacancies from females in this city, neighing after the man and his outstanding attraction ever since they seen his X ray picture turned out in wealthy red in the sabbath sheets? Was it him that suborned that surdumutual son of his, a litterydistributer in Saint Patrick’s Lavatory, to turn a Roman and leave the chayr and gout in his bare balbriggans, the sweep, and buy the usual jar of porter at the Morgue and Cruses and set it down before the wife with her ﬁreman’s halmet on her, bidding her mine the hoose, the strum- pet, while him and his lagenloves were rampaging the roads in all their paroply under the noses of the Heliopolitan constabu- lary? Can you beat it? Prepare the way! Where’s that gendarm auxiliar, arianautic sappertillery, that reported on the whole hood- lum, relying on his morse-erse wordybook and the trunchein up his tail? Roof Seckesign van der Deckel and get her story from him! Recall Sickerson, the lizzyboy! Seckersen, magnon of Errick. Sackerson! Hookup!
Day shirker four vanﬂoats he
verdants market. High liquor made lust torpid dough hunt her
orchid.
Hunt her orchid! Gob and he found it on her right enough! With her shoes upon his shoulders, ’twas most trying to be- holders when he upped their frullatullepleats with our warning. A disgrace to the homely protestant religion! Bloody old pre- adamite with his twohandled umberella! Trust me to spy on me own spew!
Wallpurgies! And it’s this’s your deiﬁed city? Norganson? And it’s we’s to pray for Bigmesser’s conversions? Call Kitty the Beads, the Mandame of Tipknock Castle! Let succuba succumb, the improvable his wealth made possible! He’s cookinghagar that rost her prayer to him upon the top of the stairs. She’s deep, that one.
A farternoiser for his tuckish armenities. Ouhr Former
who erred in having down to gibbous disdag our darling breed. And then the conﬁsieur for the boob’s indulligence. As sunctioned for his salmenbog by the Councillors-om-Trent. Pave Pannem at his gaiter’s bronze! Nummer half dreads Log Laughty. Mas- ter’s gunne he warrs the bedst. I messaged his dilltoyds sause- pander mussels on the kisschen table. With my ironing duck through his rollpins of gansyfett, do dodo doughdy dough, till he was braising red in the toastface with lovensoft eyebulbs and his kiddledrum steeming and rattling like the roasties in my mockamill. I awed to have scourched his Abarm’s brack for him. For the loaf of Obadiah, take your pastryart’s noas out of me ﬂouer bouckuet! Of the strainger scene you given squeezers to me skillet! As cream of the hearth thou reinethst alhome. His lapper and libbers was glue goulewed as he sizzled there watch- ing me lautterick’s pitcher by Wexford-Atelier as Katty and Lanner, the reﬁned souprette, with my bust alla brooche and the padbun under my matelote, showing my jigotty sleeves and all my new toulong touloosies. Whisk! There’s me shims and here’s me hams and this is me juppettes, gause be the meter! Whisk! What’s this? Whisk! And that? He never cotched ﬁner, balay me, at Romiolo Frullini’s ﬂea pantamine out of Griddle-the-Sink or Shusies-with-her-Soles-Up or La Sauzerelly, the pucieboots, when I started so hobmop ladlelike, highty tighty, to kick the time oﬀ the cluckclock lucklock quamquam camcam potapot panapan kickakickkack. Hairhorehounds, shake up pfortner. Fuddling fun for Fullacan’s sake!
All halt! Sponsor programme and close down. That’s enough, genral, of ﬁnicking about Finnegan and ﬁddling with his faddles. A ﬁnal ballot, guvnor, to remove all doubt. By sylph and salamander and all the trolls and tritons, I mean to top her drive and to tip the tap of this, at last. His thoughts that wouldbe words, his livings that havebeen deeds. And will too, by the holy child of Coole, primapatriock of the archsee, if I have at ﬁrst to down every mask in Trancenania from Terreterry’s Hole to Stutterers’ Corner to ﬁnd that Yokeoﬀ his letter, this Yokan his dahet. Pass the jousters of the king, the Kovnor-Journal and
eirenarch’s custos himself no less, the meg of megs, with the Carri- son old gang! Oﬀ with your persians! Search ye the Finn! The sinder’s under shriving sheet. Fa Fe Fi Fo Fum! Ho, croak, evildoer! Arise, sir ghostus! As long as you’ve lived there’ll be no other. Doﬀ!
Amtsadam, sir, to you! Eternest cittas, heil! Here we are again! I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long out of print, the ﬁrst of Shitric Shilkanbeard (or is it Owllaugh MacAuscullpth the Thord?), but, in pontofacts massimust, I am known throughout the world wherever my good Allenglisches Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will from Augustanus to Ergastulus, as this is, whether in Farnum’s rath or Condra’s ridge or the meadows of Dalkin or Monkish tunshep, by saints and sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of ﬁct, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my verawife I never was nor can aﬀord to be guilty of crim crig con of malfeasance trespass against par- son with the person of a youthful gigirl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, and with Any of my cousines in Kissilov’s Slutsgartern or Gigglotte’s Hill, when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe ones as it should prove most anniece and far too bahad, nieceless to say, to my reputation on Babbyl Malket for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. Yet, as my acquainters do me the complaisance of apprising me, I should her have awristed under my duskguise of whippers through toombs and deempeys, lagmen, was she but tinkling of such a tink. And, as a mere matter of ﬁcfect, I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie around the globelettes globes upon which she was romping oﬀ on Floss Mundai out of haram’s way round Skinner’s circusalley ﬁrst with her consola- tion prize in my serial dreams of faire women, Mannequins Passe, with awards in ﬁgure and smile subsections, handicapped by two breasts in operatops, a remarkable little endowment garment. Fastened at various places. What spurt! I kickkick keenly love
such, particularly while savouring of their ﬂavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope ayelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pu pure beauty of hers past.
She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans’s eye, with incompatibly the smallest shoenumber outside chinatins. They are jolly dainty, spekin tluly. May we not recom- mend them? It was my proofpiece from my prenticeserving. And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey, bishop- regionary, an always sadfaced man, in his lutestring pewcape with tabinet band, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf ﬁngers, olso haddock’s fumb, in that Upper Room can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean charactering, even when detected in the dark, distressful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her (Frankfurters, numborines, why drive fear?) to our fourposter tunies chantreying under Castrucci Sinior and De Mellos, those whapping oldsteirs, with sycamode euphonium in either notation in our altogether cagehaused duckyheim on Goosna Greene, that cabinteeny homesweetened through aﬀec- tion’s hoardpayns (First Murkiss, or so they sankeyed. Dodo! O Clearly! And Gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw, aw!), gleeglom there’s gnome sweepplaces like theresweep No- whergs. By whom, as my Kerk Findlater’s, ye litel chuch rond ye coner, and K. K. Katakasm enjoineth in the Belief and, as you all know, of a child, dear Humans, one of my life’s ambitions of my youngend from an early peepee period while still to hedje- skool, intended for broadchurch, I, being fully alive to it, was parruchially conﬁrmed in Caulofat’s bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it was remarketable) in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can, when reicherout at superstation, to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amp amplify. Hiemlancollin. Pim- pim’s Ornery forninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Holmstock unsteaden. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Big Butter Boost! Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall for-
tody. Cal it oﬀ. Godnotch, vryboily. End a muddy crushmess! Abbreciades anew York gustoms. Kyow! Tak.
Tiktak. Tikkak.
Awind abuzz awater falling.

It’s the damp damp damp.
Calm has entered. Big big Calm, announcer. It is most ernst terooly a moresome intartenment. Colt’s tooth! I will give tandsel to it. I protest there is luttrelly not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to my babad, as you shall see, as this is. Keemun Lapsang of ﬁrst pickings. And I contango can take oﬀ my dudud dirtynine articles of quoting here in Pynix Park be- fore those in heaven to provost myself, by gramercy of justness, I mean veryman and moremon, stiﬀ and staunch for ever, and enter under the advicies from Misrs Norris, Southby, Yates and Weston, Inc, to their favoured client, into my preprotestant caveat against the pupup publication of libel by any tixtim tipsyloon or tobtomtowley of Keisserse Lean (a bloweyed lanejoymt, waring lowbelt suit, with knockbrecky kenees and bullﬁst rings round him and a fallse roude axehand (he is cunvesser to Saunter’s Nocelettres and the Poe’s Toﬀee’s Directory in his pisness), the best begrudged man in Belgradia who doth not belease to our paviour) to my nonesuch, that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of beauty scouts in elegant pursuit of ﬂowers, searchers for tabernacles and the celluloid art! Happen seen sore eynes belived? The caca cad! He walked by North Strand with his Thom’s towel in hand. Snakeeye! Strangler of soﬃacated green parrots! I protest it that he is, by my wipehalf. He was leaving out of my double inns while he was all teppling over my single ixits. So was keshaned on for his recent behaviour. Sherlook is lorking for him. Allare beltspanners. Get your air curt! Shame upon Private M! Shames on his ful- someness! Shamus on his atkinscum’s lulul lying suulen for an outcast mastiﬀ littered in blood currish! Eristocras till Hanging Tower! Steck a javelin through his advowtried heart! Instaun- ton! Flap, my Larrybird! Dangle, my highﬂyer! Jiggety jig my
jackadandyline! Let me never see his waddphez again! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig, Soesown of Furrows (hour- springlike his joussture, immitiate my chry! as urs now, so yous then!), when to our lot it fell on my poplar Sexsex, my Sexen- centaurnary, whenby Gate of Hal, before his hostel of the Wodin Man, I hestened to freeholdit op to his Mam his Maman, Majus- cules, His Magnus Maggerstick, ﬁrst city’s leasekuays of this Nova Tara, our most noble, when hrossbucked on his pricelist charger, Pferdinamd Allibuster (yeddonot need light oar till Noreway for you fanned one o’er every doorway) with my all- bum’s greethims through this whole of my promises, handshakey congrandyoulikethems, ecclesency.
Whosaw the jackery dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginger. Some one we was with us all fours. Adversarian! The spiking Duyvil! First liar in Londsend! Wulv! See you scar- gore on that skeepsbrow! And those meisies! Sulken taarts! Man sicker at I ere bluﬀet konservative? Shucks! Such ratshause bugs- mess so I cannot barely conceive of! Lowest basemeant in hystry! Ibscenest nansence! Noksagt! Per Peeler and Pawr! The broker- heartened shugon! Hole aﬀair is rotten muckswinish porcupig’s draﬀ. Enouch!
Is that yu, Whitehed?
Have you headnoise now?
Give us your mespilt reception, will yous?
Pass the ﬁsh for Christ’s sake!
Old Whitehowth he is speaking again. Ope Eustace tube! Pity poor whiteoath! Dear gone mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have lived true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O.W. in this profundust snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs hoar, mummery failend, snowdrift to my ellpow, deﬀ as Adder. I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats. My freeandies, my celeberrimates: my happy bossoms, my all- falling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Childers Every- where with Mudder!
That was Communicator, a former colonel. A disincarnated
spirit, called Sebastion, from the Rivera in Januero, (he is not all hear) may fernspreak shortly with messuages from my dead- ported. Let us cheer him up a little and make an appunkment for a future date. Hello, Commudicate! How’s the buttes? Ever- scepistic! He does not believe in our psychous of the Real Ab- sence, neither miracle wheat nor soulsurgery of P. P. Quemby. He has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while, confused by his tonguer of baubble. A way with him! Poor Felix Culapert! Ring his mind, ye staples, (bonze!) in my ould reeke- ries’ ballyheart and in my krumlin and in aroundisements and stremmis! Sacks eleathury! Sacks eleathury! Bam! I deplore over him ruely. Mongrieﬀ! O Hone! Guestermed with the nobelities, to die bronxitic in achershous! So enjoying of old thick whiles, in haute white toﬀ’s hoyt of our formed reﬂections, with stock of eisen all his prop, so buckely hosiered from the Royal Leg, and his puertos mugnum, he would puﬀout a dhymful bock. And the how he would husband her that verikerfully, his cigare divane! (He would redden her with his vestas, but ’tis naught.)  But he shall have his glad stein of our zober beerbest in Oscarshal’s winetavern.
Buen retiro!The boyce voyce is still ﬂautish and his mounth still wears that soldier’s scarlet though the ﬂaxaﬂoyeds are peppered with salse- dine. It is bycause of what he was ascend into his prisonce on account oﬀ. I whit it wel. Hence his deepraised words. Some day I may tell of his second storey. Mood! Mood! It looks like some- one other bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Kanes nought.Well, yeamen, I have bared my whole past, I ﬂatter myself, on both sides. Give me even t
wo months by laxlaw in second division and my ﬁrst broadcloth is business will be to protest to Recorder at Thing of all Things, or court of Skivinis, with mar- chants grey, antient and credibel, Zerobubble Barrentone, Jonah Whalley, Determined Codde or Cucumber Upright, my jurats, if it does not occur again. O rhyme us! Haar Faagher, wild heart in Homelan; Harrod’s be the naun. Mine kinder come, mine wohl be won. There is nothing like leuther. O Shee! And nostymens in gladshouses they shad not peggot stones. The elephant’s house is his castle. I am here to tell you, indeed to goodness, that, allbe I discountenanced beallpersuasions, in rinunciniation of pomps of heretofore, with a wax too held in hand, I am thorgt- fulldt to do dope me of her miscisprinks and by virchow of those ﬁlthered Ovocnas presently like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, to convert me into a selt (but ﬁrst I must proxy babetise my old antenaughties), when, as Sigismond Stol- terforth, with Rabbin Robroost for my auspicer and Leecher Rutty for my lifearst and Lorencz Pattorn (
Ehren til viktrae!), when I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and outbreighten their land’s eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue gluecose, peebles, were it even, as this is, the legal eric for infelicitous conduict (here incloths placeﬁned my pocketanchoredcheck) and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue entyrely all practices and I deny wholeswipingin totoat my own request in all stoytness to have confermentated and confoederated and agreed in times prebellic, when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is now nuggently laid to me, with a friend from mine, Mr Billups, pulleter, my quarterbrother, who sometimes he is doing my locum for me on a grubstake and whom I have cleped constoutuent, for so it was felt by me, at goodbuy cootcoops byusucapiture a mouth- less niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Cherna Djamja, Blaw- lawnd-via-Brigstow, or to illsell my fourth part in her, which al- though allowed of in Deuterogamy as in several places of Scrip- ture (copyright) and excluded books (they should quite rightly verbanned be), would seem eggseggs excessively haroween to my feelimbs for two punt scotch, one pollard and a crockard or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick’s Flame, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, enquick me if so be I did cophetuise milady’s maid! In spect of her beavers she is a womanly and sacret. Such wear a frillick for my comic strip, Mons Meg’s Monthly, comes out aich Fanagan’s Weck, to bray at by clownsillies in Donkeybrook Fair. It would lackin mackin Hodder’s and Cocker’s erithmatic. The unpurdonable preemp-son of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta! If she, irished Marry- onn Teheresiann, has been disposed of for her consideration, I, Ledwidge Salvatorious, am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours, I hwat mick angars, am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Inprobable! I do not credit one word of it from such and suchess mistra- versers. Just feathers! Nanenities! Or to have ochtroyed to resolde or borrough by exchange same super melkkaart, means help; best Brixton high yellow, no outings: cent for cent on Auction’s Bridge. ’Twere a honnibel crudelty wert so tente- ment to their naktlives and scatab orgias we devour about in the mightyevil roohms of encient cartage. Utterly improperable! Not for old Crusos or white soul of gold! A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill, or three pock pocks cassey knocked on the postern! Not for one testey tickey culprik’s coynds ore for all ecus in cunziehowﬀse! So hemp me Cash! I meanit.
My herrings! The surdity of it! Amean to say. Her bare idears, it is choochoo chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line with! One line, with with! Will ate everadayde sau- mone like a boyne alive O. The tew cherripickers, with their Catheringnettes, Lizzy and Lissy Mycock, from Street Flesh- shambles, were they moon at aube with hespermun and I their covin guardient, I would not know to contact such gretched youngsteys in my ways from Haddem or any suistersees or heiresses of theirn, claiming by, through, or under them. Ous of their freiung pfann into myne foyer. Her is one which rassembled to mein enormally. The man what shocked his shanks at contey Carlow’s. He is Deucollion. Each habe goheerd, uptaking you are innersence, but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion! Odor. Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivulverblott but thee hard casted thereass pigstenes upann Congan’s shootsmen in Schot- tenhof, ekeascent? Igen Deucollion! I liked his Gothamm chic! Stuttertub! What a shrubbery trick to play! I will put my oath- head unner my whitepot for ransom of beeves and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little
Chistayas by Roderick’s our mostmonolith, after my both ears- toear and brebreeches buybibles and, minhatton, testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allﬁrst man- here. I should tell you that honestly, on my honour of a Near- wicked, I always think in a wordworth’s of that primed favou- rite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G., whom the generality admoyers in this that is and that this is to come. Like as my palmer’s past policy I have had my best mas- ter’s lessons, as the public he knows, and do you know, home- sters, I honestly think, if I have failed lamentably by accident beneﬁts though shintoed, spiteﬁred, perplagued and cram- krieged, I am doing my dids bits and have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sorth in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohoho! Have I said ogso how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent to my nether- heart of suntry clothing? The amusin part is, I will say, hotel- men, that since I, over the deep drowner Athacleeath to seek again Irrlanding, shamed in mind, with three plunges of my ruddertail, yet not a bottlenim, vanced imperial standard by weaponright and platzed mine residenze, taking bourd and burgage under starrymisty and ran and operated my brixtol selec- tion here at thollstall, for mean straits male with evorage ﬁmmel, in commune soccage among strange and enemy, among these plotlets, in Poplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-sea, hole of Serbonian bog, now city of magniﬁcent distances, good- walldabout, with talus and counterscarp and pale of palisades, upon martiell siegewin, with Abbot Warre to blesse, on yon slauchterday of cleantarriﬀs, in that year which I have called myriabellous, and overdrave these marken (the soord on Whence- hislaws was mine and mine the prusshing stock of Allbrecht the Bearn), under patroonshaap of our good kingsinnturns,
T. R. H. Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, here where my tenenure of oﬃce and my toils of domestication ﬁrst began, with weight of woman my skat and skuld but Flukie of the Ravens as my sure piloter, famine with Englisch sweat and oppedemics, the two-
toothed dragon worms with allsort serpents, has compolitely seceded from this landleague of many nations and open and notorious naughty livers are found not on our rolls. This seat of our city it is of all sides pleasant, comfortable and wholesome. If you would traverse hills, they are not far oﬀ. If champain land, it lieth of all parts. If you would be delited with fresh water, the famous river, called of Ptolemy the Libnia Labia, runneth fast by. If you will take the view of the sea, it is at hand. Give heed!
Do Drumcollogher whatever you
do!
Visitez
Drumcollogher-la-Belle!
Be suke and sie so ersed
Drumcollogher!
Vedi Drumcollogher e poi
Moonis.
Things are not as they were. Let me brieﬂy survey. Pro clam a shun! Pip! Peep! Pipitch! Ubipop jay piped, ibipep goes the whistle. Here Tyeburn throttled, massed murmars march: where the bus stops there shop I: here which ye see, yea reste. On me, your sleeping giant. Estoesto! Estote sunto! From the hold of my capt in altitude till the mortiﬁcation that’s my fate. The end of aldest mosest ist the beginning of all thisorder so the last of their hansbailis shall the ﬁrst in our sheriﬀsby. New highs for all! Redu Negru may be black in tawn but under them lintels are staying my horneymen meet each his mansiemagd. For peers and gints, quaysirs and galleyliers, fresk letties from the say and stale headygabblers, gaingangers and dudder wagoners, pullars oﬀ societies and pushers on rothmere’s homes. Obeyance from the townsmen spills felixity by the toun. Our bourse and politico- ecomedy are in safe with good Jock Shepherd, our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans, wild and great. Been so free! Thank you, besters! Hattentats have mindered. Blaublaze devil- bobs have gone from the mode and hairtrigger nicks are quite out of time now. Thuggeries are reere as glovars’ metins, lepers lack, ignerants show beneath suspicion like the bitterhalves of esculapuloids. In midday’s mallsight let Miledd discurverself. Me ludd in her hide park seek Minuinette. All is waldy bonums. Blownose aerios we luft to you! Firebugs, good blazes! Lubbers, kepp your poudies drier! Seamen, we segn your skivs and wives!
Seven ills so barely as centripunts havd I habt, seaventy seavens for circumference inkeptive are your hill prospect. Braid Black- fordrock, the Calton, the Liberton, Craig and Lockhart’s, A. Costoﬁno, R. Thursitt. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dome on the wherewithouts of Michan: by awful tors my wellworth building sprang sky spearing spires, cloud cupoled campaniles: further this. By ﬁneounce and im- posts I got and grew and by grossscruple gat I grown outreaches- ly: murage and lestage were my mains for Ouerlord’s tithing and my drains for render and prender the doles and the tribute: I was merely out of my mint with all the percussors on my braincap till I struck for myself and muched morely by token: to Sirrherr of Gambleden ruddy money, to Madame of Pitymount I loue yous. Paybads ﬂoriners moved in hugheknots against us and I matt them, pepst to papst, barthelemew: milreys (mark!) on- fell, and (Luc!) I arose Daniel in Leonden. Bulafests onvied me, Corkcuttas graatched. Atabey! I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Loughlins, all her tolkies shraking: Fugabollags! Lusqu’au bout! If they had ire back of eyeball they got danage on front tooth: theres were revelries at ridottos, here was rivalry in redoubt: I wegschicked Duke Wellinghof to reshockle Roy Shackleton: Walhalloo, Walhalloo, Walhalloo, mourn in plein! Under law’s marshall and warschouw did I thole till lead’s plumbate, ping on pang, reliefed me. I made praharfeast upon acorpolous and fastbroke down in Neederthorpe. I let faireviews in on slobodens but ranked rothgardes round wrathmindsers: I bathandbaddend on mendicity and I corocured oﬀ the unoculated. Who can tell their tale whom I ﬁlled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas! For sleeking beauties I spinned their nightinveils, to slumbred beast I tummed the thief air. Round the musky moved a mur- mel but mewses whinninaird and belluas zoomed: tendulcis tunes like water parted ﬂuted up from the westinders while from gorges in the east came the strife of ourangoontangues. All in my thicville Escuterre ofen was thorough fear but in the meck- ling of my burgh Belvaros was the site forbed: tuberclerosies I
reized spudfully from the murphyplantz Hawkinsonia and berri- berries from the pletoras of the Irish shou. I heard my liberti- lands making free through their curraghcoombs, my trueblues hurusalaming before Wailingtone’s Wall: I richmounded the rainelag in my bathtub of roundwood and conveyed it with cheers and cables, roaring mighty shouts, through my longer- tubes of elm: out of fundness for the outozone I carried them amd curried them in my Putzemdown cars to my Kommeandine hotels: I made sprouts fontaneously from Philuppe Sobriety in the coupe that’s cheyned for noon inebriates: when they weaned weary of that bibbing I made infusion more infused: sowerpacers of the vinegarth, obtemperate unto me! When you think me in my coppeecuﬀs look in ware would you meckamockame, as you pay in caabman’s sheltar tot the ites like you corss the tees. Wherefore watch ye well! For, while I oplooked the ﬁrst of Janus’s straight, I downsaw the last of Christmas steps: syndic podestril and on the rates, I for indigent and intendente: in Forum Foster I demosthrenated my folksﬁendship, enmy pupuls felt my burk was no worse than their brite: Sapphrageta and Consciencia were undecidedly attached to me but the maugher machrees and the auntieparthenopes my schwalby words with litted spongelets set their soakye pokeys and botchbons afume: Fletcher-Flemmings, elisaboth, how interquackeringly they ro- gated me, their golden one, I inhesitant made replique: Mesde- memdes to leursieuresponsor: and who in hillsaide, don’t you let ﬂyﬁre till you see their whites of the bunkers’ eyes! Mr An- swers: Brimgem young, bringem young, bringem young!: in my bethel of Solyman’s I accouched their rotundaties and I turn- keyed most insultantly over raped lutetias in the lock: I gave bax of biscums to the jacobeaters and pottage bakes to the esausted; I dehlivered them with freakandesias by the constant droppings from my smalls instalmonths while I titfortotalled up their farinadays for them on my slataper’s slate with my chandner’s chauk: I jaunted on my jingelbrett rapt in neckloth and sashes, and I beggered about the amnibushes like belly in a bowle. In the humanity of my heart I sent out heyweywomen to refresh
the ballwearied and then, doubling megalopolitan poleetness, my great great greatest of these charities, devaleurised the base fellows for the curtailment of their lower man: with a slog to square leg I sent my boundary to Botany Bay and I ran up a score and four of mes while the Yanks were huckling the Em- pire: I have been reciping om omominous letters and widely- signed petitions full of pieces of pottery about my monumental- ness as a thingabolls and I have been inchanting causeries to the feshest cheoilboys so that they are allcalling on me for the song of a birtch: the more secretely bi built, the more openly palas- tered. Attent! Couch hear! I have becket my vonderbilt hutch in sunsmidnought and at morningrise was encampassed of mushroofs. Rest and bethinkful, with licence, thanks. I con- sidered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. And this. This missy, my taughters, and these man, my son, from my ﬁef of the villa of the Ostmanorum to Thor- stan’s,
recteThomars Sraid, and from Huggin Pleaze to William Inglis his house, that man de Loundres, in all their barony of Saltus, bonders and foeburghers, helots and zelots, strutting oges and swaggering macks, the darsy jeamses, the drury joneses, redmaids and bleucotts, in hommage all and felony, all who have received tickets, fair home overcrowded, tidy but very little furniture, respectable, whole family attends daily mass and is dead sick of bread and butter, sometime in the militia, mentally strained from reading work on German physics, shares closet with eight other dwellings, more than respectable, getting com- fortable parish relief, wageearner freshly shaven from prison, highly respectable, planning new departure in Mountgomery cycleﬁnishing, eldest son will not serve but peruses Big-man-up- in-the-Sky scraps, anoopanadoon lacking backway, quasi respec- table, pays ragman in bones for faded windowcurtains, staircase continually lit up with guests, particularly respectable, house lost in dirt and blocked with refuse, getting on like Roe’s dis- tillery on ﬁre, slovenly wife active with the jug, in business for himself, has a tenth illegitimate coming, partly respectable, following correspondence courses, chucked work over row, bothcheeks kissed at levee by late marquess of Zetland, sharing closet which is profusely written over with eleven other subscribers, once respectable, open hallway pungent of Baltic dishes, bangs kept woman’s head against wall thereby disturbing neighbours, private chapel occupies return landing, removal every other quarter day, case one of peculiar hopelessness, most respectable, nightsoil has to be removed through snoring household, eccen- tric naval oﬃcer not quite steady enjoys weekly churchwarden and laugh while reading foreign pictorials on clumpstump before door, known as the trap, widow rheumatic and chars, haunted, condemned and execrated, of dubious respectability, tools too costly pledged or uninsured, reformed philanthropist whenever feasible takes advantage of unfortunates against dilapidating ashpits, serious student is eating his last dinners, ﬂoor dangerous for unaccompanied old clergymen, thoroughly respectable, many uncut pious books in evidence, nearest watertap two hundred yards’ run away, fowl and bottled gooseberry frequently on table, man has not had boots oﬀ for twelve months, infant being taught to hammer ﬂat piano, outwardly respectable, sometimes hears from titled connection, one foot of dust between banister and cracked wall, wife cleans stools, eminently respectable, otta- wark and regular loafer, should be operated would she consent, deplorable rent in roof, claret cellar cobwebbed since the ponti- ﬁcate of Leo, wears drill trousers and collects rare buddhas, underages very treacly and verminous have to be separated, sits up with fevercases for one and threepence, owns two terraces (back to back breeze), respectable in every way, harmless im- becile supposingly weakminded, a sausage every Sunday, has a staﬀ of eight servants, outlook marred by ne’er-do-wells using the laneway, lieabed sons go out with sisters immediately after dark, has never seen the sea, travels always with her eleven trunks of clothing, starving cat left in disgust, the pink of re- spectability, resting after colonial service, labours at plant, the despair of his many benefactresses, calories exclusively from Rowntrees and dumplings, one bar of sunlight does them all january and half february, the V. de V’s (animal diet) live in ﬁve-
storied semidetached but rarely pay tradesmen, went security for friend who absconded, shares same closet with fourteen simi- lar cottages and an illfamed lodginghouse, more respectable than some, teawidow pension but held to purchase, inherited silk hat from father-in-law, head of domestic economy never mentioned, queery how they live, reputed to procure, last four occupants carried out, mental companionship with mates only, respecta- bility unsuccessfully aimed at, copious holes emitting mice, de- coration from Uganda chief in locked ivory casket, grandmother has advanced alcoholic amblyopia, the terror of Goodmen’s Field, and respected and respectable, as respectable as respec- table can respectably be, though their orable amission were the herrors I could have expected, all, let them all come, they are my villeins, with chartularies I have talledged them. Wherfor I will and ﬁrmly command, as I willed and ﬁrmly commanded, upon my royal word and cause the great seal now to be aﬃxed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their children’s chil- dren’s children they do inhabit it and hold it for me unencum- bered and my heirs, ﬁrmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which the men of Tol- bris, a city of Tolbris, have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vouchers, knive and snuﬀbuchs. Fee for farm. Enwreak us wrecks.
Struggling forlongs I have livramentoed, milles on milles of mancipelles. Lo, I have looked upon my pumpadears in their easancies and my drummers have tattled tall tales of me in the land: in morgenattics litt I hope, in seralcellars louched I bleakmealers: on my siege of my mighty I was parciful of my subject but in street wauks that are darkest I debelledem superb: I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my husinclose: at Guy’s they were swathed, at Foulke’s slashed, the game for a Gomez, the loy for a lynch: if I was magmonimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions: the hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in my graben ﬁelds sew sowage I gathered em: in Sheridan’s Circle my wits repose, in black pitts of the pestered Lenfant he is dummed. (Hearts of Oak, may ye root to piece!
Rechabites obstain! Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not, walk not! Sigh lento, Morgh!)
Quo warrantohas his greats my soliven and puissant lord V. king regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (ﬂister it!) which is second ﬁddler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. At the crest, two young frish, etoiled, ﬂappant, devoiled of their habiliments, vested sable, with- drewers argent. For the boss a coleopter, pondant, partifesswise, blazoned sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower ﬁeld a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossed in sal- tire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in letters portent:Hery Crass Evohodie. Idle were it, repassing from elserground to the elder disposition, to inquire whether I, draggedasunder, be the forced generation of group marriage, holocryptogam, of my essenes, or carried of cloud from land of locust, in ouzel galley borne, I, huddled til summone be the massproduct of teamwork, three surtouts wripped up in itchother’s, two twin pritticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, for abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans, of Feejeean grafted ape on merﬁsh, surrounded by obscurity, by my virtus of creation and by boon of promise, by my natural born freeman’s journeymanright and my otherchurch’s inher light, in so and such a manner as me it so besitteth, most surely I pretend and reclam to opt for simul- taneous. Till daybowbreak and showshadows ﬂee. Thus be hek. Verily! Verily! Time, place!
What is your numb? Bun!
Who gave you that numb? Poo!
Have you put in all your sparepennies? I’m listening. Sree!
Keep clear of propennies! Fore!
Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm and invisible friends! I may- may mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had faithful Fulvia, following the wiening courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to gon on uphills upon search of louvers, brunette men of Earalend, Chief North Paw and Chief Goes in Black Water and Chief Brown Pool and Chief Night Cloud by the Deeps, or again had Fluvia, amber whitch she was, left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prolling bywaymen
from Moabit who could have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet know it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by mmummy goods waif, as I, chieﬂy endmost hartyly aver, for Fulvia Fluvia, iddle woman to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairnesse, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so, for I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines. And she wept: O my lors!
Till we meet!
Ere we part!
Tollollall!
This time a hundred years!
But I was ﬁrm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, ymashkt, beyashmakt, earswathed, snout- snooded, and did raft her ﬂumingworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, from lacksleap up to liﬀsloup, tiding down, as portreeve should, whimpering by Kevin’s creek and Hurdlesford and Gardener’s Mall, long rivierside drive, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began to bump a little bit, my dart to throw: and there, by wavebrink, on strond of south, with mace to masthigh, taillas Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I upreized my magicianer’s puntpole, the tridont sired a tritan stock, farruler, and I bade those polyﬁzzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stamoror!) and I abridged with domﬁne norsemanship till I had done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her ﬂeshly when with all my bawdy did I her whorship, min bryllupswibe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he ﬂung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched over- tupped, from bank of call to echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!) so streng we were in one, malestream in shegulf: and to ringstresse I thumbed her with iern of Erin and tradesmanmarked her lieﬂang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgans, and for ervigheds: base your peak, you! you, strike your ﬂag!: (what screech of shippings! what low of dampf-
bulls!): from Livland, hoks zivios, from Lettland, skall vives! With Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphs and the singing sands for herbrides’ music: goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzoned and me to she her shyblumes lifted: and I pudd a name and wedlock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave, my durdin dearly, Appia Lippia Pluviabilla, whiles I herr lifer amstell and been: I chained her chastemate to grippe ﬁuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleavunto, her everest, she was my annie, my lauralad, my pisoved: who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes? who expoused that havenliness to beacha- lured ankerrides when not I, freipforter?: in trinity huts they met my dame, pick of their poke for me: when I foregather ’twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: had I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds’ crotts to clene and had I not gifted of my coataways, constantonoble’s aim: and, fortiﬀed by my right as man of capitol, I did umgyrdle her about, my vermin- celly vinagerette, with all loving kindness as far as in man’s might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hard- ware (catalogue,
passim) and ladderproof hosiery lines (see stockinger’s raiment), cocquette coiﬀs (see Agnes’ hats) and peningsworths of the best taste of knaggs of jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispywaspy frocks of redferns and lauralworths, trancepearances such as women cattle bare and peltries piled, the peak of Pim’s and Slyne’s and Sparrow’s, loomends day lumineused luxories on looks,La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d’Hiverand a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery glaze of shard to mirrow, for all daintiness by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour: and I wound around my swanchen’s neckplace a school of shells of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents: and, upping her at king’s count, her aldritch cry oloss unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of theDanabrog (Cunnig’s great! Soll leve! Soll leve!): with mare’s greese cressets at Leonard’s and Dunphy’s and Madonna lan- thorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syngeing nickendbookers and mhutton lightburnes dipdippingdownes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at hoist: for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathen and the pagans from the prince of pacis: what was trembling sod quaked no more, what were frozen loins were stirred and lived: gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal dole- ful desolate dreadful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming terrible mournful sorrowful frightful appalling: peace, perfect peace: and I hung up at Yule my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the souperhore of my frigid one,
coloumba mea, frimosa mea,in Wastewindy tarred strate and Elgin’s marble halles lamping limp from black to block, through all Livania’s volted ampire, from anodes to cathodes and from the topazolites of Mourne, Wykinloeﬂare, by Arklow’s sapphire siomen’s lure and Wexter- ford’s hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella: avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence?: three ﬁrths of the sea I swept with draughtness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport: when I stab- marooned jack and maturin I was a bad boy’s bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his dues: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green: on the island of Breasil the wildth of me perished and I took my plowshure sadly, feeling pity for me sored: where bold O’Connee weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawling beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth: her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thoughts, her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty: my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries, loftust Adam, duﬀed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sire Noeh Guinnass, exposant of his bargeness and Lord Joe Starr to hump the body of the camell: I screwed the Emperor down with ninepins gaelic with sixpenny-hapennies for his hanger on: my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my
processus prophetarumthey would have plauded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure, see press.
He’s not all buum and bully.
But his members handly food him.
Steving’s grain for’s greet collegtium.
The S. S. Paudraic’s in the harbour.
And after these things, I fed her, my carlen, my barelean lin- steer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobby lauch and the rich morsel of the marrolebone and shains of gar- leeks and swinespepper and gothakrauts and pinkee dillisks, primes of meshallehs and subleties in jellywork, come the feast of Saint Pancreas, and shortcake nutrients for Paas and Pingster’s pudding, bready and nutalled and potted ﬂeshmeats from store dampkookin, and the drugs of Kafa and Jelupa and shallots out of Ascalon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass them into earth: and to my saﬀronbreathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave Biorwik’s powlver and Uliv’s oils, unguents of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall’s face on her, with handewers and groinscrubbers and a carrycam to teaze her tussy out, the brown but combly, a mopsa’s broom to duist her sate, and clubmoss and wolves- foot for her more moister wards (amazing eﬃciencies!): and, my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness kinly civicised, in our saloons esquirial, with ﬁneglas bowbays, draped embrasures and giltedged librariums, I did devise my telltale sports at even- bread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbang, drapier-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: we had our lewd mayers and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smuling fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind: Tamlane the Cus- sacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pieter Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O’Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Dattery, and Mrs Pruny- Quetch: in hym we trust, footwash and sects principles, apply to overseer, Amos ﬁve six: she had dabblingtime for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her vaux- halls while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our
interloopings, fell clocksure oﬀ my ballast: in our windtor palast it vampared for elenders, we lubded Sur Gudd for the sleep and the ghoasts: she chauﬀed her fuesies at my Wigan’s jewels while she skalded her mermeries on my Snorryson’s Sagos: in pay- cook’s thronsaale she domineered, lecking icies oﬀ the dormer panes all admired her in camises: on Rideau Row Duanna dwells, you merk well what you see: let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods: in littleritt reddinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs under hoods: I made nusance of many well pressed champdamors and peddled freely in the scrub: I foredreamed for thee and more than full- maked: I prevened for thee in the haunts that joybelled frail light- a-leaves for sturdy traemen:
pelves ad hombres sumus:I said to the shiftless prostitute; let me be your fodder; and to rodies and prater brothers; Chau, Camerade!: evangel of good tidings, om- nient as the Healer’s word, for the lost, loathsome and whomso- ever will: who, in regimentation through liberal donation in co- ordination for organisation of their installation and augmenta- tion plus some annexation and ampliﬁcation without precipita- tion towards the culmination in latiﬁcation of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, usefulness and the meed, shall, in their second adams, all be made alive: my tow tugs steered down canal grand, my lighters lay longside on Regalia Water. And I built inUrbs in Rure, for minne elskede, my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upservatory, an erd- closet with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most covenience from her sabbath needs, when open noise should stilled be: did not I festﬁx with mortarboard my unniversiries, wholly rational and gottalike, sophister agen soreﬁster, life sizars all?: was I not rosetted on two stellas of little egypt? had not I rockcut readers, hieros, gregos and democriticos?: triscastellated, bimedallised: and by my sevendialled changing charties Hiberns- ka Ulitzas made not I to pass through twelve Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight?: my camels’ walk, kolossa kolossa! no porte sublimer benared my ghates: Oi polled ye many but my fews were chousen (Voter, voter, early voter,he was never too oft for old Sarum): terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasouwea, the Debwickweck, the Mif- greawis. And I sept up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachatouchy ﬂoodmud, now all loosebrick and stonefest, freely masoned, arked for covennanters and shinners’ rifuge: descent from above on us, Hagiasoﬁa of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy studvaast vault; Hams, circuitise! Shemites, retrace!: horns, hush! no barkeys! hereround is’t holied!: all truanttrulls made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow: Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shep- perd, Smyth, Neville, Heaton, Stoney, Foley, Farrell, Vnost with Thorneycroft and Hogan too: sprids serve me! gobelins guard!: tect my tileries (O tribes! O gentes!), keep my keep, the peace of my four great ways: oathiose infernals to Booth Salvation, arcane celestials to Sweatenburgs Welhell! My seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all these closes ﬂagged with the gust, hoops for her, hatsoﬀ for him and ruﬄes through Neeblow’s garding: and that was why Blabus was razing his wall and eltering the suzannes of his nighboors: and thirdly, for ewigs, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees, my sweet coolocked, my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixton clashcloshant, duominous and muezzatinties to commind the ﬁt- ful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim: and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth’s glory: and added thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellﬁre and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, christous pewmillieu: zackbutts babazounded, ollguns tararulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bon- nets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours!
Hoke!
Hoke!
Hoke!
Hoke!
And wholehail, snaeﬀell, dreardrizzle or sleetshowers of bless- ing, where it froze in chalix eller swum in the vestry, with fairskin
book and ruling rod, vein of my vergin page, her chastener ever I did learn my little ana countrymouse in alphabeater cameltem- per, from alderbirk to tannenyou, with myraw rattan atter dun- drum; ooah, oyir, oyir, oyir: and I did spread before my Livvy, where Lord street lolls and ladies linger and Cammomile Pass cuts Primrose Rise and Coney Bend bounds Mulbreys Island but never a blid had bledded or bludded since long agore when the whole blighty acre was bladey well pessovered, my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon City, with chopes pyramidous and mousselimes and beaconphires and colos- sets and pensilled turisses for the busspleaches of the summira- mies and esplanadas and statuesques and templeogues, the Par- donell of Maynooth, Fra Teobaldo, Nielsen, rare admirable, Jean de Porteleau, Conall Gretecloke, Guglielmus Caulis and the eiligh ediculous Passivucant (glorietta’s inexcellsiored!): for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoro- maios ant gypsyjuliennes as such are pleased of theirs to walk: and I planted for my own hot lisbing lass a quickset vineyard and I fenced it about with huge Chesterﬁeld elms and Kentish hops and rigs of barlow and bowery nooks and greenwished villas and pampos animos and (N.I.) necessitades iglesias and pons for aguaducks: a hawthorndene, a feyrieglenn, the hallaw vall, the dyrchace, Finmark’s Howe, against lickybudmonth and gleaner- month with a magicscene wall (rimrim! rimrim!) for a Queen’s garden of her phoenix: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle, wigwarming wench, (speakeasy!) my granvilled brand- old Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, puss, puss, pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters to my eblanite my stony battered waggon- ways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westland- more, running boullowards and syddenly parading, (hearsemen, opslo! nuptiallers, get storting!): whereon, in mantram of true- men like yahoomen (expect till dutc cundoctor summoneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vongn of Hoseyeh!), claudesdales withe arabinstreeds, Roamer Reich’s rickyshaws with Hispain’s King’s trompateers, madridden mus-
tangs, buckarestive bronchos, poster shays and turnintaxis, and tall tall tilburys and nod nod noddies, others gigging gaily, some sedated in sedans: my priccoping gents, aroger, aroger, my dam- sells softsidesaddled, covertly, covertly, and Lawdy Dawe a perch behind: the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!) for her pleashadure: and she lalaughed in her diddydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playup!
Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!
What was thaas? Fog was whaas? Too mult sleepth. Let sleepth.
But really now whenabouts? Expatiate then how much times we live in. Yes?
So, nat by night by naught by naket, in those good old lousy days gone by, the days, shall we say? of Whom shall we say? while kinderwardens minded their twinsbed, therenow they- stood, the sycomores, all four of them, in their quartan agues, the majorchy, the minorchy, the everso and the fermentarian with their ballyhooric blowreaper, titranicht by tetranoxst, at their pussycorners, and that old time pallyollogass, playing copers fear- some, with Gus Walker, the cuddy, and his poor old dying boosy cough, esker, newcsle, saggard, crumlin, dell me, donk, the way to wumblin. Follow me beeline and you’re bumblin, esker, newcsle, saggard, crumlin. And listening. So gladdied up when nicechild Kevin Mary (who was going to be comman- deering chief of the choirboys’ brigade the moment he grew up under all the auspices) irishsmiled in his milky way of cream dwibble and onage tustard and dessed tabbage, frighted out when badbrat Jerry Godolphing (who was hurrying to be cardinal scullion in a night refuge as bald as he was cured enough unerr all the hospitals) furrinfrowned down his wrinkly waste of methylated spirits, ick, and lemoncholy lees, ick, and pulverised rhubarbarorum, icky;
night by silentsailing night while infantina Isobel (who will be blushing all day to be, when she growed up one Sunday, Saint Holy and Saint Ivory, when she took the veil, the beautiful presentation nun, so barely twenty, in her pure coif, sister Isobel, and next Sunday, Mistlemas, when she looked a peach, the beautiful Samaritan, still as beautiful and still in her teens, nurse Saintette Isabelle, with stiﬀstarched cuﬀs but on Holiday, Christmas, Easter mornings when she wore a wreath, the wonderful widow of eighteen springs, Madame Isa Veuve La Belle, so sad but lucksome in her boyblue’s long black with orange blossoming weeper’s veil) for she was the only girl they loved, as she is the queenly pearl you prize, because of the way the night that ﬁrst we met she is bound to be, methinks, and not in vain, the darling of my heart, sleeping in her april cot, within her singachamer, with her greengageﬂavoured candywhistle duetted to the crazyquilt, Isobel, she is so pretty, truth to tell, wildwood’s eyes and primarose hair, quietly, all the woods so wild, in mauves of moss and daphnedews, how all so still she lay, neath of the whitethorn, child of tree, like some losthappy leaf, like blowing ﬂower stilled, as fain would she anon, for soon again ’twill be, win me, woo me, wed me, ah weary me! deeply, now evencalm lay sleeping;
nowth upon nacht, while in his tumbril Wachtman Havelook seequeerscenes, from yonsides of the choppy, punkt by his curserbog, went long the grassgross bumpinstrass that henders the pubbel to pass, stowing his bottle in a hole for at whet his whuskle to stretch ecrooksman, sequestering for lovers’ lost pro- pertied oﬃces the leavethings from allpurgers’ night, og gneiss ogas gnasty, kikkers, brillers, knappers and bands, handsboon and strumpers, sminkysticks and eddiketsﬂaskers;
wan ﬁne night and the next ﬁne night and last ﬁnd night while Kothereen the Slop in her native’s chambercushy, with dreamings of simmering my veal astore, was basquing to her pillasleep how she thawght a knogg came to the dowanstairs dour at that howr to peirce the yare and dowandshe went, schritt be schratt, to see was it Schweeps’s mingerals or Shuhorn the posth with a tilly-
cramp for Hemself and Co, Esquara, or them four hoarsemen on their apolkaloops, Norreys, Soothbys, Yates and Welks, and, galorybit of the sanes in hevel, there was a crick up the stirkiss and when she ruz the cankle to see, galohery, downand she went on her knees to blessersef that were knogging together like milk- juggles as if it was the wrake of the hapspurus or old Kong Gander O’Toole of the Mountains or his googoo goosth she seein, sliving oﬀ over the sawdust lobby out of the backroom, wan ter, that was everywans in turruns, in his honeymoon trim, holding up his ﬁngerhals, with the clookey in his ﬁsstball, tocher of davy’s, tocher of ivileagh, for her to whisht, you sowbelly, and the whites of his pious eyebulbs swering her to silence and coort;
each and every juridical sessions night, whenas goodmen twelve and true at fox and geese in their numbered habitations tried old wireless over boord in their juremembers, whereas by reverendum they found him guilty of their and those imputations of fornicolopulation with two of his albowcrural correlations on whom he was said to have enjoyed by anticipation when school- ing them in amown, mid grass, she sat, when man was, amazingly frank, for their ﬁrst conjugation whose colours at standing up from the above were of a pretty carnation but, if really ’twere not so, of some deretane denudation with intent to excitation, caused by his retrogradation, among ﬁrearmed forces proper to this nation but apart from all titillation which, he said, was under heat pressure and a good mitigation without which in any case he insists upon being worthy of continued alimentation for him having displayed, he says, such grand toleration, reprobate so noted and all, as he was, with his washleather sweeds and his smokingstump, for denying transubstantiation nevertheless in respect of his highpowered station, whereof more especially as probably he was meantime suﬀering genteel tortures from the best medical attestation, as he oftentimes did, having only strength enough, by way of festination, to implore (or I believe you have might have said better) to complore, with complete obsecration, on everybody connected with him the curse of co- agulation for, he tells me outside Sammon’s in King Street, after
two or three hours of close confabulation, by this pewterpint of Gilbey’s goatswhey which is his prime consolation, albeit in- volving upon the same no uncertain amount of esophagous re- gurgitation, he being personally unpreoccupied to the extent of a ﬂea’s gizzard anent eructation, if he was still extremely oﬀen- sive to a score and four nostrils’ dilatation, still he was likewise, on the other side of him, for some nepmen’s eyes a delectation, as he asserts without the least alienation, so prays of his faullt you would make obliteration but for our friend behind the bars, though like Adam Findlater, a man of estimation, summing him up to be done, be what will of excess his exaltation, still we think with Sully there can be no right extinuation for contravention of common and statute legislation for which the ﬁt remedy resides, for Mr Sully, in corporal amputation: so three months for Gubbs Jeroboam, the frothwhiskered pest of the park, as per act one, section two, schedule three, clause four of the ﬁfth of King Jark, this sentence to be carried out tomorrowmorn by Nolans Volans at six o’clock shark, and may the yeastwind and the hoppinghail malt mercy on his seven honeymeads and his hurlyburlygrowth, Amen, says the Clarke;
niece by nice by neat by natty, whilst amongst revery’s happy gardens nine with twenty Leixlip yearlings, darters all, had such a ripping time with gleeful cries of what is nice toppingshaun made of made for and weeping like fun, him to be gone, for they were never happier, huhu, than when they were miserable, haha;
in their bed of trial, on the bolster of hardship, by the glimmer of memory, under coverlets of cowardice, Albatrus Nyanzer with Victa Nyanza, his mace of might mortiﬁed, her beautifell hung up on a nail, he, Mr of our fathers, she, our moddereen ru arue rue, they, ay, by the hodypoker and blazier, they are, as sure as dinny drops into the dyke . . .
A cry oﬀ.
Where are we at all? and whenabouts in the name of space? I don’t understand. I fail to say. I dearsee you too.
House of the cederbalm of mead. Garth of Fyon. Scene and property plot. Stagemanager’s prompt. Interior of dwelling on out-
skirts of city. Groove two. Chamber scene. Boxed. Ordinary bed- room set. Salmonpapered walls. Back, empty Irish grate, Adam’s mantel, with wilting elopement fan, soot and tinsel, condemned. North, wall with window practicable. Argentine in casement. Vamp. Pelmit above. No curtains. Blind drawn. South, party wall. Bed for two with strawberry bedspread, wickerworker clubsessel and caneseated millikinstool. Bookshrine without, facetowel upon. Chair for one. Woman’s garments on chair. Man’s trousers with crossbelt braces, collar on bedknob. Man’s corduroy surcoat with tabrets and taces, seapan nacre buttons on nail. Woman’s gown on ditto. Over mantelpiece picture of Michael, lance, slaying Satan, dragon with smoke. Small table near bed, front. Bed with bedding. Spare. Flagpatch quilt. Yverdown design. Limes. Lighted lamp without globe, scarf, gazette, tumbler, quantity of water, julepot, ticker, side props, eventuals, man’s gummy article, pink.
A time.
Act: dumbshow. Closeup. Leads.
Man with nightcap, in bed, fore. Woman, with curlpins, hind. Discovered. Side point of view. First position of harmony. Say! Eh? Ha! Check action. Matt. Male partly masking female. Man looking round, beastly expression, ﬁshy eyes, paralleliped homoplatts, ghazometron pondus, exhibits rage. Business. Ruddy blond, Armenian bole, black patch, beer wig, gross build, episcopalian, any age. Woman, sitting, looks at ceiling, haggish expression, peaky nose, trekant mouth, ﬁthery wight, exhibits fear. Welshrabbit teint, Nubian shine, nasal fossette, turfy tuft, undersized, free kirk, no age. Closeup. Play!
Callboy. Cry oﬀ. Tabler. Her move. Footage.
By the sinewy forequarters of the mare Pocahontas and by the white shoulders of Finnuala you should have seen how that smart sallowlass just hopped a nanny’s gambit out of bunk like old mother Mesopotomac and in eight and eight sixtyfour she was oﬀ, door, knightlamp with her, billy’s largelimbs prodgering
after to queen’s lead. Promiscuous Omebound to Fiammelle la Diva. Huﬀ! His move. Blackout.
Circus. Corridor.
Shifting scene. Wall ﬂats: sink and ﬂy. Spotlight working wall cloths. Spill playing rake and bridges. Room to sink: stairs to sink behind room. Two pieces. Haying after queue. Replay.
The old humburgh looks a thing incomplete so. It is so. On its dead. But it will pawn up a ﬁne head of porter when it is ﬁnished. In the quicktime. The castle arkwright put in a chequered staircase certainly. It has only one square step, to be steady, yet notwith- stumbling are they stalemating backgammoner supstairs by skips and trestles tiltop double corner. Whist while and game.
What scenic artist! It is ideal residence for realtar. By hims ingang tilt tinkt a tunning bell that Limen Mr, that Boggey Godde, be airwaked. Lingling, lingling. Be their maggies in all. Chump, do your ephort. Shop! Please shop! Shop ado please! O ado please shop! How hominous his house, haunt it? Yesses indead it be! Nogen, of imperial measure, is begraved beneadher. Here are his naggins poured, his alladim lamps. Around the bloombiered, booty with the bedst. For them whom he have fordone make we newly thankful!
Tell me something. The Porters, so to speak, after their shadowstealers in the newsbaggers, are very nice people, are they not? Very, all fourlike tellt. And on this wise, Mr Porter (Bar- tholomew, heavy man, astern, mackerel shirt, hayamatt peruke) is an excellent forefather and Mrs Porter (leading lady, a poopahead, gaﬀneysaﬀron nightdress, iszoppy chepelure) is a most kindhearted messmother. A so united family pateramater is not more existing on papel or oﬀ of it. As keymaster ﬁts the lock it weds so this bally builder to his streamline secret. They care for nothing except everything that is allporterous.
Porto da Brozzo! Isn’t that terribly nice of them? You can ken that they come of a rarely old family by their costumance and one must togive that one supped of it in all tonearts from awe to zest. I think I begin to divine so much. Only snakkest me truesome! I stone us I’m hable.To reachy a skeer do! Still hoyhra, till venstra! Here are two rooms on the upstairs, at forkﬂank and at knifekanter. Whom in the wood are they for? Why, for little Porter babes, to be saved! The coeds, boytom thwackers and timbuy teaser. Here is one- thing you owed two noe. This one once upon awhile was the other but this is the other one nighadays. Ah so? The Corsicos? They are numerable. Guest them. Major bed, minor bickhive. Halosobuth, sov us! Who sleeps in now number one, for ex- ample? A pussy, purr esimple. Cunina, Statulina and Edulia, but how sweet of her!  Yes, indeed, you will hear it passim in all the noveletta and she is named Buttercup. Her bare name will tellt it, a monitress. How very sweet of her and what an excessively lovecharming missyname to forsake, now that I come to drink of it ﬁltred, a gracecup fulled of bitterness. She is dadad’s lottiest daughterpearl and brooder’s cissiest auntybride. Her shellback thimblecasket mirror only can show her dearest friendeen. To speak well her grace it would ask of Grecian language, of her goodness, that legend golden. Biryina Saindua! Loreas with lillias ﬂocaﬂake arrosas! Here’s newyearspray, the posquiﬂor, a windaborne and helio- trope; there miriamsweet and amaranth and marygold to crown. Add lightest knot unto tiptition. O Charis! O Charissima! A more intriguant bambolina could one not colour up out of Boccuccia’s Enameron. Would one but to do apart a lilybit her virginelles and, so, to breath, so, therebetween, behold, she had instantt with her handmade as to graps the myth inmid the air. Mother of moth! I will to show herword in ﬂesh. Approach not for ghost sake! It is dormition! She may think, what though little doth she realise, as morning fresheth, it hath happened her, you know what, as they too what two dare not utter. Silvoo plush, if scolded she draws a face. Petticoat’s asleep but in the gentlenest of her thoughts apoo is a nursepin. To be presented, Babs for Bim- bushi? Of courts and with enticers. Up, girls, and at him! Alone? Alone what? I mean, our strifestirrer, does she do ﬂeurty winkies with herself. Pussy is never alone, as records her chambrette, for she can always look at Biddles and talk petnames with her little
playﬁlly when she is sitting downy on the ploshmat. O, she talks, does she? Marry, how? Rosepetalletted sounds. Ah Biddles es ma plikplak. Ah plikplak wed ma Biddles. A nice jezebel bary- tinette she will gift but I much prefer her missnomer in maidenly golden lasslike gladsome wenchful ﬂowery girlish beautycapes. So do I, much. Dulce delicatissima! Doth Dolly weeps she is hastings. Will Dally bumpsetty it is tubtime. Allaliefest, she who pities very pebbles, dare we not wish on her our thrice onsk? A lovely fear! That she seventip toe her chrysming, that she spin blue to scarlad till her temple’s veil, that the Mount of Whoam it open it her to shelterer! She will blow ever so much more pro- misefuller, blee me, than all the other common marygales that romp round brigidschool, charming Carry Whambers or saucy Susy Maucepan of Merry Anna Patchbox or silly Polly Flinders. Platsch! A plikaplak.
And since we are talking amnessly of brukasloop crazedledaze, who doez in sleeproom number twobis? The twobirds. Holy policeman, O, I see! Of what age are your birdies? They are to come of twinning age so soon as they may be born to be elder- ing like those olders while they are living under chairs. They are and they seem to be so tightly tattached as two maggots to touch other, I think I notice, do I not? You do. Our bright bull babe Frank Kevin is on heartsleeveside. Do not you waken him! Our farheard bode. He is happily to sleep, limb of the Lord, with his lifted in blessing, his buchel Iosa, like the blissed angel he looks so like and his mou is semiope as though he were blowdelling on a bugigle. Whene’er I see those smiles in eyes ’tis Father Quinn again. Very shortly he will smell sweetly when he will hear a weird to wean. By gorgeous, that boy will blare some knight when he will take his dane’s pledges and quit our ingletears, spite of undesirable parents, to wend him to Amorica to quest a cashy job. That keen dean with his veen nonsolance! O, I adore the profeen music! Dollarmighty! He is too audorable really, eunique! I guess to have seen somekid like him in the story book, guess I met some- where somelam to whom he will be becoming liker. But hush! How unpardonable of me! I beg for your venials, sincerely I do.
Hush! The other, twined on codliverside, has been crying in his sleep, making sharpshape his inscissors on some ﬁrst choice sweets ﬁshed out of the muck. A stake in our mead. What a teething wretch! How his book of craven images! Here are post- humious tears on his intimelle. And he has pipettishly bespilled himself from his foundingpen as illspent from inkinghorn. He is jem job joy pip poo pat (jot um for a sobrat!) Jerry Jehu. You will know him by name in the capers but you cannot see whose heel he sheepfolds in his wrought hand because I have not told it to you. O, foetal sleep! Ah, fatal slip! the one loved, the other left, the bride of pride leased to the stranger! He will be quite within the pale when with lordbeeron brow he vows him so tosset to be of the sir Blake tribes bleak while through life’s unblest he rodes backs of bannars. Are you not somewhat bulgar with your bowels? Whatever do you mean with bleak? With pale blake I write tint- ingface. O, you do? And with steelwhite and blackmail I ha’scint for my sweet an anemone’s letter with a gold of my bridest hair betied. Donatus his mark, address as follows. So you did? From the Cat and Cage. O, I see and see! In the ink of his sweat he will ﬁnd it yet. What Gipsy Devereux vowed to Lylian and why the elm and how the stone. You never may know in the preterite all perhaps that you would not believe that you ever even saw to be about to. Perhaps. But they are two very blizky little portereens after their bredscrums, Jerkoﬀ and Eatsup, as for my part opinion indeed. They would be born so, costarred, puck and prig, the maryboy at Donnybrook Fair, the godolphing- lad in the Hoy’s Court. How frilled one shall be as at taledold of Formio and Cigalette ! What folly innocents ! Theirs whet pep of puppyhood! Both barmhearts shall become yeastcake by their brackfest. I will to leave a my copperwise blessing between the pair of them, for rosengorge, for greenafang. Blech and tin soldies, weals in a sniﬀbox. Som’s wholed, all’s parted. Weeping shouldst not thou be when man falls but that divine scheming ever adoring be. So you be either man or mouse and you be neither ﬁsh nor ﬂesh. Take. And take. Vellicate nyche! Be ones as wes for gives for gives now the hour of passings sembles quick with quelled. Adieu, soft adieu, for these nice presents, kerryjevin. Still tosorrow!
Jeminy, what is the view which now takes up a second posi- tion of discordance, tell it please? Mark! You notice it in that rereway because the male entail partially eclipses the femecovert. It is so called for its discord the meseedo. Do you ever heard the story about Helius Croesus, that white and gold elephant in our zoopark? You astonish me by it. Is it not that we are command- ing from fullback, woman permitting, a profusely ﬁne birdseye view from beauhind this park? Finn his park has been much the admiration of all the stranger ones, grekish and romanos, who arrive to here. The straight road down the centre (see relief map) bisexes the park which is said to be the largest of his kind in the world. On the right prominence confronts you the handsome vinesregent’s lodge while, turning to the other supreme piece of cheeks, exactly opposite, you are confounded by the equally hand- some chief sacristary’s residence. Around is a little amiably tufted and man is cheered when he bewonders through the boskage how the nature in all frisko is enlivened by gentlemen’s seats. Here are heavysuppers
—’tis for daddies housings for hun- dredaires of our super thin thousand. By gum, but you have resin! Of these tallworts are yielded out juices for jointoils and pappasses for paynims. Listeneth! ’Tis a tree story. How olave, that ﬁrile, was aplantad in her liveside. How tannoboom held tonobloom. How rood in norlandes. The black and blue marks athwart the weald, which now barely is so stripped, indicate the presence of sylvious beltings. Therewithal shady rides lend themselves out to rustic cavalries. In yonder valley, too, stays mountain sprite. Any pretty dears are to be caught inside but it is a bad pities of the plain. A scarlet pimparnell now mules the mound where anciently ﬁrst murders were wanted to take root. By feud ﬁonghalian. Talkingtree and sinningstone stay on either hand. Hystorical leavesdroppings may also be gar- nered up with sir Shamus Swiftpatrick, Archﬁeldchaplain of Saint Lucan’s. How familiar it is to see all these interesting advenements with one snaked’s eyes! Is all? Yet not. Hear one’s. At the bodom fundus of this royal park, which, with tvigate shyasian gardeenen, is open to the public till night at late, so well the sissastrides so willthe pederestians, do not fail to point to yourself a depression called Holl Hollow. It is often quite guttergloomering in our duol and gives wankyrious thoughts to the head but the banders of the pentapolitan poleetsfurcers bassoons into it on windy woodensdays their wellbooming wolvertones. Ulvos! Ulvos!
Whervolk dorst ttou begin to tremble by our moving pictures at this moment when I am to place my hand of our true friend- shapes upon thee knee to mark well what I say? Throu shayest who? In Amsterdam there lived a . . . But how?  Niet? Will you a gui- neeser? Gaij beutel of staub? To feel, you? Yes, how it trembles, the timid! Vortigern, ah Gortigern! Overlord of Mercia! Or doth brainskin ﬂinchgreef? Stemming! What boyazhness! Sole shadow shows. Tis jest jibberweek’s joke. It must have stole. O, keve silence, both! Putshameyu! I have heard her voice some- where else’s before me in these ears still that now are for mine.
Let op. Slew musies. Thunner in the eire.
You were dreamend, dear. The pawdrag? The fawthrig? Shoe! Hear are no phanthares in the room at all, avikkeen. No bad bold faathern, dear one. Opop opop capallo, muy malinchily malchick! Gothgorod father godown followay tomollow the lucky load to Lublin for make his thoroughbass grossman’s big- ness. Take that two piece big slap slap bold honty bottomsside pap pap pappa.
Li ne dormis?
S! Malbone dormas.
Kia li krias nikte?
Parolas infanetes. S!
Sonly all in your imagination, dim. Poor little brittle magic nation, dim of mind! Shoe to me now, dear! Shoom of me! While elvery stream winds seling on for to keep this barrel of bounty rolling and the nightmail afarfrom morning nears.
When you’re coaching through Lucalised, on the sulphur spa to visit, it’s safer to hit than miss it, stop at his inn! The hammers are telling the cobbles, the pickts are hacking the saxums, it’s snugger to burrow abed than ballet on broadway. Tuck in your
blank! For it’s race pound race the hosties rear all roads to ruin and layers by lifetimes laid down riches from poormen. Cried unions to chip, saltpetre to strew, gallpitch to drink, stonebread to break but it’s bully to gulp good blueberry pudding. Doze in your warmth! While the elves in the moonbeams, feeling why, will keep my lilygem gently gleaming.
In the sleepingchambers. The court to go into half morning.  The boufeither Soakersoon at holdup tent sticker. The swabsister Katya to have duntalking and to keep shakenin dowan her drogh- edars. Those twelve chief barons to stand by duedesmally with their folded arums and put down all excursions and false alarums and after that to go back now to their runameat farums and re- compile their magnum chartarums with the width of the road between them and all harrums. The maidbrides all, in favours gay, to strew sleety cinders on their falling hair and for wouldbe joybells to ring sadly ringless hands. The dame dowager to stay kneeled how she is, as ﬁrst mutherer with cord in coil. The two princes of the tower royal, daulphin and deevlin, to lie how they are without to see. The dame dowager’s duﬀgerent to present wappon, blade drawn to the full and about wheel without to be seen of them. The infant Isabella from her coign to do obeisance toward the duﬀgerent, as ﬁrst futherer with drawn brand. Then the court to come in to full morning. Herein see ye fail not!
Vidu, porkego! Ili vi rigardas.
Returnu, porkego! Maldeli- kato!
Gauze oﬀ heaven! Vision. Then. O, pluxty suddly, the sight entrancing! Hummels! That crag! Those hullocks! O Sire! So be accident occur is not going to commence! What have you there- fore? Fear you the donkers? Of roovers? I fear lest we have lost ours (non grant it!) respecting these wildy parts. How is hit ﬁnis- ter! How shagsome all and beastful! What do you show on? I show because I must see before my misfortune so a stark pointing pole. Lord of ladders, what for lungitube! Can you read the verst legend hereon? I am hather of the missed. Areed! To the dun-
leary obelisk via the rock vhat myles knox furlongs; to the general’s postoﬃce howsands of patience; to the Wellington memorial half a league wrongwards; to Sara’s bridge good hun- ter and nine to meet her: to the point, one yeoman’s yard. He, he, he! At that do you leer, a setting up? With a such unfettered belly? Two cascades? I leer (O my big, O my bog, O my bigbagbone!) because I must see a buntingcap of so a pinky on the point. It is for a true glover’s greetings and many burgesses by us, greats and grosses, uses to pink it in this way at tet-at-tet. For long has it been eﬃgy of standard royal when broken on roofstaﬀ which to the gunnings shall cast welcome from Courtmilits’ Fortress, umptydum dumptydum. Bemark you these hangovers, those streamer ﬁelds, his inﬂux. Do you not have heard that, the queen lying abroad from fury of the gales, (meekname mocktitles her Nan Nan Nanetta) her liege of lateenth dignisties shall come on their bay tomorrow, Michalsmas, mellems the third and fourth of the clock, there to all the king’s aussies and all their king’s men, knechts tramplers and cavalcaders, led of herald graycloak, Ulaf Goldarskield? Dog! Dog! Her lofts will be loosed for her and their tumblers broodcast. A progress shall be made in walk, ney? I trow it well, and uge by uge. He shall come, sidesmen accostant, by aryan jubilarian and on brigadier-general Nolan or and buccaneer- admiral Browne, with
—who can doubt it?—his golden beagles and his white elkox terriers for a hunting on our littlego illcome faxes. In blue and buﬀ of Beaufort the hunt shall make. It is poblesse noblige.  Me Eccls! What cats’ killings overall! What popping out of guillotened widows! Quick time! Beware of waiting! Squintina plies favours on us from her rushfrail and Zosimus, the crowder, in his surcoat, sues us with souftwister. Apart we! Here are gantlets. I believe, by Plentifolks Mixymost! Yet if I durst to express the hope how I might be able to be pre- sent. All these peeplers entrammed and detrained on bikeygels and troykakyls and those puny farting little solitires! Tollacre, tollacre! Polo north will beseem Sibernian and Plein Pelouta will behowl ne yerking at lawncastrum ne ghimbelling on guelﬂinks.Mauser Misma shall cease to stretch her and come abroad for what the blinkins is to be seen. A ruber, a rancher, a fullvide, a veri- dust and as crerdulous behind as he was before behind a damson of a sloe cooch. Mbv! The annamation of evabusies, the livlia- ness of her laughings, such as a plurity of bells! Have peacience, pray you! Place to dames! Even the Lady Victoria Landauner will leave to loll and parasol, all giddied into gushgasps with her dickey standing. Britus and Gothius shall no more joustle for that sonneplace but mark one autonement when, with si so silent, Cloudia Aiduolcis, good and dewed up, shall let fall, yes, no, yet, now, a rain. Muchsias grapcias! It is how sweet from her, the wispful, and they are soon seen swopsib so a sautril as a meise. Its ist not the tear on this movent sped. Tix sixponce! Poum! Hool poll the bull? Fool pay the bill. Becups a can full. Peal, pull the bell! Still sayeme of ceremonies, much much more! So please- your! It stands in
Instopressiblehow Meynhir Mayour, our boorgomaister, thon staunch Thorsman, (our Nancy’s fancy, our own Nanny’s Big Billy), his hod hoisted, in best bib and tucker, with Woolington bottes over buckram babbishkis and his clouded cane and necknoose aureal, surrounded of his full cooperation with ﬁxed baronets and meng our pueblos, restrained by chain of hands from pinchgut, hoghill, darklane, gibbetmeade and beaux and laddes and bumbellye, shall receive Dom King at broadstone barrow meet a keys of goodmorrow on to his pompey cushion. Me amble dooty to your grace’s majers! Arise, sir Pompkey Dompkey! Ear! Ear! Weakear! An allness eversides! We but miss that horse elder yet cherchant of the wise graveleek in cabbuchin garden. That his be foison, old Caubeenhauben! ’Twill be tropic of all days. By the splendour of Sole! Perfect weatherest prevailing. Thisafter, swift’s mightmace deposing, he shall aidress to His Serenemost by a speechreading from his miniated vellum, alﬁ byrni gamman dealter etcera zezera eacla treacla youghta kaptor lomdom noo, who meaningwhile that illuminatured one, Papyroy of Pepinregn, my Sire, great, big King, (his scaﬀold is there set up, as to edify, by Rex Ingram, pageant- master) will be poking out with his canule into the arras ofwhat brilliant bridgecloths and joking up with his tonguespitz to the crimosing balkonladies, here’s a help undo their modest stays with a fullbelow may the funnyfeelbelong. Oddsbones, that may it! Carilloners will ring their gluckspeels. Rng rng! Rng rng! S. Presbutt-in-the-North, S. Mark Underloop,
S. Lorenz-by-the-Toolechest, S. Nicholas Myre. You shall hark to anune S. Gardener, S. George-le-Greek, S. Barclay Moitered, S. Phibb, Iona-in-the-Fields with Paull-the-Aposteln. And audialterand: S. Jude-at-Gate, Bruno Friars, S. Weslen- on-the-Row, S. Molyneux Without, S. Mary Stillamaries with Bride-and-Audeons-behind-Wardborg. How chimant in eﬀect! Alla tingaling pealabells! So a many of churches one cannot pray own’s prayers. ’Tis holyyear’s day! Juin jully we may! Agithetta and Tranquilla shall demure umclaused but Marl- borough-the-Less, Greatchrist and Holy Protector shall have open virgilances. Beata Basilica! But will be not pontiﬁ- cation? Dock, dock, agame! Primatially. At wateredge. Can- taberra and Neweryork may supprecate when, by vepers, for towned and travalled, his goldwhite swaystick aloft ylifted, umbrilla-parasoul, Monsigneur of Deublan shall impart to all.
Benedictus benedicat!To board! And mealsight! Unjoint him this bittern, frust me this chicken, display yon crane, thigh her her pigeon, unlace allay rabbit and pheasant! Sing: Old Finncoole, he’s a mellow old saoul when he swills with his fuddlers free! Poppop array! For we’re all jollygame fellhellows which no- bottle can deny! Here be trouts culponed for ye and salmons chined and sturgeons tranched, sanced capons, lobsters barbed. Call halton eatwords! Mumm me moe mummers! What, no Ithalians? How, not one Moll Pamelas? Accordingly! Play actors by us ever have crash to their gate. Mr Messop and Mr Borry will produce of themselves, as they’re two genitalmen of Veruno, Senior Nowno and Senior Brolano (ﬁnaly! ﬁnaly!), all for love of a fair penitent that, a she be broughton, rhoda’s a rosy she. Their two big skins! How they strave to gat her! Such a boyplay! Their bouchicaulture! What tyronte power! Buy our fays! My name is novel and on the Granby in hills. Bravose! Thou traitor slave!Mine name’s Apnorval and o’er the Grandbeyond Mountains. Bravossimost! The royal nusick their show shall shut with song- slide to nature’s solemn silence. Deep Dalchi Dolando! Might gentle harp addurge! It will give piketurns on the tummlipplads and forain dances and crosshurdles and dollmanovers and viceuv- ious pyrolyphics, a snow of dawnﬂakes, at darkfall for Grace’s Mamnesty and our fancy ladies, all assombred. Some wholetime in hot town tonight! You do not have heard? It stays in book of that which is. I have heard anyone tell it jesterday (master currier with brassard was’t) how one should come on morrow here but it is never here that one today. Well but remind to think, you where yestoday Ys Morganas war and that it is always to- morrow in toth’s tother’s place. Amen.
True! True! Vouchsafe me more soundpicture! It gives furi- ously to think. Is rich Mr Pornter, a squire, not always in his such strong health? I thank you for the best, he is in taken deal ex- ceedingly herculeneous. One sees how he is lot stoutlier than of formerly. One would say him to hold whole a litteringture of kidlings under his aproham. Has handsome Sir Pournter always been so long married? O yes, Lord Pournterfamilias has been marryingman ever since so long time in Hurtleforth, where he appeers as our oily the active, and, yes indeed, he has his mic son and his two ﬁne mac sons and a superﬁne mick want they mack metween them. She, she, she! But on what do you again leer? I am not leering, I pink you pardons. I am highly sheshe sherious.
Do you not must want to go somewhere on the present? Yes, O pity! At earliest moment! That prickly heat feeling! For- think not me spill it’s at always so guey. Here we shall do a far walk (O pity) anygo khaibits till the number one of sairey’s place. Is, is. I want you to admire her sceneries illustrationing our national ﬁrst rout, one ought ought one. We shall too downlook on that ford where Sylvanus Sanctus washed but hurdley those tips of his anointeds. Do not show ever retrorsehim, crookodeyled, till that you become quite crimstone in the face! Beware! guardafew! It is Stealer of the Heart! I am anxious in regard you should everthrown your sillarsalt. I will dui sui, tef-
nute! These brilling waveleaplights! Please say me how sing you them. Seekhem seckhem! They arise from a clear springwell in the near of our park which makes the daft to hear all blend. This place of endearment! How it is clear! And how they cast their spells upon, the fronds that thereup ﬂoat, the bookstaﬀ branch- ings! The druggeted stems, the leaves incut on trees! Do you can their tantrist spellings? I can lese, skillmistress aiding. Elm, bay, this way, cull dare, take a message, tawny runes ilex sallow, meet me at the pine. Yes, they shall have brought us to the water trysting, by hedjes of maiden ferm, then here in another place is their chapelofeases, sold for song, of which you have thought my praise too much my price. O ma ma! Yes, sad one of Ziod? Sell me, my soul dear! Ah, my sorrowful, his cloister dreeping of his monkshood, how it is triste to death, all his dark ivytod! Where cold in dearth. Yet see, my blanching kissabelle, in the under close she is allso gay, her kirtles green, her curtsies white, her peony pears, her nistlingsloes! I, pipette, I must also quick- lingly to tryst myself softly into this littleeasechapel. I would rather than Ireland! But I pray, make! Do your easiness! O, peace, this is heaven! O, Mr Prince of Pouringtoher, whatever shall I pppease to do? Why do you so lifesighs, my precious, as I hear from you, with limmenings lemantitions, after that swollen one? I am not sighing, I assure, but only I am soso sorry about all in my saarasplace. Listen, listen! I am doing it. Hear more to those voices! Always I am hearing them. Horsehem coughs enough. Annshee lispes privily.
He is quieter now.
Legalentitled. Accesstopartnuzz. Notwildebeestsch. By- rightofoaptz. Twainbeonerﬂsh. Haveandholdpp.
S! Let us go. Make a noise. Slee . . .
Qui . . . The gir . . .
Huesofrichunfoldingmorn. Wakenupriseandprove. Pro- videforsacriﬁce.
Wait! Hist! Let us list!
For our netherworld’s bosomfoes are working tooth and nail overtime: in earthveins, toadcavites, chessganglions, saltkles-
ters, underfed: nagging ﬁrenibblers knockling aterman up out of his hinterclutch. Tomb be their tools! When the youngdammers will be soon heartpocking on their betters’ doornoggers: and the youngfries will be backfrisking diamondcuts over their lyingin underlayers, spick and spat trowelling a gravetrench for their fourinhand forebears. Vote for your club!
Wait!
What!
Her door!
Ope?
See!
What?
Careful.
Who?
Live well! Iniivdluaritzas! Tone!
Cant ear! Her dorters ofe? Whofe? Her eskmeno daughters hope? Whope? Ellme, elmme, elskmestoon! Soon!
Let us consider.
The procurator Interrogarius Mealterum presends us this pro- poser.
Honuphrius is a concupiscent exservicemajor who makes dis- honest propositions to all. He is considered to have committed, invoking
droit d’oreiller,simple inﬁdelities with Felicia, a virgin, and to be practising for unnatural coits with Eugenius and Jere- mias, two or three philadelphians. Honophrius, Felicia, Eugenius and Jeremias are consanguineous to the lowest degree. Anita the wife of Honophrius, has been told by her tirewoman, For- tissa, that Honuphrius has blasphemously confessed under volun- tary chastisement that he has instructed his slave, Mauritius, to urge Magravius, a commercial, emulous of Honuphrius, to solicit the chastity of Anita. Anita is informed by some illegitimate children of Fortissa with Mauritius (the supposition is Ware’s) that Gillia, the schismatical wife of Magravius, is visited clandes- tinely by Barnabas, the advocate of Honuphrius, an immoral person who has been corrupted by Jeremias. Gillia, (a cooler blend, D’Alton insists)ex equowith Poppea, Arancita, Clara,Marinuzza, Indra and Iodina, has been tenderly debauched (in Halliday’s view), by Honuphrius, and Magravius knows from spies that Anita has formerly committed double sacrilege with Michael,