'3BlackChicks Review...'
GODZILLA 2000 (aka "Gojira ni-sen mireniamu"; 1999) Rated PG; running time 108 minutes Genre: Science-Fantasy IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0188640 Official site: http://www.sony.com/godzilla2000/ (U.S. version) Written by: Hiroshi Kashiwabara, Wataru Mimura Directed by: Takao Okawara Cast: Tsutomu Kitagawa, Takehiro Murata, Hiroshi Abe, Naomi Nishida, Mayu Suzuki, Shiro Sano
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamsgodzilla2k.html
Don't get me wrong - I love me some straight-up comedy, and thus, looked forward to seeing THE ORIGINAL KINGS OF COMEDY this weekend - but there's nothing that takes me back to The Day like The Big Lizard. Man, I remember all those campy GODZILLA flicks as a kid, watching them on "Bill Kennedy's Sunday Movie" on channel 50 in Detroit just before my sisters and I had to go to Sunday School. It was a good memory, damn near besmirched by Hollywood's special effects (and lack of soul) in its lame Matthew Broderick-starring remake a couple years back. When I heard that Japan's Toho Studios had done their own GODZILLA update last year, I couldn't wait to see the Real, True Lizard in all his badly-dubbed glory. My only question was, would he hold up to a G2K treatment?
The Story (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**): Worrying about the plot of a GODZILLA movie is like trying to understand the dialogue in a porno flick, but if you insist...
In an obvious continuation of previous Japanese GODZILLA movies, the Godzilla Prediction Mobile team of Yuji Shinoda (Takehiro Murata) and his young daughter Io (Mayu Suzuki), along with Roving Reporter Yuki Ichinose (Naomi Nishida), want to study the city-stompin' - but otherwise cute (in an ugly sort of way) - giant lizard known as Godzilla (Tsutomu Kitagawa, under that rubber suit). But not the Evil Folk of the Crisis Control Intelligence agency [CCI, eh? Hmmm...]. Where the GPM wants to study Godzilla to learn ways to harness his power for Good, the CCI agents - director Mitsuo Katagiri (Hiroshi Abe) and his sidekick, Shiro Mayazaki (Shiro Sano) - take the American Approach: if you don't understand it, destroy it.
The twist in this, the 23rd movie in the GODZILLA series, comes from a mysterious big rock the CCI finds underwater and investigates as a "possible alternate fuel source". When they try to bring the big rock up to the surface, they find it may not be what it appears to be at first glance. And since Godzilla can wreak only so much local havoc, and he needs an ObAlien to fight against these days...well, you get the idea.
The Upshot: The point above - about GODZILLA 2000 being a continuation of previous flicks - is an important one because it starts out, seemingly, where those previous versions left off. The existence of Godzilla Prediction Mobile Unit is supposed to make perfect sense to the audience, because we are given only a minimal background on it. Or any of the characters, for that matter - including Godzilla, who just shows up at the beginning of the movie, tearin' stuff up, which the movie's citizens take in stride, as if it happened all the time.
Indeed, I didn't get what was going on in the movie until about the halfway point; up to then, GODZILLA 2000 was just a bunch of disjointed scenes that I figured would gel into an understandable story, sooner or later. Not that this was a problem for me; part of the fun of watching a GODZILLA flick, after all, is laughing at the dubbing, the cheesy music and special effects, the campy overacting, and most of all, the patented Godzilla screech and fireball.
All of which the audience got, in spades. Well, mostly. Almost all of those classic elements were firmly in place, and even updated with a '90s sensibility. The music and special effects were still cheesy (check out the underwater scenes), and the acting just as stoically intense, even when saying lines like "Hey, did you see that flying rock go by?", or staging a Three Stooges-like slapstick scene (that only nominally worked). One noticeable "improvement" that didn't work for me, however, was the special effects fireball. This new version, in a word, sucked. It looked as if Godzilla's mouth was unnaturally set on fire every time it happened, and I longed for Godzilla's old firerings.
An update that did work well, though, was the use of current computers by some the character; I got a kick out of seeing Apple iMacs and G3s in the background, though I have to wonder about Compaqs being used as Serious Scientific Equipment [she said, waiting for the ObComplaints from Compaq lovers]. The whole product placement issue - there were advertiser stickers seemingly everywhere - had me wondering whether this was standard fare in Japanese movies these days. And whether U.S. studios are looking to follow this trend.
Fun, too, was the dubbed dialogue, and the patchwork editing. I don't know what was better: watching the GPM team driving at first far behind, then parallel to Godzilla, a la Twister, only to pull up miles in front of him, driving toward him, in the very next jumpcut - or hearing a English dub of a Japanese character telling someone, "Bite me!".
If this were any other movie, I'd spend time Obsessing about how Godzilla magically tears only so much stuff up, then stops for the night, as if a referee blew a Time Out whistle (or for that matter, what Godzilla does in between movies). But asking for logic in a GODZILLA movie is like wondering whether world wide rasslin' is real. You have to either accept what you see as part of the thrill of the show, or totally wash your hands of it.
Its minor flaws aside, the goofy GODZILLA 2000 is a fun, mindless way to spend an hour or two in the theater; you have to hang up your Disbelief Issues at the door, but other than that, it's an easy ride. But I think Yuji got it wrong: I think what he meant to say is, "there's a little bit of all of *us* in Godzilla"...
Bammer's Bottom Line: All the Camp, none of the Matthew Broderick. Thank you, Toho Studios, for taking me back down Memory Lane.
GODZILLA 2000 (rating: greenlight): You Haven't Lived until you hear and see a Japanese film in which the line "kwit yer bitchin'" is dubbed.
Rose "Bams" Cooper /~\ Webchick and Editor, /','\ 3BlackChicks Review /','`'\ Movie Reviews With Flava! /',',','/`, Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 `~-._'c / EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>`\ ( http://www.3blackchicks.com/ /====\
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{% trans "Please turn on your Bluetooth now. Please assure that it is in the Bluetooth visibility mode. Please choose your phone when it appears:" %}
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Academics and Twitter, 2014
International University Rankings, 2014
The Belo Monte Project, 2011
Changing Demographics in Europe, 2011
Immigration in Malaysia, 2011
Concepts of Power: Soft Power, Cultural Diplomacy and Education Exchange, 2010


Welcome to Henri Potier's books.
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WEEK 33 SATURDAY
Year 1 (Year 2)
FIRST READING 1 Maccabees 6:1-13
On account of the evils I am perishing of deep grief.
A reading from the first Book of Maccabees
In those days: King Antiochus was going through the
upper provinces when he heard that Elymais in
The word of the Lord
RESPONSORIAL PSALM
Ps 9:2-3.4 and 6.16 and 19 (R. see 15c)
R. I will rejoice in your salvation, O Lord.
 I will rejoice in you and be glad, and sing psalms
to your name, O Most High.
R. I will rejoice in your salvation, O Lord.
See how my enemies turn back, how they stumble and
perish before you. You have rebuked the nations, destroyed the wicked; you have
wiped out their name for ever and ever.
R. I will rejoice in your salvation, O Lord.
The nations have fallen in the pit which they made;
their feet have been caught in the snare they laid. For the
needy shall not always be forgotten, nor the hopes of the poor ever perish.
R. I will rejoice in your salvation, O Lord.
FIRST READING Revelation 11:4-12
“These two prophets had been a torment to those who dwell on the earth.”
A reading from the Book of Revelation
I, John, was told: “[Behold, my two witnesses;]”
these are the two olive trees and the two lampstands which stand before the
Lord of the earth.  They have power to shut the sky, that no rain may fall during the
days of their prophesying, and they have power over the waters to turn them
into blood, and to afflict the earth with every plague, as often as they desire.
And when they have finished their testimony, the beast that ascends from the
bottomless pit will make war upon them and conquer them and kill them, and
their dead bodies will lie in the street of the great city which is
allegorically called
The word of the Lord
RESPONSORIAL PSALM Psalm 144:1.2.9-10 (R. 1a)
R. Blest be the Lord, my rock!
Blest be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for
battle, who prepares my fingers for war.
R. Blest be the Lord, my rock!
He is my merciful love, my fortress; he is my
stronghold, my saviour, my shield in whom I take
refuge. He brings peoples under my rule.
R. Blest be the Lord, my rock!

R. Blest be the Lord, my rock!
R. Alleluia. Our Saviour Christ Jesus abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the Gospel. R. Alleluia.
GOSPEL Luke 20:27-40
“He is not God of the dead, but of the living.”
A reading from the holy Gospel according to LUKE
At that time: There came to Jesus some Sadducees,
those who say that there is no resurrection, and they asked him a question,
saying, "Teacher, Moses wrote for us that if a man's brother dies, having
a wife but no children, the man must take the wife and raise
up children for his brother. Now there were seven brothers; the first took a
wife, and died without children; and the second and the third took her, and
likewise all seven left no children and died. Afterward the woman also died. In
the resurrection, therefore, whose wife will the woman be? For the seven had
her as wife." And Jesus said to them, "The sons of this age marry and
are given in marriage; but those who are accounted worthy to attain to that age
and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage,
for they cannot die any more, because they are equal to angels and are sons of
God, being sons of the resurrection.  Now he is not God of the
dead, but of the living; for all live to him." And some of the scribes
answered, "Teacher, you have spoken well." For they no longer dared
to ask him any question.
The Gospel of the Lord


General relativity is a theory of gravity. The idea is to find a set of “proper” coordinate system to describe physics on a curved space and make connection between these “proper” coordinate systems.
in which \(x^\mu(s)\) is the trajectory of the particle. Then the energy density \(\rho\) corresponds to \(m\delta^4(x^\mu- x^\mu(s))\).
The Largrange density
Energy-momentum density is \(\mathcal T^{\mu\nu} = \sqrt{-g}T^{\mu\nu}\) is
Finally,
In geometrical optics limit, the angular frequency \(\omega\) of a photon with a 4-vector \(K^a\), measured by a observer with a 4-velocity \(Z^a\), is \(\omega=-K_aZ^a\).
“A stationary spacetime admits a timelike Killing vector field. That a stationary spacetime is one in which you can find a family of observers who observe no changes in the gravitational field (or sources such as matter or electromagnetic fields) over time.”
When we say a field is stationary, we only mean the field is time-independent.
“A static spacetime is a stationary spacetime in which the timelike Killing vector field has vanishing vorticity, or equivalently (by the Frobenius theorem) is hypersurface orthogonal. A static spacetime is one which admits a slicing into spacelike hypersurfaces which are everywhere orthogonal to the world lines of our ‘bored observers’”
When we say a field is static, the field is both time-independent and symmetric in a time reversal process.
© 2017, Lei Ma. | Created with Sphinx and . | On GitHub | Neutrino Notebook Statistical Mechanics Notebook | Index | Page Source


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Ernest Hemingway
Home »Welcome to Like a Parisian - the #1 website for Paris recommendations!
Take a trip through the city of romance.
Immerse yourself in shimmering Paris, home to the world’s finest couture and cuisine.
Admire the legacy of revolutions artistic and political.


Japan, South Korea meet after saving intelligence pact
by JOHNSON LAI and MARI YAMAGUCHINAGOYA, Japan (AP) - The Japanese and South Korean foreign ministers met on the sidelines of a Japan-hosted G-20 meeting Saturday, a day after Seoul kept alive a 2016 military intelligence sharing pact with Tokyo, reversing its planned termination amid bilateral tensions.
Japan’s Toshimitsu Motegi and South Korea’s Kang Kyung-wha discussed ways to mend their countries’ troubled ties as they met in Nagoya, where Japan was hosting the foreign ministers meeting from the Group of 20 major economies.
Motegi was expected to press Kang to stick with a 1965 agreement in resolving their dispute over wartime Korean laborers, seen as the root cause of tensions that led to Japan’s trade curbs against South Korea and subsequent retaliatory measures that spilled into the area of national security.
“I plan to hear more about South Korea’s decision (Friday),” Motegi told reporters before the talks.
The outcome of the talks were not immediately known.
Seoul’s announcement Friday followed a strong U.S. push to save the pact, the General Security of Military Information Agreement, or GSOMIA, which is a symbol of the country’s three-way security cooperation amid North Korea’s nuclear threats and China’s growing influence.
Just six hours before it was to expire, South Korea announced that it was aborting the process for the time being. In Tokyo, Japan’s trade ministry announced a decision to resume their export controls talks, in response to Seoul’s decision to drop its legal step at the World Trade Organization against Japan.
Japanese trade officials said it was not an effort to save GSOMIA, but South Korea had indicated it may reconsider if Japan showed a sign of flexibility on the export issues.
In contrast to its tensions with South Korea, Japan’s often sensitive relations with another Asian neighbor, China, has dramatically improved in recent years.
Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi, who also attended the G-20 meetings, said Beijing was willing to further its relations with Japan by promoting cultural exchanges.
Yamaguchi reported from Tokyo.
Follow Mari Yamaguchi on Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/mariyamaguchi
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The Moon
Visit the moon, earth's one and only natural satellite. Take trail walks of nearly 12,000 miles, stays are available for up to 6 days!
Currently, only Moon, Mars, and Mercury are available for travel. Neptune is estimated to be visitable within a few decades.
Visit the moon, earth's one and only natural satellite. Take trail walks of nearly 12,000 miles, stays are available for up to 6 days!
Travel to the 4th planet in our solar system. Our destination Mars travel package includes a 3-day stay and a 2,000-mile trail walk.
During your selected stay at Mercury, you will be able to stay up to 3 minutes. Outdoors, we have about 3 miles of trail walks.
Neptune is our most anticipated travel destination by our clients. As this is the furthest planet, scientists estimate the travel waiting time is two decades.


If you get a SqlUpdate and change set its SQL more than once it can use the wrong sql.
That is, SqlUpdate is designed around using a single SQL statement ... but the api allows you to change the SQL and hence use it in a way not intented.
SqlUpdate sqlUpdate = Ebean.createSqlUpdate();sqlUpdate.setSql("insert into mytable ... ");sqlUpdate.setParameter(...)sqlUpdate.setParameter(...)sqlUpdate.execute();
sqlUpdate.setSql("insert into anothertable");sqlUpdate.setParameter(...)sqlUpdate.setParameter(...)sqlUpdate.execute();
Suggestion from Eddie:
...we can just pass the sql to the create method
SqlUpdate update = ebeanServer.createSqlUpdate("Insert into Person...");
... and remove the setSql() method.
Will break some code but then you don't have this problem anymore and an update's sql is immutable.
Makes sense... the only problem is that would clash with the existing "named" update method.
However, long term your suggestion sounds a lot better to me... hmmm ...
... could perhaps change it to:
createNamedSqlUpdate(String)createSqlUpdate(String)
... and do the same for the SqlQuery side:
createNamedSqlQuery(String)createSqlQuery(String)
Certainly makes more sense than the current api. Hopefully we wouldn't be breaking too much existing code.


eVote Admin UI
{% if admin_id %}
{{ admin_id }}
{% else %}
Error!
{% endif %}
{% if admin_id %}
Logout
{% else %}
Logout
{% endif %}
Create Election
Please do not use whitespaces in the names. Instead use underscores as a space.
Allowed file formats ".jpg", ".png", ".jpeg". The filenames should not have spaces in between.
Party Name
Party Photo
Representative Name
Representative Photo
Submit
Add Field
Get Election Results


ThrowsConstraint is used to test that some code, represented as a delegate, throws a particular exception. It may be used alone, to merely test the type of constraint, or with an additional constraint to be applied to the exception specified as an argument.
The related ThrowsNothingConstraint simply asserts that the delegate does not throw an exception.
ThrowsConstraint(Type expectedType) ThrowsConstraint<T>() ThrowsConstraint(Type expectedType, Constraint constraint) ThrowsConstraint<T>(Constraint constraint) ThrowsNothingConstraint()
Throws.Exception Throws.TargetInvocationException Throws.ArgumentException Throws.InvalidOperationException Throws.TypeOf(Type expectedType) Throws.TypeOf<T>() Throws.InstanceOf(Type expectedType) Throws.InstanceOf<T>() Throws.Nothing Throws.InnerException
Assert.That( SomeMethod, Throws.TypeOf<ArgumentException>()); Assert.That( SomeMethod, Throws.Exception.TypeOf<ArgumentException>()); Assert.That( SomeMethod, Throws.TypeOf<ArgumentException>() .With.Property("Parameter").EqualTo("myParam")); Assert.That( SomeMethod, Throws.ArgumentException ); Assert.That( SomeMethod, Throws.TargetInvocationException .With.InnerException.TypeOf<ArgumentException>()); Assert.That(() => throw ArgumentException, Throws.ArgumentException);


The Ingest package is used to build ingesting work flows.
Central for the ingest work flow is the {@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.ingest.Target}.
A Target defines the ingest unit, and ingest rules can be configured independently for different Targets.
Ingesting is defined by 3 steps.
- Pre-ingest filters, used to convert data from one form to another. For data enrichment a pre-ingest filter will also be the right way to proceed.
- Multiple pre-ingest filters can be defined.
- Ingest, used to define {@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.common.Record} objects and commit them to the {@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.Storage}
- Implementors needs to implement a {@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.ingest.Ingest}, a
{@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.ingest.Digester} and properly extend
{@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.ingest.ParserTask}.
- Implementors are free to extend the work flow with a post ingest step. typically tasks for post ingest would be record merging etc.
An example for post ingest can be found in {@link dk.statsbiblioteket.summa.ingest.postingest}.
In general terms pre-ingest needs to produce parsable XML, ingest parses the XML and extract key attributes like recordID and record content, and post ingest examine content more closely.
The ingest phase can be used to collect or mark records for the post ingest phase.
The ingest is based on XML parsing using the SXA2 standard.
Related Documentation
To implement new ingest work flows, the implementor needs to be familiar with the SAX2 java parsing package.
see http://www.saxproject.org for more information about SAX.


AMTC is an official club of Amity University, established by the CSE students of Amity Noida with the incentive to spark and instil the fervor to gather knowledge, stay apprised with the latest technology and create innovative applications.
Here, we believe that theoretical knowledge can help you make a future but the overall grooming can make you a fortune. That is why our club has never left any stone unturned in providing the students a varied range of opportunities along with great learning exposure. It provides the students a practical and realistic approach to life by extending a platform to enhance their social skills, management skills, creativity, overall grooming, etc. This is achieved by giving them exposure to technical as well as non-technical events to help them enhance their personality and lead their way through the tough competition in today’s world.
It is a Club under Amity School of Engineering and Technology.
Email<EMAIL_ADDRESS>Phone: +91<PHONE_NUMBER>


Some Example Bootstrap Sites
Why Bootstrap?
1. Responsiveness (the grid system/class system)
2. Less CSS
3. Ability to make things quicker
Steps For Downloading a Theme
2. Choose a theme, download the zip file, and put it in your local folder
3. Make sure the index.html file is visible (or else gh pages won't work!)
4. Pull up your text editor, open your site in your browser, and get to work!
Tips For Manipulating a Theme
2. Keep it simple
3. Use Chrome Developer Tools
4. Peruse some other bootstrap themes, and if you like something you see on one of those sites, copy that code into your text editor and use that
4. Keep your code clean and organized
4. Git Commit!


Here; Amazing techies making amazing designs in fun environments.
Working with us includes you to a team of committed collaborations. All aspects of our software development process are intergrated, interactive and agile.
Our approach unifies design, development and product management to create exceptional products.
We start each project by understanding your business goals, the user's needs and the product requirements.
Then we help translate them into effective and elegant solutions.
Before we sign a contract or write a line of code our team will spend the necessary time needed to understand your product vision
The outcome of this scoping session is proposal or high-level statement of work
based on your requirements, we can provide a complete offer or just the pieces/templates you need.
DELANI STUDIO.
2019.


The Answer Party
The Real Choice is the Real Answer
We're taking on the issues that matter today, not those that were relevant half a century ago. We can only do this with your vote. Support Matt Walker, support The Answer.
Disclaimer: We are not an actual political party, just a project created for a high-school government class.


To ensure high standards of cleanliness and safety at New York's various dining establishments, the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene conducts random inspections and records violations observed during the inspection. Depending on the severity and number of violations observed, the restaurant is given a grade of A, B, or C.
Once a grade is assigned, a card noting that grade is given to the restaurant for display. There are strict rules as to where that card must be displayed, ensuring it can be viewed by a potential patron before - or within a few steps of - entering a dining establishment.
It would appear this system both motivates the restaurant owners to maintain a high standard of service and puts diners' minds as ease by being completely transparent about the results. This certainly seems supported by the fact that a majority of restaurants are indeed receiving A grades. But it feels like there's something we're leaving out...


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|
clear
Syntax:
#include <fstream> void clear( iostate flags = ios::goodbit ); The function clear() does two things:
The flags argument defaults to ios::goodbit, which means that by default, all flags will be cleared and ios::goodbit will be set. |


This tiny open-source tool generates date displays like those inbetween Rewrite scenes. Enter text into the boxes, then click the generated image to download it.


WITNESS LIST Civil Practices Committee February 12, 2003-2:00P Medical Malpractice On: Anderson, Richard (Self) Hull, Mike (Texas Alliance for Patient Access) Montemayor, Jose (Texas Department of Insurance)


InstantClick is a JavaScript library that dramatically speeds up your website, making navigation effectively instant in most cases.
Despite the huge bandwidth increases, websites don’t get much faster. This is because the biggest botteneck in loading web pages is latency.1
Latency is inevitable with today’s internet architecture so InstantClick cheats by preloading links you are likely to click on.
Before a visitor clicks on a link, he hovers over that link. Between these two events, 200 ms to 300 ms usually pass by (test yourself here). InstantClick makes use of that time to preload the page, so that the page is already there when you click.
If you want your website to not be flooded by requests, you can set a delay before preloading starts when a user hovers a link. It will still feel instant.
If you really don’t want any wasted request, you may preload on “mousedown”.
InstantClick uses pushState and Ajax, a combo known as pjax.
Ajax brings two nice benefits in and of itself:
If your browser doesn’t support pushState, InstantClick fully degrades.
Head to the Getting started page.
By decreasing order of priority:
You can follow InstantClick’s news on Twitter, or participate in InstantClick’s development on Github.


I'll in an age is podcast for Monday.
Most wonderful show is keeping up with the Jones is welcome to episode two oh three of keeping up with the Jones is the weekly podcast with new episodes every Monday.
Mrs Jones. Yes. What has happened since the last time we sat down to record a podcast.
Goodness so much has happened.
It feels like it's been two or three weeks.
It's one week seven days, baby.
It was one really long, really full but great week.
Well, last week on Monday and Tuesday,
not even quite a week yet at the recording of this podcast,
Steve Long was in town and teaching on the school, wasn't he?
- Yeah, our friend Steve, we actually did a podcast interview
with him last week, if you didn't get a chance to listen to that,
you can visit our website and just as the episode
before the one you're listening to right now.
- Yes.
- Steve was in teaching on physical healing.
- Yeah.
teacher. He really is. He really practices demonstration and explanation at the same time,
which I love. Yeah. There's something about all these previously Baptist people, their ability to
teach something is remarkable, isn't it? Baptists make great charismatic, so I'm going to tell you.
They do. They do. And then on your two last week, you and I were teaching on kingdom parenting,
which is what? Basically, what are you looking for in spiritual parents? How do you find that?
all that kind of stuff. And then I do some stuff on what it's like to actually be,
allow yourself to be parented or reparented. I've never heard you teach because you're
usually teaching, you know, the way our schedule is set up. As one of the teachings I've never heard
you do, and I don't think you've ever heard me teach my part. So I hope we're teaching the same
thing question. I did hear you teach your part this time. Yeah. And it was good. It was good,
baby. You're so gifted. I also got to teach in second year one of my favorite sessions all about
how to use a piece of software called Accordance, which is our Bible study software. And I was so
proud of our students. Usually there's a certain level of panic whenever you talk about technology,
but this year everybody, it seemed like everybody was gung ho, which is amazing. And then what was
extra fun for me was this week I got to teach on our third year. Have we announced that we have a
third year of school is a financial life.
I don't know if we have on the podcast, but now we have three years.
We're piloting here three this year.
And so I got to teach our students who are beta testing year three for us all
about the hero triangle, the, which is, I just love that teaching about
interpersonal communication using the Karpman drama triangle and how to get
out of conflict and how to stop being passive and become powerful.
Anyway, it was so good.
All of that, as good as that week was, was vastly overshadowed by the awesomeness of our
having the Clairs Conference that we just finished last night.
It really was. It was such a great conference.
I loved even before the conference began. Like Friday night, we like to get there earlier,
just to kind of wander around and greet people and meet as many people as we can.
Lots of visitors from out of state. I got to meet a lovely couple from Indiana.
Indiana is a state.
It is a state, yes.
Some people from St. Louis, some people, basically all over, including a contingent of wonderful
listeners to this podcast show who'd come down for the conference from Alaska.
Yes, and they came bearing gifts, didn't they?
They did.
Explain to me what it was, because as soon as we walked in the church, somebody said,
"Does a basket of frozen meat for you?"
Which is great news to me.
If anybody offers me frozen meat, I'm excited.
But this is me.
I don't think I've ever eaten before.
Well, it's, well, I mean, it was freshly killed, moose meat and caribou meat that had been
made into different kinds of sausages.
So apparently the caribou sausage has jalapenos and cheese in it.
And it's quite spicy, which I was like, Oh, that's going to be good meat, cheese and
spice.
That's all three food groups.
And then for me, they brought me coffee.
So I get both meat and coffee.

In addition to that, our friends and park wrestlers from Scotland and England, we met
them and they brought with them care packages which you know nothing about and now no longer
exists.

All in all, the conference was amazing.
Jones, I was supposed to get some of it.
You got coffee, so it just all works.
Oh dear, okay.
But seriously, the conference was amazing.
It really was.
Our dear friend David Wagner was sharing at the conference and it's never dull moment
with David's in the house. No. And Jack Deere, who you're going to hear from in a second,
was also sharing the conference. And then worship. Oh my gosh. Well done, Grace and
our worship team. It was just beautiful. If you weren't at the conference, or even if
you were at the conference and you want recordings of all of the teaching, the MP3s for the conference
should be up at our website by the time you listen to this and by our website. I mean,
Grace and her website, I'll put a link to it in our show notes if you're interested in
that. But yeah, a great time. Do you any highlights from the conference?
Trebe? I think I was, I mean, the S tons of highlights, but I think I was super
struck by here you have two men both with incredible testimonies of brokenness and trauma.
 And I think there's just a lot of hope in that, like no matter what
you've been through or what you've survived when you hear those kind of testimonies.
Right.
Yeah. So, but I mean, it was also really fun on the final night of the conference. The
Holy Spirit just really broke out in a way that felt super familiar to me in that it
felt so much like Toronto in '94. And so it was chaos, but it was wonderful. And God
was doing all kinds of stuff. And we got home really, really late at night. So we're a little
tired, but super happy. And I just think the Lord did some amazing things this weekend
that we're going to keep hearing about. Like the ripple effect is going to keep going.
Thank you to everybody who came to the conference. I trust that you had an amazing time in the
presence of God too. And we're thrilled that you came. We announced our new spring conference
that's happening, our source conference, which will be happening. I'll put a link to all of that
in the show notes. I mentioned that our speakers this weekend, David Wagner and Jack Deere. David's
been on the podcast before. He has an amazing story, as you just mentioned, babe. Yeah. And in many
ways, similar to your story, similar to Jack's story, and that you're listening to it, and you're
and how can one person have endured this much trauma in their life? It's episode 86. If you
haven't listened to it, I'd encourage you to listen to after this episode. So we love having David
David's just a dear friend and a wonderful minister. It was our second time having Jack at the
conference and we just could not pass up the opportunity to ask him if he'd come on the show
and be interviewed. And we were thrilled that he'd said yes. Long time listeners of the show
will know that Jack's book have had a huge impact on my life. I was raised, for those who don't know
my story, in a very conservative evangelical church, grew up with first-generation Christian parents.
We loved the gospel of Jesus, but knew nothing about the Holy Spirit. And I meet the Holy Spirit
shortly after my 21st birthday in my early 20s, had no grade for what had happened when I met the
the Holy Spirit. And I started reading one of his books called "Surprise by the Power
of the Spirit," which really helped me understand the work of the Holy Spirit. And then later
on in my journey into the prophetic and learning to hear God's voice, I was greatly assisted
along that path by one of Jack's other books called "Surprise by the Voice of God." They're
two of my most recommended books. Their books, I suggest every believer, reads, especially
you've come from a conservative evangelical background and some of the charismatic stuff
that we talk about is interest you, but maybe it's not your experience. I highly recommend
you reading this book. So on Friday afternoon, Jack came over to the house and sat down with us,
and we talked about his new book and what he learned about pain and friendship with God,
and this is what came out of that.
A.J. Jones. Hello. Ask me how excited I am. How excited are you?
I am very excited because I have one of my personal heroes in the studio with us today.
I know, right?
Dr. Jack Deere.
Look at you.
You're in Franklin, Tennessee with the Joneses.
We're so excited to have you on the show.
Me too, Alan.
I feel like I could speak to you all day.
There's so many stories.
I want to hear.
There's so many questions.
We could wander through modern day church history.
 Hey, what about that?"
But you've written this brand new book. I've just finished reading it this week.
It was a hard book to read because the subject matter is not light and frothy.
If it was sad to read, I can only imagine how hard it was to write, harder yet to live,
talk to me about the process of this book and why would you volunteer for all of this transparency?
So the title of the book is even in our darkness.
And after my son died, that's a pivotal event in our life.
My second born son got in drugs when he was 13.
And at 22, he took his life.
It's on December 27, 2000.
And he shot himself in his head with a 44 Magnum, a gun that we used to scare bears away from our house in Montana on top of a mountain.
I was the one to find him that morning and my wife and I, his brother and sister, we gathered around his body.

And we said we're going to pray until God brings him back to life for the
police come and make us leave. After about 30 minutes the police came and made us leave.
That plunged us into the darkest, most unforgiving world. Until that morning,
I had a great story for my life. I was meant to write books speaking churches
Help people grow in their relationship with God
But after I found my son, I had nothing to say. I mean, I thought he was gonna be beside me in ministry
I thought he was gonna get out of drugs
So I lost my story for for living I couldn't write I tried to write
But it just came out as these lifeless cliches my wife went down trail of opioids and alcohol
And ended up in rehab and actually ended up in four rehabs.
So I thought I was going to lose her.
And so our life just sort of disintegrated.
I couldn't write, oh, and then I tried to,
about four years after I lost my son,
I tried to plant a church.
That's the word I used, plant.
What I did was I took over a dying church
of about 250 people.
And I thought, you know, in my past,
every ministry I've touched has grown.
And so I just assumed that would happen with this church.
and it didn't happen. For the first time in my life, I couldn't grow a church, I couldn't write,
and I couldn't get my wife sober. I thought it was my responsibility to get my wife
sober. So we just went into a disintegrated life. And for a long time, it was hard to find a story
for a living. It was hard to find a reason for getting out of bed. And I ended up going to rehab
for anger. It was in her second rehab. I went there just for family week and it turned out that the
counselors said, "You're a really angry person." I ended up going into rehab there and it was a
life-changing experience. I wrote a chapter about it in the book. Anyway, I came out of that rehab
and for the first time in six years, I was able to write. And I started writing the opening chapter
of this book. And the words just began to flow out of me. And I decided I want what I want to write
is a book about friendship with God. But I don't want to write it as though this is an easy thing.
 I want to talk about the sins in our
life, the sins in our marriage. Instead of standing on a stage and pretending that, you know,
We came out of this pretty well, pretty unscathed, and we have this great faith and all that.
And a lot of times that's what we preachers do.
We stand on a stage and we present a version of the Christian life that doesn't exist anywhere.
But the people listening to us, they don't know that.
So what they think is this guy is living the normal Christian life and they're the failures.
And so what we teach them to do is to go underground with their sin.
They don't tell anybody about what they're struggling with because they think their life is abnormal.
So I wanted to write a book that was different with all of our struggles, an unsanitized version
of the Christian life, but integrate that in with how God uses all of that, the pains,
everything to produce a friendship with Him, which I think is the goal of life. It's being
friends with God, feeling His affection, enjoying Him, and living out of pleasure as opposed to
enduring God and living out of obligation.
I got so many questions out with that, that one response.
So let me ask you a couple of questions.
You so casually mentioned, yeah, so, you know, I went to therapy.
I went to group therapy.
I know a little bit about your story.

It's just the flash, it's the distraction.

What motivated you to go to a group?
And did you have any internal struggles with that?
Any objections?
Was pride knocking at your door?
Or were you at such a point a desperation
that you were trying to think of?
- Well, prior to actually going into a group therapy,
I used to make fun of it.
I thought, look, all you really need is the word.

And it's like weak people go to counseling
or weak people go to group therapy.
And I'm not a weak person, I'm strong person,
I'm disciplined.
And at Dallas, we sort of disdained feelings.
When I was a second year student,
one of my professors said at the beginning of class,
liberals feel we think,
and the whole class erupted in applause and laughter.
The message was really clear, feelings are bad,
mind is good.
And that was just platonic theology.
That's all that was.
God didn't make us just minds.
He made us with hearts, with feeling.
And we're supposed to be in touch with pleasure
and all that.
So I ended up going into a group therapy session
sort of against my will.
I went up for family week with my wife
and my anger was off the charts.
but I didn't believe I was angry.
I just believed I wanted to do things right.
So denial was pretty strong.

And I go, "It's not harsh.
I just want things to be done right."
Right, I care, I care.
That was kind of, that was the way I sort of processed
all those things.
And because I'm a theologian and conversant
with scripture and theology, I could justify it.
Yeah, I got to pass on most of the really bad behavior
in the church.
as a result, I got the string of bad relationships behind me
of hurt people, but I just say,
well, those are just over sensitive people.

So I go to this therapy program for my wife,
I'm doing it for my wife, sure.
(laughing)
And the first thing a therapist does is he says,
do you always interact like that?
And I said, what are you talking about?
And he said, just like that, your volume, your face,
the tone, you're angry, and I go, I'm not angry.

Is this how you interact with your wife?
And the inside, I was really furious
because he was suggesting that I was part of my wife's problem.
I was her savior.
Not wasn't part of the problem.
I'm the one that's putting up with all this drinking stuff
and trying to rescue her.
I haven't left there.
And I couldn't see that I was treating her like a child
and expecting her to make decisions like an adult.
I did not know that I did not have power over her drinking.
In fact, I did not know I was powerless over life, right?
Without me, you can do nothing.
Well, I had an interpretation that sort of protected me
from what he really meant.
So at the end of that week,
the people in charge of Lisa's therapy
constructed a therapy session
where she was able to confront me
with what my anger had done to her.
And after listening to her,
tell some of the stories in front of the whole group,
from her therapy group, what I had done to her,
I felt so sad because now hearing that
and hearing it with an audience thinking,
how could I have been that insensitive?
That was the thing that sort of broke me
and made me decide I wanna go into their therapy program.

- Was that the first time you were able to draw
the parallel between those two things?
Or did you had hints of that in your adult life?
- No, I didn't have any hints of it.

My mom and dad were at war from the time I was about five
or six.
My dad killed himself when I was 12 years old
and left a 34 year old widow with a 10th grade education
to care for four kids.
I was the oldest of 12.
And then our whole home goes south.
There's this parade of men in our home.
I see things a child should never ever see.
My brothers and sister did do things
you should never ever see in your home.
I was permitted to drink in our home from the time
I was 13 mixed drinks for mom and her boyfriends
and then drink at the bar with them.
I just heard and saw stuff that was so defiling,
but I just thought, well, this is just life.

So when you're up with--
You don't know.
Yeah, you don't know that's abuse.
And my parents not only had no Christian friends,
they had no friends at all.
So sick homes don't have friends.
They have secrets.
And so all this stuff stays inside.
And there's no way for you to get any help.
So I grew up with all that.
I become a Christian at 17.
Hear the gospel for the first time.
Jesus died on the cross for me in my place.
If I would trust him to forgive me
and give me a new life, he will come into my heart.
I hear that on December 18th, 1965,
and I trust him and I'm born again.
Second verse of scripture I memorized
was Second Corinthians 5-17.
If any man be in Christ,
old things are passed away, behold all things are become new.
He's a new creature.
So I go, that past done and dusted.
- It just magically disappears on that vein.
- Yeah, right.
So I got theology to back that up.
That's what he said. Old things are passed away. And so if a person let's say I'm 19, 20,
22, a person asked me about my life, about my childhood, I say, it was mostly just gray,
kind of boring. That's literally the way I would describe it. You don't need for any pop psychology.
Yeah. Well, good. Let's move on. Yeah. So my best friend in college asked me,
what does your dad do? I said, I killed himself when I was 12. And my best friend said,
I must have been off and I go, oh, it was kind of hard on us. I mean, mom couldn't
couldn't pay the bills all the time, we almost lost our house twice, but that was all.
You'll know this just because of the process you've been through in recovery, but the amount of
dissociation a child needs to go through to survive the trauma you experienced, you literally
separate from yourself and you just recompartmentalize and move on. In your book, you talk about how,
in one sense, it's a blessing and a curse. You find a savior in that you find a system that
that lets you find the identity, you find theology,
you find you were previously, I mean,
I don't wanna sell you by your own words,
you didn't academically excel
until you discover passion for languages
and then are you kidding me, you're off the charts
in terms of academic success,
you're in a system that rewards performance
and it sounds like that's good medication
to keep all of that pain away.
- Yeah, and it was, and it was really heady.
So at 17, I don't know, a single verse of scripture,
I don't know God at 27.
I'm a professor of Old Testament exegesis
and Semitic language as a Dell seminary.
- I mean, that's remarkable.
- I can walk into a classroom at 27
and I can teach Hebrew or Greek without notes.
It wasn't just, I was good at it.
I absolutely loved it, breathed it.
And so that success was sort of overwhelming
and it just kind of covered the natch.
- The pain, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, just numbed all that.
And then I started church that becomes wildly successful
and they're a stock receive.
My city are going to it and my friends are 10 years older.
They're the CEOs of companies.
I'm riding on private jets, going to these great ranches.
And so all that pain is just this distant, distant memory.
- Just a little echo away, but just doesn't vanish.
It's still there and it's gonna eke out.

You can do it, but the more pain you have,
more balls you have to manage. And then one day somebody says something to you and this
beach ball flies up, hits them in the face and they're like, what's that?  Yeah.
  But today, here's how I would describe my
I'm the kind of guy who finds all these really creative ways to leave God without it looking like I've left God.
Wow.
And then he finds all these creative ways to bring me back.
Yeah.
And at the time, I don't even know I'm doing that.
Of course you don't.
So I give you an example.
In the 1990s, I'm living in Whitefish, Montana, one of the most beautiful spots in the world.
We live on a mountain.
At 95, I start investing in stocks.
stocks. And this is when the tech stocks were just going on the chart. And so my best friend
and I started investing in stocks. And on some days, I put all of our savings in stocks.
And on some days, I'm making more money in one day than I made in an annual salary before.
And so by the spring of 2000, I figure I've got four or five months to go and then I will
have enough money if this stuff just keeps on going the way it's going to cash out and
never have to work another day of my life.
But in order to do that, I've been doing this for five years now.
And so I've been paying more attention to the stock market.
I've been reading more about financial stuff than I'm reading my Bible, than I'm really
thinking about God.
I mean, what's firing me up is not God.
What's firing me up is everything I'm learning in the stock market.
And I'm still writing a book.
I wrote that surprise by the voice of God in '96.
I'm still traveling around the world,
actually speaking at conferences and all that stuff.
I'm not going to church anymore.
My best friend and I aren't going to church.
We're investing in the market.
And so God's still there, but he's kind of like,
I've got him off to a corner.
What's really exciting is making money in the market.
And then 2000, December 27th comes,
and I lose my son, and all of a sudden,
money is not important anymore. Nothing is important. You can always get money back,
but you can't get a son back. And I end up losing all that money. Okay, so here's an
example of God bringing me back. And I didn't know I needed to be brought back. So two weeks
after we lose my son, we're in Fort Worth. We wouldn't spend another night in our house
in Montana, we took his body, went back to Fort Worth, his birthplace and my birthplace.
And we live with our best friends.
And they have a huge, huge home.
And so we were in their home two weeks after his funeral, the bill for the funeral comes
and it's $10,064.69.
And the funeral company wants their money today.
They couldn't find us for two weeks.
They didn't know where we were living.
And no problem because I still have a lot of money in the bank account.
I've lost more than half of my money
'cause the tech stocks collapse,
but I still have money to pay the bill.
30 minutes after I get that funeral bill,
my secretary walks in with a sack full of mail,
and I know what it is, sympathy cards.
So I empty the cards on the desk, 38 cards,
and out of those 38 cards, 22 checks fall.
One check for each year of Scott's life.
He was 22 when he killed himself.
The funeral bill was $10,064.69.
I total up the checks and they're $10,065.
- Wow.
- I am sitting there, my heart is about to explode.
And I'm saying, not thank you.
I'm saying, why?
Why God?
I mean, I knew that was God speaking to me.
I mean, that's not a coincidence.
That is God speaking to me.
And I'm saying, why?
What does this mean?
And I just sat there with my heart thumping,
and then I hear these three sentences.
I paid for his death.
I paid for his life,
and I'll pay for everything you need the rest of your life.
And I just began to weep.
I had spent the last five years ignoring God for money,
and it was like God said,
"Okay, if money's important to you,
I'll win your heart back with money."
It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.
I found this way to leave him,
not really thinking I'd left him,
and he finds a more creative way to bring me back to him.
- The kindness of God that leads us to repentance, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- He rears us with the happiness.
- Exactly, that's exactly what it is.
- It's beautiful.
There was a story I read in your book
about you ministering to a young man.
- It was that first time I went back to church.
- Tell us that story.
- Okay, so eight weeks after we lost my son,
I hadn't gone to church.
I hadn't laid my hands on a single person
and prayed for them.
And I get this church from Emerald.
It's got about 5,000 people.
I go there every month, speak.
I mean, I go to their elder meetings once a month.
I speak in all their retreats.
I've been great friends with them for like three years.
So they call eight weeks after we've lost Scott.
And they say, all the senior pastors are going to be gone.
This next Sunday, we have a famous guest speaker coming in.
Could you come and emcee the services for the weekend?
You'll only be gone 24 hours, two services Saturday night,
two services Sunday morning.
You get back on a plane and you'll only be away from Lisa for 24 hours.
Lisa says, "Honey, go.
I've got Stephen and Elise here to take care of me.
That church has been so good to us."
They're in Amarillo, Texas, up in the panhandle.
And we're back in Fort Worth at this time.
So I get on plane and I'm seeing the first Saturday afternoon service.
It's over.
And I'm standing down at the front.
And we've got maybe 70 people on the prayer team that are praying for people afterwards.
but I'm not praying for anybody.
And I look over to my right and I see this blonde lady
leading a person.
And I can't tell if the person is a man or a woman,
a boy or girl, because the person has no face.
And then all of a sudden she's walking straight to me.
So I'm by myself, I'm not praying for anybody.
And she comes up and introduces herself.
She says, "Hi, I'm Michelle.
"This is my son, Aaron.
Six months ago, Aaron was so distraught that he put a shotgun under his chin and pulled the trigger.
It blew his face away, but he survived it. It's taken multiple surgeries to get him to this point.
And here's what this point meant. When I looked at him, whether it should have been eyes,
there were just these slits that were sewn shut. You couldn't even tell there were eyes there.

And out of the throat was a permanent tracheotomy tube.
He was so disfigured, you couldn't recognize what he was.
And so she says, Aaron doesn't yet believe in God,
but he came up here because I asked him to,
would you pray for him?
This is my first time to be in church
after losing my son.
I had not laid these hands on anyone and prayed for them.
Since the last person I prayed for,
I held my son's head, his shattered head in my hands
and prayed for him.
And now she brings a boy who tried to blow himself away
with a shotgun, says, "Would you pray for him?"
So I looked at Aaron and I said, "Aaron, my name's Jack.
"Would you like me to pray for you?"
And he puts his finger over the trach tube
so the arrow goes through his vocal folds.
And he says, "Yes."
So I put one hand on his back and I put the other hand on my left hand on his heart.
And as soon as my left hand touches his heart, I feel power come down the back of my neck.

And I don't even have to think about what I'm going to say.
I'm on automatic pile.
And I said, Aaron, my son pulled the trigger at Christmas, but he didn't make it.
God has spared you because he has purposes for your life if you want to fulfill them.
then Michelle began to sob and she said, "I'm so sorry.
I didn't know you were the son, the minister who's son,
who, I'm just so sorry.
Never would have brought him here if I'd known."
And I said, "Michael, don't cry.
This is divine appointment.
God has made this.
You've done exactly what you're supposed to do.
I'm glad to be here right now.
I'm glad to be with you in Aaron."
And then I finished the prayer for Aaron.
And then I turned to her and prayed for her
and had exactly the same experience happen.
It's just this prayer from heaven that comes down.
And I watched them walk away.
And I just, I looked up to heaven at God
and I said, "You are amazing.
Nobody is like you.
Nobody writes stories like this."
I mean, I knew what he was doing
that he was speaking to me in that.
He didn't take an ounce of the pain away.
What he did was he came down into the pain.
And it was like he said, "I'm here with you.
All of this has a purpose.
And you stay with me and I'm gonna give you power
to help the hopeless.
I'm gonna give you a new story.
It was just, it was one of the most amazing experiences
of my life and that's what we found God doing
in those days, not coming into the pain
but not taking it away.
We still had to feel every bit of it
and still had to walk through it.
And about, I wrote all this down, wrote their last name down
and then about five years later someone said
were on Oprah. So I looked at Oprah shows online. I couldn't find them. And just before I finished
this book, I found them. And Aaron has become a believer. Oh, come on. No, he is talking to
churches. His face looks so much better. Now he's had many more surgeries. They live in Austin,
Texas. That's wonderful. That's like, wonderful. Yeah, it's like, God, you're amazing.
And we had those kind of experiences.
That was the most dramatic, I think,
but we had those kind of experiences over and over.
And people told us in those first weeks,
and they meant to be kind,
but they said, "You'll never recover from this."
And what they were trying to say,
they were trying to tell us that they understood
this was the worst pain a person could ever go through.
But saying, "You'll never get over this."
I flinched when I heard that.
I didn't want to believe that that one reckless act of my son
would emotionally maim us for the rest of our lives.
So about 10 years after he dives, 10, maybe 11 years,
it's his anniversary of his death,
which December 27th, I'm sitting there
and I'm riding an update to people.
Lisa's recovering from the strokes that she had in hospital
and this was 2013 probably.
And I'm watching her and she's not, she's watching TV.
She's oblivious.
And I'm thinking, I don't feel any pain.
It's his anniversary.
And then I'm thinking, when's the last time you felt any pain?
And I can't remember the last time I felt any pain.
And it's like all the sting of Scott is gone
and nothing but the sweetness remains.
The sweetness of his life with us
and then the sweetness of the reunion
that I'm looking forward to.
And I thought, I've been healed.
I couldn't tell you the time. I couldn't tell you how it happened. But Lisa will tell you the same thing today that we are completely
healed and people ask us to talk about his death and they say I want to bring anything up and I go
I have not lost a single detail of his death. I remember every single thing, but there's just no pain with it. There's no
Sting with it. God really has redeemed our pain because you went through the pain. Yeah, you didn't try to avoid it
Yeah, which requires
incredible bravery I
i think one of the saddest things for me about reading your book and it's incredible for a number of reasons not least the levels of.
Transparency and vulnerability that's uncommon especially for christian leaders to go through.
The thing i think that made me sad was the loneliness i felt with you going through the book and the loneliness that you must have experiences a child as a young adult growing up and never really knowing it.
What was it like going through the awakening to the loneliness the sadness the emotions or the emotional realization that these people that i love,
i've actually been distancing them by my own best efforts or by my own ignorance you know listen to your wife explain.
These are the ways you hurt me how did your heart respond to that was there any defense mechanism that kicked in or by this point where you just be in black and blue.
No, I think the worst thing for me was hearing from my wife when she got in a safe environment
and was protecting by those counselors.
The one thing that's true of me, I loved my wife.
I fell in love with her the day I saw her and when she spoke, I heard that sweet, gentle
voice I was done for.
I mean, I kept cautioning myself saying, "Hey, this is love at first sight.
This can't be true.
Be careful."
And my mind kept hurling warnings at my heart.
I've always loved her and always thought she was unique and one of the best persons one of the most spiritual persons I've ever known
But I've been unkind and I've been angry with her not meaning to be
And then to hear in front of that group
Where where she took a list of things?
that covered a period of years and
Read them out loud to me if that was I think that was a pivotal point in my life
that had been some other guy, I would have said,
"That's the biggest jerk in the world."
And I wouldn't have counted on someone else,
but thinking how sweet she is,
and how could I be that insensitive?
That was probably the turning point
that made me soft enough to be willing
to start taking a look at that.
And the other thing I was doing,
by this time I was starting to pursue God
to become friends with Him,
as opposed to being a good servant,
as opposed to doing things will help me have a better life.
I was pursuing him in order to make my ultimate pleasure in him,
to feel his affection for me.
So those two things together,
actually showing me how I had hurt her.
And then pursuing God on the other hand,
it's like opened up a door for him to begin to speak to me
about that whole area of pain and loneliness
that I had harbored in my life for so long.
I'm curious about, I think I know the answer to this, but I'll be interested in your perspective.
I'm curious, partly because of culture we live in,
aging, I live in Grace Center, we have an amazing church culture.
The place is a high value on two things, one honor and one confrontation.
So we live in an environment where as staff, as leaders, as people in our community,
we can't go too far without being confronted.
And what confrontation would be like, hey, Jack, can I just have a sound
Can I tell you how I experienced you this morning?
We had the interchange.

And like, can I talk to you about that?
And so there's a high value on receiving feedback.

Nobody ever said, hey, Jack,
can I, hey, that felt really harsh.
Did anybody speak to you?
Or was everybody just enamored
with your gift and backed away?
I think I got a lot of passes.

You're not really listening.

And Wimber is not afraid to confront, uh, but that, but even there,
you know, I fought, uh, somebody as powerful as Wimber.
He's one of those powerful people I've ever known.
And do you think that was just from your own wounds with, with a father?
Why didn't you listen to a father like John?
And that's a great question
because he was a great father.
And, you know, I've had two great spiritual fathers.
I had three academic fathers,
but John was a great spiritual father.
And then in part of me,
my heart was so tender toward him,
but there was another part that was really defensive.
I remember one night,
I was debating a very, very well-known prominent theologian
in front of 500 of his students.
Basically, most of the seminary had turned out
for the debate.
And so John and Lisa and I drove together
and John was in the audience.
And this guy assumed, this professor assumed
that I was like typical charismatic,
that I believed everybody could be healed
if you had enough faith,
and that everybody should speak in tongues
'cause this is the key to spiritual life.
And so he was shocked when I didn't believe those things.
She's a little bit derailed because he,
because the arguments he came loaded for, he can't use now.
'Cause I'm already saying, no, I don't believe that stuff.
And then he made a critical era,
critical biblical era.
And I thought about it for a second
and I thought I could do with him.
I could go for the jugular vein or I could win a friend.
And probably two or three years before that,
I wouldn't have been able to pass it up.
But I watched John answer questions so many times,
and he never got hooked and the anger of his opponent,
he was always kind to every person.
I just, I would be furious sometimes,
but I watch his kindness.
And so I just thought, I'm on a win a friend,
and I passed on it.
And after the debate,
the whole place erupted in applause.
Everybody was happy with it.
It was like both sides won.
And the professor asked me to come to his class,
to lecture to his doctoral students,
master's students and I did that for a number of months after. Well, anyway, we're riding home in the car.
And John says, "You were great tonight, Jack." He said, "I'm so proud of you. You were kind."
Wow. I fought back the tears because I was being like my father. I was like, that's really
what I want to do. So he was really a great spiritual father. And there was a part of me that could
Respond to him like that and want to be like him and there was this other unhealed defensive part that like
I'm gonna stand my ground here and get angry and
There's lots of stuff in your book that is really sad
The bit about john and you and the fact that you
You two split for four years. That was a bit I
Cried out loud when I read that there was something about that the grief the sorrow of this
incredible
connection between these two people and the brokenness of never being
fathered or not knowing how it would be a son or not knowing how to
parent. I was just like, that is a tragedy. And the day that you went to
repent to him, that so moved me to tears. What was it? Yeah, that got you
there. Yeah. See, John's father left on the night he was born. So he's like
me, he grew up without a father.  And then the church mistreated him when he went to work for the church. I
mean, he didn't have money to get his kids teeth fixed and that sort of thing. So he
had significant anger issues and he could be really cranky with the staff. Never cranky.
That's the word you use, not critical. Never cranky with an adversary in public. But behind
the scenes, he was like me. He carried a significant amount of unhealed anger. And he and I never
clashed in public.  I mean, there were
only spectators this would have been our wives. And sometimes it was just me and him. And
both of us, I think it was because of the unhealed anger in our lives. So we split up.
And I was about three years after we split up. I was on top of my mountain in Montana,
I was praying and I see this vision of me being unnecessarily provocative to John.
And I just say, Lord, was I really like that?
And that over the next few days, I saw this stream of really ugly scenes pop up where
I was being ungrateful, unnecessarily provocative to John.
And so I called him and I said, John, I'm going to be in Southern California and a week
or two is okay if I come by and see you.
He goes, "I'd love to see you, Jack."
Carol opens the door and takes me into the kitchen to see John.
And he's in a wheelchair.
He's had a stroke, a heart attack, and had cancer.

And he's got a bucket in the wheelchair
for the son predictable nausea, where he'll just
throw up without any notice.
And his cheeks are kind of a little bit
hollowed out and the sun shining on him.
but he's got that same jovial expression
that he has where he looks like he's about to crack a joke.
And I said, John, we haven't spoken for three years,
but neither of us has said a bad word about the other.
And he looks up at me and he smiles and he says,
yeah, Jack, we've been very disciplined on our bitterness,
haven't we?
I just broke my heart.
I mean, nobody could use humor and go to the heart of an issue like John could.
Right.
And he's just confessing for both of us.
And so I just start pouring out my heart and saying, John, I've been supremely ungrateful.
I unnecessarily provoked you.
There were a thousand young men that would have given their right hands to be your right
hand and you chose me.
And I just came here to ask you to forgive me, not just for the way I left, but for ending
our friendship.
And he said, "Yeah, Jack, but I hurt."
And I've raised my hand and I stopped him.
And I said, "I don't want to hear it, John.
"You would never have hurt me
"had I been a grateful son."
And that was as far as I got before
I fell at his feet and started crying.
And he put his hand on my shoulder and said,
"I forgive you, Jack."
And then we stayed together for a little longer.
And I walked out of the house and I felt lighter.
I felt like something left me.
And I think some dark power did leave me
that day because of the anger, the unforgiveness,
in the ingratitude.
- Well, it's the foothold, isn't it?
- Yeah, it was a foothold.
- We gave the enemy a foothold.
- Yeah. - And we're warned not to do that.
And it's the very things like bitterness and rage
and malice and unforgiveness.
- Yeah.
- And a month later we were on a TV program together
and a week after that he was dead.
And I went to Anaheim for the funeral
and they asked me to ride a tribute.
And I set up in the hotel room,
trying to write a tribute and I just started bawling
and I couldn't stop my tears, washed away the ink
and I just shook and sobbed and sobbed
and wished I had another chance.
I wish, you know, I was just,
I'm never gonna see him again.
I just, how could I have wasted the last three years?
- It sounds like you had emotions,
but probably not on your terms.
As in it took an overwhelming amount of emotion
to get over the dam that you'd build up,
either through crisis or sorrow or pain,
it would break through.
Were you comfortable with that?
Like weeping or you could just dry yourself up
and then other.
No, no, no, I was actually comfortable with that.
I mean, it felt good.
'Cause you're getting rid of something
that's been pinned up inside you.
It felt good, but I wasn't paying attention
to what was really going on.
I wasn't thinking about my feelings
and relationship to my friendship with God.
And once I had a category for that and started praying every day to feel the affection of Lord,
I don't know if I cry every day, but I probably cry every other day and especially in private with
the Lord. And it feels so good. I mean, I feel this affection more than I've ever felt it now.
And that's my basic message to the church, to pastors is the number one thing in life,
is to feel his affection.
When I make obedience to number one thing in my life,
that's when I'm least obedient.
But when I make feeling his affection,
then things just seem to fall into place.
- If obedience is your goal,
your outcome is either self-satisfied,
Phariseesum or deep disappointment,
'cause you're not gonna be able to do it.
The difficulty with connection is,
you have to be prepared to feel your own feelings
before you can feel his.
Yeah. Yeah. And that and we're we've been out of trained out of that or reluctant to do it.
Yeah. I think one one easy way. I'm totally on board with what you just said. I said,
I think one really easy way to express it is when obedience becomes the number one thing in our
life, we have two outcomes, either depression or delusion. Yeah. That's good.
Yeah. Ferris East, they diluted themselves. Yeah. It's amazing that the tools, the very
sophisticated tools we develop in early childhood to keep pain out. We discover later in life
are the very walls that keep love out too. Yeah true. It's the same area of your heart
where you feel sadness and disappointment and shame and guilt. It's the same area you feel
love and gladness and connected and hope and yeah you can't love if you're not willing to feel pain
because that but love is taking a risk and there's nobody you love that's not going to hurt you in a
significant way. So I was thinking this morning that there's, you know, there's people from
all different places in the world and all different kinds of church backgrounds that listen
to our podcast. And some of them maybe like I was like, I got saved Baptist and I was
telling you a bit of my story about, you know, when I the first time I sort of encountered
the Holy Spirit and ended up on the floor, I wasn't sure why I couldn't stand. I wasn't
why I was laughing and I didn't know how to make the leap or understand anything that was happening to me.
And I just wondered if you had any thoughts or encouragement for people that might be in a place of
I want to connect with the person of the Holy Spirit, but I'm a little bit afraid about that because I've been told
crazy stories or to be wary of him.
Yeah, it makes sense.
Right.
So or here's another common one you hear.
Once you make it to your mind, you're going hard after God.

Yeah.
The devil is an equal opportunity hater.
Right.
He doesn't wait for just he looks for openings, not people that are going hard
after God.

Right.
And that even includes a cross.
Yeah. The thief on the cross next to Jesus, we'll see him in heaven.
Yeah. That was the safest place in the world to be. That was the one place,
if you wanted to get saved that day, that was the one place to be right next to the one who saves.
So that's a total lie, but you hear those kind of things and the devil uses it, I think,
to keep us from taking risk. And God really is going to offend your minds. I mean,
that is, he's just going to do that. So we learned to put our trust in him,
not in our intelligence. And part of the ways he offends our minds, he does things in ways we
don't expect. I mean, I never expected to believe in healing. I was a satisfied seminary professor
and I didn't, I wasn't pursuing healing or anything like that. And then there are physical
manifestations that happen throughout the history of the whole history of Scripture,
where the Holy Spirit does things to people like knocks them down on the ground.
And they say, "Jesus of Nathras."
And he says, "I am He."
And that's the Greek for ego and me.
That's the name of God, I am.
And when he says that, they all fall down on the ground.
And John doesn't stop and explain it.
He just has them all fall down on the ground.
I mean, they're in the presence of the creator of the universe.
And sometimes in his presence,
we have physical manifestations.
And all these things have happened throughout history,
and they've happened in famous revivals
like The Great Awakening in the 1730s.
Generally speaking, people say Jonathan Edwards
was the greatest theologian ever.
He preached two hour sermons in a high pitch voice,
long, intricately reasoned,
and when The Great Awakening happened,
people would writhe and fall down on the floor and scream.
Some people were transported to heaven.
Some people had experiences of hell,
And there was no way that was emotionalism
because he wasn't emotional.
That was the Holy Spirit pouring himself out
coming in a way that was offensive to people.
And I love what Jonathan Edwards says.
The Boston minister said he was a tool of Satan
and they said, you know, those signs people falling
on the floor and riding, that's not God's a God of order,
that can't be God.
And Jonathan Edwards, I'm paraphrasing him,
but here was his argument.
He said, when that guy fell on the floor, was riding,
than motionless for 24 hours.
He was a God-hater, he was a drunkard,
and he was a wife-beater.
When he got up, he loved God, was in the church all the time,
never laid a hand on his wife except in love,
and never had another drink.
He goes, that is not a work of the devil.
- No, exactly.
- Yeah.
- It's not maybe not the way we would have done the work,
but he said, but you don't look at the package
in which the work comes, you look at the fruit.
If the fruit is good, then whether you're offended
with the package or not, is irrelevant.
That's the Holy Spirit.
- Yeah.
- So that's what I would say to people.

I mean, He's offended by me and He'll still do that.
It's not like you get over this one time
and but He does it in order to say,
what do you trust?
Do you trust your intellect or do you trust me?
- Right.
Yeah, and in the end, He gets to be God, doesn't He?
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, and he, oh, here's another good one for us pastors.
He will take a pastor without a seminary education,
maybe even with bad grammar and give him a huge church.
Yeah. And so we guys sitting over here on the side are going, well, I don't know about that.
That's that search deficient in this deficient in that. And it's just jealousy.
He's just he's a it's a fence to our minds. Yeah.
Jack, the last question I have for you is your book, even in our darkness.
It is an unusual book for the reasons we've mentioned before.
But perhaps most unusual is it's marked by graphic content in terms of the subject
matter, but also the some profanity in there.
You don't shy away from talking about sex masturbation things that most Christian authors don't highlight
I'm interested to know what was the what was the conversation like with your publisher when you sent your first draft
Because when you speak you were very courteous to your audience, you know
You'll often say blankety blank when you're talking about cuss words in the book there. They're just written out in print
What was that like yeah? So I didn't write this book for Christians
I wrote it for people who don't know the Lord and and so I don't want to sanitize it because peak non-Christians
We'll read a Christian book and they'll just toss it away or they won't even get past the past prayer
It just it doesn't speak to their life. It's just it's so sanitized
It does it's not real and so those fraudulent. Yeah, so the first thing I wanted to write a book
Then that an unbeliever a non-church gore
would pick up and
Not be able to put down for the beauty of the story and so that that's the reason that I wrote
But what what you could call graphic, so I didn't think I was gonna get a Christian publisher
So Zondervin approached me and said we we hear your writing. We want to we want to see the copies of it
So I go okay, I'll show you what it's like buckle up
So I sent him I sent him a copy of
Even in our darkness of parts of it and then I sent him a copy of a second book
I'm writing which has to do with the stuff I wrote while Lisa was going through his strokes and and they
They wrote back and they said we love this but these are super powerful stories
You're a powerful writer when we want to publish this and I said I'm not taking the profanity out
and they said well well
There's some Christian bookstores that will not even take a book if it has a single profane word in it
and that's well
I'm not writing to the the people that are offended like that and I'm not writing to those bookstores and
And finally they said we believe you we think the integrity of the story demands you tell it like it happened
And so we're gonna suffer a little bit on the Christian audience and but we want to
We want to publish so that wasn't easy for them and we fought over a few
passages I have
One well, I'm not even too
I have there's some passages in there with some sexual scenes that we kind of that did tone down a little bit
But it's still right plenty in there and and unbelievers are reading it and coming to the Lord
Which is just beautiful. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, I mean
Young young people and then there's a friend of mine gave it to his 90 year old 91 year old father-in-law who is an
unbelieving
Episcopal and he gave him copy the book. He's an assisted living so my friend went back a couple days later and saw the book on the
Table and said hey, how'd you like that book? And he said you know I hate religious books
But I couldn't put that damn thing down
You get me a couple more copies. I got some friends here. I want to give it to
91 years old awesome you need down the back of the dust jacket
Right, so we're finding it's finding an audience and all ages 14 year olds girls
So I'm we're really thrilled with that
I'll put a link in the show note to the book. It's called even in our darkness a story of beauty in a broken life
Thank You Jack for taking time out of your crazy schedule to be with us this afternoon just to talk about the book talk about your life
Thank you for being vulnerable, being willing to just walk in a light with an audience,
some who you'll never meet to just bring transformation. We so appreciate it. And so appreciate you being
here. Thanks so much. It's been great for me. So that was fun. Yeah. Our regular listeners will
know that we just started a 10 episode series that we were calling back to the basics. And obviously,
we departed this week from that in order to create space for Jack's interview. So we'll be back
next week with our third installment of Back to the Basics, which is about the loving heart
of God.
I can't wait for that.
It's going to be good.
Please check the show notes for everything that we talked about this week.
We put links to people, things we talk about, and you can get the show notes for any episode
you listen to just by going to allen and AJ.com.
My name is Spell A L Y N. So allen and AJ.com/203 for this episode because it's 203.
any episode you want to show notes for just putting the episode number after Alan and
AJ.com.
We're also giving away three copies of Jack's new book signed by Jack himself.
Simply share this episode on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, ensuring that you tag us in
your post and we'll randomly pick three people to send a copy of the book to.
Well, that's fun.
Well, if you like this episode, we have more than 200 other episodes available at our
website, Alan and AJ.com.
I love how you always spell Alan.
I spell AJ because sometimes they misspell it when I get coffee at Starbucks.
They put AJAY and that's not done.
Do they really?
Yeah.
I'm like it's two initials.
It's not that hard.
Alanajay.com and yeah, you can listen to all the previous ones.
Thanks for listening.
Subscribe to the show and we'll be back in your favorite podcast app next week.
If you want to reach out to us, we'd love to hear from you on Twitter or Instagram.
I'm @Alan again, A-L-Y-N.
And I'm_aj-Jones.
AJ Jones.
Have a fantastic week.
âTMª Tacos and video games âTMª
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âTMª But things we deal with every day âTMª
âTMª From Franklin, Tennessee âTMª
âTMª They're just like you and me âTMª
âTMª Allen, and AJ âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
Sharing their life experience
Keeping up with the Jones
Keeping up with the Jones
They talk about faith in God
And everything under the sun
If you are a human being
There's something here for everyone
(music)
[ Silence ]


| Total net profit | 71.14 | Gross profit | 250.29 | Gross loss | -179.15 |
| Profit factor | 1.4 | Expected payoff | 0.59 | ||
| Absolute drawdown | -30.01 | Maximal drawdown (%) | 107.5 (138.73%) | ||
| Total trades | 121 | Profit trades (% of total) | 87 (71.9%) | Loss trades (% of total) | 34 (28.1%) |
| Long positions (won %) | 64 (64.06%) | Short positions (won %) | 57 (80.7%) | ||
| Largest | profit trade | 9.27 | loss trade | -22.62 | |
| Average | profit trade | 2.88 | loss trade | -5.27 | |
| Minimum | profit trade | 0.05 | loss trade | -0.06 | |
| Maximum | take profit in pips | 206.7 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Average | take profit in pips | 123.3 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Minimum | take profit in pips | -12.2 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Maximum | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 10940 | |
| Average | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 1582.1 | |
| Minimum | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 2 | |
| Maximum | consecutive wins (profit in money) | 21.0 (38.45) | consecutive losses (loss in money) | 5.0 (-9.06) | |
| Average | consecutive wins | 7.0 | consecutive losses | 3.0 |
| Total net profit | -12.56 | Gross profit | 110.9 | Gross loss | -123.46 |
| Profit factor | 0.9 | Expected payoff | -0.2 | ||
| Absolute drawdown | -30.35 | Maximal drawdown (%) | 86.23 (154.31%) | ||
| Total trades | 64 | Profit trades (% of total) | 41 (64.06%) | Loss trades (% of total) | 23 (35.94%) |
| Largest | profit trade | 7.58 | loss trade | -22.62 | |
| Average | profit trade | 2.7 | loss trade | -5.37 | |
| Minimum | profit trade | 0.05 | loss trade | -0.06 | |
| Maximum | take profit in pips | 183.7 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Average | take profit in pips | 122.8 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Minimum | take profit in pips | 66.3 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Maximum | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 10940.0 | |
| Average | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 1529.2 | |
| Minimum | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 2.0 | |
| Maximum | consecutive wins (profit in money) | 11.0 (54.09) | consecutive losses (loss in money) | 5.0 (-9.06) | |
| Average | consecutive wins | 5.0 | consecutive losses | 2.0 |
| Total net profit | 83.7 | Gross profit | 139.39 | Gross loss | -55.69 |
| Profit factor | 2.5 | Expected payoff | 1.47 | ||
| Absolute drawdown | -16.32 | Maximal drawdown (%) | 53.72 (143.64%) | ||
| Total trades | 57 | Profit trades (% of total) | 46 (80.7%) | Loss trades (% of total) | 11 (19.3%) |
| Largest | profit trade | 9.27 | loss trade | -10.82 | |
| Average | profit trade | 3.03 | loss trade | -5.06 | |
| Minimum | profit trade | 0.15 | loss trade | -0.31 | |
| Maximum | take profit in pips | 206.7 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Average | take profit in pips | 123.8 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Minimum | take profit in pips | -12.2 | stop loss in pips | 0.0 | |
| Maximum | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 5991.0 | |
| Average | Reward-Risk | 0.0 | Duration in minutes | 1641.6 | |
| Minimum | Reward-Risk | Duration in minutes | 34.0 | ||
| Maximum | consecutive wins (profit in money) | 15.0 (29.0) | consecutive losses (loss in money) | 7.0 (-53.72) | |
| Average | consecutive wins | 10.0 | consecutive losses | 2.0 |


To debug the parser generated by ocamlyacc:
Generate parsing infomation in the file grammar.output using -v option (like "ocamlyacc -v filneme.mly"): the information consists of the parsing table and a report on conflicts.
Set p option of the OCAMLRUNPARAM environment variable: for example, execute "export OCAMLRUNPARAM='p' " on bash shell.
The parser prints messages about its actions such as shifting a token, reducing a rule.
You can find rule numbers and state numbers mentioned in the messages at the file grammar.output.