Enter DUKE SOLINUS, AEGEON, Gaoler, Officers, and other AttendantsAEGEON
Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fallDUKE SOLINUS
And by the doom of death end woes and all.
Merchant of Syracuse, plead no more;AEGEON
I am not partial to infringe our laws:
The enmity and discord which of late
Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
Who wanting guilders to redeem their lives
Have seal'd his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
Excludes all pity from our threatening looks.
For, since the mortal and intestine jars
'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
It hath in solemn synods been decreed
Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
To admit no traffic to our adverse towns Nay, more,
If any born at Ephesus be seen
At any Syracusian marts and fairs;
Again: if any Syracusian born
Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
Unless a thousand marks be levied,
To quit the penalty and to ransom him.

Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,DUKE SOLINUS
My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
Well, Syracusian, say in brief the causeAEGEON
Why thou departed'st from thy native home
And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.
A heavier task could not have been imposedDUKE SOLINUS
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum; till my factor's death
And the great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
From whom my absence was not six months old
Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrived where I was.
There had she not been long, but she became
A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
That very hour, and in the self-same inn,
A meaner woman was delivered
Of such a burden, male twins, both alike:
Those,--for their parents were exceeding poor,--
I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
Made daily motions for our home return:
Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon,
We came aboard.
A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd,
Before the always wind-obeying deep
Gave any tragic instance of our harm:
But longer did we not retain much hope;
For what obscured light the heavens did grant
Did but convey unto our fearful minds
A doubtful warrant of immediate death;
Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
Weeping before for what she saw must come,
And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
And this it was, for other means was none:
The sailors sought for safety by our boat,
And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us:
My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast,
Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
To him one of the other twins was bound,
Whilst I had been like heedful of the other:
The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd,
Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast;
And floating straight, obedient to the stream,
Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
Dispersed those vapours that offended us;
And by the benefit of his wished light,
The seas wax'd calm, and we discovered
Two ships from far making amain to us,
Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this:
But ere they came,--O, let me say no more!
Gather the sequel by that went before.
Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so;AEGEON
For we may pity, though not pardon thee.
O, had the gods done so, I had not nowDUKE SOLINUS
Worthily term'd them merciless to us!
For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
We were encounterd by a mighty rock;
Which being violently borne upon,
Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
Fortune had left to both of us alike
What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened
With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
Was carried with more speed before the wind;
And in our sight they three were taken up
By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
At length, another ship had seized on us;
And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
Gave healthful welcome to their shipwreck'd guests;
And would have reft the fishers of their prey,
Had not their bark been very slow of sail;
And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;
That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd,
To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,AEGEON
Do me the favour to dilate at full
What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.
My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,DUKE SOLINUS
At eighteen years became inquisitive
After his brother: and importuned me
That his attendant--so his case was like,
Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name--
Might bear him company in the quest of him:
Whom whilst I labour'd of a love to see,
I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus;
Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
Or that or any place that harbours men.
But here must end the story of my life;
And happy were I in my timely death,
Could all my travels warrant me they live.
Hapless AEgeon, whom the fates have mark'dGaoler
To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
My soul would sue as advocate for thee.
But, though thou art adjudged to the death
And passed sentence may not be recall'd
But to our honour's great disparagement,
Yet I will favour thee in what I can.
Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
To seek thy life by beneficial help:
Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die.
Gaoler, take him to thy custody.
I will, my lord.AEGEON
Hopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend,
But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
Exeunt
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse, and First MerchantFirst Merchant
Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
This very day a Syracusian merchant
Is apprehended for arrival here;
And not being able to buy out his life
According to the statute of the town,
Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
There is your money that I had to keep.
Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
Within this hour it will be dinner-time:
Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
And then return and sleep within mine inn,
For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
Get thee away.
Many a man would take you at your word,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
And go indeed, having so good a mean.
Exit
A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,First Merchant
When I am dull with care and melancholy,
Lightens my humour with his merry jests.

I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
I crave your pardon.
Farewell till then: I will go lose myselfFirst Merchant
And wander up and down to view the city.
Sir, I commend you to your own content.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Exit
He that commends me to mine own contentDROMIO OF EPHESUS
Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
I to the world am like a drop of water
That in the ocean seeks another drop,
Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
So I, to find a mother and a brother,
In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus
Here comes the almanac of my true date.
What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?
Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
She is so hot because the meat is cold;
The meat is cold because you come not home;
You come not home because you have no stomach;
You have no stomach having broke your fast;
But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
Are penitent for your default to-day.
Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Where have you left the money that I gave you?
O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday lastANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
I am not in a sportive humour now:DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
So great a charge from thine own custody?

Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
And strike you home without a messenger.
Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
My charge was but to fetch you from the martANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
My mistress and her sister stays for you.
In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
Exit
Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many such-like liberties of sin:
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
I greatly fear my money is not safe.
Exit
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANAADRIANA
Neither my husband nor the slave return'd,LUCIANA
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,ADRIANA
And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.

Why should their liberty than ours be more?LUCIANA
Because their business still lies out o' door.ADRIANA
Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.LUCIANA
O, know he is the bridle of your will.ADRIANA
There's none but asses will be bridled so.LUCIANA
Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.ADRIANA
There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
Are their males' subjects and at their controls:
Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords:
Then let your will attend on their accords.
This servitude makes you to keep unwed.LUCIANA
Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.ADRIANA
But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.LUCIANA
Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey.ADRIANA
How if your husband start some other where?LUCIANA
Till he come home again, I would forbear.ADRIANA
Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;LUCIANA
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more would we ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me,
But, if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
Well, I will marry one day, but to try.ADRIANA
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus
Say, is your tardy master now at hand?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two earsADRIANA
can witness.
Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:LUCIANA
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel hisADRIANA
blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
understand them.
But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems heDROMIO OF EPHESUS
hath great care to please his wife.
Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.ADRIANA
Horn-mad, thou villain!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I mean not cuckold-mad;LUCIANA
But, sure, he is stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'
Quoth who?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Quoth my master:ADRIANA
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Go back again, and be new beaten home?ADRIANA
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And he will bless that cross with other beating:ADRIANA
Between you I shall have a holy head.
Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Am I so round with you as you with me,LUCIANA
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
Exit
Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!ADRIANA
His company must do his minions grace,LUCIANA
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:
Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?

 My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.
Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!ADRIANA
Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.LUCIANA
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I see the jewel best enamelled
Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,
That others touch, and often touching will
Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
Exeunt
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid upDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
By computation and mine host's report.
I could not speak with Dromio since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse
How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Even now, even here, not half an hour since.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I did not see you since you sent me hence,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.
I am glad to see you in this merry vein:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.
Beating him
Hold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Upon what bargain do you give it me?

When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, IANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
had rather have it a head: an you use these blows
long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce
it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.
But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
Dost thou not know?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Shall I tell you why?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hathANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
a wherefore.
Why, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore--DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
For urging it the second time to me.
Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.
Thank me, sir, for what?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing forDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
In good time, sir; what's that?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Basting.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
If it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Your reason?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Lest it make you choleric and purchase me anotherANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
dry basting.
Well, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's aDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
time for all things.
I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
By what rule, sir?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain baldANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
pate of father Time himself.
Let's hear it.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
There's no time for a man to recover his hair thatANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
grows bald by nature.
May he not do it by fine and recovery?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover theANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
lost hair of another man.
Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
so plentiful an excrement?
Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts;ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he losethANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
it in a kind of jollity.
For what reason?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
For two; and sound ones too.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Nay, not sound, I pray you.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Sure ones, then.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Certain ones then.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Name them.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The one, to save the money that he spends inANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not
drop in his porridge.
You would all this time have proved there is noDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
time for all things.
Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hairANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
lost by nature.
But your reason was not substantial, why there is noDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
time to recover.
Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and thereforeANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
to the world's end will have bald followers.
I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:ADRIANA
But, soft! who wafts us yonder?
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA
Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;
I am not Adriana nor thy wife.
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee.
How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it,
That thou art thus estranged from thyself?
Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,
Am better than thy dear self's better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled that same drop again,
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thyself and not me too.
How dearly would it touch me to the quick,
Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate!

I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it.
I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
For if we too be one and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then far league and truce with thy true bed;
I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:LUCIANA
In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
As strange unto your town as to your talk;
Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
Want wit in all one word to understand.
Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
By Dromio?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By me?ADRIANA
By thee; and this thou didst return from him,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
What is the course and drift of your compact?
I, sir? I never saw her till this time.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Villain, thou liest; for even her very wordsDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
I never spake with her in all my life.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
How can she thus then call us by our names,ADRIANA
Unless it be by inspiration.
How ill agrees it with your gravityANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!
Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss;
Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.
To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:LUCIANA
What, was I married to her in my dream?
Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,
I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.
Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.LUCIANA
This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!

Why pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
I am transformed, master, am I not?ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think thou art in mind, and so am I.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thou hast thine own form.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, I am an ape.LUCIANA
If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass.ADRIANA
'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.

Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate.
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.
Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advised?
Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
I'll say as they say and persever so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.
Master, shall I be porter at the gate?ADRIANA
Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.LUCIANA
Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
Exeunt
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;DROMIO OF EPHESUS
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.

Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
I think thou art an ass.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Marry, so it doth appearANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.

You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheerBALTHAZAR
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and yourANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
welcome dear.
O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,BALTHAZAR
A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.BALTHAZAR
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:DROMIO OF EPHESUS
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd.
Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
for such store,
When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
What patch is made our porter? My master stays inDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
the street.
[Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest heANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
catch cold on's feet.
Who talks within there? ho, open the door!DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tellANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
me wherefore.
Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come againANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
when you may.
What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my nameDROMIO OF EPHESUS
is Dromio.
O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.LUCE
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.

[Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are thoseDROMIO OF EPHESUS
at the gate?

O Lord, I must laugh!LUCE
Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?
[Within] Have at you with another; that's--When?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
can you tell?
[Within] If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hastANTIPHOLUS
answered him well.
Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?LUCE
OF EPHESUS
[Within] I thought to have asked you.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] And you said no.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou baggage, let me in.LUCE
[Within] Can you tell for whose sake?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, knock the door hard.LUCE
[Within] Let him knock till it ache.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.LUCE
[Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?ADRIANA
[Within] Who is that at the door that keeps allDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
this noise?
[Within] By my troth, your town is troubled withANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
unruly boys.
Are you there, wife? you might have come before.ADRIANA
[Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.ANGELO
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we wouldBALTHAZAR
fain have either.
In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.
Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
[Within] Break any breaking here, and I'll break yourDROMIO OF EPHESUS
knave's pate.
A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
[Within] It seems thou want'st breaking: out uponDROMIO OF EPHESUS
thee, hind!
Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
let me in.
[Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.
Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.BALTHAZAR
Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Herein you war against your reputation
And draw within the compass of suspect
The unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
For ever housed where it gets possession.
You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,ANGELO
And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife--but, I protest, without desert--
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
To her will we to dinner.
To Angelo
Get you home
And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
Exeunt
Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of SyracuseLUCIANA
And may it be that you have quite forgotANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.
Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?

Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
Being compact of credit, that you love us;
Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn and you may move us.

Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,LUCIANA
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
To make it wander in an unknown field?
Are you a god? would you create me new?
Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
But if that I am I, then well I know
Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
Far more, far more to you do I decline.
O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
And in that glorious supposition think
He gains by death that hath such means to die:
Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!
What, are you mad, that you do reason so?ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know.LUCIANA
It is a fault that springeth from your eye.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.LUCIANA
Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.LUCIANA
Why call you me love? call my sister so.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thy sister's sister.LUCIANA
That's my sister.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
No;LUCIANA
It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.
All this my sister is, or else should be.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.LUCIANA
Thee will I love and with thee lead my life:
Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife.
Give me thy hand.
O, soft, air! hold you still:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.
Exit
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse
Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
am I myself?
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.ANTIPHOLUS
What woman's man? and how besides thyself? besides thyself?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; oneANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
What claim lays she to thee?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to yourANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I
being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
What is she?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man mayANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
wondrous fat marriage.
How dost thou mean a fat marriage?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
lamp of her and run from her by her own light.
What complexion is she of?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half soANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
shoes in the grime of it.
That's a fault that water will mend.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What's her name?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that'sANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
hip to hip.
Then she bears some breadth?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
countries in her.
In what part of her body stands Ireland?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where Scotland?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where France?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
In her forehead; armed and reverted, making warANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
against her heir.
Where England?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find noANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
Where Spain?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Where America, the Indies?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished withANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, thisANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
faith and my heart of steel,
She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
me turn i' the wheel.
Go hie thee presently, post to the road:DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night:
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
As from a bear a man would run for life,ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
Exit
There's none but witches do inhabit here;ANGELO
And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
 But her fair sister,
Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
Enter ANGELO with the chain
Master Antipholus,--ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Ay, that's my name.ANGELO
I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine:
The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.
What is your will that I shall do with this?ANGELO
What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Made it for me, sir!
I pray you, sir, receive the money now,ANGELO
For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.

I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit
Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an OfficerSecond Merchant
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,ANGELO
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.
Even just the sum that I do owe to youOfficer
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain: at five o'clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus from the courtezan's
That labour may you save: see where he comes.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thouDROMIO OF EPHESUS
And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Exit
A man is well holp up that trusts to you:ANGELO
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.
Saving your merry humour, here's the noteANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
I am not furnish'd with the present money;ANGELO
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.ANGELO
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;ANGELO
Or else you may return without your money.

Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuseSecond Merchant
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,Second Merchant
where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
My business cannot brook this dalliance.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.Officer
I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.ANGELO
This touches me in reputation.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.
Consent to pay thee that I never had!ANGELO
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,Officer
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay
Master, there is a bark of EpidamnumANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
You sent me for a rope's end as soon:ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
I will debate this matter at more leisureDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.
Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Antipholus of Ephesus
To Adriana! that is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
Exit
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANAADRIANA
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?LUCIANA
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
First he denied you had in him no right.ADRIANA
He meant he did me none; the more my spite.LUCIANA
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.ADRIANA
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.LUCIANA
Then pleaded I for you.ADRIANA
And what said he?LUCIANA
That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.ADRIANA
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?LUCIANA
With words that in an honest suit might move.ADRIANA
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
Didst speak him fair?LUCIANA
Have patience, I beseech.ADRIANA
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;LUCIANA
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Who would be jealous then of such a one?ADRIANA
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
Ah, but I think him better than I say,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Why, man, what is the matter?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.ADRIANA
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;ADRIANA
But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
Go fetch it, sister.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Exit Luciana
This I wonder at,
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;ADRIANA
A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?
What, the chain?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone:ADRIANA
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock
strikes one.
The hours come back! that did I never hear.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back forADRIANA
very fear.
As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he'sADRIANA
worth, to season.
Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say
That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse
Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit--
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
Exeunt
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There's not a man I meet but doth salute meDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop
And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, haveANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?

I understand thee not.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like aANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob
and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed
men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up
his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a
morris-pike.
What, thou meanest an officer?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that bringsANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that
thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God
give you good rest!'
Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there anyDROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that theANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
deliver you.
The fellow is distract, and so am I;Courtezan
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtezan
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, is this Mistress Satan?ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
It is the devil.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and hereCourtezan
she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof
comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as
much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is
written, they appear to men like angels of light:
light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;
ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
 We'll mend our dinner here?
Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak aANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
long spoon.
Why, Dromio?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat withANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
the devil.
Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?Courtezan
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,Courtezan
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry-stone;
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.Courtezan
Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain:
Both one and other he denies me now.

Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush'd into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose.
Exit
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fear me not, man; I will not break away:DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
But where's the money?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.Officer
Beating him
Good sir, be patient.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.Officer
Good, now, hold thy tongue.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou whoreson, senseless villain!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feelANTIPHOLUS
your blows.

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my longANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH
Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; orANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
rope's-end.'

Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!Courtezan
Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!PINCH
Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.PINCH
Striking him
I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
Peace, doting wizard, peace!
O husband, God doth know you dined at home;ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!
Dined at home!
Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?PINCH
It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.ADRIANA
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
But surely master, not a rag of money.
Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?ADRIANA
He came to me and I deliver'd it.LUCIANA
And I am witness with her that she did.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
God and the rope-maker bear me witnessPINCH
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?ADRIANA
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And, gentle master, I received no gold;ADRIANA
But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives
O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.PINCH
More company! The fiend is strong within him.LUCIANA
Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,Officer
I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
Masters, let him goPINCH
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.ADRIANA
They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?Officer
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
He is my prisoner: if I let him go,ADRIANA
The debt he owes will be required of me.
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
O most unhappy strumpet!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, I am here entered in bond for you.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:LUCIANA
cry 'The devil!'
 Sister, go you with me.Officer
Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?ADRIANA
I know the man. What is the sum he owes?Officer
Two hundred ducats.ADRIANA
Say, how grows it due?Officer
Due for a chain your husband had of him.ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.Courtezan
When as your husband all in rage to-dayADRIANA
Came to my house and took away my ring--
The ring I saw upon his finger now--
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
It may be so, but I did never see it.LUCIANA
Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse
God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.ADRIANA
And come with naked swords.Officer
Let's call more help to have them bound again.
Away! they'll kill us.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
I see these witches are afraid of swords.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She that would be your wife now ran from you.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do usANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
turn witch.
I will not stay to-night for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
Exeunt
Enter Second Merchant and ANGELOANGELO
I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;Second Merchant
But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
How is the man esteemed here in the city?ANGELO
Of very reverend reputation, sir,Second Merchant
Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
Second to none that lives here in the city:
His word might bear my wealth at any time.
Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.ANGELO
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse
'Tis so; and that self chain about his neckANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
And, not without some scandal to yourself,
With circumstance and oaths so to deny
This chain which now you wear so openly:
Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
Who, but for staying on our controversy,
Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day:
This chain you had of me; can you deny it?
I think I had; I never did deny it.Second Merchant
Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?Second Merchant
These ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livest
To walk where any honest man resort.
Thou art a villain to impeach me thus:Second Merchant
I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.
I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.ADRIANA
They draw
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and others
Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Some get within him, take his sword away:
Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
Run, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!AEMELIA
This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!
Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the Priory
Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA
Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?ADRIANA
To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.ANGELO
Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
And bear him home for his recovery.
I knew he was not in his perfect wits.Second Merchant
I am sorry now that I did draw on him.AEMELIA
How long hath this possession held the man?ADRIANA
This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,AEMELIA
And much different from the man he was;
But till this afternoon his passion
Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?ADRIANA
Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
Stray'd his affection in unlawful love?
A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.
Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
To none of these, except it be the last;AEMELIA
Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
You should for that have reprehended him.ADRIANA
Why, so I did.AEMELIA
Ay, but not rough enough.ADRIANA
As roughly as my modesty would let me.AEMELIA
Haply, in private.ADRIANA
And in assemblies too.AEMELIA
Ay, but not enough.ADRIANA
It was the copy of our conference:AEMELIA
In bed he slept not for my urging it;
At board he fed not for my urging it;
Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
In company I often glanced it;
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
And thereof came it that the man was mad.LUCIANA
The venom clamours of a jealous woman
Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing,
And therefore comes it that his head is light.

Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy brawls:
Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
But moody and dull melancholy,
Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
And at her heels a huge infectious troop
Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
In food, in sport and life-preserving rest
To be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast:
The consequence is then thy jealous fits
Have scared thy husband from the use of wits.
She never reprehended him but mildly,ADRIANA
When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly.
Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
She did betray me to my own reproof.AEMELIA
Good people enter and lay hold on him.
No, not a creature enters in my house.ADRIANA
Then let your servants bring my husband forth.AEMELIA
Neither: he took this place for sanctuary,ADRIANA
And it shall privilege him from your hands
Till I have brought him to his wits again,
Or lose my labour in assaying it.
I will attend my husband, be his nurse,AEMELIA
Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
And will have no attorney but myself;
And therefore let me have him home with me.
Be patient; for I will not let him stirADRIANA
Till I have used the approved means I have,
With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,
To make of him a formal man again:
It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
A charitable duty of my order.
Therefore depart and leave him here with me.
I will not hence and leave my husband here:AEMELIA
And ill it doth beseem your holiness
To separate the husband and the wife.
Be quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.LUCIANA
Exit
Complain unto the duke of this indignity.ADRIANA
Come, go: I will fall prostrate at his feetSecond Merchant
And never rise until my tears and prayers
Have won his grace to come in person hither
And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
By this, I think, the dial points at five:ANGELO
Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
The place of death and sorry execution,
Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
Upon what cause?Second Merchant
To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,ANGELO
Who put unluckily into this bay
Against the laws and statutes of this town,
Beheaded publicly for his offence.
See where they come: we will behold his death.LUCIANA
Kneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.DUKE SOLINUS
Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded; with the Headsman and other Officers
Yet once again proclaim it publicly,ADRIANA
If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die; so much we tender him.
Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!DUKE SOLINUS
She is a virtuous and a reverend lady:ADRIANA
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,DUKE SOLINUS
Whom I made lord of me and all I had,
At your important letters,--this ill day
A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
That desperately he hurried through the street,
With him his bondman, all as mad as he--
Doing displeasure to the citizens
By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
That here and there his fury had committed.
Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
He broke from those that had the guard of him;
And with his mad attendant and himself,
Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
Met us again and madly bent on us,
Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,
We came again to bind them. Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursued them:
And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
Long since thy husband served me in my wars,Servant
And I to thee engaged a prince's word,
When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate
And bid the lady abbess come to me.
I will determine this before I stir.

Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true;DUKE SOLINUS
I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
To scorch your face and to disfigure you.
Cry within
Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!
Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!ADRIANA
Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
That he is borne about invisible:
Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
And now he's there, past thought of human reason.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus
Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!AEGEON
Even for the service that long since I did thee,
When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!DUKE SOLINUS
She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,
That hath abused and dishonour'd me
Even in the strength and height of injury!
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,DUKE SOLINUS
While she with harlots feasted in my house.
A grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?ADRIANA
No, my good lord: myself, he and my sisterLUCIANA
To-day did dine together. So befall my soul
As this is false he burdens me withal!
Ne'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,ANGELO
But she tells to your highness simple truth!
O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
In this the madman justly chargeth them.
My liege, I am advised what I say,ANGELO
Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then;
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
I went to seek him: in the street I met him
And in his company that gentleman.
There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him received the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.
I did obey, and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats: he with none return'd
Then fairly I bespoke the officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By the way we met
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates.  Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence
And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together;
Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech
To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.
My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,DUKE SOLINUS
That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.
But had he such a chain of thee or no?ANGELO
He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,Second Merchant
These people saw the chain about his neck.

I never came within these abbey-walls,DUKE SOLINUS
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:
I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!
And this is false you burden me withal.
Why, what an intricate impeach is this!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
 Sirrah, what say you?
Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.Courtezan
He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.DUKE SOLINUS
Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?Courtezan
As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.DUKE SOLINUS
Why, this is strange.
Exit one to Abbess
Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:DUKE SOLINUS
Haply I see a friend will save my life
And pay the sum that may deliver me.
Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.AEGEON
Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And is not that your bondman, Dromio?
Within this hour I was his bondman sir,AEGEON
But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:
Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.
I am sure you both of you remember me.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;AEGEON
For lately we were bound, as you are now
You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?
Why look you strange on me? you know me well.ANTIPHOLUS
I never saw you in my life till now.AEGEON
O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And careful hours with time's deformed hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face:
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
Neither.AEGEON
Dromio, nor thou?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
No, trust me, sir, nor I.AEGEON
I am sure thou dost.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever aAEGEON
man denies, you are now bound to believe him.
Not know my voice!

I never saw my father in my life.AEGEON
But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.
The duke and all that know me in the cityDUKE SOLINUS
Can witness with me that it is not so
I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.
I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty yearsAEMELIA
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse
Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.ADRIANA
All gather to see them
I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.DUKE SOLINUS
One of these men is Genius to the other;DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
And so of these. Which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? who deciphers them?
I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
AEgeon art thou not? or else his ghost?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O, my old master! who hath bound him here?AEMELIA
Whoever bound him, I will loose his bondsAEGEON
And gain a husband by his liberty.
Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man
That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons:
O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak,
And speak unto the same AEmilia!
If I dream not, thou art AEmilia:AEMELIA
If thou art she, tell me where is that son
That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
By men of Epidamnum he and IDUKE SOLINUS
And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them
And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
What then became of them I cannot tell
I to this fortune that you see me in.
Why, here begins his morning story right;ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
These two Antipholuses, these two so like,
And these two Dromios, one in semblance,--
Besides her urging of her wreck at sea,--
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together.
Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?
No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.DUKE SOLINUS
Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And I with him.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,ADRIANA
Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

To Luciana
What I told you then,
I hope I shall have leisure to make good;
If this be not a dream I see and hear.
That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I think it be, sir; I deny it not.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.ANGELO
I think I did, sir; I deny it not.ADRIANA
I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.
No, none by me.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
This purse of ducats I received from you,ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
I see we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.
These ducats pawn I for my father here.DUKE SOLINUS
It shall not need; thy father hath his life.Courtezan
Sir, I must have that diamond from you.ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.AEMELIA
Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the painsDUKE SOLINUS
To go with us into the abbey here
And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes:
And all that are assembled in this place,
That by this sympathized one day's error
Have suffer'd wrong, go keep us company,
And we shall make full satisfaction.
Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
Of you, my sons; and till this present hour
My heavy burden ne'er delivered.
The duke, my husband and my children both,
And you the calendars of their nativity,
Go to a gossips' feast and go with me;
After so long grief, such festivity!
With all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse, Antipholus of Ephesus, Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus
Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio:DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon:
Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.

Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
Not I, sir; you are my elder.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
That's a question: how shall we try it?DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
We'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother;
And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.
Exeunt


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cdemi's
28 May 2019 |
Software Development |
Making the obvious code fast (jackmott.github.io) |
| Jonathan Blow of “The Witness” fame likes to talk about just typing the obvious code first. Usually it will turnout to be fast enough. If it doesn’t, you c...... Read more |
Announcing GitHub Sponsors: a new way to contribute to open source (github.blog) |
| We’re thrilled to announce the beta of GitHub Sponsors, a new way to financially support the developers who build the open source software you use every day. Open source developers build tools for the rest of us. GitHub Sponsors is a new tool to help them succeed, too.... Read more |
.NET |
In the Era of .NET Core, Microsoft Revamps SQL Server Data Access (visualstudiomagazine.com) |
| Microsoft announced a new data access driver for SQL Server that should be the path forward for data developers in the era of .NET Core.... Read more |
Lying to the compiler (codeblog.jonskeet.uk) |
| This morning I tweeted this: Just found a C# 8 nullable reference types warning in Noda Time. Fixing it by changing Foo(x, x?.Bar) to Foo(x, x?.Bar!) which looks really dodgy… anyone want to …... Read more |
Cloud |
AWS Ground Station satellite control system is officially open for business (geekwire.com) |
| Six months after a sneak preview, Amazon Web Services is raising the curtain on AWS Ground Station, its cloud-based system for controlling satellites and downloading satellite data.... Read more |
Data |
Handling Variable Time Series Efficiently in ClickHouse (altinity.com) |
| ClickHouse offers incredible flexibility to solve almost any business problem in a multiple of ways. Schema design plays a major role in this. For our recent benchmarking using the Time Series Benchmark Suite (TSBS) we replicated TimescaleDB schema in order to have fair comparisons.... Read more |
Infrastructure |
The secret life of DNS packets: investigating complex networks (stripe.com) |
| The secret life of DNS packets: investigating complex networks. ... Read more |
Security |
Notifying Administrators About Unhashed Password Storage | Google Cloud Blog (cloud.google.com) |
| Google’s policy is to store your passwords with cryptographic hashes that mask those passwords to ensure their security. However, we recently notified a su... Read more |
eSports |
Cheating in Esports - How Is It Done, and How Is It Dealt With? (esportsobserver.com) |
| Any professional competition, regardless of whether the playing field is made of grass or computer graphics, requires strict regulations. Sponsors and spectators alike can turn away from a league if it comes to light that software was used to achieve victory, or that a team took a dive for money—even though both are discovered and...... Read more |
iGaming |
Muscat welcomes Bet 365 expansion announcement (timesofmalta.com) |
| Prime Minister Joseph Muscat on Thursday welcomed a formal announcement by Bet365 that it will significantly expand its operations in Malta. Times of Malta had first announced the betting giant’s plans to expand its operations over one year ago.... Read more |
Space |
WOWOWOW!!!! A SPECTACULAR view of the SpaceX Starlink satellite train! (sattrackcam.blogspot.com) |
| On 24 May 2019 at 2:30 UT, SpaceX launched STARLINK , a series of 60 satellites that is the first launch of many that will create a larg...... Read more |
Medical |
Gaming Disorder Now Recognised as a Disease by World Health Organisation (wccftech.com) |
| Gaming Disorder, or video game addiction, has now been officially recognised as a disease by the World Health Organisation... Read more |
|
This newsletter is made with 💖 by cdemi and sponsored by moo Research. You can find this MIT Licensed open-source project on GitHub cdemi/NewsletterCurator. You can also find an archive of all sent newsletters on GitHub at https://newsletters.cdemi.io/. If you want to unsubscribe from this newsletter, please click here. If you're new and you want to subscribe to this newsletter, please click here. |


Kissinger: Coming Conflict Between U.S. and China “Will Be Worse Than World Wars”
Says “catastrophic outcome” is “inevitable” unless two sides sort out their differences.
by Paul Joseph WatsonFormer US secretary of state Henry Kissinger warns that a catastrophic conflict between America and China that will be “worse than world wars” is inevitable unless the two sides sort out their differences.
Kissinger made the comments at an event hosted by the National Committee on US China Relations in New York last night.
“We are in a difficult period now. I am confident the leaders on both sides will realise the future of the world depends on the two sides working out solutions and managing the inevitable difficulties,” said Kissinger.
A permanent conflict between Washington And Beijing would be unwinnable and lead to “catastrophic outcome,” he added.
“It’s no longer possible to think that one side can dominate the other…it will be worse than the world wars that ruined European civilisation,” said Kissinger.
The U.S. and China have been embroiled in a trade war since President Trump began imposing tariffs on thousands of Chinese-made products in a bid to end unfair trading practices.
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Some services have parameters and data. For example, the Read DID (data identifier) service, has a paramter "ID" that defines which DID to read. The data is then the signal values associated with that "ID".
This section sets the service's ID/address and signals/data.
What do you want to do?
Set ID/Address Name
Enter the ID/Address's name in Name. This must be unique for a given service type. Not all services require this.
Set ID/Address
Enter the value in ID/Address. This must be unique for a given service type. Not all services require this.
Set Data
To add a signal, select the Add button. Fields will appear that relate to the table columns.
Signal Name: The name of signal. The name must be unique within the service data, start with an alphabetical character, and not use special characters or spaces.
Start Bit: The start location of the signal within the service data (not the location within the raw byte stream). It is subject to Endian. It follows the rules used in the NI-XNET Database Editor.
E.g. If the first signal is 16 bits, is the first item in the service data, and little endian, the start bit will be 0. If big endian, the start bit will be 8.
Length: Length of the signal in bits. The maximum supported length is 64 bits.
Factor: The multiplication factor to convert the signal binary value to its physical value.
Offset: The offset to add to the signal scaled physical value.
Minimum: The smallest possible signal value.
Maximum: The largest possible signal value.
Type: Signed, Unsigned, or Float.
Endian: The ordering of bytes for this signal. Little or Big.
Default: The value read or written for the signal if no physical data are yet available
Units: The signal physical unit
Edit Data
Single click on any existing signal column field and type in the edits. Make sure the formats, spellings, and capitalizations are correct.


Resilient kafka consumption
Thoth provides a resilient kafka consumer.
Installation
- sbt
val ThothVersion = "1.1.1*" libraryDependencies += "fr.maif" %% "thoth-kafka-goodies" % ThothVersion
- Maven
<properties> <thoth.version>1.1.1*</thoth.version> </properties> <dependency> <groupId>fr.maif</groupId> <artifactId>thoth-kafka-goodies_2.12</artifactId> <version>${thoth.version}</version> </dependency>
- Gradle
versions += [ ThothVersion: "1.1.1*" ] dependencies { compile group: 'fr.maif', name: 'thoth-kafka-goodies_2.12', version: versions.ThothVersion }
Usage
ResilientKafkaConsumer<String, String> resilientKafkaConsumer = ResilientKafkaConsumer.create(
// Actor system
system,
// Name of the consumer (for logs etc ...)
"MyConsumer",
// Config
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
// Kafka subscription
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
// Kafka group id
groupId,
// The alpakka kafka consumer settings
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
),
// The event consumer, in that case the consumer print the events
event -> {
System.out.println(event.record().value());
}
);
Consuming event
There 3 way to consume events : blocking, non-blocking, streams
Blocking
You don’t need to perform IO or you have blocking IO e.g. JDBC.
ResilientKafkaConsumer<String, String> resilientKafkaConsumer = ResilientKafkaConsumer.create(
system,
"test",
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
),
// Provide an executor
Executors.newCachedThreadPool(),
// Blocking handling !
event -> {
try {
Thread.sleep(1000);
} catch (InterruptedException e) {
e.printStackTrace();
}
}
);
Non Blocking
ResilientKafkaConsumer<String, String> resilientKafkaConsumer = ResilientKafkaConsumer.create(
system,
"test",
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
),
// Non blocking handling
(CommittableMessage<String, String> event) -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
System.out.println(event.record().value());
return Done.done();
})
);
Streams
Stream handling is done using akka stream Flow
which is a pipe that take a ConsumerMessage.CommittableMessage<K, K>
in and should return a ConsumerMessage.CommittableOffset
.
In that stream you can, skip, group etc do whatever you want but at the end you have to provide the offset to commit. In order to have a better developer experience, you could use the FlowWithContext
akka stream api if you don’t want to have to handle the commit offset.
With the classic flow api, you have to return the committable offset :
ResilientKafkaConsumer.createFromFlow(
system,
"test",
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
),
Flow.<CommittableMessage<String, String>>create()
.zipWithIndex()
.mapAsync(1, messageAndIndex -> {
Long index = messageAndIndex.second();
System.out.println("Message number " + index);
CommittableOffset committableOffset = messageAndIndex.first().committableOffset();
CompletionStage<Done> asyncApiCall = asyncApiCall();
return asyncApiCall.thenApply(__ -> committableOffset);
})
);
With the FlowWithContext
you don’t :
ResilientKafkaConsumer.createFromFlowCtxAgg(
system,
"test",
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
),
FlowWithContext.<CommittableMessage<String, String>, CommittableOffset>create()
.grouped(3)
.map(messages -> {
String collectedMessages = messages.stream().map(m -> m.record().value()).collect(Collectors.joining(" "));
names.set(collectedMessages);
return Done.done();
})
);
If your FlowWithContext
is doing aggregations like in this example (the group
operator), you have to use createFromFlowCtxAgg
instead of createFromFlowCtx
.
You’ll find more information on the akka stream documentation https://doc.akka.io/docs/akka/current/stream/index.html.
Handling crash
The goal of this consumer is to handle crashes by retrying the failed event consumption. There two types of errors :
- Parsing / Business errors : in that case, you should push the failing event in a dead letter queue to analyse the issue and move to the next event.
- Technical errors : e.g. a database or an API that is not available at time, in that case, you have to let it crash. The consumer will let the event uncommitted, will disconnect from kafka and restart later, reading the message again.
You can configure the consumer to set appropriate values for restart interval …
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
)
// Nb events before commit
.withCommitSize(5)
// First delay for restart, it increase exponentially (200ms then 400ms then 800ms then 1600ms ...)
.withMinBackoff(Duration.ofMillis(200))
// Maximum restart delay
.withMaxBackoff(Duration.ofMinutes(10))
// Noise to restart non linearly
.withRandomFactor(0.2d)
Status and lifecycles
The resilient kafka consumer has a lifecycle and will have the following states :
Starting
: The consumer is startingStarted
: The consumer has started and aControl
object is available to “interact” with the kafka clientFailed
: The consumer has crashed and will restart, the kafka client is no longer connected to the cluster.Stopping
: The consumer is stoppingStopped
: The consumer is stopped, the kafka client is no longer connected to the cluster.
The status is exposed by the ResilientKafkaConsumer
using the status
method.
ResilientKafkaConsumer<String, String> resilientKafkaConsumer = ResilientKafkaConsumer.create(...);
Status status = resilientKafkaConsumer.status();
You can also register callbacks :
ResilientKafkaConsumer<String, String> resilientKafkaConsumer = ResilientKafkaConsumer.create(
system,
"test",
ResilientKafkaConsumer.Config
.create(
Subscriptions.topics(topic),
groupId,
ConsumerSettings
.create(system, new StringDeserializer(), new StringDeserializer())
.withBootstrapServers(bootstrapServers())
)
.withOnStarting(() -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
isStarting.set(true);
return Done.done();
}))
.withOnStarted((c, time) -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
isStarted.set(true);
return Done.done();
}))
.withOnStopping(c -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
isStopping.set(true);
return Done.done();
}))
.withOnStopped(() -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
isStopped.set(true);
return Done.done();
}))
.withOnFailed(e -> CompletableFuture.supplyAsync(() -> {
isFailed.set(true);
return Done.done();
}))
, event -> {
names.set(names.get() + " " + event.record().value());
}
);


| TYPE: N/A | LEVEL: LUXURY |
| PROVIDER: CELEBRITY CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: JAMAICA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 8+ |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: PREMIUM ECONOMY |
| PROVIDER: P&O | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: BARBADOS | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 8+ |
| TYPE: ONE WAY | LEVEL: LUXURY |
| PROVIDER: NORWEGIAN CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: ST KITTS | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 6 |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: PREMIUM ECONOMY |
| PROVIDER: PRINCESS | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: ST LUCIA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: NOT BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 9+ |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: PREMIUM |
| PROVIDER: CELEBRITY CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: CUBA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 9+ |
| TYPE: SPLIT | LEVEL: PREMIUM ECONOMY |
| PROVIDER: CELEBRITY CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: GRENADA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 7+ |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: LUXURY/SELF-CATERED |
| PROVIDER: NORWEGIAN CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: TRINIDAD | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 8+ |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: PREMIUM ECONOMY |
| PROVIDER: PRINCESS | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: DOMINICA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 6+ |
| TYPE: ROUND TRIP | LEVEL: ECONOMY |
| PROVIDER: NORWEGIAN CRUISES | GENDER: ALL |
| COUNTRY: DOMINICA | EMAIL<EMAIL_ADDRESS>|
| STATUS: NOT BOARDING | PERFORMANCE: 6+ |