Island and AJ's podcast for your Monday.
Most wonderful show is keeping up with the Joneses.
-A to Jones. -Yes, sir.
-Epsilon 246, we have a problem.
-We do have a problem. -Can you guess what the problem is?
-Is it that you're showing a V, and you're trying to distract me with your chest?
-It's not, but if that's working, we can easily pause and go upstairs.
It's the "I've had the hiccups all day" which doesn't make for great podcasting.
I've heard that hiccups are like the judgment of God.
So, is there anything that you?
Well, see, Christ took the full punishment of God on the cross for me.
So, I'm not sure how that could be the case.
In which case, I've heard that...
I'm just kidding.
Can you help me get rid of them?
I could try and scare you.
Go on and scare me.
Do your best, scare me.
I'm pregnant.
No, I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't be scared.
I'm not pregnant.
It was terrifying.
49.
It would be a miracle.
I would be a miracle.
I can't.
I do have a brown paper back here.
They said if you breathe in and out of a brown paper back.
How long?
Being Google.
I think till your skin turns a different color.
Let's see what happens.
Okay, let's watch.
[sings]
[sings]
-You think it worked? -Okay, well, let's see.
Let's just get going and see if you make any more charming noises.
Episode 246 is the follow-up to Episode 245.
But episode 245, we were talking about how to build and maintain relationships.
And we ended that by saying, "Hey, I put out something on Instagram and on our members
forum."
Like, "Hey, we're asking, this is what we're talking about.
Do you have any questions?"
Well, we got so many amazing questions.
Yes.
And we didn't have time to fit them into episode 245.
Right.
So now we're going to answer questions.
Oh my gosh.
And we have got some brilliant questions.
Okay.
I'm really surprised that worked.
That bag worked.
It has seemed to work.
I had no idea.
Knock on marble.
Right.
Are we allowed to do that as Christians?
- Marvel, sure.
- Yeah, just knock on Woody's bed.
- Absolutely, but Marvel, totally fine.
Yeah, I mean, I'd heard the one where you like hang upside down
and try and drink water.
- Gargle with fizzy water, gargle with ice cubes,
drink from the upside of the cup.
None of that's worked, I've tried it,
but I am shocked that that worked.
- Okay, I mean, I heard one about peanut butter,
but you know, it's, you know, we don't need to try anything.
So.
- A whole episode of fantastic user-generated questions.
- Okay.
- Before we get to that though.
- Yeah.
- We could catch up.
Oh, well, the kids are in camp this week.
The kids are in summer camp and are having an amazing time.
Oh, they loved it.
Yeah, they're at Dear Run, which is like a local Christian,
both sleepover and day camp, but they're at the day camp.
And yeah, I mean, MJ was a little nervous going.
Tia, I don't, I mean, she just makes friends pretty easily.
She was just excited, but they both got in the car
on Monday when I picked them up.
And the first thing was like,
can you register us for next year right now?
You know, like they loved it.
- Which honestly is what every parent wants to hear.
- Right.
- 'Cause our goal this summer was to make up for last summer.
- Yeah.
- Which was just a catastrophe last summer with COVID.
They didn't see anybody, didn't see friends.
They were having a little bit of a hassle.

I didn't even see them for like six weeks.
- So we decided we're gonna do everything we can
to make this summer really special.
So between VBS and summer camps, just a big win, win, win.
- Yeah.
- The bummer of it is the plan, at least in my head,
'cause we dropped them off and picked them up,
was that I would do the drop off,
but I managed to get sick.
- You did?
- Yeah, just after a recording last week's episode,
I came down with,
I've been basically being in bed all week,
except for yesterday.
I finally went, it's not, I finally went and saw a doctor.
By the time I could get him to see my GP,
I was at the tail end of the thing,
but basically I was in bed for six days.
Just congestion, you know,
just horrible.
- Yes.
- But the fun thing was on Saturday.
- Yeah.
- I woke up and I thought,
"I'm just gonna put some essential oils,
"I'm gonna put some breeze on to open my airways."
And when I put it on me,
I couldn't smell any of it.
I thought, "Well, that's weird."
And I thought, "Well, maybe the oil, you know,
"had just evaporated and so held up to like,
"no, there's some oil in there."

I come through to you in the kitchen like,
"Babe, can you smell this?"
And you're like, "Yeah."
And so we realize I've lost my sense of smell.
- Yep.
And my taste was muted.
So I was like, are you kidding?
'Cause I had about five or six COVID symptoms.
- Mm-hmm.
- Of course I'm fully vaccinated.
But in one sense, that's great, but it doesn't--
- You can still get it, yeah.
- Exactly.
So I went to a walking clinic, had two COVID tests,
rapid tests, which came back negative,
which the doctor humorously said, which means nothing.
So let's take a PCR test.
That turned out I was negative for COVID
to find out the day later.
- I don't get that though.
Like why is there rapid tests
if every medical person I've heard of--
- 'Cause if it comes back positive,
it's unlikely to be a false positive,
but it's often a false negative.
So if it came back positive--
- Yes, you have COVID.
- Yeah, you have COVID.
- But if it came back negative, not necessarily.
- And I went in with that theory.
Let's do the rapid test 'cause it'll tell us instantly.
And if it tells us not, that's no guarantee.
And so she said the same thing.
But the next day, praise the Lord,
my sense of smell came back, but I just felt crummy.
And the weird thing was you ever have those moments
where you feel like you have a fever,
but you don't have a temperature.
Do you ever have those where you feel like you're burning up?
- No.
- Then you take your temperature and you don't?
- No.
- Okay, well maybe it's unique to--
- Your physique, your unique man-fluish physique.
- Oh, come on now, are you throwing man-flu me?

- You were.
- Yeah.
- I don't know why I'm asking you,
you're no more of a doctor than I am.
(laughs)
But yes, anyway, I wouldn't see my doctor yesterday
and she gave me a shot in the butt of steroids.
- Yeah, can I read the text that you sent me?
'Cause I nearly peed myself, I laughed so hard
at your little text. - Sure, yeah.
Well, it depends which text it is that I sent you.
- It's too late, you just gave me permission
and so now stuff are the consequences.
So you were there and you said,
"Getting a steroid shot in the butt."
And I said, "What did she say?
She is our doctor and we love our doctor. She's amazing.
She she's got a great sense of humor anyway. Alan texts back.
She said I was very brave and then stabbed me in the butt with a steroid.
Not my worst date ever.
All things because the trouble is she did say to me yesterday,
hey, the star shot might make you hyper, which typically does for like the first
hour. You know what though? I wasn't even sad about that because I'm like,
at least you'd be out of bed, you know?
So it's all good.
- You might have troubles falling asleep tonight.
At 2.30, I was like, yeah, you think?
So at 2.30, I took a Benadryl and that knocked me out.
- Oh, good.
- And I woke up today.
So yeah, the week for me has been right off.
It's been made slightly better by the fact
that on Friday, Black Widow came out
in theaters, which we didn't go to,
but also on Disney+ which we rented.
- And it was great, yeah.
- Enjoyed that.
- And tomorrow you're doing all the driving to camp.
So that's so great.
Well, I was also going to say, but you haven't seen it.
And the finale of Loki came out last night,
that me and Abby watched, but you didn't want to watch.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to say anything, but I don't even
want to say it's really good because I don't want to temper it.
OK.
But I'm eager to watch it with you tonight.
Oh, all right.
We could watch it tonight.
All right.
That's our weekly catch up.
Anything else that happened?
I don't think there's anything exciting that has happened.
I always fear that something big has happened.
And we've forgotten it.
Or maybe some momentous occasion with friends.
And you're like, seriously, you didn't even
remember it was my birthday and we went to New York and yeah we haven't traveled we had
staff fun day today and I tried my hand at cornhole hole cornhole corn oil cornhole
cornhole and which isn't a game that any Canadian plays really I've I never saw the game till
I moved on here so it's a people who might not be familiar with what cornhole is it's
It's like a, it's a, it's a big board that's like low rent basketball.
Okay.
This tilted and has a hole in it and you stand across from it and try and
throw beanbags into it.
Uh, and it's, it is about as exciting as that sounds.
Yeah.
Uh, but I decided to try my hand at it.
And how was it with your stitches?
Well, um, it felt fine.
Well, that's the only thing I was, I thought I'm not going to get too into this because I'm not going to risk.
And that's probably why the only reason Tony was probably the only reason Tony went.
It wasn't because he's played it a good, Gillian times and I played it like twice.
But yeah, he he trumps me 13 to one.
All right. Well, okay, let's see.
How am I going to do this?
I need a bigger text.
I was giving you grief about it last week.
We got so many questions.
Okay.
I've kind of grouped them by theme so we don't have them repeating.
And I've prior to our members, because members get that sweet priority Q&A.
So again, we're talking about how do you maintain?
How do you build healthy relationships?
You all had so many good questions.
This one's grouped into the heading audits because we talked last week about
doing relationship audits.
Yeah.
So somebody said, how do you know when a friendship is over or just going through a
hard time?
How do you know when a friendship is over, just going through a hard time?
You don't hear from them anymore.
It's definitely over at that point.
And I'm just kidding.
I, I, I don't know.
I think because we do relationships so like not so much in your face, but like
there's lots of communication involved.
I don't think I've ever faced not knowing if it's over.
Does that make sense?
It does make sense.
I'm just trying to think about this person's question.
How do you know when a friendship is over or just going through a hard time?
So, so presumably it could be going through like what are the characteristics
of relationships when they go through a hard time. Maybe it feels like a lot of work. Maybe
this friction or misunderstanding communication.
Yeah, maybe they're in a different season. There's less time spent, that kind of thing.
I think it probably depends on how much you value the relationship on your end, how much
you want to fight for it. And by fight for it, I mean both extend grace and have conversations
that need to be had.
Right. But also I'm thinking the answer to that question comes. I don't, I don't, this is going to
sound pithy and I don't mean it to the answer to that question doesn't come by asking podcasts
who soon know nothing about the relationship. It's by asking the person you're in a relationship with.
Hey, where's our relationship? Like I can't tell whether we're just going through a hard time
or whether our is our relationship coming to an end. Yeah, like asking those questions, which of
course, based on the number of questions that I got asked about boundaries, is going to send a
lot of you into paralysis. But the way out of a lot of unknown is to move forward with clarity.
Yes.
And clarity is often discovered by confrontation, by communication, by exploring that topic.
And I think we mentioned last week that all relationships have a lifespan built into them.
You know, relationships, ebb and flow for good and bad reasons. But I don't like to think of a
relationship as over. Like that's like got a really final sense to it.
Yeah, it might just be in a season where there's less contact or whatever.
Yeah, on the back burner. Similar to that question, how do you not get discouraged?
Or how do you handle it when your friends don't prioritize the relationship?
I know sometimes relationships are for a season or maybe they just go through seasons.
But my question is, do you keep trying? Do you just let it be what it is and use your energy
going after the relationships that seem to be more mutual.
Yes.
To all of the above.
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, I think unless like again, there's sometimes there's seasons where the Lord's like,
hey, pour into this relationship, you're not going to get very much back.
If that's what you're talking about, then you just keep pouring in and being faithful until the
Lord tells you something different.
But generally speaking, yeah, if you're the one that's extending all the energy and you don't feel
feel like you're that's reciprocated,
then I would say if you're talking about,
this is one of the people that you're making up
your friendship group with to fill that tank.
Yeah, go for greener pastures where somebody's actually--
- But would you go for greener pastures?
You go confront the person first.
- Well, I would probably let them know first.
Like I would probably be like,
"Hey, this isn't a pressure thing."
But it just feels to me like, you know, pretty one-sided.

- And that's not punitive.
- I keep still to say friends.
- That's not threatening.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, you know.
- Most of the answers to our questions will be,
we'll just go and speak to the person.
- Yeah.
- Like so many of the questions are,
how can I mind read this person more clearly
without ever having to get my feelings hurt?
Like you can't, all of the answers to your questions
are on the other side of risk.
- Yeah.
And sometimes like you putting in more effort
and them putting in less effort might come down to definition.
Like, you know, just different personality types
and stuff they-- - Different communication styles.
- Right, and different, like if you're talking
in extrovert in an introvert.
- Oh, this is where our firearms are now gonna self-test
themselves, but we should be okay, keep going.
Wow, we got a hiccup, we got a smoke detector.
- Well, I'm just thinking like, you know,
I'm sure that I have in different seasons,
like when your kids are really, really little,
there's definitely been friends that have been like,
I don't feel like I see you anymore.
And I'm like, yeah, 'cause I have three kids
under the age of four.
- Yeah, you're right, you don't see.
- You don't, and it's not lack of wanting to be friends.
It's not lack of effort.
It is lack of energy and lack of time in the day.
So there can be like any number of reasons
why that is the scenario.
And you're only gonna actually know that,
not by mind reading because you can't,
but by having the conversations.
- Top tip, I've always loved the way you say scenario.
- Okay, what's the other way of saying it?
- No, I just love the way you--
- Scenario.
- I know, stop baby, stop.
Yeah, how do you, I don't tend to get discouraged.

Like, hey, yeah, you know, I need some clarity around that.
All right, last question around the whole audit thing is,
what about when you're the one that keeps reaching out
to try to spend time with people to build relationships?

Like, what do you do then?
- I mean, again, you have a conversation.
We're just gonna keep saying the same thing
because that can come down to this person is not a planner
and you are a planner.
I mean, that could come down to any number of reasons
why that's what it feels like to you.
- The most common cause of broken relationships
is communication related.
- Yes, yeah.
- And that's a great example.
Like if you are a very planning oriented person,
you think planning and your friend is super spontaneous,
you could be receiving the way they live
as a series of continual disrespect messages.
Like how come they never call me to hang out?
They literally don't think like you do.
And that could be all that it is.
- But it could also be somebody like me who I'm an uber planner.
I have my whole life planned and I'm exhausted.
And so I don't want to plan friendship.
I want to just hang out when we can and I'm okay with that.
- Yes.
But the funniest thing is how many times over the years
if we had people, usually people who don't know it's that well,
sends a test going, "Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Do you wanna hang out?"
Or, "What are you doing on Friday night?"
You're like, "My Friday night was scheduled three months ago."
- Yeah, like, my life doesn't ever look like that.
- And that can be odd.

So you can see why that's just gonna introduce communication.
- Yeah, issues. - Issues, thank you.
All right, that's audit questions.
Here's some feelings related questions.
How do you steward loneliness and let it lead you to the need it is pointing to
and reconcile that with the truth that the Lord places the lonely in family?
Do you mind if I take a stab? I think you should because yeah, I need more contemplation time.
The underlying premise in this question is that those two things are are odds
And that's a false understanding.
So it seems like the person asking the question and saying,
"Hey, you've taught us to sit with your lonely."
And yeah, it also says that the Lord puts the lonely in family.
So like, how do you live within those two tensions?
There's no tension.
When we sit with our loneliness,
we listen to what our heart is trying to tell us.
And our heart is trying to tell us, I need connection.
That's the gift of lonely.
It's pointing to the real need that every human has,
which is connection.
And by the way, the connection that the Lord gives us is great, but it's not enough for the way we were designed.
See the Garden of Eden, right? God made everything good, and yet it's not right that man is alone.
And he saw he built another human for him to have connection with.
But that is so that when man gets a cold and needs every little thing brought to them in bed.
Well, they've known.
I have a medical certificate that I would brave.
And a blue bandaid.
You have a blue bandage, but I'm not sure you have a medical certificate because I certainly haven't seen it.
Well, you can speak to Sam when you see her in a couple of weeks.
Yeah.
So I think the feeling of lonely and that verse God puts the lonely in families are just one and the same thing.
Right. It's God answers lonely.
Sit with your loneliness and it tells you what you need and it leads you to your next steps.
Like, man, I feel really lonely with myself. I feel really lonely with God.
God, I feel really lonely with age.
I feel really lonely with Chris.
It's telling you like, oh, I'm longing for intimacy with age.
I'm long for intimacy with Chris.
I'm long for intimacy and connection with myself or with God.
And the promise that you have in scriptures is that yes,
God sets the lonely in families.
Like the cry of your heart is leading to you to the thing
that God has already predetermined for you.
- That you need.
- Yeah.
- This is a beautiful question.
How can you be vulnerable to build relationships and intimacy?
Show them all your birthmarks.
Just kidding.
(laughs)
- Hey, do you know I've got three nipples?
No, don't do that.
But how do you do it?
Like, you do it by doing it.
And my encouragement is do it in baby steps.
- Stages, yeah.
Yeah.
- Like not on your first meeting.
- No, that would be terrifying, can you imagine?
- But I've had that.
- Yeah.
- I've had people come up to me and try and jump
in the deep end of the pool.
We're like, whoa.
- Yeah.
 This is so right. And it's different if you're talking about somebody sharing their
life story with their pastor for help, but it were in these questions, we're talking about
friendship. And I mean, I had a conversation like that a couple of months ago with somebody who was
saying, Hey, I have so much stuff that's coming up for me right now personally, that I'm completely,
they were sort of feeling really overwhelmed by even what they were trying to process with the
the Lord in their like, so I can't be friends with anybody because, you know, this would
be super overwhelming for anybody to listen to.
And I'm like, are you saying that if you were to go out for coffee with someone, you'd
have to tell them your whole life story to be able to feel like yourself having coffee
or can you just go and have a normal conversation that doesn't involve burying all of everything
you've ever suffered and let things build naturally?
And she's like, Oh, yeah, I guess I could do that.
You know, so.
- Yeah, I think a good rule of thumb is that the things,
now, I'm answering this question here.
I'm not suggesting this is a rule of thumb
with your closest of friends,
but you're talking about like,
how do you build vulnerability
in order to build relationships?
So you're talking about like,
I don't already have this depth of relationship.
My advice would be don't tell stories
that are fresh or unresolved.
Tell stories that are at least two years,
you've got two years from victory.

Now, don't misunderstand me.
My closest friends are gonna hear real time
about the crisis that's happening in my heart
about what's going on.
But I'm talking like if you're establishing
a new relationship, you're building a new relationship,
a good rule of thumb is two years.
I also think though, just being you in the moment helps build
vulnerability, because a lot of times we're like,
okay, I'm gonna go out for coffee with this new person.

That's there's no reality in that at all.

You know, I was really excited to meet with you today.
I got some kind of not great news.
Don't want to talk about it right now, but just letting you know, you know,
I just feel a little bit subdued or, you know, I'm, I'm just kind of exhausted from
the day, but I'm happy to be here, but I'm just letting you know, like even things
like that build.
I think that's beautiful, darling, because in that example, you're demonstrating
care for yourself, which demonstrates you can be trusted.
The other option is like, Oh, the high know, everything's fine.
Is you caring for them?
I don't want them to feel bad about my feelings.
Yeah.
Like when we're like that, we're actually demonstrating, Oh, if you can't be
trusted with yourself, how can I trust you with myself?
Right.
If you can't be trusted with your own heart, how could you be trusted with my heart?
Yeah.
So, you know, how can you be vulnerable?
It's like baby steps, practice vulnerability, practice being kind to yourself.
Remember scripture says, love your neighbor as yourself.
I've joked a lot of the time that there's lots of people I don't want to be neighbors to
because I don't want to be loved.
But just by the way I witnessed them love themselves, I'm like, oh, like, I don't
want that major coming back on me.
But I'm also thinking like this is this is a different kind of vulnerability, but
this is something that we when we train people to preach and teach, we always tell
them, Hey, teach from where you are.
Like people are going to be able to tell if you're coming in again and being
superhuman when actually you just had a really rough day or, you know, like people can register.
There's not something, there's something that's not quite right there.
- Limbic resonance. - Right.
- That's a technical term for that. - Oh, thank you. So, you know, if you're coming in and you're like,
"Man, it's been a tough week, but I'm going to bring this message to the look," that's,
I would much rather meet that person than superhuman who doesn't ever have a bad week,
and then gives me this message because- - Can I ask you about that?
And maybe I'm asking our listeners about that is sometimes this could be my own judgment.
Sometimes I either go to a church or I listen to a church message and the message is spectacular,
but I don't believe what the preacher's selling. Not the content, but the delivery because of that
very thing. I feel like the preacher's being a super self, a super version of themselves,
because they think that's a more effective way of getting the message to me. But all I feel like
like something inside me is not,
there's nothing dark,
try and only wrong with what they're saying,
but it's not ringing my bell,
because it feels inauthentic in the...
- In the moment, or in the delivery.
- And I've got no reason to not trust them.
I don't even know them.
And I'm wondering if that's the whole limbic residents
could also be all my judgments, but...
So I'm in a way, but then I look often
at people who are loving it,
and I'm like, do you have no discernment, or am I wrong?
Like does any of that make sense?
- No, it does.
And I think some of it is,
like I remember having a conversation with my friends
that did Tehela with me.
- You kind of costal friends.
- And my kind of costal friends.
And they were like,
AJ, we're taught that in Bible college.
Like we're taught, you can't have a bad day.

And, but that's what they were trained to do.
- And clearly it works because there's lots of people
in ministry who are doing that.
- Yes.
- And people seem to love it.
- Yes.
- So.
- But I don't know if that's because that's what we are
used to or what we expect or,
'cause I know a lot of times like when people come
to Gray Center or when people came to Toronto
or whatever they be, so surprised by the vulnerability.
And it's one of the things that we get on the school
all the time, like, I'm so surprised by how vulnerable
you guys are and how open you are about what you're going to.
- We don't really know any other way.
And we're like, why wouldn't we be?
You know, because that gives you permission
to be in process too, 'cause I'm in process, you know?
But that's what I know.
So that's why I'm like that.
- And that's what I love about John and Carol and Jeff
and hopefully ourselves as well,
that we very much try to be the same people
in the platform as we are off the platform.
- Right.
- Warts and all.
- Right.
- Good, bad and ugly.
All right.
- I don't have any warts, I just want to mention that.
- Okay, that's great.
Next topic of questions is all about questions around relationships and different seasons of life.
Okay. This would be a great one for you to answer. How do you cultivate and maintain deep friendships
in motherhood when you've got small kids?
 And anybody who has small kids will get it.
and those who don't get it, they just don't get it.
And you have to kind of go, all right,
you know, when you have kids, you're gonna get it,
and then you'll circle back with me,
which has happened so many times,
where, you know, where there's more recently,
they, you know, they've had children and all of a sudden go,
oh my gosh, I totally understand why you couldn't say yes
to this or why, you know.
- And you can't blame people for what they don't know.
- Because, you know, at some point, I didn't know either.
And I was that person that was like,
I don't understand, we used to hang out.
And now you're like, we never have time for me, you know.
So one thing is being friends with other people in a similar
season, because it's so easy to have grace. A. And there's
something really lovely about just getting together with a
couple other moms who all have little tiny kids and those
little kids can run around together. And you all get it.

So I would say spend time with people in similar seasons.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- That's not as fast.
- Also, I mean, if you're hanging out with moms
who have been there before, like I have tons of,
I have friends who have littles, like really littles,
and I have so much grace for them, 'cause I remember.
I'm just like, yeah, sure, you need to cancel last minute,
'cause they just bumped their head off the coffee table
and that yeah, great.
Like I'm good with that, I'm not gonna get offended,
I'm not gonna, you know, never,
'cause I get it, that's what the season looks like.
- I bet I, again, going back to confrontational help
with people who don't have young small kids,
you explaining what life is like,
or actually you making realistically clear
your availability and what that looks like
will actually help them have grace.
Like I would love to hang out,
but I'll be honest, that would look like you coming over
and helping me fold laundry.
- Right.
- We would do that.
- We had friends that would do that.
Come over and just help.
- Yeah, we would just say,
I would love to be with you.

That's the best I can do.
- Yeah, or you can come over at nap time.
I still need to be in the house.

- I would encourage you to lean into the healthy shame
of the season.
- Yeah.
- In that you have got new limitations
that are outside of your control
and that doesn't mean you're a bad mom.
It just means that's the reality of the situation.
- Does it make you a bad friend?
- Also doesn't make you a bad friend.
Lean into that limitation.
I am a person with limitations and that's okay.
Acts of service boy over there.
I don't know if you can hear this
'cause he's off microphone.
Chris who's our producer is just like,
"Hey, I've got a thought.
"Chris is married but doesn't have children."
And he's saying, "If you're in the reverse situation
"where your friends with a couple
"with a newly minted small child,
"be proactive, don't ask what do you need
because they need sleep.
But be proactive and go, can I come over
and do dishes with you?
Can I come over and be with you?
Can I come over and prepare a meal
because I miss you would love to be with you
and recognize the season of your life?
Which is incredibly gracious and kind
and proactive in your thinking.
- Yeah, and it's also sewing into
when you get into that season as well.
- We had such a sweet, when we were in the school
we always teach about so where you want to go.
- Yes.
- And we were talking about that.
So somebody asks us a question,
when the students on the school ask us a question.
And she was at a time an unmarried single mom.
And she was hearing us talk about,
when Ajay was unmarried,
she would sew into marriages that she'd loved.
She'd go over and babysit,
she'd go over and clean houses,
she'd go over and prepare meals.
She'd go over and babysit so that her friends
could go out and have a date night.
'Cause Ajay was like,
"I want to sew where I want to go."
And so this person listened and heard that
and was like, "I wanna do that for you."
And so every Sunday, I mean, it was talked about humbling
every Sunday.
- Single mom with a baby.
- Single mom with a baby would come over
with a home-cooked meal for our family
that she had prepared.
- An amazing home-cooked meal.
- And did that for months.
- Yeah.
- And it was hard for us to receive that help.
'Cause she was like, "Oh my gosh."
But it was the revelation that we'd taught
and she's putting it into practice.
- Yes.
- And now-- - Yeah, we struggled
with saying yes to letting her do that.
And then it was like, actually it's--
- We didn't know about healthy shade, did we?
- No, and she was like, I mean, she didn't say it
in these words, but she was like,
you're not gonna steal my blessing from me, are you?
- And now she is married with how many children?
- Oh, quite a few.
- Expecting her like 19, I think.
- No, I think she's expecting her, wait.
It's either fifth or sixth, it's not funny,
I can't remember.
- It's a beautiful, beautiful story.
All right, next question, kind of similar,
but in another season of life,
any tips for making friends later in life.
I feel like after college,
it's been so much harder for me to find people I connect with.
I'm an introvert too,
and going up to people I think I might like
is a little terrifying.
After all, they may not feel the same way about me,
which feels like rejection,
which feels like I knew I should have just kept to myself.
The struggle is real, y'all.
How can I put myself out there
without coming across as a clown?
- Oh, you have my question.
I mean, we're both introverts.
I'm probably more extroverted than you are,
but certainly still greet the world as an introvert.
And I would say, like I get what you're saying,
I'm one of those people who, if I go into a room,
I'm looking for the one person that I can connect with.
I'm not trying to connect with everybody in the room.
I feel intimidated, you know, all that kind of stuff.
But I can remember, you know,
particularly in sort of church things where you're like,
I wanna, yeah, I wanna meet new people and I want,
but this feels pretty overwhelming as an introvert.
This is gonna sound stockish.
I did a lot of standing in groups
and listening to conversations and just sort of assessing
like, oh, who feels safe to me?
Who do I wanna risk saying, oh, tell me more about your story?
Or I had a friend who was really good at asking questions
And so I had gotten a little list of questions you could ask of people when you first meet
them so that I, you know, that we're sort of non, um,
Yes, no questions.
Yes, not yes.
No, open ended, but like non threatening, but be would be something that I would feel
like, oh yeah, I could ask that.

You know what I mean?
So I would say, I was generally speaking,
I wasn't in a hurry.
I did a lot more listening than talking
and figured out some good questions to start asking.
I don't know if that helps though.
- I think it helps.
I would also encourage this person to pray for favor.
So like ask the Lord to give the people you want to be
in relationship with, a gift of favor
so that you have favor in their eyes.
And the thing that you're talking about,
like, I don't wanna actually risk looking like a clown,
that will not go away.
And the most beautiful thing to put yourself at pieces,
you are a gift.
And if other people can't recognize the gift in this season,
that's okay, that's their loss, not yours.
Like it's interesting that your story would be,
oh God, I've just been rejected.
I should have kept myself to myself.
Perhaps a healthier narrative is,
oh, I guess that's not for this season.
- Or that's not my people.
- Or that's not my people.
Or, gosh, there must be something wrong with them
that they can't recognize the gift that's in their midst.
Right?
But try creating a, not a healthier narrative,
I don't wanna shame your narrative,
but a narrative that is kinder to you.
But I would go in and I would take baby steps.
I would look for, pay attention to who you're drawn to
because you're drawn to them for a reason.
and then find casual ways, socially acceptable ways
of inserting yourself into their life.
So for example, you're at church,
and you're in the coffee shop, go up and say hi to them.
Like the power of introducing yourself is huge.
And then see what is the reaction to like,
"Hi, I'm Alan."
- Yeah.
- Like, "Hi, I've seen you around, what's your name?"
Just like the simplest of baby steps
where you're not gonna be rejected asking somebody
what their name is or their story,
like where did they come from or,
Hey, but don't stay frozen in what if they reject me.
And if they do reject you, it's not you.
- Yeah, move on. - It's just move on.
- There's other people.
I was also thinking though of your thing
where you used to sort of say to yourself,
"Hey, you know, I'm amazing.
"People like me.
"Like I'm worthy of friendship, I'm worthy of being known."
And sort of, I don't know if self talk is what I want to--
- Well, I never said those things to me.
That was a recurring dialogue in my head
from as long as I can remember.
Like my mom did something brilliant
and instilling an incredible sense of self-esteem.
- Right.

- All the time.
- Yeah.
- And I'm confused when people don't.
- Yes.
- Very confused.
- When I don't have favor, it throws me for a second.
Like, wow, what?
You know, and then I've learned to kind of shrug that off
and understand, okay, it's not a time, it's not a season.
That's okay.
So, but what I'm saying is, so that's a thing that your mom installed in you that you already
- Yeah, everyone was badder for you being in it.
Yeah, you already go into the room expecting, I'm gonna be wanted here.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm adding to the environment.
I remember a friend of ours telling us a story of, she was going into her senior year of
high school and she was feeling super nervous and she's probably a little bit more introverted
or whatever.
And she was thinking about how you had talked about, hey, my mindset is, hey, you want to
to know me, like I'm a great person to know.
And so she just determined,
all right, I'm gonna go to this brand new high school
in my senior year, and I'm gonna just keep thinking to myself,
I'm amazing, you want to know me, I'm a gift.
- And this person is amazing, if you need this person,
they are amazing. - They are amazing.
- Yeah. - Absolutely.
And, but she like came home and was like,
"I made friends the first day."

And that was a new experience for her.
So I think also that like--
- It's at some point we gotta understand
that we can't be friends with everybody.
That's an unrealistic expectation.
Not everyone is gonna like your flavor and that's okay.
- Yeah, it's great.
- All right.
How do you find time for friendships
in busy seasons of life?
Over to our busyness correspondent.
- I don't know that I'm doing that well with it.
I mean, I have some regularly scheduled friend time.
Otherwise I probably wouldn't have much friend time
because in the moment, most nights,
once we're done working and potentially meeting people
for dinner or doing whatever,
my choice would be I'm going to bed.
- That's the introvert.
- It's 7.30.
I'm run out of, I call it people juice,
which sounds really gross, but like I've run out of
energy I can spend on people and now I need to be completely by myself, you know, to, to survive.
But I do have some like regularly scheduled.
I meet my friend every Wednesday at this time, or I meet in.
And so for me, that's been one of the things that I've historically done is
I have regularly scheduled.
So that would all come out of the friendship audit.
In this season of my life, I'm going to prioritize the friends that energize me and give me life.
Yes.
- So I'm abandoning my other friends, but again,
I'm a person with limitations back to healthy shame.

It's Friday, I have lots of energy.
I feel like seeing a person.
So then I'm like, oh, who would feel like life to me?
So then I'll just text.
And if they happen to be free, great.
And if they're not, I'm not offended, it's all good.
You know.
- Yeah.
- So I kind of do both.
- And then remember that the other person
is gonna have ebbs and flows as well
in terms of like, you know, busy seasons of life.
- Yes.
- But again, not to be crass,
we tend to prioritize what's most important to us.
- Yes.
- And that sounds really horrible.
Like if you don't prioritize these friendships
and they're not important to you, no.
It's like with the ingredient list you have,
with the limitations that you have of time, energy, money,
like you're doing the best you can.
Like if anybody's listening to this,
the gift I would love to give you
is an increased measure of being kind to yourself
and understanding that your limitations
don't mean you're broken.
It means you're human.
Embrace your limitations.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, just yes, absolutely agree with that.
I'm just thinking like you're talking about priority.
Always our priority is gonna be our family.

I'm also by myself and our family.
You know what I mean?
So it's those things coming into play first.
- Absolutely.
- If you're not.
- It's pointless if we don't have anything
to give of ourselves.
If you're so drained because you didn't go to bed at 7.30.
- Yeah.
- But again, that comes out of boundaries.
Like you can say no to being with your friends
and going to bed at 7.30, having a bath
and then just going to bed.
So that tomorrow you've got more of yourself to give away.
- Yeah.
And I also have some friends that I can literally go,
"Hey, I'm still gonna meet you tonight.
"I just need you to know I am trashed."
So can we just like watch a TV show or, you know, whatever?
 Cause those are usually the people that are like, yeah, totally, I'm with you.

We got a couple of questions about church ministry life and friendship.
What tips do you have are not withdrawing from people when you're in full-time
ministry. How do you keep balance and connection with people when you work with people all of the time?
I guess we just answered that. Yes.
Well, let's flesh that out because I understand that when we're talking to people, I know there's
pastors who listen, there's leaders who listen, there's husbands and wives of pastors and leaders
who are listening. In church cultures that are very different from grace and are like you're...
Yeah, I mean, I've certainly heard...
- Yeah, I've certainly heard, yes.
I mean, we used to travel meeting with pastors.
That's what we did for years.
- And that's the number one reason
we didn't want to be pastors.
- Yes.
- Largely speaking.
- But so many of them felt like,
oh, I have to be friends with everybody who attends my church.
- Two extremes.
- And meet all of their needs.
And I'm like, that's insane.
- That's one extreme.
- Or, you know, my friend, my panic also friends
who were trained don't actually be friends
with anybody in your congregation
because, you know, then they'll know stuff about you.
And I was like, wow, I'm so glad I didn't grow up in this either.
You know what I mean?

But I would say that your friends, like you haven't picked friends, you haven't looked
at like, do I want to be friends with this person based on the criteria or whether they
do or do not go to my church?
Absolutely not.
You've picked one of your major criteria is this.
this person going to be life to me or work to me.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cause I, I get to already work with people or on people or, you know, whatever.
Uh, yeah.
So my friends get to just be my friends.
But the question is like, how do you, uh, what tips you have on not
withdrawing from people when you're in full-time ministry?
I, my, my advice to you would be you might need, like if the reason, I would
ask, why do you need to withdraw?
Like what is it about you or what is it about the people that you're
pastoring that's causing you to want to have to withdraw?
Because it could be that's wisdom.
It could be you're in a very toxic environment.
And it's actually not a healthy environment for you to be because I don't
know, maybe your environment doesn't have a high value on inner healing or on
powerful communication or brave communication.
And it's just, you know, or right.
But here's the thing, like we, every one of us, we all need people in our lives.
we all need healthy, rich relationships.
If you can't find that in the congregation that you're leading,
that's okay.
Like the Lord's highlighting some work for you to do,
but also you're going to have to look to your left,
to your right of your congregation to find some people.
Because we need relationships.
So either that's like other leaders from other churches,
other friends from different areas of life.
But what tips, I tell you the tips I have,
I learned this really early on is,
this was back in the days when we'd meet with lots of people
pre-COVID, but I remember Jeff sickness down going, "Hey, every week you need to put in on your
meeting schedule, not just people who need to meet with you, because that's always going to be a
drain." That's not a derogatory statement, but when people come looking for wisdom or prayer,
no matter how lovely that drains you, make sure on your week of meeting with somebody,
there's somebody that you want to meet with for you, that you want to meet with them,
because either they're going to encourage you, they're going to challenge you, they're going to lift
you up and I never forgot that. And so that would be a tip. How do you keep
balancing connection with people when you work with people all the time? Work out
what your love language is. Like do you need quality time on your own? Are you an
introvert or you an extrovert? How do you recharge? You know be kind to your heart
remember you're no good to anybody dead. And have clear expectations that are
clearly communicated. Yeah.  Yeah. Okay. Oh, I love this question. And now I feel bad.
I said, I love it. But here's why I love it. Oh, dear. I'm afraid. Is it ever okay to end a
relationship with church people? Yes. Yes, absolutely. Right. Church people don't get a
pass like, well, you have to be friends with me because I got the same churches. You like
That's insanity.
- No, I don't.
- Right, you end relationships with people period
when it's become a place of toxicity or on health.
On healthiness to you.
Regardless of whether they go to church, right?
So yes, simple.
All right, this topic is all about questions
that could easily fall under the category of boundaries.
How can you develop healthy communication of boundaries
at the beginning of a friendship
to avoid awkward communication once the relationship has already developed.
Without worrying that brave communication right at the beginning might scare them off.
For example, if you've known someone for a while and they're used to letting,
they're used to you letting them take control over you in some form, how could you avoid this happening?
Okay, we're already in what I like to call dysfunction soup.
Right.
Okay, no, no, take it away boundaries.
Boy, no offense to the person asking this question, but this question's got so many.
It's like a boundaries lasagna.
There's so many layers of dysfunction going on in here.
We never want to purpose our communication to avoid future communication.
Cause that's control manipulation.
That's like, Hey, if I can communicate this now, then I want to have to need to communicate with you later.
If we're always scared of communicating with a person we're going to be in
relationship with, we probably want to evaluate why we're going to be in
relationship with that person. Okay. If you're looking at this relationship,
thinking I have to secure and lock down this relationship so that if it goes
sideways later, I'm not caught out that probably not a relationship you want to
begin with. So maybe step back and work out, is this even a relationship of health?
But your question is like, how do you develop a healthy communication of
boundaries in the first place without scaring them off? If clear
communication scares off somebody. I don't want to be in
relationship with them. I don't want to do relationship
where clear communication is not a high priority.
Right. But also I don't launch into a brand new relationship
with all of my guidelines. I'm moving slowly into
relationship anyway, establishing them. Yes. But if if I
what I'm picking up on this person is, well, if I could do
this now, then I won't have to do it later. Don't don't build
with later in mind build with, you know, what you've got and
where's the Holy Spirit leading you to?
And then the ending part, like for example,
if you've known someone for a while
and they're used to you letting them take control over you,
how can you avoid this from happening?
You can avoid this from happening
by redefining the relationship.
Like, hey, I noticed that sometimes we go through seasons
where I feel controlled by you.
And as I was thinking about that,
I'm realizing, oh, I've actually been complicit in that.
So I wanna change that dynamic and we talk about it.
That's how you would stop it happening from the future.
Now, that one confrontation might blow up your relationship,
but if that's a regular feature of the relationship,
it doesn't sound like a relationship
you wanna keep around.
- Yep.
- P.S., when I answer questions about boundaries,
things get really clear and really blunt.
And I'm sorry if I sound way too direct.
- Yeah, but I also think that from the beginning,
without, like you wouldn't have to meet with somebody
for the first time and say, "Hey, glad we're talking
"about being friends, just letting you know,
not going to let you control me, not going to do this, not going to, I mean, that's never going to be
healthy. But, but you train people how to treat you. Absolutely. From the very beginning.
Yep. You know.
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Just like, Hey, let's talk about that.
Well, it's not your job to protect their heart
But why but what if they get their feelings hurt but what if
Just got a look of
Exh aspiration well, I mean there's so I mean there's so much control in that statement like how do I protect their heart?
Yes, not not your job.
Right.
You just can't.
You know, you can't.
So if your question is like, you know they need to be challenged and they've created an
environment or you've willingly created a relationship where challenge is not allowed,
that's a really scary relationship to me.
Yeah.
Terrifying.
How do you protect their heart?
You tell the truth in love.
Like the truth may be hard, but it doesn't have to be harsh.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be meanly said or anything.
I'll often say, you know, if I hear something, I'll often say, "Hey," you know, like, let them
finish saying what they're saying. Can I challenge you on something? Like, do you feel,
can you go there with me right now? You know, sometimes they're like, "I really can't." Like,
I just, I just shared something that was really difficult. And I don't feel like, you know,
I can go there. Great. A key helpful phrase is, "Would you be open to some feedback?
Because you're giving them permission.
You're, or you're seeking permission.
Would you be open to some feedback?
Yeah.
By then launch in.

But I'm just thinking, I, I can think of some recent conversations that I've had where I've
said, Hey, can I, I've used the word challenge, not feedback.
You know, can I challenge you on something?
And this person was like, I really don't feel like I have capacity for that right now.
I'm like, great.

They're talking about whatever.
And that person actually said, I think I'm ready to talk about what you want to just challenge me on.
And I'm like, all right.
You know, and if they had NASA, I would ask them.

Because.
Yeah, if it's a body in a freezer, don't challenge them. Call 911.
Okay. All right. Next question.
And then run.
I love this question too. How can I make a good first impression when making new friends?
The reason I love this question is I'm so curious about all of the questions behind that question.
I'm going to answer that question at face value and I would say the best way you can make a good
first impression is to be yourself. I told a story last week about trying to make a good impression
on like my friend was out with a friend of his that I really want to be a friend of mine but I
didn't know this person had no in-road and so my attempt at making that in-road was thinking about
What would this person most like me to be and then try and meet it?
That's horrible.
That's disastrous.
And we were good discernment is going to see that coming at 50
paces and not, you know, not, not what, not be interested.
The best version of you is the most authentic version of you.
So how do you make a good version of pressure?
Be yourself.
Like again, you're not auditioning for friendship.
You're showing up and you're actually trusting that God's going to bring the
people that he's already prepared for you to be in relationship with.
And that's my thinking.
I would also say, if it seems like, gosh, I generally don't make a great first impression,
I'd be asking the Holy Spirit why, like, well, because probably you have some sort of protection
mechanism in place that is the reason you experience not making a good first impression.
And that can be anything from a conversational style to,
like I remember us having a conversation
with somebody a number of years ago that was like,
why don't people ever wanna just like, you know,
be my friend, but almost everything about
what, even what they wore, how they did their hair,
that they didn't brush their teeth, all that.
And I'm like, you are, you're in many ways,
protecting yourself over time
from anybody ever wanting to get close to you.
But then you're experiencing the result of that
and you don't seem to realize there's things
that you could stop doing on a practical level
if you were willing to have the conversation
with the Lord about, hey, is,
and again, I think this is for more extreme situations
where it's like, oh, I just never seem to be able to
connect or meet people well.
 And those might be visual and they might not.
Well, see, we're the sad realities. We're often the last people who know how we're being
experienced. Yes. Yeah. And so the desire to connect could be there, but there could be
a deeper desire to not be seen. And that's working against you. And you don't even know
it's there. So again, ministry asking for, you know, feedback or input would be great.
This section is all about tribalism. So many of us are yearning for community. How do you find your tribe?
Do you have an answer for that? I'm like, how do you find your tribe? I mean,
I guess I do it by feeling that they're like me.
And they're probably, I'm probably going to find them
in environments that I most want to be in.
So the majority of my tribe, I have found in the kind
of church environment that I want to be in
and that feel most like me or most like they're looking
for the same things I'm looking for.
- Or they're heading in the direction of the direction
I wanna be in. - Yeah.
Okay, that's a great, great answer. Like, you know, you talked about a church environment.
Let me ask a follow-up question about that. So now you're in a church and the church
largely is heading the direction you like and it's a church filled with people
that have obviously got a shared value for the same values of the church.
Within that, like, how do you find your tribe? This person has this question.
How do you combat cliques? Cliques? Cliques? I don't know which one.
and live out community with inclusion and inclusiveness.

So when you're in the middle of them, you probably don't realize.
Well, that's what, but I mean, but that just says that this is a group of
friends who've already established relationship and you want in, and you're
feeling, you know, threatened by that or sad about that or, or whatnot.
So the question is how do you what combat it?
Yeah, how do you combat clicks and live out community with inclusion
inclusiveness?
Well, it comes back to faulty premise because not all relationships are
about inclusion because you can't have a relationship with everybody.
It can't be friends with everybody.
You know, I've only got one wife.
Like I'm not living my marriage with a view to inclusion or inclusiveness.
It's an exclusive relationship.
Right.
And so clicks are invisible.
Clicks are only visible to people who aren't in it.
And the irony is the people who are going like that's a click are themselves
in a click that they are not aware of.
Right.
So all of us have little friendship groups, you know, that we function within.
And to the person on the outside, that probably looks like a click, but it's,
is it is a functional group because we're designed to live in community.
Mm hmm. So that's really hard though. When you're, you've entered the larger group,
the larger tribe, but you're wanting to get connected, like how do you do that? I think,
again, it's praying for favor that God would connect you with the people that you're supposed
to be connected and not writing a story when it's not with the people that you quote unquote,
want it to be. Yeah. Because usually the people you wanted to be with is a story you've written in
in your heart about how that's gonna turn out
rather than reality.
- Yeah, yeah.
And also, I think be patient.
Relationship, good relationship takes time.
So if you're like, will I just arrived here?
And I've discovered that this is the cool click over there.
And I want to, now I'm gonna try and infiltrate
the cool click and it hasn't worked out well for me.
So I'm gonna go to a new church.
Just sort of like, oh, there's nothing healthy
about anything in that scenario.
Right. Right. So what if you just went and determined to be known by people and see who the Lord brings?
Okay. Similar question. How important is building new relationships when you found your people and don't really want to get more?
I love that. I think I definitely have seasons where I'm like, I don't, I am happy with the people that I'm friends with. I don't feel a deficit.
However, I think if I'd had that attitude all the way through,
I would have missed out on some of the friends that I now have.
You know, because I haven't felt a friendship deficit, but I'm so thankful
for even the new friends that I have that I didn't have a couple of years ago.
It's all about living with an open hand.
Yeah.
I mean, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away.
Yeah.

And I don't know who's going to be coming my way.
I'm sorry, like I'm not looking for new friends.
I'm not like feeling a deficit.
My friendship, that's the other thing.
Like people have a confusion that like a friendship is something to be auditioned for.
And if you didn't get the part then somehow you felt like that's just literally not how
relationships work.
And yet somehow like a lot of the conversations I've had with people
are along those lines.
It's like, look, be, get so full up with the goodness of God.

And you will attract other people who want to get to know the value and the
worth that's in you.
Yeah.
And you can't find your value and your worth in the people who want to be
friends with you.
Yeah.
That's just going to end up in one big narcissistic pileup that is just not
going to be healthy at all.
Yeah.
I'm looking at this list and I'm looking at our clock and I'm realizing, man,
I maybe got through three quarters of the questions.
Okay.
We have to go pick up our kids.
So here's what we're going to do.
We're going to wrap up this.
Thank you to everybody who sent in a question.
There are such good questions that I actually want to record yet another one
that we're going to make for our members only.
Just to finish out the questions.
Just to finish out the questions because some of the questions are from our
members and I want to make sure that they get honored.
We just had so many of them.
So if you would like to hear the answers to the remaining questions, you can
become a member from as little as $1 an episode that we produce.
Membership will get you access to the kind of extras that we're going to do in
this. It'll also give you access to the video versions of this podcast,
discounts to all of our products or teachings of trainings or books.
And it'll also give you priority Q and A and access to us through our membership
platform to become a member. Go to Alan and AJ.com/join.
but there's more. We talk about prioritizing our family.
We're about to go on our summer vacation.
Yes, we are. We are getting ready to leave.
We're not going to be on air for the next two weeks.
Fear not. We will be back.
The next episode of Keeping Up With The Joneses will be out Monday, August 16th.
We have like 240-something episodes.
So if you're new to the show and you want something to listen to the next two weeks,
Go back, pick any of the episodes.
You know, just browse through the titles, pick something that the Holy Spirit
speaking to you about.
And we hope that you have a great time.
We know that we're going to have a great time on vacation and we will see you in two weeks time.
Bye.
âTMªâTMª
âTMª Talk goes and video games âTMª
âTMª Paleotone nuts in the kindness of God âTMª
âTMª But things we deal with every day âTMª
âTMª From Franklin, Tennessee âTMª
âTMª They are just like you and me âTMª
âTMª Alan and AJ âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
âTMª Sharing their life, experience it âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
âTMª Keeping up with the Joneses âTMª
âTMª They talk about faith in God âTMª
âTMª And everything under the sun âTMª
âTMª If you are a human being âTMª
âTMª There's something here for everyone âTMª
(gentle music)
(buzzing)


Vancouver police officer from Surrey charged with sexual assault
Jagraj Roger Berar, 51, of Surrey, charged in incident alleged to have happened in Whistler
by Ashley WadhwaniA Vancouver police officer has been charged with sexual assault in connection to an incident in Whistler this past summer.
Squamish RCMP announced the charge against Jagraj Roger Berar, 51, in a news release Friday. Police received a complaint on July 19 about an alleged assault a few days prior, sparking an investigation.
During the course of the probe, RCMP said it was learned Berar, who lives in Surrey, was a serving member of the Vancouver Police Department. Investigators believe the incident was isolated and involved two people who know each other.
“Police do not believe the allegations are related to his employment as a police officer,” Squamish RCMP said.
In a emailed statement to Black Press Media on Friday, Vancouver police spokesperson Sgt. Steve Addison confirmed that Berar is employed by the police department but is not on active duty.
More to come.


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Authentication modules
The authentication modules manage the access to Otoroshi UI and can protect a route.
A private Otoroshi app
is an Otoroshi route with the Authentication plugin enabled.
The list of supported authentication are :
OAuth 2.0/2.1
: an authorization standard that allows a user to grant limited access to their resources on one site to another site, without having to expose their credentialsOAuth 1.0a
: the original standard for access delegationIn memory
: create users directly in Otoroshi with rights and metadataLDAP : Lightweight Directory Access Protocol
: connect users using a set of LDAP serversSAML V2 - Security Assertion Markup Language
: an open-standard, XML-based data format that allows businesses to communicate user authentication and authorization information to partner companies and enterprise applications their employees may use.
All authentication modules have a unique id
, a name
and a description
.
Each module has also the following fields :
Tags
: list of tags associated to the moduleMetadata
: list of metadata associated to the moduleHttpOnly
: if enabled, the cookie cannot be accessed through client side script, prevent cross-site scripting (XSS) by not revealing the cookie to a third partySecure
: if enabled, avoid to include cookie in an HTTP Request without secure channel, typically HTTPs.Session max. age
: duration until the session expiredUser validators
: a list of validator that will check if, a user that successfully logged in has the right to actually, pass otoroshi based on the content of it’s profile. A validator is composed of a JSONPath that will tell what to check and a value that is the expected value. The JSONPath will be applied on a document that will look like
{
"_loc": {
"tenant": "default",
"teams": [
"default"
]
},
"randomId": "xxxxx",
"name"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>"email"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>"authConfigId": "xxxxxxxx",
"profile": { // the profile shape depends heavily on the identity provider
"sub": "xxxxxx",
"nickname": "john.doe",
"name"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>"picture": "https://foo.bar/avatar.png",
"updated_at": "2022-04-20T12:57:39.723Z",
"email"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>"email_verified": true,
"rights": ["one", "two"]
},
"token": { // the token shape depends heavily on the identity provider
"access_token": "xxxxxx",
"refresh_token": "yyyyyy",
"id_token": "zzzzzz",
"scope": "openid profile email address phone offline_access",
"expires_in": 86400,
"token_type": "Bearer"
},
"realm": "global-oauth-xxxxxxx",
"otoroshiData": {
...
},
"createdAt":<PHONE_NUMBER>650,
"expiredAt":<PHONE_NUMBER>652,
"lastRefresh":<PHONE_NUMBER>650,
"metadata": {},
"tags": []
}
the expected value support some syntax tricks like
Not(value)
on a string to check if the current value does not equals another valueRegex(regex)
on a string to check if the current value matches the regexRegexNot(regex)
on a string to check if the current value does not matches the regexWildcard(*value*)
on a string to check if the current value matches the value with wildcardsWildcardNot(*value*)
on a string to check if the current value does not matches the value with wildcardsContains(value)
on a string to check if the current value contains a valueContainsNot(value)
on a string to check if the current value does not contains a valueContains(Regex(regex))
on an array to check if one of the item of the array matches the regexContainsNot(Regex(regex))
on an array to check if one of the item of the array does not matches the regexContains(Wildcard(*value*))
on an array to check if one of the item of the array matches the wildcard valueContainsNot(Wildcard(*value*))
on an array to check if one of the item of the array does not matches the wildcard valueContains(value)
on an array to check if the array contains a valueContainsNot(value)
on an array to check if the array does not contains a value
for instance to check if the current user has the right two
, you can write the following validator
{
"path": "$.profile.rights",
"value": "Contains(two)"
}
OAuth 2.0 / OIDC provider
If you want to secure an app or your Otoroshi UI with this provider, you can check these tutorials : Secure an app with keycloak or Secure an app with auth0
Use cookie
: If your OAuth2 provider does not support query param in redirect uri, you can use cookies insteadUse json payloads
: the access token, sended to retrieve the user info, will be pass in body as JSON. If disabled, it will sended as Map.Enabled PKCE flow
: This way, a malicious attacker can only intercept the Authorization Code, and they cannot exchange it for a token without the Code Verifier.Disable wildcard on redirect URIs
: As of OAuth 2.1, query parameters on redirect URIs are no longer allowedRefresh tokens
: Automatically refresh access token using the refresh token if availableRead profile from token
: if enabled, the user profile will be read from the access token, otherwise the user profile will be retrieved from the user information urlSuper admins only
: All logged in users will have super admins rightsClient ID
: a public identifier of your appClient Secret
: a secret known only to the application and the authorization serverAuthorize URL
: used to interact with the resource owner and get the authorization to access the protected resourceToken URL
: used by the application in order to get an access token or a refresh tokenIntrospection URL
: used to validate access tokensUserinfo URL
: used to retrieve the profile of the userLogin URL
: used to redirect user to the login provider pageLogout URL
: redirect uri used by the identity provider to redirect user after logging outCallback URL
: redirect uri sended to the identity provider to redirect user after successfully connectingAccess token field name
: field used to search access token in the response body of the token URL callScope
: presented scopes to the user in the consent screen. Scopes are space-separated lists of identifiers used to specify what access privileges are being requestedClaims
: asked name/values pairs that contains information about a user.Name field name
: Retrieve name from token fieldEmail field name
: Retrieve email from token fieldOtoroshi metadata field name
: Retrieve metadata from token fieldOtoroshi rights field name
: Retrieve user rights from user profileExtra metadata
: merged with the user metadataData override
: merged with extra metadata when a user connects to aprivate app
Rights override
: useful when you want erase the rights of an user with only specific rights. This field is the last to be applied on the user rights.Api key metadata field name
: used to extract api key metadata from the OIDC access tokenApi key tags field name
: used to extract api key tags from the OIDC access tokenProxy host
: host of proxy behind the identify providerProxy port
: port of proxy behind the identify providerProxy principal
: user of proxyProxy password
: password of proxyOIDC config url
: URI of the openid-configuration used to discovery documents. By convention, this URI ends with.well-known/openid-configuration
Token verification
: What kind of algorithm you want to use to verify/sign your JWT token withSHA Size
: Word size for the SHA-2 hash function usedHmac secret
: The Hmac secretBase64 encoded secret
: Is the secret encoded with base64Custom TLS Settings
: TLS settings for JWKS fetchingTLS loose
: if enabled, will block all untrustful ssl configsTrust all
: allows any server certificates even the self-signed onesClient certificates
: list of client certificates used to communicate with JWKS serverTrusted certificates
: list of trusted certificates received from JWKS server
OAuth 1.0a provider
If you want to secure an app or your Otoroshi UI with this provider, you can check this tutorial : Secure an app with OAuth 1.0a
Http Method
: method used to get request token and the access tokenConsumer key
: the identifier portion of the client credentials (equivalent to a username)Consumer secret
: the identifier portion of the client credentials (equivalent to a password)Request Token URL
: url to retrieve the request tokenAuthorize URL
: used to redirect user to the login pageAccess token URL
: used to retrieve the access token from the serverProfile URL
: used to get the user profileCallback URL
: used to redirect user when successfully connectingRights override
: override the rights of the connected user. With JSON format, each authenticated user, using email, can be associated to a list of rights on tenants and Otoroshi teams.
LDAP Authentication provider
If you want to secure an app or your Otoroshi UI with this provider, you can check this tutorial : Secure an app with LDAP
Basic auth.
: if enabled, user and password will be extract from theAuthorization
header as a Basic authentication. It will skipped the login Otoroshi pageAllow empty password
: LDAP servers configured by default with the possibility to connect without password can be secured by this module to ensure that user provides a passwordSuper admins only
: All logged in users will have super admins rightsExtract profile
: extract LDAP profile in the Otoroshi userLDAP Server URL
: list of LDAP servers to join. Otoroshi use this list in sequence and swap to the next server, each time a server breaks in timeoutSearch Base
: used to global filterUsers search base
: concat with search base to search users in LDAPMapping group filter
: map LDAP groups with Otoroshi rightsSearch Filter
: used to filter users. ${username} is replace by the email of the user and compare to the given fieldAdmin username (bind DN)
: holds the name of the environment property for specifying the identity of the principal for authenticating the caller to the serviceAdmin password
: holds the name of the environment property for specifying the credentials of the principal for authenticating the caller to the serviceExtract profile filters attributes in
: keep only attributes which are matching the regexExtract profile filters attributes not in
: keep only attributes which are not matching the regexName field name
: Retrieve name from LDAP fieldEmail field name
: Retrieve email from LDAP fieldOtoroshi metadata field name
: Retrieve metadata from LDAP fieldExtra metadata
: merged with the user metadataData override
: merged with extra metadata when a user connects to aprivate app
Additional rights group
: list of virtual groups. A virtual group is composed of a list of users and a list of rights for each teams/organizations.Rights override
: useful when you want erase the rights of an user with only specific rights. This field is the last to be applied on the user rights.
In memory provider
Basic auth.
: if enabled, user and password will be extract from theAuthorization
header as a Basic authentication. It will skipped the login Otoroshi pageLogin with WebAuthn
: enabled logging by WebAuthnUsers
: list of users with name, email and metadata. The default password is password. The edit button is useful when you want to change the password of the user. The reset button reinitialize the password.Users raw
: show the registered users with their profile and their rights. You can edit directly each field, especially the rights of the user.
SAML v2 provider
Single sign on URL
: the Identity Provider Single Sign-On URLThe protocol binding for the login request
: the protocol binding for the login requestSingle Logout URL
: a SAML flow that allows the end-user to logout from a single session and be automatically logged out of all related sessions that were established during SSOThe protocol binding for the logout request
: the protocol binding for the logout requestSign documents
: Should SAML Request be signed by Otoroshi ?Validate Assertions Signature
: Enable/disable signature validation of SAML assertionsValidate assertions with Otoroshi certificate
: validate assertions with Otoroshi certificate. If disabled, theEncryption Certificate
andEncryption Private Key
fields can be used to pass a certificate and a private key to validate assertions.Encryption Certificate
: certificate used to verify assertionsEncryption Private Key
: privaye key used to verify assertionsSigning Certificate
: certicate used to sign documentsSigning Private Key
: private key to sign documentsSignature al
: the signature algorithm to use to sign documentsCanonicalization Method
: canonicalization method for XML signaturesEncryption KeyPair
: the keypair used to sign/verify assertionsName ID Format
: SP and IdP usually communicate each other about a subject. That subject should be identified through a NAME-IDentifier, which should be in some format so that It is easy for the other party to identify it based on the FormatUse NameID format as email
: use NameID format as email. If disabled, the email will be search from the attributesURL issuer
: provide the URL to the IdP’s who will issue the security tokenValidate Signature
: enable/disable signature validation of SAML responsesValidate Assertions Signature
: should SAML Assertions to be decrypted ?Validating Certificates
: the certificate in PEM format that must be used to check for signatures.
Special routes
when using private apps with auth. modules, you can access special routes that can help you
GET 'http://xxxxxxxx.xxxx.xx/.well-known/otoroshi/logout' # trigger logout for the current auth. module
GET 'http://xxxxxxxx.xxxx.xx/.well-known/otoroshi/me' # get the current logged user profile (do not forget to pass cookies)


{exp:user:stats dynamic="off"} {exp:query sql=" SELECT count(*) as flag FROM exp_channel_data WHERE channel_id='4' AND field_id_16='{member_id}' AND field_id_15='{embed:entry_id}' "}


{{comment.comment}} {{comment.user.username}} {%if current_user.username == "Keith Mzaza" %} Delete {% endif %}


You Can't Change It
Forget About The Future
You Can't Predict It
Forget About The Present
I Didn't Get You One
don't forget to click the pause button


☰
Test
Control Panel
Sports
News
Event
Ice Hockey
Soccer
Baseball
Football
Scoreboard
Intermission
Commercial
Full Screen
Player Info
Scoreboard Options
Animate Goal
Animate Shots
Show Shots
Intermission Options
Animate Goal
Animate Shots
Show Shots
Commercial Options
Animate Goal
Animate Shots
Show Shots


We Bring Your Digital Dreams To Life
The Values that Drive Us
Alcove adopts various driving factors of corporate philosophy in our day to day activities that ultimately lead to success. We strive to achieve our value guidelines by incorporating our principles into each relationship with our clients to obtain long lasting customers.
Our core values :
- Innovative Ideas
- Ownership
- Frugality
- Integrity
- Trustworthiness
- Customer Obsession
What we do
Innovation is the key to success. Alcove's expertise covers a wide range of services, technologies, tools and platforms. Here are some of the things we're really good at :


Source code for world.World
'''
Created on Dec 20, 2014
@author: scarriere
'''
import math
from event.AddPlayerEvent import AddPlayerEvent
from aiclient.Singleton import Singleton
from event.QueueController import QueueController
from mathUtils.Vector2 import Vector2
from world.Team import Team
from enum import Enum
[docs]class Entity(Enum):
'''
An Enum that represent all the entity that can be found in the world
EMPTY, BOX, CHARACTER, MISSILE
'''
EMPTY, BOX, CHARACTER, MISSILE = range(4)
[docs]class World(object):
'''
Class that contain all the informations about the Teams, Characters and Missiles
(You can't use any of the functions or variables that start with an "_")
'''
_instance = None
_yourId = 0
_map = {}
_gameIsStarted = False
_gameIsFinished = False
teams = []
'''
List of all the teams
(see :class:`.Team`)
'''
def _error(self, message):
print(message)
def _joinGame(self, yourId):
self._yourId = yourId
print("JoinGameEvent: {}".format(self._yourId))
teamName = "python team (" + str(yourId) + ")"
characterNames = ["python king (" + str(yourId) + ")", "python soldier (" + str(yourId) + ")"]
event = AddPlayerEvent(teamName, characterNames)
queueController = Singleton(QueueController)
queueController.outEvents.put(event)
def _sendGameInfos(self, mapWidth, mapHeight, numberOfteam, numberOfCharacter, teamIDs):
for index in range(0, numberOfteam):
self.teams.insert(index, Team(teamIDs[index], numberOfCharacter))
def _startGame(self):
self._gameIsStarted = True
def _updateBox(self, x, y):
self._map[x, y] = 1
def _endGame(self):
print("End game")
self._gameIsFinished = True
[docs] def getTeam(self, teamId) -> Team:
'''
Return the team that is associate with the given team Id(:class:`int`)
or None if not found
Important: the team id are not starting at 0
Exemple::
aTeam = world.getTeam(2)
'''
for team in self.teams:
if team._teamId == teamId:
return team
return None
[docs] def getMyTeam(self) -> Team:
'''
Return the team associate with your id(:class:`int`)
Exemple::
myTeam = world.getMyTeam()
'''
return self.getTeam(self._yourId)
[docs] def getOpponentTeam(self) -> Team:
'''
Return the opponent team
Exemple::
otherTeam = world.getOpponentTeam()
'''
for team in self.teams:
if team._teamId is not self._yourId:
return team
return None
[docs] def isBoxAtPosition(self, position) -> bool:
'''
Check if there's a box at a certain position(:class:`.Vector2`)
Exemple::
checkBox = world.isBoxAtPosition(Vector2(5,5))
'''
if (position.x, position.y) in self._map:
return True
return False
[docs] def isCharacterAtposition(self, position) -> bool:
'''
Check if there's a character(:class:`.Character`)
at a certain position(:class:`.Vector2`)
Exemple::
checkCharacter = world.isCharacterAtposition(Vector2(5,5))
'''
for team in self.teams:
for character in team.characters:
if character.position == position:
return True
return False
[docs] def isMissileAtPosition(self, position) -> bool:
'''
Check if there's a missile(:class:`.Missile`)
at a certain position(:class:`.Vector2`)
Exemple::
checkMissile = world.isMissileAtPosition(Vector2(5,5))
'''
for team in self.teams:
for character in team.characters:
if character.missile.position == position and character.missile.isReady is False:
return True
return False
[docs] def whatIsAtPosition(self, position) -> Entity:
'''
Return the Entity(:class:`.Entity`)
at a certain position(:class:`.Vector2`)
Exemple::
entity = world.whatIsAtPosition(Vector2(5,5))
'''
if self.isBoxAtPosition(position):
return Entity.BOX
if self.isCharacterAtposition(position):
return Entity.CHARACTER
if self.isMissileAtPosition(position):
return Entity.MISSILE
return Entity.EMPTY
[docs] def whatIsInTheWay(self, origin: Vector2, direction: Vector2) -> {}:
'''
Return a dict[x,y] = mapEntity between a position and a direction
vector(:class:`.Vector2`)
Exemple::
objects = world.whatIsInTheWay(origin,
MathUtils.getDirectionVector(origin, toPosition))
'''
obstacle = {}
length = int(math.sqrt(direction.x ** 2 + direction.y ** 2))
if length == 0:
return obstacle
unit_direction = Vector2(direction.x/length, direction.y/length)
if math.sqrt(unit_direction.x**2 + unit_direction.y**2) != 1:
raise Exception("Non possible path", unit_direction)
for i in range(1, length - 1):
currentPos = Vector2(origin.x + unit_direction.x * i, origin.y + unit_direction.y * i)
obj = self.whatIsAtPosition(currentPos)
if obj is not Entity.EMPTY:
obstacle[currentPos.x, currentPos.y] = obj
return obstacle


Prepares:
$ telnet <IP_ADDRESS> 11211 set a 0 3600 38 symfony/user/sfUser/authenticated\|b:1 --- $ redis-cli -p 6381 $ sadd pool1-1 999 ... $ sadd pool1-11 999
User "999" has those favs(1, ...,11). So if we login with escort@domain, when 1, ..., 11 is online, we should see the online icon beside them.[all pwd is "a"]


I hope to become a senior developer. It would be equally stellar to be working at an international company, and have enough time/work freedom to spearhead personal projects. I hope to be creating context professionally, and also being creative in my free time.
While working full time, I plan to finish my two undergratuate degrees online. I would also enjoy getting a masters in Information Systems Management.
Web-based technologies are amazing. I would love to work for a company that provides in-browser applications such as Duolingo.
I study languages 1-1.5 hours per day (Guess I will need to take a 6 month break!)
Galvanize, always studying and practicing
Whimpering in the back corner of a room in the late hours of the night, with my brain hurting from too much javascript goodness
Have apps in the market that help people, and be involved in the community through blogging


Thomas Wendzinski
Intended to be used by ..
End user: Client service developer
/core/**/actuation
**
⇒[bulbs | groups | presets]
/core/bridges
/core/bulbs
/core/groups
/core/presets
/core/schedules
/core/identity
POST /core/bulbs/actuation/ HTTP/1.1
Host: <IP_ADDRESS>
Auth: 689BB327-5BF3-4SEF-9837-54E45635AD973
{
"type": "BULB",
"bulbId": "2d2d33d2-32d23d-23d2-asdas3d2-3asdd2-3d23d23d2d",
"appId": "APP_TYPE__BULBS_CORE", // Sth. unique for priority coordination
"loop": false,
"states": [
{ "color": {
COLOR_SCHEME : "HSB" // alt. "RGB" | "TEMP" in future
hue : 360
saturation : 255
brightness : 125
},
"enabled": true
"transitionDelay": 0,
}// , { ... } further states
]
}
Auth : <Api-Key>
By signing in or up with credentials at endpoints
/core/identity/signIn
or
/core/identity/signUp
you get necessary authentication info
{
"email"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>"password": "geheim"
}
{
"nickname": "Birnenmaster",
"apiKey": "123123asaAasdasd122asdas",
"email"<EMAIL_ADDRESS>}
Get an overview using the included Swagger UI
NOTE: Polimorphism doesn't seem to be supported well.
scheduler
features availableDomain Driven Design
“Domain-driven design is not a technology or a methodology. It is a way of thinking and a set of priorities, aimed at accelerating software projects that have to deal with complicated domains.” by dddcommunity.org
From DDD Wiki article these priorities are:
A specimen of the (simplified) core domain model:
... from Github
and vagrant up
.. which will provide a virtual Linux Environment serving:
Run mvn clean install
...
... and finally start the app with its embedded Tomcat by running the Main
class.
debug
Spring-Loaded
agent
compile-and-minify
development
production
)
production
Spring Security


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Louise Wilson
Democrat
Direct Care Provider
I have my hair license received that in 1984. After my son was born I had to go back to school took General Education at Aims. When I divorced I had to get a full-time job worked at Head-Start and went to school at night took Early Education classes at Aims. After Aims I taught pre-school for 45 yrs. Just recently for 5yrs I was a Special Education para at a Middle school in Greeley until I got hurt. Now I'm a Direct Care Professional for adults with disabilities. I have coached many soccer teams and volleyball teams for the City of Greeley and the City of Evans throughout the years.
80631
Courthouse Steps
Courthouse Steps
I have been organizing a classroom for many years and also have organized parents for different activities or with volunteering in the classroom . Through out the years, I have several contacts through out the community that I use to come and speak or do activities in my classroom. I have always been and advocate of Early Childhood Education. I have always been aware and up to date of issues that are going on in my community and state and attend meetings to give my input.
I would to serve on the commission because I would like to share my of the knowledge of my community
We have a responsibility to our families and community to be fair and to promote a working environment that can contribute to our community
Being a teacher for so many years I always had to plan daily activities with students, parents and coworkers. I'm can identify problems and concerns by finding a solution that can work for everyone. I have collaborate with others to find resources to assist families that need services to get the help they need
Female


Welcome to my musing page!
It lacks images, but at least it has style. And it has links, even if they don't go anywhere…
There should be more here, but I don't know what yet.


October 2
Run to God
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
It's wonderful to know you've been setfreefrom the law of sin and death. It's glorious to know you never again have to submit to the slavery of sin. But what do you do when, in spite of those wonderful, glorious truths, you still miss the mark? What do you do when you stumble and fall into sin?
Run to your Father and repent!
That sounds simple. But oddly enough we often do just the opposite. Instead of running to God, we let fear and guilt drive us further and further from Him. Westartthinking things like, "Well, I've missed it now. I might as well forget the rest of it and live like the devil."
Don't make that mistake. Don't let Satan talk you into sinning in one area of your life just because you missed it in another. When you get off track with God, just confess it and get right back on.
"But, Brother Copeland, I feel so guilty when I tell God what I've done that it's hard for me to make myself do it."
I know. I used to feel that way too. Then, one day, God said to me, "Kenneth, when you confessed that sin wasn't when I found out about it. I knew about it all the time! When you confessed it is when you got rid of it, when you were cleansed of its effects in your life."
When you make a mistake, when you miss the mark, remember, you have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the Righteous (1 John 2:1). Run to Him! He knows what you are going through. You don't need to be afraid. He didn't tear you apart for the sins you committed before you made Him Lord of your life, did He? Then how much more merciful and loving do you think He'll be now that you're His own? Now that you're reaching out for Him and have a heart for Him?
Don't run from God. Run to Him. Receive His forgiveness. Receive His cleansing. No matter how badly you've sinned, He's eager to forgive and to cleanse you of all unrighteousness.
Scripture Reading: 2 Samuel 11:1-5, 2 Samuel 12:1-13


--- layout: default title: GetPhysics ---
This website is a central location for all your physics learning needs.


Quick Module Set
| Each module should only reference modules in the layer(s) above (left). Layer 0 deals with the operating system.
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| Layer 0
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Layer 1
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Layer 2
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| .NET Libraries (Unity Subset)
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Logging
| Transparently (without user interaction) pushes arbitrary logs to be remotely collated on an opportunistic basis.
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| Push event onto buffer
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| Write buffer to disk
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| Push log to remote location
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State Machine Controller
| Orchestrates the program lifetime; constructs modules in the correct order and injects dependencies; initiates first state machine; performs cleanup and log push at program exit (or periodically).
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| The top level controller can also perform debugging checks, such as checking for consistency between the domain model and the component heirachy.
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| Unity SDK
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Session
| Retrives the users session (progress through lessons, personal settings) from disk or from a remote source (via http) using an ID code.
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| Login / Load
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| Logout / Save
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Program Controllers
| Each controller forms a node in the state diagram of the program (yet to be developed.)
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| User input code belongs in this module, as user input causes context dependent program behaviour.
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| Each frame, the controller must maintain the mapping between the domain model and the unity component heirachy, so the user sees a correct and bug free representation of the program state.
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| In order to maintain this mapping, the controller instantiates, destroys and mutates unitycomponents, and operates on the abstract domain model.
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| At the end of the frame, the controller must nominate a controller to handle the subsequent frame. (This can be the same controller)
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| Each controller has the responsibility to maintain the program in a correct state and to only nominate a controller that will be able to handle the current state at the beginning of the next frame.
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| Leapmotion SDK
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Unity Components
| A collection of independent MonoBehaviour classes that can be composed to represent the current domain model to the user.
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| 3D scene objects
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| 2D GUI objects & Menus
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| Sound effects
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| Input controller mapping to scene objects
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| OpenBabel
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Domain Model
| Encapsulates all program state as immutable datatypes and functions to create the next program state.
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| History of previous states enables undo.
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| Conversion to wire format or "Serialise / Deserialise" (To support save / load) (possibilities are XML or Cap'n'proto)
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Rish is a full-stack developer who works with startups and companies to turn their ideas into applications.
Follow him on Twitter.


How fast are you? Compete in Cubing event of Quark 2016 and get to know it!
Event Dates: 6th and 7th February 2016
2x2 3x3 4x4 5x5 BlindFold One-Hand Pyraminx


About
Hello! I’m a Ph.D. student in the Faculty of Information and a graduate fellow of the Schwartz Reisman Institute for Technology and Society (SRI) at the University of Toronto. I'm co-advised by Ishtiaque Ahmed and Shion Guha. I am also a member of the Department of Computer Science's Third Space research group, Dynamics Graphics Project lab, and iSchool's Human-Centred Data Science Lab.
Before starting my Ph.D., I worked as a Data Scientist at Everwell Health Solutions and a pre-doctoral AI Center Fellow at Microsoft Research India. I completed my M.Sc. in Artificial Intelligence from KU Leuven, Belgium, and my undergraduate in Instrumentation and Control Engineering from NIT Trichy, India.
Interests
I'm broadly interested in fairness questions about ML development and deployment in societally critical spaces. My current research centers on questions at the intersection of fairness, justice, and ML-based content moderation systems.
I'm particularly interested in (a) understanding various tensions, expectations, and subtle technical assumptions that go into developing ML-based information systems and (b) developing tools to support ML practitioners and other stakeholders in their fairness-related works in practice. My research is interdisciplinary and spans topics in FATE, Machine Learning, Social Networks, and HCI.
In the years before starting my Ph.D., I have built dashboards for state organizations, developed optimal incentive schemes for spreading public awareness messages, created open-source software to explain ML models, and analyzed caste hierarchy and information flow within the online social networks of Indian politicians. Check out my publications for more information, and email me to collaborate!
Publications
- Arya, A., De, S., Mishra, D., Shekhawat, G., Sharma, A., Panda, A., Lalani, F., Singh, P., Kommiya Mothilal, R., Grover, R., Nishal, S., Dash, S., Shora, S., Akbar., S & Pal, J. (2022, May). DISMISS: Database of Indian Social Media Influencers on Twitter. In Proceedings of the International AAAI Conference on Web and Social Media (Vol. 16, pp. 1201-1207).
- Kommiya Mothilal, R., Mishra, D., Nishal, S., Lalani, F. M., & Pal, J. (2022). Voting with the Stars: Analyzing Partisan Engagement between Celebrities and Politicians in India. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 6(CSCW1), 1–29.
- Vaghela, P., Mothilal, R. K., Romero, D., & Pal, J. (2022). Caste Capital on Twitter: A Formal Network Analysis of Caste Relations among Indian Politicians. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 6(CSCW1), 1–29.
- Akbar, S. Z., Sharma, A., Mishra, D., Mothilal, R. K., Negi, H., Nishal, S., Panda, A., Pal, J. (2022). Devotees on an Astroturf: Media, Politics, and Outrage in the Suicide of a Popular FilmStar. ACM SIGCAS/SIGCHI Conference on Computing and Sustainable Societies (COMPASS), 453–475.
- Kommiya Mothilal, R., Mahajan, D., Tan, C., & Sharma, A. (2021). Towards unifying feature attribution and counterfactual explanations: Different means to the same end. Proceedings of the 2021 AAAI/ACM Conference on AI, Ethics, and Society, 652–663.
- Vaghela, P., K Mothilal, R., & Pal, J. (2021). Birds of a Caste-How Caste Hierarchies Manifest in Retweet Behavior of Indian Politicians. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 4(CSCW3), 1–24.
- Mothilal, Ramaravind K., Sharma, A., & Tan, C. (2020). Explaining machine learning classifiers through diverse counterfactual explanations. Proceedings of the 2020 Conference on Fairness, Accountability, and Transparency, 607–617.
- Mehta, D., Sharma, A., Kommiya Mothilal, R., Shukla, A., Prasad, V., Thies, W., Venkanna, U., Scott, C., Sharma, A. (2020). Facilitating Media Distribution with Monetary Incentives. Extended Abstracts of the 2020 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems, 1–7.
- Panda, A., Kommiya Mothilal, R., Choudhury, M., Bali, K., & Pal, J. (2020). Topical Focus of Political Campaigns and its Impact: Findings from Politicians’ Hashtag Use during the 2019 Indian Elections. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 4(CSCW1), 1–14.
- Mehta, D., Mothilal, R. K., Sharma, A., Thies, W., & Sharma, A. (2020). Using Mobile Airtime Credits to Incentivize Learning, Sharing and Survey Response: Experiences from the Field. Proceedings of the 3rd ACM SIGCAS Conference on Computing and Sustainable Societies, 254–264.
- Lalani, F. M., Kommiya Mothilal, R., & Pal, J. (2019). The Appeal of Influencers to the Social Media Outreach of Indian Politicians. Conference Companion Publication of the 2019 on Computer Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing, 267–271.
- Kommiya Mothilal, R., Mehta, D., Sharma, A., Thies, W., & Sharma, A. (2019). Learnings from an Ongoing Deployment of an IVR-based Platform for Voter Awareness. Conference Companion Publication of the 2019 on Computer Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing, 257–261.
- Mothilal, Ramaravind Kommiya, Yadav, A., & Sharma, A. (2019). Optimizing peer referrals for public awareness using contextual bandits. Proceedings of the 2nd ACM SIGCAS Conference on Computing and Sustainable Societies, 74–85.
- De Laet, T., Mothilal, R. K., Broos, T., & Pinxten, M. (2018). Predicting first-year engineering student success: from traditional statistics to machine learning. Proceedings of the 46th SEFI Annual Conference 2018, 46, 322–329. SEFI-Société Européenne pour la Formation des Ingénieurs.
- Mothilal, K. R. (2018). Statistical modeling of students’ performance in an open-admission bachelor program in Flanders. Leuven: KU Leuven. Faculteit Ingenieurswetenschappen.
- Ramaravind, K. M., Shravan, T. R., & Omkar, S. N. (2016). Scale adaptive object tracker with occlusion handling. International Journal of Image, Graphics and Signal Processing, 8(1), 27.


Illustration for the influence of minimum undeformed chip thickness and the calculation model of height of material pile up: ( a) material removal process in orthogonal plane; ( b) material pile up h a in relation to contact depth h. Reproduced with permission from [ 25, 45].


Half a million pounds of pork products recalled
They were made, distributed in Illinois
by Faith Karimi, CNN(CNN) - A company is recalling more than half a million pounds of pork products because they were not inspected, officials said.
The 515,000 pounds of raw pork items were produced and distributed in Illinois, the US Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service said Thursday. They were produced between November 25, 2017 to November 9, this year.
They include pork loin, pork back ribs and pork chops, and were shipped to Illinois retail locations. The complete list of affected items can be found here.
"The products subject to recall bear establishment number 'EST. 18267' inside the USDA mark of inspection. These items were shipped to distributors and retail locations in Illinois," the US Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service said.
Federal officials said they received an anonymous tip that the company was producing products without inspection, outside inspection hours, leading to the recall.
Morris Meat Packing, a Maywood, Illinois, company, recalled the pork products.


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